TER General Board

Maybe I'm old school - or just unusual
rembrnad0284 12 Reviews 694 reads
posted

... but I'm a firm believer in monogamy. But I also believe there is no one right or wrong way to go through life; just lbll's way, my way,  Courtney's and on and on.   Relationships are a complicated puzzle. Lots of pieces that need to be put together requiring great patience but usually leading to a pretty beautiful end result - some pieces  look like they should fit but when we try they just don't, some look like a mismatch from the start, and at best a few just click into place like they were waiting for that moment.  That is the art in all of this, I think.

Like you've I've been married and adored my wife.  We're separating now and headed toward a divorce but that has nothing to do with a lack of love or commitment.  We just couldn't go on together for reasons I will spare you.

But I could not have been happier being monogamous.  I would never order anything else off the menu when things were good, because I knew all that rich food was bad for me, and lol I'd really regret it in the morning.  But that was just me.  But I will say that if I was in a relationship with a provider, even if she continued to work, because it is just 'work' and if it's what she needed to do, I'd still be monogamous as I actually like it when the 'looking is over'.    

For me the right lady could feed me lasagna every night; I would be just great with that although changing the ingredients from time to time is always a nice touch.  But like I said, this is not judgmental toward you or the guys you hang out with.   I fully accept that I may be on an island with this mindset, but after a while I kind of get the feeling that our wiring is what it has become over the years, and that accepting how we're wired and learning how to deal with it and not look to the next guy/gal over to compare, is what passes for peace of mind these days.  

 
Posted By: lbll
I am very open about the fact that I worship my wife.  I am the guy who tells her everyday several times a day how great she looks, that I love her, etc.   I am so expressive that I think sometimes it is overwhelming her for her, she is more the reserved WASPy type.    
   
 I don't do this because of anything she has done or not done, I like the variety.  I love lasagna but I don't want to eat lasagna every single day of my life for the rest of my life.   It also has to do with the fact that for much of my life, I was surrounded by women friends, I find women way more interesting as human beings although y'all are trickier to deal with.   As a matter of fact, my now wife was one of these friends for one year before we hooked up.    
   
 While many of the things that you and Scarsdale have said are true, I think that many guys use the old  
 "we don't have sex as much as we used to" as an excuse.  I am a guy and if there is one thing I know, it is that we all want to fuck multiple women, we are always looking.  Shit, talk to any guy and ask him what he talks about with his buddies and a very large percentage of the time is spent talking about sports and fantasizing about women .  Funny enough, although I do this shit, I loathe when my friends sit around talking for half an hour about the great ass on the new cart girl at the club.
-- Modified on 11/9/2014 11:23:08 AM

-- Modified on 11/9/2014 11:36:06 AM

Don't know if you saw it but if you have not there is not a wasted minute in the movie.

But I could not help but think that's probably what it would be like if you married a Provider.  

Hot woman, great sex, then married life kicks in.  Most people would just get a divorce.

But I posit a Provider would have to make you suffer.  Then when it didn't work out that way.  She would really make your ass suffer.  (you have to see the movie to understand that part).

Damn, I love crazy chicks.  They are a wild FUCK in bed.

R

!_!841 reads

Then again, he just might go postal. That freak was by far the nuttiest weirdo I've come across in my entire 3 months being on TER.

Apparently he also likes to shit on the floors of public bathrooms because he hates janitors for being Mexican, low income, or both.

!_!786 reads

It boggles the shit out of me why anyone would want to do such a thing. Fucking gross.

jojo131029 reads

Andrewww is a full blown sociopath. His recent posts on the other site have included:

1. "the government needs to start slipping in vaccinations during normal physical exams that sterilize subhumans"

2. He stole his cousins used panties and spent a week sniffing them as he jacked off repeatedly

3. When asked how he felt, he posted a video of Mexican drug lords using a chainsaw to decapitate two people

4. He wants to join ISIS so he can rape and murder women and get away with it

5. He would rather cut his dick off than have sex with a black woman. But remember on here he has claimed he is not racist.

