Well said ChiTownHeaux.
I've always done my hobbying in cities I visit when traveling for business. Im on the road at least 45 weeks of the year and now I'm grounded at home for a few months. Im starting to get the itch.
Aside from the usual things I do to stay safe when traveling (see only well reviewed providers, hobby phone and email.. Etc) any advice from those here that hobby in their home city? My biggest fear would be to run into a provider at a restaurant when I'm with my family or have someone I know see me entering a hotel or building/studio. Yes I know any reputable provider will look the other way even if she does recognize me, However I was wondering if there are any tips you other mongers wish to share.
Thank
If your car is spotted outside hotel, what you gonna say? I drive several towns away, at least. Yes, it takes time.
Don't even think about having a provider to your home.
Probably, seeing a provider out & about is of little concern.
-- Modified on 11/11/2014 2:06:38 PM
preferably a high rise so you could say you were there to see whomever , it be easier to get ut of it in that case, A hotel on other hand your not gettin outta that one!
like at all, There is ONLY one reason and one reason only you coulda been there!
Totally agree.
i dont know how they do it, It seems tiring,
I d get a divorce or just not get married if i knew i cant be in a monogomous relation, OR I d be sure the woman i marry is ok with me see an escort once a week.
I just wouldnt get into a situation where i have to play secret agaent 007....In the first place.
There are plenty and i mean PLENTY of hot fun women that embrace polyamory, Like myself.
there is no reason to sign up for a tradition style marriage, Hell paigans do a hand fasting and set THIER OWN VOWS>
why not just adjust your life so your not a slave to some one elses rules and regulations?:
monogomy is the most unrealistic expectation for any animal including humans.
i dont get people that bind themselves to these pacts they wont be able to keep. I also dont get the generations prior to them that enforced these strict black and white it has to be just this way, No it really doesnt you can have a family a girlfriend a wife and as many sex partners as you like if you communicate thats what you want out of life, I simply wouldnt sign up for shit i cant stick too in the dam first place,
...............................................
Its like all these people are so afraid to be alone with thier own company god forbid, if you cant be or commit to one person then you shouldnt be married. end of story so no i wouldnt know because i wouldnt marry a guy and cheat on him . i d either say hey we are getting married, and i need some side cock , will that be ok? i just wouldnt get into a pact giving my word to any one Ai cared about if i was gonna cheat on them and stuff.
i think it sucks guys do that! sorry. its very annoying.
Angel, you don't know my situation so your advice (not sure if it's advice) is too broad and general. What if I made general daddy issue assumptions of why you chose this profession?
I get your point, but I'm sure most of your clients are married.
She shouldn't be in the business if she don't think the men she see are cheating. It is easy to talk until you walk in another man's shoes, Angel.
money wise in mass. Havin seen my dad struggle after my mum divorced him, i feel bad that that is what guys face if they decide to change thier lifestyle.
But your talking to sme one who is about to be a single mum cuz I am that independant. I personally cant stand relationships. But you knew i was crazy already so dont expect a crazy oerson to make sense ok? it aint gonna happen. you will get really tired tryin to figure me out, i cant even figure me out.
didnt mean to be rude. if thats how i cam across i just say what i am thinkin ,I live in a very weird world though i dont date and fraternize with only clients and that like is how i meet all my friends, so yeah no i am not a good advice giver i dont date civvie guys or date at all. Dont want too either. happy the ways things are. In fact the client that came today was so cool! we talked about this very thread for like an hour off the clock, i as usual wasnt ready so we talked while i did my make up, But i realized what a bubble i live in,
I guess its just not realistic to have everything be iinsense and peppermints and all that. i will never be the married lady in a house with a husband and kids i definetly admire like jillian michaels the personal trainer, who adopted, sandra bullock a single mum who adopted, i dont think for me i dont feel the need to have a husband or that normal life. So i dont get feeling a need to maintain a certain lifestyle with the wife the stuff like that. i d say get a divorce and live in your own apt alone and do whatever you dam like which is what i do and it is VERY drama free. No one to lie or sneak around on. no one is gonna care who i have over or what i do.
Stop judging... After all DON'T you get $ for sex? Oh wait it's for time, my bad!
Why they do it is none of your biz just like it's none of anyone's biz why you do what you do.
He asked for advice, if you have none then comment on the next post.
