I must really like you. I don't usually feign sincerity like that for ANYONE! 
That is the excuse I have heard so many times over the years why a gal can't make some session.
Funniest is when I have compared notes with other dudes on the same gal.
I guess it's not appropriate to post it on a local board discussing that her 14th grandma has now died 
Maybe a nice PM to her (and all the gals who use that particular excuse) to change it up? Perhaps have the grandpa die? Maybe a pet is in ICU?
Of course the phone got stolen is a common malady here.
Dr. Who's Codaphone rings LOUDLY
HIlda Hooker: Hey, Doc, look I know we had a date and all but this guy just offered me 3x for 2 hours... If you can match that, I can see you... But if not?......
He keeps tabs on all the grandma's here in HookerLand. He'd know if some gals grandma has just passed away...let alone for the 14th time.
Does Hilda have a TER page?
Now about that match game ....
I heard all typs of reason that i should feel bad for a provider included she about to late on rent. I would rather see a provider with a postive happing in her life.
On how many guys she has grandfathered.
Did she recently raise her rates?
After a guy accused me of saying that as a scam, then CC'd four other providers on the deal, I decided to just not say anything unless someone asks. It's become too cliche and looks like a gimmick. It's just awkward.
Granny dies? I win. Granny doesn't die? I win again.
You know me. All about the "win/win."
Good one, I've see it before but I really needed a good laugh today.
thanks!
Steph xoxo
If she wants to see ME again, SHE has to fork over first. But you did give me an idea.
Maybe p411 will collect for the johns now
How disgusting!
8o)
Poor grandmothers, they always take the rap, don't they?
Where I work, we have pickup trucks, and the drivers were forever asking me if they could borrow a truck on the weekend so that they could move a refrigerator for their grandmother (Note, it's never for a grandfather!)
Extrapolating their requests would mean that the streets of the city would be clogged with refrigerators on the back of borrowed pickup trucks all weekend long but I don't recall having seen even one lately.
Finally I put my foot down (After getting a call from the police one weekend that a train had hit one of my trucks parked on a railroad track.)and said no more borrowing of trucks.
As far as I know, no deaths of any grandmothers have occurred owing to a lack of transportation for their refrigerators.
Here's a shot of my personal ride:
as well as both grandfathers. I've posted it publically now so those are off the table!
Steph
-- Modified on 12/5/2014 12:51:01 PM
NO one would expect ANYONE in your family to still be alive. lol.
Hell, we are all surprised YOU have lived this long.
.....but so far no sick or dead/dying grandmas.
I guess if I hobby long enough I'm bound to run into that one sooner or later. Oohhhhh.... I can't wait! I wonder who it will be? At least now I will have time to come up with a suitably respectful and sympathetic response when she texts/emails me the bad news 
And if I had something scheduled today, I'd cancel it.
Steph xoxo
I only knew one of my grandparents, my dad's mother--and she passed away in 1970. Lost my dad a few years after that, and my mom a few years ago. Just one aunt left of all my aunts and uncles.
I hope you have some good memories of your grandmother to treasure.
Her Grandparents, all them, died long ago. It was a pet that died, not that a pet dying is to be taken lightly as anyone who has had a favorite dog, cat, even goldfish die on them will attest. But she plainly said a bit further up in the thread that all of her grandparents had already died.
You really need to keep up.
6 years ago Jan 3rd. My regarding my kitty, my heart feel like someone blew a hole in it right now. It's at times like this it's nice to find my humor here.
Steph xoxo
I must really like you. I don't usually feign sincerity like that for ANYONE!
Thought you could use some humor
You know how old broads are about their cats! But I love dogs too, and I had a beautiful Siberian Husky who died in 2007. And she was a big Husky, 70 lbs at her top weight. Not yappy dog for me. Sasha was SUCH a guy magnet with her bright blue eyes. That tore me up so much I haven't been able to bring myself to get another dog.
Oh well, carry on Jack and I know you meant it you manly man you.
-- Modified on 12/5/2014 7:07:46 PM
lead you to believe I want to pay to fk you. You may be in mourning but I dont think this is the time for me to blow rainbows up your ass. You need tough love.
Take a night to feel sorry for yourself then I wanna see the happy, old hooker I have grown to tolerate back in action here tomorrow, after your mid afternoon nap of course.
Wait a week and go get a puppy. You'll feel better. I still won't want to fk you then either, but I'll tolerate more all the attempts you have made bc to get me VIP knowing you are cleaning up pee and poo. But this time, at least, it won't be from your old geezer johns!