6. He brags that he is able to hide all of this from people IRL so that they don't have a bad opinion of him.

He also plans on seeing k-girls in LA. Anyone know the k-girl bookers and give them a heads up about him?

Posted By: Tobi Telford
Apparently he also likes to shit on the floors of public bathrooms because he hates janitors for being Mexican, low income, or both.

!_!882 reads

He needs to pray to Gandy more and repent his sins. ;)

jojo13825 reads

Look for the thread called 'do you exhibit anti-social behavior?' on the second or third page of the 'shitty advice' forum. Andreww posts as 'whatislife'. At least in the thread he admits he is an asshole. Even though he swears he is not gay or racist, on another thread he says he would rather have sex with a male model rather than with a black women.  

IF you search the site for the 'I get lost looking into his eyes' thread from the 25th, you can see him talking about his love for the male model Gandy.

Do a google search for 'sluthate whatislife' and you will get about 25 pages of results. Look through them and you will see that even the folks on that site can see he is severely damaged and probably dangerous.

Posted By: MatureGFE
He's seriously one fked up dude!

SMH...

Steph

Yes, the relationship would have the same issues as any other relationship, they are not an alien species, but there are two things that I would find very interesting.   First, one of the things that attracts me to ladies in this line of business is their confidence and the way they own their sexuality - sure, not all, but that is generally so.  That is also not to say that there aren't civvies who own their sexuality, but you get my drift.

Second, it would be great to be with someone who would not be too judgemental.  Not necessarily that they would give one a hall pass, although that would be great, not that there aren't providers that think we are sick puppies because we do this, but I would think that chances are better than average that a provider/former provider would be more understanding of a person in our shoes.    I hate secrets and it would be great to be able to say, "this is who I am, this is what I have done and this is why," without being thought off as a sick fuck, no pun intended.

So yes, the same issues as any other couple but there is the potential for something interesting angles.   BTW, I believe that Mr. Fisher is married to a former provider, he does not have to wonder...

Off to bed .that was a good ending to the Alabama/LSU game.

With one partner, he may not tell us we're sexy all the time. With many many partners, we're almost guaranteed to be called wonderful things on a regular basis. Many people are holding up the weight, and also see us in our sexiest moments, so their praise is at it's peak.

It's not all lies. We are sexy, and if we feel sexy, we're even more sexy. In a monogamous relationship, we may have to work a little harder to feel sexy. Our partner may not say it three times a day.  

 
I think that may be one reason this job gets addicting. I'm never happier to go on a date than to go after someone I'm with rants about how sexy the blonde down the street is. Y'all make me feel like a queen and it's a great pick me up if I don't feel like one that day lol

-- modifiedOn 11/9/2014 7:30:04 AM

GaGambler839 reads

You are most likely to be very sadly disappointed when you find out that to "most" hookers a committed relationship is exactly that and "cheating" is not allowed.

Hookers are NOT some alien species and while the odds of finding a hooker that will put up with you fucking everything else in town are admittedly better than with a civvie chick, once you put that ring on her, or tell her you love her like you mean it, all bets are off. and I have dated enough hookers to know what I am talking about here.

One other thing to keep in mind, hookers deal with lying cheating spouses all day, every day, they are experts on the subject. Don't you think that they are going to know almost instinctively the moment you start to stray?

Now if you are talking about an open relationship with a hooker, that's quite a different matter where neither party judges the other for purely physical acts, but when you start talking marriage or anything resembling a committed relationship, your odds of being able to cheat aren't much better than with any other woman.

And more power to him if she's still doing the job. But the last thing I am going to want when I move on is an open relationship, and you're right - my job is banging committed people. I know all the rules that girls set, and I'll be able to tell the signs.