As far as the OP, I can understand your nervousness to play near home but with planning you can minimize the risks.
Use hobby phone
Hobby email
See well reviewed ladies
Play in areas 20+ miles from home
You should be ok. I have clients that live in or around chicago and most have never been caught.
The stories of being caught come from before, or during a hobby break, seeing CIVVIE women on the side.
Yup, that got them caught. Smh. You live and learn.
Good luck
Well said ChiTownHeaux.
derive a substantial part of your income from these annoying married guys. One of the surprises for me after joining the TER community is the realization that no matter where we go, people still feel the need to judge others. Over the last few months I have seen some overt posts about married guys who do this being assholes and plenty of posts where that is being stated if one reads in between the lines. Just like the pedophile is at the bottom of society in prison, I am getting the feeling that married men who are also happy with their wives are at the bottom of the pile in our little community. Those who can bitch about not getting enough sex or the wife being a bitch get more of a pass. Oh well...
While I must admit that I am surprised that other guys judge us, I am even more surprised that there are ladies who are in this business who do the same. Say for example that I lived in Boston, after your post, there is no way I would want to see you, I would be uncomfortable. It is bad enough that many ladies truly don't enjoy their work, but it is even worse to frequent one whom you already know is judging you.
Having said all of that, I do respect your opinion and the opinion of anybody who thinks that married guys who do this are louses, annoying, or whatever we want to call it. You are not entirely wrong. Incidentally, had I realized many years ago that just because I loved a woman I would not be able to control myself, I probably would not have gotten married. However, I did get married, I love my wife, she is my best friend and enjoy sharing my life with her - but yes, I do feel guilty and I am shithead for deceiving her, but crap, this is not the venue where I want to be confronted with that time and time again.
I d get a divorce or just not get married if i knew i cant be in a monogomous relation, OR I d be sure the woman i marry is ok with me see an escort once a week.
I just wouldnt get into a situation where i have to play secret agaent 007....In the first place.
There are plenty and i mean PLENTY of hot fun women that embrace polyamory, Like myself.
there is no reason to sign up for a tradition style marriage, Hell paigans do a hand fasting and set THIER OWN VOWS>
why not just adjust your life so your not a slave to some one elses rules and regulations?:
monogomy is the most unrealistic expectation for any animal including humans.
i dont get people that bind themselves to these pacts they wont be able to keep. I also dont get the generations prior to them that enforced these strict black and white it has to be just this way, No it really doesnt you can have a family a girlfriend a wife and as many sex partners as you like if you communicate thats what you want out of life, I simply wouldnt sign up for shit i cant stick too in the dam first place,
...............................................
Its like all these people are so afraid to be alone with thier own company god forbid, if you cant be or commit to one person then you shouldnt be married. end of story so no i wouldnt know because i wouldnt marry a guy and cheat on him . i d either say hey we are getting married, and i need some side cock , will that be ok? i just wouldnt get into a pact giving my word to any one Ai cared about if i was gonna cheat on them and stuff.
i think it sucks guys do that! sorry. its very annoying.
Things happen in a marriage. The love and commitment may still be there but the physical part has gone due to age, sickness, interest, etc. When a partner is in a sexless marriage, I do not believe it is dishonorable to fulfill his needs. We are human. We are sexual beings. I am honored to act as a surrogate. You are not seeking an affair that could potentially destroy a family and life. We meet, spend some time, part....end of story, no loose ends.
wish I could be as concise; I tend to ramble.
Ok, I guess, and I cant tell you what is, or isn't "honorable" work by your definition, by why does it have to be one or the other?
I don't think it is dishonorable but that doesn't mean I would elevate it to the point of calling it honorable.
Can't it be somewhere in between?
Girls here fk other women's husbands. Period. Virtually none of us would want our SO to cheat on us or would have respect for the person they cheated with.
I just think that the holier than thou attitude some people show here is ridiculous. I am not putting you in that camp because I am not familiar with enough of your thoughts on this topic.
My point is we shouldn't demonize or put people up on a pedestal for sex work. It is what it is. Yes if fulfills needs and yes, it would hurt many women if they found out.
No need to go down the "honor/dishonor" path, imo.
-- Modified on 11/11/2014 8:15:33 PM
Perhaps the word she chose wasn't the best but every other word in her post is spot on so I'd say slack should be cut.