I may be a dick but I have a heart. Almost.
Just can't resist a mean-spirited poke, huh?
MatureGFE talked about her grandparents dying a little ways above. You saw those posts, right? Then she said her pet died. My subject line was about that. The rest of my post was just some empathetic comments on losing one's elders. I've been through that, but haven't yet suffered the loss of a pet cat, or dog. But that's looming.
In the future, I'll try to be more clear with my transitions... just for you. lol
Meanwhile, have another drink or two and chill until Rod returns (again) so you can beat on him (again). How you must miss that. lol
-- Modified on 12/5/2014 9:37:15 PM
the good news is, there is always at least one more clueless wonder waiting to take the place of each departing piñata. Thanks for playing. lmao
as for your post, just own your own stupidity. Trying to explain it away this way just makes you look even dumber than you are, and as dumb as you are you still have no chance at SPOTY. So what's the point?
It's interesting how some people get their jollies... picking on other's posts for the smallest of reasons, calling the poster stupid / dumb. I've always wondered when I see this kind of thing: does calling other people "dumb" make you feel smart?
But I'm happy for you, that you had your little bit of fun with my post. I'll send my bill in the morning. lol
And you would be surprised to count just how few posters I actually call stupid. I know it "seems" like a lot, especially when you are one of them, but I talk to a LOT of people here, and only a few of them on a percentage basis rate the "stupid poster" label. Congratulations for making the cut.
and yes, thank you for the entertainment. please send me a bill for the 30-45 seconds of entertainment that you've given me, I'll have my Accountant, the poster formerly known as CCPA send you some bitcoins for your efforts right after I have my fake lawyer mrfisher look over our contract.
First, that anyone--especially me--cares whom you consider to be "stupid." You have a short memory (memory impairment from alcohol intake, perhaps?). I told you not long ago I only care about opinions of me from people I respect. So, as you said earlier: what's the point?
Second, that calling me (or anyone else here whom you don't know from Adam) "stupid" based on a few posts you don't like is somehow a poor reflection on them. When in reality it's only a poor reflection on you and how you choose to conduct yourself here.
Actually, I should be congratulating YOU, for becoming a member of an extremely uncommon group of individuals: people who consider me to be "stupid." In fact, you are the only member of that group. So--congratulations!!
I'm sorry to hear that. My condolences.
Steph xoxo
I had to cancel three dates in the last couple of days because a good friend died very suddenly and unexpectedly on Tuesday, and I have been pretty incapacitated all week. I was lucky that my dates were sympathetic, but it would have broken my heart if they thought I was lying. I even sent one a lovely tribute to my friend that someone else had published when he asked who it was.
In the past (over 3+ years in the biz), I've also had to cancel a couple of dates because of pet issues. 3 dogs are a lot of work and a lot of potential trouble. I've even sent pics of my one of my pup's injured paw before, scared I would be accused of lying.
Sickness and death (of friends, pets, relatives, etc.) happens, and all we can do is to ask our temporary employers (clients) to please understand. This automatic assumption that providers are lying makes us not want to be real about our lives or feelings (or the need to take time for self-care) because we don't want to be accused of fabricating excuses.
A gal uses the same "grandma died" with many dudes over a period of time (funny how the same "excuse" is given over and over and over LOL).
I can see cell phones dying over and over...but how many times does grandma have to die?
I always assume that some guy offered a longer date than the guy that got the "grandma died" excuse.
If that means you're lying...so be it.
In the past (over 3+ years in the biz), I've also had to cancel a couple of dates because of pet issues. 3 dogs are a lot of work and a lot of potential trouble. I've even sent pics of my one of my pup's injured paw before, scared I would be accused of lying.
Sickness and death (of friends, pets, relatives, etc.) happens, and all we can do is to ask our temporary employers (clients) to please understand. This automatic assumption that providers are lying makes us not want to be real about our lives or feelings (or the need to take time for self-care) because we don't want to be accused of fabricating excuses.
it CAN happen but it's used a lot! And technically we have 4 genetic grandparents. If they had really been smart, they would go with the grandmother being the in hospital. That leaves more times to use it.
I don't think some 'get' your sense of humor and shit stirring for the hell off it mentality.