Hell, I was recently in an open relationship. He'd say "I'm going out with the guys, see ya'". But by the way he prepared himself, the way he dressed, his walk, his discreet double checks in the mirror, the look in his eyes, (not a look to hide anything, it's a certain look of excitement and nervousness,) his tone of voice leading up to the change in tone, "I'm going out with the guys," was him getting ready for another woman. So I'd fuck with him and say, "Have fun with her! have a nice night!" LOL. It totally pissed him off. But he knew what I did for a living, I knew he was seeing other women, no biggie.  

Seeing the body language of a large sample of men regularly can be a blessing and a curse. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.

I just hope I don't have to ever detect that so easily when I am in a committed relationship.

-- Modified on 11/9/2014 9:04:52 AM

I don't think that it would necessarily lead to a hall pass, I said it would be nice, a guy can dream right, but it certainly would not be expected.   The point is that they would know who you really are and what you have done, I would find that to be a relief.  Just like I would not care what they have done.

If my wife found out what I have done, what I do, sure, there would be the emotional devastation, but  beyond the emotional issues, she would be absolutely disgusted that I would fuck people who have fucked countless numbers of people.   The other day we were watching a TV show in which one of the characters hired an escort and she turned around and said "what kind of sick person would pay money to be with someone who has probably fucked hundreds or thousands of people?"   One of those lovely moments in which I just let the question dissipate into the walls, treated it as a rhetorical question.

Is it your wife that's the bitch? Or is it you, making sure you deserve whatever punishments she doles out?

Transparent as a MF.

!_!1120 reads

Your troll posts are really sucking ASS lately. Don't get me wrong Schmucky, I liked your posts because they were entertaining and once in a blue moon you made a few good points. My guess is that the ones that actually made sense weren't intentional on your part? ;) I don't mind a bit of trolling as long as you're either funny or making a valid point. You bitch about providers and talk about how they could do things differently and in that context we have something in common.  However, your posts aren't even making much sense lately and frankly this post was fucking retarded. WTF mang? Get your game back together.

Ok,listen to this shit. I've had some LTR's, and seriously - guys quit wanting to fuck! It is really frustrating, and I now wonder if it really is the woman not having sex with the guy most of the time.

Here's what I'm seeing. Woman gets tired of ONLY fucking on the guy's terms.

When she's ready, he pushes her away, doesn't make her feel sexy, etc etc. But when he's ready, he sweet talks her and simply expects her to jump up and be ready.

I'm bout ready to stop fucking my SO's when they do that to show them what it feels like. And I'm sure many women do the 'I'll show you what it's like motha fuckah' thing... But I bet the men don't get what the woman is doing, so instead he considers the stereotype - all wives stop having sex. So on to other women. (Or not, but just moping and being bitchy about it, when maybe there's something he can change.)

Men stop being smooth about it, and the romance dies. All that work wooing her in the beginning was done because that's how you turn a woman on. It doesn't change in most cases.

Then another thing is, the man doesn't want to touch the woman at all. Sure, he'll take a massage any day, and even a BJ. But walk up and touch her for delayed periods of time? Nope. Kiss her on the lips? Nope.

If only there were male escorts. Let's just open all the doors and let each other go out and get physical relief from others when we realize we're done working for it, and expect the other person to just dryly give it.

Men here want escorts who like the sex, right? But many men in relationships apparently don't want to work to make their partner enjoy the sex. No wooing, no teasing, just "leave me alone until I finish this and that." Then when they're done. "Ok you ready? Let's fuck."

Couldn't do that on a first second or third date. If it wasn't a turn on then, why wouldn't someone think that the natural way to get someone just may be something you have to keep doing to keep getting them to do it.

This us based on the very small stats I have in my life. Many guys only have one tho lol.

-- modifiedOn 11/9/2014 8:01:17 AM

I think though the bottom line is it takes two to make a mess out of a relationship.  Someone always strikes the first blow (hopefully figuratively) but it can snowball with both people rolling downhill at an unstoppable pace.  I think what happens is that most if life is not terribly sexy.  The key to a strong sexual relationship in marriage, at least for me when I had it, was to work at it but have it not seem like work.  