And let's not forget not every male in this game is a cheater. I've played at it off and on for a long time and have never "cheated" on an SO. So, for me, no negative word applies to what I do except to say I'm doing something against the law. That is, the law in most parts of this backwards, puritanical country.
But hell, we all choose what laws to flout. I flout speed limits all the time. That's fun, too.
-- Modified on 11/11/2014 10:17:28 PM
What is interesting is that when you say you are honored to act as a surrogate, others interpret that to imply that you are asserting that your profession is an honorable one, meaning that others should hold it in esteem. I felt honored last week when someone special to me took time to sit at my table in my neighborhood coffeehouse. That certainly doesn't mean that I expect others to hold me esteem for who I had coffee with that day.
The problem that I see is that the apparent majority of men who seek sexual expression with you are men who have ventured into a monogamous relationship, a contract, with another person and now want to renege on the terms. The sensible thing would be to either accept the terms of the contract "for better or worse, in sickness and in health," or to dissolve the contract and seek pleasure elsewhere. But that simple choice seems beyond most. The men you encounter in the enchanted life are those who want to achieve both goals. It's like wanting to go to Paris tomorrow, but also wanting to go to Mexico City tomorrow. Unless blessed with the Gift of Ubiquity, you can't be in two places at the same time, so a sensible person would choose which city they most wanted to go, and accept that they would forego the other.
The thing is, P4P flourishes because it offers the illusion of having both.
Here's a question. Do you also feel honored to be the source of sexual pleasure and comfort for the malformed, disfigured wretch who feels severely handicapped in forming a loving relationship with a woman, who comes to you not cheating on anyone? Or are such men just poor lovers to put up with until you can establish a base of unhappily married TABs? The odd aspect of this question (depending on how you answer it) is that it would lead me to hold your service in very high esteem and a valuable part of society.
in this case, you need to reread her post.
Finding it an honor to provide something that helps another to feel good is a remark only about her own feelings, freely shared. Whether another "honors" one for that is their own concern and a matter of how they judge others. Honestly, isn't honoring oneself a mark of greater character than judging another
When someone says they are honored to do something, it doesn't mean they are seeking approval from others or that they they expect to be held in esteem for doing it.
Actually, from what we know of the general way that most hobbyists earn their livelihood, we can pretty much assume that only a very few of us on this board have honorable professions. I doubt if we knew what Jack did for a living we would consider it honorable in terms of how it benefits society.
Maybe I'm just too kindhearted.
I placed being a hooker in "neutral" re: a moral judgment. Neither something to be looked down on or something to be held up as virtuous.
I look at it the same way I look at johns. There isn't any "honor" being a john. I don't think it is horrible either.
Some people feel the need to make this game out to be more that it is for there insecurities about what they do. Ok, I guess, for them.
But that also exposes them to charge of "bullshit" form me.
This had NOTHING to do with her being a woman and everything to do with calling something honorable that isn't, imo.
Look up the word misogyny WB. You clearly don't know the definition.
just to fill thier urge,
I know i heard in china the fact the men frequent the massage parlours is known to the wives and it is accepted practice.
In musluem, men an have multiple wives.
its just weird to me I just dont get the traditions in certain peoples lives.
I happen to like the traditions in a paigan or wiccan tradition better and a holy woman in wicca CAN be having sex, she can be in relationships and poly.
I strongly disagree with the rule that holy men or the ones performing ceremony in catholic faith which i am raised,..
i just got beef with aot the traditions in that faith i believe also are scaring other away from it, The anti gay thing is first off annoying. And turns out half the priests are suppressed gays then take that pent up gay energy out by molesting choir boys. They also have to be living sex free lives, I just think the whole set up is prooving to be very very faulty so along with the very stupid way out dated also NOT WORKING for like ANY ONE these days OBVIOUSLY!
i just feel people should stand up and start a revolution and change! I am a fuckin hiipy what do you want from me? i dont get people who live thier lives like this perfect all american bullshit lie.
i think its so lame! will i continue to see customers yes. Do they tel me thier life story do i know if they are married OR not no. I d rather not hear it and most dont tell me much we are busy tending to thier reason they are thier paying me,
My opinion in my real life and real view points IS VALID and i am entitled to it.
