When I do, especially if it's with someone who isn't into aftercare, established self care routines are really important. Is there an activity that you like that can get you into a good head space? Maybe you can drink a favorite type of tea, watch a good movie, give yourself a pedicure, or spend time with pets or at a shelter. It can even be as simple as doing a few stretches. A lot of SWOPs offer free yoga classes, which can help with self care (and get you in touch with other providers in the area). If you have a loved one (even a friend) that you're out to, that's a good way to get self care, too. Between my partners and my dog, I get all of the cuddles I need! The only things that I'd warn against when it comes to self care as aftercare are drugs and alcohol... Trust me: you don't want to depend on substances to feel normal.
I don't often need aftercare, but when I do, I candidly ask for it and explain why I need it (not all tops, especially the beginners, know and understand about aftercare - it's out job to educate). It takes a hard heart to deny a pretty lady some kisses and cuddles! On the few occasions I didn't receive the aftercare I wanted and needed, I called up my partner or some close friends and asked for them to give me aftercare either over a quick coffee/drinks date, chatting at home or just through texting. It's good to have friends who can support you!
Perhaps incorporate it into your negotiations - talk about it at the beginning of your session? When you are discussing your limits, boundaries, likes and dislikes, add that you require aftercare, even if it's a few minutes, and explain why. And don't be afraid to remind your partner near the end or take the lead in snuggling. Go get what you want, girl
I have been exploring my submissive side for 25 years. I have been a pro-sub for 7 years. In lifestyle sessions there is a depth of emotions, energy, spirituality and physical giving because I know my partners over time, they are also my lovers or highly connected to my daily life, and the play time isn't "timed", all of that very rarely happens in my professional work.
Most of my professional sessions are fun, physically nothing that is going to leave me marked more than a day, it is non-stressful play and play lasts only one hour or two. While a session has a beginning, middle and end, with a hug and kiss good-bye, I do not require aftercare from my clients and certainly not on their time and dime for these encounters. I usually drink a bottle of water, have a long shower, do things that are self-caring.
Heavy play sessions (stressful play and marking play that will engage the endorphins/adrenaline) requires me to think about my aftercare. These sessions leave me high for hours, maybe a day on those good natural drugs, so I cannot play anymore, I am done. This is why I charge more for them. Experienced players always call, text, email to make sure I am okay after playing. They are paying me to play with me, not hold my hand after. They do care, they do appreciate their opportunity to play but the very reason they seek a professional is most likely the reason they cannot stay with me for "aftercare". They may go get more ice for me before they depart. Yes, they give me a hug, a kiss good-bye, afterall we have shared something special, energy has been heavily exchanged. As a professional submissive it is part of my job to take care of myself though.
In my opinion, as part of your job, you need to do the aftercare planning. At dungeons, when I am not able to drive safely afterwards, I find a place to sit, drink water, chill for however long I need until I can drive home safely. You cannot expect a client to pay you by the hour to give you aftercare for an extended period of time. If you need to chat with someone, have a "aftercare" phone buddy you can call while you decompress. I do that.
Daily, as a professional submissive I watch my diet, I exercise, I groom, I give myself self-care daily so that I am mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically ready to work and able to do all the parts of my job.
There is a difference in being a lifestyle style submissive and what you expect and negotiate with your Top/Dom(me)/Master and being a professional submissive. Clients pay by the hour or by a period of time and they pay to leave to go on with their lives that have nothing to do with you. That doesn't mean they don't appreciate you, think of you as special to them, send an email on your birthday, that you don't get to know them more over the years you will play together, it is simply the nature of the deal.
There are many aspects of being a pro-sub, of doing this job that you need to attend to, like assuring the room you play in is safe, that your client isn't a wacko and in my experience, that you take care of yourself physically/mentally/spiritually/emotionally before and after so that you are able to do this job as a career.
I'm a GFE provider that SOMETIMES likes to offer D/s play because I like it. I don't offer it to the gents that are "curious about it and want to check it out". Only to the ones that have established they are Dominants. The gentlemen that have contacted me were looking for a GFE provider and coincidentally had this fetish in common with me. Except for one.
Same thing for me! Some clients (more of the experienced players) like aftercare and automatically do it, perhaps out of habit, but it's not something I generally expect or ask for. Aftercare is great and sometimes necessary, but since this play is professional, and not personal, I make sure I always have ways of providing aftercare for myself. If I know I'm going to have a heavy/intense pain session, I'll make sure I leave some time afterwards for myself to relax alone -- something like a bubble bath or long shower, etc. Classical music and aromatherapy candles are a favorite too. Either that or I'll call certain friends of mine. Making sure you keep a fairly normal sleep schedule and eating healthy is necessary, and if you really aren't okay with some sort of activity, be honest about that limit. I've been pro-subbing for a while, though, so it might take some time if you're newer to pro-subbing (or if you don't exclusively pro-sub). Try different things and see what works for you -- that's what I did.
Generally, I don't really need aftercare after most of my sessions, but if you do, it's necessary to have a way to provide it for yourself rather than asking your clients. Like Miss Ann said, it's really something that you probably should only *expect* in your personal play and not professionally. If you do need aftercare no matter what, it's best to mention it beforehand, because most clients aren't going to expect to have to provide aftercare to a professional submissive. Even with regular clients, a professional session is still different than personal play. But, if you really do need it, do let your clients know beforehand -- it's best to be honest with yourself (and your clients), even if you see less clients because of it, because it's really important to keep yourself safe, happy, and comfortable.
I always bring Gatorade and something warm to wear in case I start going into shock.
Posted By: StinaValentine
What do you do when he doesn't do it and just leaves? Or, are you tough enough to not need it at all?
I'm a submissive in my personal life and I don't *really* advertise myself as such. But, I hint that I offer it because I like it, and I don't have (or want) anyone in my personal life at the moment. I need physical aftercare though...cuddling, kissing, squeezing, etc. If I don't get a few minutes of that afterward, it's hard to describe how I feel, but it's not good.
I know we're the ones providing the service, so that brings me to my next question. Would I be totally out of line by *requiring* aftercare? I only need just a few minutes to calm down after a scene, so I can't imagine it being a big deal. What do you think?