Dating and the hobby world are like that, and there is very little 'life' that gets in the way.  No bills to pay, no demanding kids, no decisions about which family to spend Thanksgiving with...  stuff like that can take the romance out of life like air out of a balloon if we let it - and I do believe both genders often share the responsibility of when the air goes out - it probably just depends which one you are talking to at a given time to color the story.  The victors write the history.

Instead of working on it, both are getting revenge.

In my one year relationships with guys from 35-55, you don't have to be married and have kids for the guy to stop having sex regularly within six months.

People get something moving and don't want to keep working for it, which can be unattractive in itself.  

You make a lot of sense, it just seems like MANY men blame the women, and don't stop to think, "hey, do I have something to do with this?"

I had a divorced partner who bitched about his ex stopping sex completely. Then I noticed how particular he was about everything I did. What I wore, what I ate, if I had something laying in my car I would get nagged about it, etc etc. Didn't make me feel too sexy. More like a little kid being lectured by her father. In that case, I saw another dimension. Perhaps - just perhaps - he nagged his ex wife, and she stopped feeling sexy to him. Naturally that eats away at even wanting to get naked or perform sexual acts. She may fear, after nagging her about that pizza, (while he gave himself a pass and are pizza and beer the night before with his buddies,) she may fear he will nag her about the little bit of weight she's gained recently, which may make her keep her clothes on and say no. I could see myself shutting down my business with someone like that over a few years, if he didn't work to change it.

I'm using real examples from my life. While we have a choice on what to do with what other people say, over time turning the other cheek gets old and you get bitter, which dries the vagina.. At this point in my life I still can have sex in spire of those circumstances, but I'm in my 30's. What happens when I'm not at my high sex drive age? That shit won't fly then. Lol

-- modifiedOn 11/9/2014 7:21:35 AM

Posted By: Courtney.Ova
it just seems like MANY men blame the women, and don't stop to think, "hey, do I have something to do with this?"
Sadly, this is very very true.  I agree.  Rarely,at least in my experience, is anything ever one person's fault entirely when there are two involved.  And finding fault to begin with is a recipe for doom anyway.  Finding fault is a game that only one can play - finding a solution is a game for two.   Turning the other cheek is never a good idea in my opinion too as it does lead to bitterness and resentment.  You are right.  

I believe the most important words in any relationship are not "I love you" but rather "I was wrong".  

It's not so hard to say - but we have to believe it when we say it and not simply say it to keep the peace.  And both parties need to go in with the ability to say this and mean it. In my experience it has been the most profound and sexually evocative thing I could say when it was heartfelt.  Women can tell if it's not - no secret there.  Men, the jury is still out as to exactly how perceptive we are but speaking as and for just one person I think we are pretty good at detecting patterns where we may believe something the first 5 times but when it keeps happening over and over even we can pick up a lack of sincerity and often the accumulation hits us more like a ton of bricks where we can jump to 'screw this' like flipping a switch.  

I do believe people can successfully live together and have great sex as part of the relationship over the years.  But ego and insecurities have to be checked at the door.  Sure, it's a lot easier to check a coat, but it can happen, especially if people realize this more than anything else makes sex a whole lot better than flowers and 'I love you's'

Your divorced guy sounds a lot like my Ex, she bitched and complained about everything, and I never measured up to her high standards. To her, the glass was half empty, then she would complain that I didn't initiate sex. Discussions went nowhere because she approached everything from the viewpoint that she was "right" and I was wrong.

Two people in a relationship need to feel free to discuss feelings without criticism. Feelings are real to the person having them, but often times it comes from not understanding, or misunderstanding.  

A relationship is work!

Posted By: Courtney.Ova
Instead of working on it, both are getting revenge.  
   
 In my one year relationships with guys from 35-55, you don't have to be married and have kids for the guy to stop having sex regularly within six months.  
   
 People get something moving and don't want to keep working for it, which can be unattractive in itself.  
   