I d say dont be in a catholiuc tradition that from the 1600's then! DUH it just seems like obvious the answer is easy dont even get involved in those kind of thiongs or get suckered into it is more like it chances are they didnt want to even freakin do it they allowed the woman to coeerce them with out bein honest with her that they as a man as an animal will at some point need some strange,
i just feel bad they gotta sneak around and stuff, sorry! life doesnt have to be that way! ask mr fisher he is married but they understand each others lifestyle. Its a certain kinda person thatl go through life doing things they dont stand for, and it to me isnt admirable. too bad if you dont like it,m i think they should convert to wicca or become oaigan and never have to lie about wanting some strange again, its the religion they are in thats makin them believe they ahve to live a certain way or they are bad, they arent bad and wanting freedom isnt a sin, dont get me started i hate ruoles and conformity, aaaagh!
PEOPLE ONLY LIVED TO THIER 30'S
So. it isnt a character assination more or less my anger towards the confinements of the institute of marriage............
I personally feel monogamy obviously just isnt working FOR SO MANY PEOPLE. Me included i never sign up for relationships like that because i know i dont like it.
I just think we need to evolve and come up with some better traditions that work for all parties involved.
And many of the old traditions especially the catholic ones......
They just werent created for this era like or even close. They arent realistic. i dont think its healthy i do LOVE the one aspect of the musluem religion is men are allowed multiple wives ..............
I really like that aspect of that religion and feel that for christians could prevent so much aggravation for some. Like these men that have to feel they are doing wrong they arent doing wrong, its natural to want strange! i know as a woman i could NEVER be entertained or even have a desire to sign up for fucking only that one guy for the entirety of remainder my life.
Too bad you dont also disagree with marriage as a acceptable instituion or have the guts to speak up about it and simply release yourself from thos ties that bind you.
i have to say freedom is fir me a number one thing and i on my end simpky wouldnt make a sacred vow to be monogomous if knowing i didnt want too live that lifestyle.
I just cant respect some one that doesnt have the guts to face thier spouse and say hey this isnt wprkin i need freedom baby!
sorry. granted cheaters go to see escorts dont mean i have to agree with people whom are catholic and believe in having child molestors stand before them to claim thier love is sacred. I dont believe in any of the process, I think just cuz a priest stands before you and say s your love is sacred, i think the whole tradition is old news, where most priests these days are diddlers too I wouldnt even sign up for lettin one be a part of my ceremonies with a life partner! my opinion is they invented marriage in an era where peoples life span was til age 30!
its like fuckn evolve already its obviously not working, AND makin a law that you can only be a holy man if your STRAIGHT! and gonna live a sex free life...............which is the rule for priests well look at how terrible thats been going?: i just dont like cinformity and i dont like child molestors or men who lie to thier wives for that matter.
i can speak on the matter having been in long term live in relationships. and having been married before. so . we can agree to disagree i just think being sneaky especially to a woman who is mothering your kids i think either live how you wanna live or dont sign up for an old fashioned tight ass institution if you cant live up to that lifestyle, i find it cowardly. i dont see the honor in not living how you wanna live and decieving a woman whom is trusting in you, i think it sucks.
I will do the appts and take thier money but i dont have to say i would ever get married ad lie to my husband about my escorting, plenty of escorts lead double lives too, its a choice.
your free to live how you want, it just must get tiring,...................
It's the married shit heads who come on here and bad mouth the wife like it's ALL her fault the marriage went to hell in a hand basket and they think they are exonerated from any blame...or at least that's how they express themselves except for a tiny few when called on it fessed up.
Oh and you would be surprised at what might go through a hookers head knowing your married...we are women you know. So you better stay away from the rest of the USA in case you meet one of the ones who thinks you're a tool but smiles and takes your money.
little head was thinking, Big head needs to step in and apply some logic.
polyamorous witches. just kidding.
some one can see it.
Make sure you use a track phone or go phone and dont keep it laying around. Keep it in desk at work or somewhere.
dont do any hobby stuff on your home computer.
hmm. I cant think of anything else cuz i am ant marriage. I d do a hand fasting ceremony if anything.......................and create my own vowes. Being poly would be written in those vows. ....
Really? You're a call girl and also an "enabler" for men who prefer to pay for sex. Unless a ho has a PhD in counseling hos shouldn't be giving marriage advice. It's none of your business why men do this, the same as it's none of a tricks business why whores suck dick for money instead of finding a normal job. Get a clue.