Steph xoxo
-- Modified on 12/5/2014 6:01:36 PM
And using the "dog ate the homework" excuse is more difficult today since much of this is digital LOL
I guess the dog could slobber on the tablet however
Steph xoxo
The new one is "I always delete my PM's"
Alex, I would like "excuses only a moron would believe" for $200 please. lmao
The new excuse is, "I was going to call you to tell you I couldn't make the appointment, but I had stored your phone number on Lois Lerner's hard drive."
We more or less salvaged it but it was pretty chewed up...I sure as hell hope the little fucker never eats my envelope!
They keep doing that, it'll eventually come around on them for real. I don't believe in using anyone's misfortune in a lie, as eventually karma will come around on you, and make that lie a reality. And cell phones don't die over and over again....only idiots repeatedly leave the house with their battery only at 25%...those with even half a brain charge their phone every night at bedtime, and keep a charger in their car....it's not tha hard a task to keep your cell phone charged.
I can see cell phones dying over and over...but how many times does grandma have to die?
I always assume that some guy offered a longer date than the guy that got the "grandma died" excuse.
If that means you're lying...so be it.
In the past (over 3+ years in the biz), I've also had to cancel a couple of dates because of pet issues. 3 dogs are a lot of work and a lot of potential trouble. I've even sent pics of my one of my pup's injured paw before, scared I would be accused of lying.
Sickness and death (of friends, pets, relatives, etc.) happens, and all we can do is to ask our temporary employers (clients) to please understand. This automatic assumption that providers are lying makes us not want to be real about our lives or feelings (or the need to take time for self-care) because we don't want to be accused of fabricating excuses.
But it is a common excuse some gals use. It's often commented in reviews as well.
When did the phone manufacturers create these charging units?
Pure genius I tell you. LOL
He is done, as in fuck the hell off and I am being nice here.
I don't lie about why I cancel, I sure ass shit lie DURING the session though and have never denied that.
Or do you want the audience to believe that you wouldn't make shit up to see a john with a bigger wallet?
It's OK...only a small minority here believe much of what is espoused anyhow.
I do prefer the truth...however the "grandma died" excuse gets the message across quite well
I also prefer to keep my real thoughts on a session to myself. No need to point out all the nuances here. Also no need to make shit up for the benefit of a gal striving for that Top 100 listing. Plenty of others are easily swayed however.
I don't lie about why I cancel, I sure ass shit lie DURING the session though and have never denied that.
And it's not the wallet but the actual john...I will bump a harder to deal with john for a easier one, however I usually cull the hard to deal with ones so rarely do I have to resort to that.
Personally I care less if a john believes me or not. From these posts the guys generally don;t so what does it matter going forward if the ladies all just start lying even if they do tell the truth. Seems they won't be believed anyway. T
They just have to organize the lies in a spreadsheet alongside the tricks name.
I had my own business with employees, and managed another prior to that. There's well-told lies and there's just plain dumb.
Rule #1: Just have one excuse. Don't go for two or three at the same time. Example: I had a provider tell me her mother was dying AND she got her period, all within 20 minutes of saying she'd meet me in two hours. What are the odds? I could believe either one by itself, but...
Rule #2: Be consistent. If Mom is dying on Monday, don't say that she's miraculously recovered on Tuesday, and then say on Thursday that she's in bad shape.
Rule #3: Think ahead. Don't say on Monday you have your period when you have an appointment on Tuesday with a regular who loves to brag about his dates on the regional forum. Better to say you have a hangover.
Rule #4: Remember who you said what to (this is why telling the truth is easier). If Mom is dying, and the person you told that to asks about her months later, try to remember. Don't trip yourself up by saying, "she's fine. Why do you ask?"
There's more, but that's a start
As a Time Lord we are able to regenerate.
Maybe I know who they are?
I do like those who are creative with the excuses.
Rule #1: Just have one excuse. Don't go for two or three at the same time. Example: I had a provider tell me her mother was dying AND she got her period, all within 20 minutes of saying she'd meet me in two hours. What are the odds? I could believe either one by itself, but...
Rule #2: Be consistent. If Mom is dying on Monday, don't say that she's miraculously recovered on Tuesday, and then say on Thursday that she's in bad shape.
Rule #3: Think ahead. Don't say on Monday you have your period when you have an appointment on Tuesday with a regular who loves to brag about his dates on the regional forum. Better to say you have a hangover.
Rule #4: Remember who you said what to (this is why telling the truth is easier). If Mom is dying, and the person you told that to asks about her months later, try to remember. Don't trip yourself up by saying, "she's fine. Why do you ask?"
There's more, but that's a start.