 You make a lot of sense, it just seems like MANY men blame the women, and don't stop to think, "hey, do I have something to do with this?"  
   
 I had a divorced partner who bitched about his ex stopping sex completely. Then I noticed how particular he was about everything I did. What I wore, what I ate, if I had something laying in my car I would get nagged about it, etc etc. Didn't make me feel too sexy. More like a little kid being lectured by her father. In that case, I saw another dimension. Perhaps - just perhaps - he nagged his ex wife, and she stopped feeling sexy to him. Naturally that eats away at even wanting to get naked or perform sexual acts. She may fear, after nagging her about that pizza, (while he gave himself a pass and are pizza and beer the night before with his buddies,) she may fear he will nag her about the little bit of weight she's gained recently, which may make her keep her clothes on and say no. I could see myself shutting down my business with someone like that over a few years, if he didn't work to change it.  
   
 I'm using real examples from my life. While we have a choice on what to do with what other people say, over time turning the other cheek gets old and you get bitter, which dries the vagina.. At this point in my life I still can have sex in spire of those circumstances, but I'm in my 30's. What happens when I'm not at my high sex drive age? That shit won't fly then. Lol

-- modifiedOn 11/9/2014 7:21:35 AM

If you're afraid of getting your head bit off for wearing green socks instead of blue, fo sho you will be worried for trying to initiate sex at the wrong time. Which there's a 99% chance with some people that it will be the wrong time, simply because they like you to be wrong.

Anyway, let's all give up and just do P4P lol. I'm getting tired lol

men don't want to work for it anymore because women let themselves go physically.

men don't stray with an older, fatter woman you know.

Posted By: Courtney.Ova
Ok,listen to this shit. I've had some LTR's, and seriously - guys quit wanting to fuck! It is really frustrating, and I now wonder if it really is the woman not having sex with the guy most of the time.  
   
 Here's what I'm seeing. Woman gets tired of ONLY fucking on the guy's terms.  
   
 When she's ready, he pushes her away, doesn't make her feel sexy, etc etc. But when he's ready, he sweet talks her and simply expects her to jump up and be ready.  
   
 I'm bout ready to stop fucking my SO's when they do that to show them what it feels like. And I'm sure many women do the 'I'll show you what it's like motha fuckah' thing... But I bet the men don't get what the woman is doing, so instead he considers the stereotype - all wives stop having sex. So on to other women. (Or not, but just moping and being bitchy about it, when maybe there's something he can change.)  
   
 Men stop being smooth about it, and the romance dies. All that work wooing her in the beginning was done because that's how you turn a woman on. It doesn't change in most cases.  
   
 Then another thing is, the man doesn't want to touch the woman at all. Sure, he'll take a massage any day, and even a BJ. But walk up and touch her for delayed periods of time? Nope. Kiss her on the lips? Nope.  
   
 If only there were male escorts. Let's just open all the doors and let each other go out and get physical relief from others when we realize we're done working for it, and expect the other person to just dryly give it.  
   
 Men here want escorts who like the sex, right? But many men in relationships apparently don't want to work to make their partner enjoy the sex. No wooing, no teasing, just "leave me alone until I finish this and that." Then when they're done. "Ok you ready? Let's fuck."  
   
 Couldn't do that on a first second or third date. If it wasn't a turn on then, why wouldn't someone think that the natural way to get someone just may be something you have to keep doing to keep getting them to do it.  
   
 This us based on the very small stats I have in my life. Many guys only have one tho lol.

-- modifiedOn 11/9/2014 8:01:17 AM

"men don't want to work for it anymore because women let themselves go physically. men don't stray with an older, fatter woman you know. "

On the surface that would seem to make sense (but of course men are not immune from letting ourselves go either), and i am sure it does happen, but I've had women come see me for professional advice who were absolutely stunning yet said they were in a sexless marriage.  At first I couldn't believe it.  Over time it turned out to be more true than I would have guessed in my younger days.  24 hours a day, 7 days a week is a long time to be together with someone.  I have no doubt it can make the beautiful look hideous and the less attractive look beautiful depending on the circumstances.  