Providers are often excellent judges of human nature. They have to be in order to survive in this business.
Human nature is at the heart of husband/wife relationships.
Some of the best relationship advice I've ever received was from providers. In one case, it really changed my life too, and for the better.
Have you ever read any of her other posts? Half of the time it is incomprehensible, even if she had a point no one would understand it
and neglect to use helpful sentence and paragraph structure, if you actually TRY to read and understand her posts you would find that she often has some very keen insight into people in general, and hobby participants in particular.
and making them feel at ease is a talent that you have to practice at to be good at.
I think my human interaction skills are definetly above average in comparison to most!
I am definetly good at making customers feel welcomed, my cleitn today really kept saqying how nice i am.
i would say my friendly manner is my most strong quality in this as a job, and thats above my appearance or skills in the bedroom, i think being able to smile and invite some one in and just make them feel relaxed.'
i agree i always think my posts make sense, but sometimes i AM DEBATING of sorts with others whom share a total 360 opposing view to me, like a hippie free spirit cant ever see eye to eye with a strict catholic. Trust me sit back and watch what happens when i try and soent extended periods socializing with my mother,
Some people just have different worlds they live in, They dont "get" me or my world they dont have too it VERY prgressive and out of the norm and i wouldnt expect any one or the larger majoraity to be on board.
Very few gals in this world even pay attention to the interactions to offer any meaningful advice. I don't think I've met a gal in P4P that has had a successful relationship...let alone one that has the acumen to offer something of real value to a dude in distress (stuck in a "bad" relationship/marriage).
Glad some gal babbled something to you that changed your life...but I suspect that same advice could have been presented to you by many others who are actually interested in your life.
Human nature is at the heart of husband/wife relationships.
Some of the best relationship advice I've ever received was from providers. In one case, it really changed my life too, and for the better.
P4P gals bring objectivity. People who are close to me are very well meaning, but their subjectivity can lead to erroneous reasoning. I've experienced that no end of times.
You are correct that not all gals can do this, just as not all people can. It takes a lot of experience and judgment, rare qualities always.
As for their own relationships, I know quite a few that have what they (and I) consider quality relationships, but I know a lot that are train wrecks too.
The ironic thing is that the people whose lives are train wrecks have the experience from which to offer sound advice. They just don't follow their own advice. The cobbler's kids go shoeless, etc. My own psycho-therapist was an example of this, and he was self-aware of this irony and spoke about how he used it to my benefit, which benefit was also very useful to me.
Most games are easier to strategize from the bleachers, or at least the sidelines. On the field, emotions get in the way, goals and priorities can get confused, and the player sees the field only from where he's standing. Not a sports' nut, but it's only a loose metaphor. And besides, when people claim to need relationship advice, usually they just want to dump their complaints on somebody. Unfulfilled selves having fulfilling relationships? Ain't likely. So who cares who advises who in a crowd of degenerates? Just thinking about it.
Glad some gal babbled something to you that changed your life...but I suspect that same advice could have been presented to you by many others who are actually interested in your life.
Human nature is at the heart of husband/wife relationships.
Some of the best relationship advice I've ever received was from providers. In one case, it really changed my life too, and for the better.
But dudes like mrfisher like to put the hookers on pedestals...which is fine.
As I posted, when I need relationship advice I seek it from those who have had a modicum of success. I guess I can take that many of the gals here have had rather rocky roads leading them here that they may skew the "advice" from their experiences...yet in many cases I wouldn't consider it productive to someone who is actually trying to figure out "his" life's issues.
Misery does tend to like company however 
And it does keep Maury and Dr. Phil in business.
Glad some gal babbled something to you that changed your life...but I suspect that same advice could have been presented to you by many others who are actually interested in your life.
Human nature is at the heart of husband/wife relationships.
Some of the best relationship advice I've ever received was from providers. In one case, it really changed my life too, and for the better.
molestor at one time, can have the honor of standing before wo people and be the one that gets to hold ceremony to make a marriage a marriage. Well who is to say I am not qualifieed to share my advice on how to sneak around on your wife? he asked our advice on how to cheat on the wife successfully.
My agravation is more towards society's customs we still hold as working. Marriage in so many ways isnt working for so many people so i think people should over throw it and adopt a new tradition. Paigans have some that would work like the poly lifestyle is accepted in a paigan religion.