My roommate got sick immediately after eating the dinner I cooked for us last night. I know it wasn't my food that got her sick (simply because I'm not sick too and it takes 12-24hrs to get food poisoning symptoms) but rather those 2 footlong chili cheese hot dogs she ate the night before.
However, I still feel guilty so I rescheduled my much anticipated date for 5pm today for next week, so that I can take care of her. Shit happens. Well, in this case. Vomit happens. Yay me :/
I also had to cancel an entire trip once, because I got rear ended by an 18 wheeler. I didn't think anyone would believe me so I sent them pics of the wreckage and the paperwork from Highway patrol with the date and time. I mean, that's pretty outlandish, right? Who would believe I got rear ended by an 18 wheeler????
Come to think of it...every single "shit happens" moment has happened when I was on my way to an appointment or had one scheduled later that day. Coincidence or no
Was that 18 wheeler from Wal-Mart?
Is that the one that got Tracy Morgan?
However, I still feel guilty so I rescheduled my much anticipated date for 5pm today for next week, so that I can take care of her. Shit happens. Well, in this case. Vomit happens. Yay me :/
I also had to cancel an entire trip once, because I got rear ended by an 18 wheeler. I didn't think anyone would believe me so I sent them pics of the wreckage and the paperwork from Highway patrol with the date and time. I mean, that's pretty outlandish, right? Who would believe I got rear ended by an 18 wheeler????
Come to think of it...every single "shit happens" moment has happened when I was on my way to an appointment or had one scheduled later that day. Coincidence or no?
Funny...my accident happened a month before Tracy's accident and all I could think when I heard about his, was "Damn why couldn't I have been hit by a Wal-Mart truck! F*ck!!!!".
No worries, though. Pretty much all trucking insurance policies are the same (1million dollar umbrella). Tracy's case will actually be harder to fight since Wal-Mart has WAY more money than him. But because he's a celebrity, he will probably be awarded some obscene amount anyway. I just read in one article that Wal-Mart is claiming the injuries sustained (plus death) would have been prevented had they'd been wearing their seat belts (like I was).
Shoot, the more I talk about it, I think I might actually be getting a bigger check than Tracy! Especially since my injuries are worse than his. Plus I'm younger than him so I'm worth more, in the juries' eyes. Thanks Doc, you've brightened up my day
*skips away
..you actually think any of them are real. What matters is if she sees you after that. This is a world of shadows not transparency.
I prefer the more truthful route.
"I got a better offer"
"An easier client called so I am cancelling"
"Just remembered how bad you kiss and can't go another session with you"
Now use with caution, these are guaranteed to guarantee the guy never booking with you again...although I think if that is your intent, then they are perfect.
Happy Friday!
You've read the boards for quite some time now. Only a minority of the dudes would be offended with excuse after excuse of nonsense.
Shit...you'd have some tools here bring her a +45 gal to replace the dead grandma. It's called a double!
She'll be so appreciative of that generosity LOL
"I got a better offer"
"An easier client called so I am cancelling"
"Just remembered how bad you kiss and can't go another session with you"
Now use with caution, these are guaranteed to guarantee the guy never booking with you again...although I think if that is your intent, then they are perfect.
Happy Friday!
-- Modified on 12/5/2014 9:26:30 PM
Possibilities:
Mother's mother
Father's mother
Mother's stepmother
Father's stepmother
Stepmother's mother
Stepfather's mother.
There could be even more, and to lose all of them can be devasting.
this poor girl has had the incredible misfortune of losing so many who are near and dear to her, yet this is how you respond?
Shame!
With such a big heart, she's probably at the bingo hall now adopting anther 10. Bless her.
-- Modified on 12/6/2014 12:52:00 AM
I'm fairly gullible but if I got a cancellation message on a form like this:
Sorry Honey but my
Grandmother_____
Father _____
Mother _____
Cat _____
Rose bush _____
Died.
I might be suspicious
Reminds me of the time I was (yup you guessed it) on my way to an appointment. I was backing out of the garage and there's a rose bush that lines one side of the driveway. As I'm backing up, my neighbor's dog jumps OVER the rose bush and lands smack into the trunk of my car (scared the crap out of me).
Long story short: Neighbor wasn't home so I drove the dog to the vet, found out he had a bruised lung, cost me hundreds (He's fine now everyone, don't worry! This was months ago) Anyhow, I had to cancel my appointment that day
Did your appointment believe your excuse? Seriously, I know a guy who is more concerned about his flowers than he is about his wife's poodle. lol I don't blame him.