And there is a difference to me between unattractive (aa god's way of saying I'm going to have you figure out a way to make the most of all your qualities and attributes to make sure you resist the temptation of resting on looks alone) and letting oneself 'go' --- I think sometimes letting oneself go is a symptom rather than the cause.  

-- Modified on 11/9/2014 10:15:25 AM



-- Modified on 11/9/2014 10:36:47 AM

I'm just a guy who pays his dues in and around DC; and who's old enough to know better but young enough to do it anyway :)

1st of all, that's selfish, because a lot of men give up on their physical appearance, which the way they carry themselves has something to do with it.

2nd, if that's the real reason, why is the first thing I hear out of a man's mouth when they want to talk about why they're seeing escorts, or cheating with the lady next door?

"She doesn't have sex anymore. If she did, I would stop."

I rarely hear a man say, "It's because she let herself go physically. She's not as pretty as she used to be."

If a guy wants a change, why can't he say the real reason? The real issue being confronted is the only thing that is going to potentially bring change.

My ex fiance and I were together for a while and I looked great. He cheated on me with two chubby girls (that I know of) who had definitely let themselves go style, hair, make up, and body. They were married with kids. Then there was me, 125# at 5' 4" having sex three or more times a day with him, (no lie). I was constantly working on the relationship, myself, etc. etc. So I guess i know there's no absolute in the 'she's letting herself go'.

I'm 33, attractive, and I see guys make excuse after excuse all the time. I'm usually more than ready all the time, so if they're cheating and telling the other girl I ain't giving it up, it's a big fat lie lol.

Why not admit that he likes variety? Or even be honest that it's because she's fat and old, not because she doesn't have sex anymore. I'm sure it's out of respect for their wives, not wanting to put her down - but again, I'm going off of what I hear the majority say. She's not giving it up.

Men cheat for more reasons than a woman letting herself go. That or men are lying.

I am very open about the fact that I worship my wife.  I am the guy who tells her everyday several times a day how great she looks, that I love her, etc.   I am so expressive that I think sometimes it is overwhelming her for her, she is more the reserved WASPy type.  

I don't do this because of anything she has done or not done, I like the variety.  I love lasagna but I don't want to eat lasagna every single day of my life for the rest of my life.   It also has to do with the fact that for much of my life, I was surrounded by women friends, I find women way more interesting as human beings although y'all are trickier to deal with.   As a matter of fact, my now wife was one of these friends for one year before we hooked up.  

While many of the things that you and Scarsdale have said are true, I think that many guys use the old  
"we don't have sex as much as we used to" as an excuse.  I am a guy and if there is one thing I know, it is that we all want to fuck multiple women, we are always looking.  Shit, talk to any guy and ask him what he talks about with his buddies and a very large percentage of the time is spent talking about sports and fantasizing about women .  Funny enough, although I do this shit, I loathe when my friends sit around talking for half an hour about the great ass on the new cart girl at the club.

... but I'm a firm believer in monogamy. But I also believe there is no one right or wrong way to go through life; just lbll's way, my way,  Courtney's and on and on.   Relationships are a complicated puzzle. Lots of pieces that need to be put together requiring great patience but usually leading to a pretty beautiful end result - some pieces  look like they should fit but when we try they just don't, some look like a mismatch from the start, and at best a few just click into place like they were waiting for that moment.  That is the art in all of this, I think.

Like you've I've been married and adored my wife.  We're separating now and headed toward a divorce but that has nothing to do with a lack of love or commitment.  We just couldn't go on together for reasons I will spare you.

But I could not have been happier being monogamous.  I would never order anything else off the menu when things were good, because I knew all that rich food was bad for me, and lol I'd really regret it in the morning.  But that was just me.  But I will say that if I was in a relationship with a provider, even if she continued to work, because it is just 'work' and if it's what she needed to do, I'd still be monogamous as I actually like it when the 'looking is over'.    