I d say the answer lies in changing your religion. So you dont have to be bound by such restrictions.
Life is too short to coommit to one oerson if thats not how youd truly desire to live your life. My advice live your life how you want and dont be bound to any ties or restriction you dnt have too.
I got offline and chatted with my client about this after, and learned that if a guy wants to get an anulment, which means he is like absolved of his past marriage he can simply pay a large enough fee.
Dont get me started! Then if you divorce smeone you gotta pay em ? Imagine me paying a guy after i break uo with him cuz my religion says i have too?
it stinks all around the money they gotta pay if divorced. I hate the entire scene and as an escort with a free life and whom roams freely and ANSWERS TO NO ONE nor wilol I ever sign up for such crap either!
so yes i hear a question hey how do i lie to the wife better i think why are you even married? i mean i dont get it! But again i am not a person whom is for organized religion. Go figure.
unless they stand for like progressive, freedom, understanding, tolerence.,
I do quite like the unitarian uviversalist for the fact they pay homage to each and every faith and every persons beliefs and show respect for all peoples faiths, but the marriage thing, the priest standin in front ya, sayin what is sacred, I ama radical hippie anarchist gunslingin hip kundalini yogini so dont ask me how to lie to a spouse, i would even get in a situation where i have a spouse4. Doesnt even sound fun. A life partner whom undertsands i need to be free maybe, But a monogomous marriage that is governed by money and churches and whatever and is based on lying, to each other? why even sign up .. seems tiring is all. !
i dont get why people feel the need to be invplved in marriages, I am not being mean i just dont understand why youd go through with such a serious pact ,
no one agrees marriage is kinda not working any more for people???? i think if they can swing it good but if not whats the matter with just havin a girlfriend/ or live in girlfriend if thats the lifestyle you like.
I do get it because when i last lived with a guy after about a year when we got comfortable and the raging passion was fizzling, i started feel like i need to re confirm my sexiness and went out and cheated. It was like i craved that thrill /excitement that i dont get with an old time boyfriend i been living with for years.
I also missed the extra money from escorting and the less stress lifestyle i had.
I had asked him ok, you let me go do this one appt per week with the same guy...................
and you on your end can go get a bj from whomever you like and we can have a one time a week allowance.
He didnt go for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so then i went and did the appt with the regukar any way and he probly went and cheated any way.
i dont know . I just wish it were easier. For every one . relationships. theres no answers.
Running into your provider off-session is the least of your worries. She doesn't want your acknowledgement either. You just need to come up with plausible excuses for why you are where you are in case you run into someone you know. If you're a traveling businessman, perhaps you have some business to conduct at that hotel?
Also, stay indoors, no fun-on-the-town-with-some-young-hottie for you!
And...keep up with your excuse ! Just had a call from a buddy of mine talking about having lunch next week ! My SO is of the opinion that this buddy of mine and I have lunch about once a week !!! And-if the gal's in call is at a hotel-park at whatever is next door that could provide a plausible excuse-an office building-a restaurant-something other than the place you actually are ! And take the advice about 20 miles from home-that is smart !
Hotels have public restrooms, you had to go
The first time it was because I gave the hotel my home address and they mailed a receipt (Complete with phone numbers dialed from the room, no less!).
Take away: Give your office address out instead.
The second time my wife saw my car parked out in front of the hotel and decided to come up and pay me a visit. Hilarity ensued.
Take away: Park in a garage.
I hope this helps.
It's always safer to hobby in your home area. You know the area, where the girls are for the most part, and the areas that the police are around.
I always hobby in my home area. I never hobby outside of the area. I do have a former Provider that used to live in Chicago that I visit once a year out of state.
Major cities like Dallas, Houston, Miami, Atlanta, your risk is minimal. Sake goes for smaller cities like Charlotte, Tampa, Orlando, Raleigh, Nashville and the like.
If you are in small city with limited gathering places and every one knows everyone else’s business, you are pretty much fucked. Only option you have is to find adjacent cities.
if you think you're safe on the road, you're in denial; I've seen people I knew (not when with a provider, happily) when I've been walking down a London street or crossing the square in Switzerland. Hobbying at home has more risk, of course, and especially going to a hotel, because that is hard to explain. But if the lady you're seeing has a private incall, risk is reduced.