Thank you for your response. I was advised to address a question to you earlier but did not but based on this feel comfortable with my own decision. I have a similar situation with only one difference, when I realized I felt comfortable with her and felt like I really did not want to be with others, we spoke about it. I wanted her to feel comfortable and not threatened or pressured in some way. After the discussion I stopped seeing others.
She's never been married, has children but has kept her work and personal life separate even to the extent when I've asked her to even go to lunch, she's politely declined.
I had a period of confusion until until I remembered the difference between love and being in love. We love the time we are together but we're not in love nor do we expect or want it. We are exploring the relationship and how it will work and be in the future as she is leaving the profession but wants to continue spending time with me as I with her.
Hello, LG! First let me say, it is a joy to read your insight.
This will probably will cover a variety of topics.
When I first started hobbying, I saw several different ladies. I was looking for what most are: a satisfying time without strings. For a short while, that's exactly what I got. Then I met my ATF, and that changed things.
I know people use the word connected, but we are very compatible on many levels. I found that not only does she satisfy me physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.
Our first visit was fairly normal, but the second was not. Being new to the hobby, I chalked it up to being naive. I continued to see other ladies, but that connection was not duplicated.
Our third and subsequent meetings confirmed, that both of us enjoyed one another's company.
I decided that this was really what I was looking for, and it was different, and special. I hadn't had this connection with anyone else, and I really enjoyed it. So, as MY decision, and mine alone, I started seeing her exclusively. She has never limited me or asked me not to see anyone else.
While I do love her, I am not "in love" with her. I respect the boundaries we have defined for one another. I know I am not the only one that she connects with, and she's been totally honest with me right from the start. I don't want to get married; I don't want to get between her and her kids; her family always comes first.
We've never had a non-paying session, though we have had a few lunches together. We've actually become good friends. However, I am not under the illusion that we will ever be together.
The main point here, is the decision to limit myself to one provider. While I have not regretted it, I am surprised at the reactions, advice, and downright lectures I get about it. I understand the inherent dangers of "falling in love" with a provider, but that is not what is going on here.
I believe that every provider has their own set of boundaries. Some are more strict than others. I think that she is more liberal than most, and allows more of a friendship/emotional level than most would feel comfortable. Again, this HAS to occur within the boundaries set, and it does.
So my questions are two-fold.
What is your opinion on gentlemen who voluntarily limit themselves to one provider?
Do you think that a friendly, nurturing relationship can exist between a provider and client (and I realize this is what I am) within the boundaries that are defined?
but I have had a very similar experience and a very, very rewarding one it has been! IME, the type relationship you're describing is definitely possible and the boundaries can actually create a safe space within which to create some real intimacy.
The one caveat i will offer is to monitor yourself very closely to see if you're forming attachments that will lead to some real pain if/when the relationship ends- even for a while. I am pretty good at that sort of self-monitoring and some of that still snuck up on me. It made for a pretty intense time for me when my friend moved suddenly and wasn't able to communicate much for a while.
Aaah, youngrepublican,
To the naysayers, I say - poppycock!! You should do what feels best. My opinion on gentlemen who limit themselves to one provider is this: if they do it out of free will and it feels good, then what's wrong with it? As you say, you've got your boundaries firmly in place; you're not "in love" with her, but you enjoy her company. You feel comfortable with her and don't feel like switching. So what's the problem? There may come a day when you see a new profile or review on TER, or get a recommendation...and then, maybe you'll act on it...or maybe you won't! There's nothing wrong with being someone's "regular" or ATF - that's generally the icing on the provider's cake. As long as you don't expect HER to be exclusive with you, but that doesn't seem to be the case, so just go for it.
We have had many threads on the subject of your second question. Yes, of course it's possible for there to be a FRIENDLY and nurturing relationship within the defined boundaries. You seem to be an extraordinarily levelheaded "young republican," so I would just dance to my own tune and enjoy it for as long as it lasts. And when it ends - since nothing is forever, particularly not in the sex industry - just chalk it up to a very nice passage in your long and hopefully productive, creative love/sex life.
Just stay aware, that's all,
the Love Goddess
LG,
I have to admit, I'm a bit surprised by your response. It doesn't contain any of the usual warnings and bluntness that normally accompany your answers of such questions.
However, being new to reading the Erotic Highway board, I have found it interesting that my ATF and I have discussed a lot of the issues you bring up.
For example, do I expect her to see me exclusively? Heck, no! I knew what I was getting into. I wouldn't ask her to be any different.
We've discussed what would happen if it ended, about money, time, extra gifts, seeing other people, what we both want out of it, etc, etc.
There are those that say you can't believe what a provider tells you, because she's just trying to keep you. While I certainly believe that happens, I don't have a single reason not to believe her. She doesn't tell me things like "oh, you're the best"...
So, why a response to your message? I want to make people aware of what sometimes happens when a client voluntarily limits himself.
First, I have been approached by several ladies. After saying no, either they or someone who has seen them, will tell me what I am missing. Finally, I will just tell them that I am happy with who I see.
Now that leads to two things: 1) I get comments on people's feelings toward being with only one provider, and 2) my ATF gets messages about it when they figure out who it is.
I'm not inclined to share what we talk about, or what happens when the doors are closed. That's our business, and I think we handle it very well. We both get a lot out of it.
Just my .02 worth.
Thank you for your response. I was advised to address a question to you earlier but did not but based on this feel comfortable with my own decision. I have a similar situation with only one difference, when I realized I felt comfortable with her and felt like I really did not want to be with others, we spoke about it. I wanted her to feel comfortable and not threatened or pressured in some way. After the discussion I stopped seeing others.
She's never been married, has children but has kept her work and personal life separate even to the extent when I've asked her to even go to lunch, she's politely declined.
I had a period of confusion until until I remembered the difference between love and being in love. We love the time we are together but we're not in love nor do we expect or want it. We are exploring the relationship and how it will work and be in the future as she is leaving the profession but wants to continue spending time with me as I with her.