For me the right lady could feed me lasagna every night; I would be just great with that although changing the ingredients from time to time is always a nice touch.  But like I said, this is not judgmental toward you or the guys you hang out with.   I fully accept that I may be on an island with this mindset, but after a while I kind of get the feeling that our wiring is what it has become over the years, and that accepting how we're wired and learning how to deal with it and not look to the next guy/gal over to compare, is what passes for peace of mind these days.  

 

Posted By: lbll
I am very open about the fact that I worship my wife.  I am the guy who tells her everyday several times a day how great she looks, that I love her, etc.   I am so expressive that I think sometimes it is overwhelming her for her, she is more the reserved WASPy type.    
   
 I don't do this because of anything she has done or not done, I like the variety.  I love lasagna but I don't want to eat lasagna every single day of my life for the rest of my life.   It also has to do with the fact that for much of my life, I was surrounded by women friends, I find women way more interesting as human beings although y'all are trickier to deal with.   As a matter of fact, my now wife was one of these friends for one year before we hooked up.    
   
 While many of the things that you and Scarsdale have said are true, I think that many guys use the old  
 "we don't have sex as much as we used to" as an excuse.  I am a guy and if there is one thing I know, it is that we all want to fuck multiple women, we are always looking.  Shit, talk to any guy and ask him what he talks about with his buddies and a very large percentage of the time is spent talking about sports and fantasizing about women .  Funny enough, although I do this shit, I loathe when my friends sit around talking for half an hour about the great ass on the new cart girl at the club.
-- Modified on 11/9/2014 11:23:08 AM

-- Modified on 11/9/2014 11:36:06 AM

I truly wish that I did not do what I do but I find that when I stop, I get cranky after a few months. lol!   I am also a darned flirt and if I don't hobby, my subconscious turns the flirting up a notch and I know that down that path truly lies disaster.

BTW, my buddies just fantasize and talk, if they knew about my shenanigans, they would probably take me out back and kick my ass, they and their wives love my wife.   I have common sense and something that resembles a brain, and yet,  it amazes me that I continue to do something I know I should not do.  I am sorry about you and your wife.

Posted By: Scarsdale
... but I'm a firm believer in monogamy. But I also believe there is no one right or wrong way to go through life; just lbll's way, my way,  Courtney's and on and on.   Relationships are a complicated puzzle. Lots of pieces that need to be put together requiring great patience but usually leading to a pretty beautiful end result - some pieces  look like they should fit but when we try they just don't, some look like a mismatch from the start, and at best a few just click into place like they were waiting for that moment.  That is the art in all of this, I think.  
   
 Like you've I've been married and adored my wife.  We're separated now and headed toward a divorce but that has nothing to do with a lack of love or commitment.  We just couldn't go on together for reasons I will spare you.  
   
 But I could not have been happier being monogamous.  I would never order anything else off the menu when things were good, because I knew all that rich food was bad for me, and lol I'd really regret it in the morning.  But that was just me.  But I will say that if I was in a relationship with a provider, even if she continued to work, because it is just 'work' and if it's what she needed to do, I'd still be monogamous as I actually like it when the 'looking is over'.    
   
 For me the right lady could feed me lasagna every night; I would be just great with that although changing the ingredients from time to time is always a nice touch.  But like I said, this is not judgmental toward you or the guys you hang out with.   I fully accept that I may be on an island with this mindset, but after a while I kind of get the feeling that our wiring is what it has become over the years, and that accepting how we're wired and learning how to deal with it and not look to the next guy/gal over to compare, is what passes for peace of mind these days.  
   
   
   
Posted By: lbll
I am very open about the fact that I worship my wife.  I am the guy who tells her everyday several times a day how great she looks, that I love her, etc.   I am so expressive that I think sometimes it is overwhelming her for her, she is more the reserved WASPy type.    
     
  I don't do this because of anything she has done or not done, I like the variety.  I love lasagna but I don't want to eat lasagna every single day of my life for the rest of my life.   It also has to do with the fact that for much of my life, I was surrounded by women friends, I find women way more interesting as human beings although y'all are trickier to deal with.   As a matter of fact, my now wife was one of these friends for one year before we hooked up.    
     
  While many of the things that you and Scarsdale have said are true, I think that many guys use the old    
  "we don't have sex as much as we used to" as an excuse.  I am a guy and if there is one thing I know, it is that we all want to fuck multiple women, we are always looking.  Shit, talk to any guy and ask him what he talks about with his buddies and a very large percentage of the time is spent talking about sports and fantasizing about women .  Funny enough, although I do this shit, I loathe when my friends sit around talking for half an hour about the great ass on the new cart girl at the club.
-- Modified on 11/9/2014 11:23:08 AM

I think there's an old song that goes something like 'try to explain the moth and the flame'   Everyone here probably has a little bit of moth in us.   I think we're the ones who were meant to fly close to the fire every now and then.  And thank you; it's all about one day at a time for me these days.

I taste like chocolate, so maybe that's why I'm just the dessert. lol.

Yah, interesting you say that. My old guy buddy says he and his co workers don't talk about sex at all - that's for perverted low end guys.

Sorry, but I've worked with people from lawyers, to managers, to IT, to executive level management, to physicians of all levels and types, to lawyers, to risk management, marketing, outside sales, blah blah blah. (My job for years consisted of dealing with many departments in one industry) Some are grosser than others, but y'all talk about that stuff. Unless you have some secret job where you get zapped in your pencil protector for saying dirty words, or laughing at a dirty joke, but I've seen even a CEO laugh at a very inappropriate joke at work. (It was pretty funny though.) He was more appropriate about it of course lol. And I doubt in his position he was a huge pervert about the women because everyone reported to him lol.

Anyway, off on a tangeon, but I was the sweet, pure Christian girl then and the guys STILL talked that shit around me, knowing full well I was totally prude.

Anyway, quite honestly, a lot of the women were even worse than the guys.

In all seriousness, any guy who tells anybody that he and his buddies don't spend a substantial amount of time talking about women, or drooling over women, is full of it.  The topics in order are: women, sports, portfolio/the economy, work, politics and a disproportionate amount is spent on the first two topics.
 
Relationships with women, and I am not talking about anything dealing with the physical, are so much better, there is more depth.  I think guys have a tough time being real with each other - I try and guess what I get called for it?  A pussy!   The closest I have ever gotten with my male friends to being real with each other is when a couple of them had health issues that scared the beejeezus out of us.

Posted By: Courtney.Ova
I taste like chocolate, so maybe that's why I'm just the dessert. lol.  
 
 Yah, interesting you say that. My old guy buddy says he and his co workers don't talk about sex at all - that's for perverted low end guys.  
   
 Sorry, but I've worked with people from lawyers, to managers, to IT, to executive level management, to physicians of all levels and types, to lawyers, to risk management, marketing, outside sales, blah blah blah. (My job for years consisted of dealing with many departments in one industry) Some are grosser than others, but y'all talk about that stuff. Unless you have some secret job where you get zapped in your pencil protector for saying dirty words, or laughing at a dirty joke, but I've seen even a CEO laugh at a very inappropriate joke at work. (It was pretty funny though.) He was more appropriate about it of course lol. And I doubt in his position he was a huge pervert about the women because everyone reported to him lol.  
   
 Anyway, off on a tangeon, but I was the sweet, pure Christian girl then and the guys STILL talked that shit around me, knowing full well I was totally prude.  
   
 Anyway, quite honestly, a lot of the women were even worse than the guys.

Hmmm...

But I know a lot of guys who aren't into the emo talk, or the deep stuff. So I use it to my advantage and tell them how I feel when I get mad at them lol! It's utter torture for a guy to have to deal with that lol

handle the emo talk, what I can't handle is a woman crying.  Shit, that sends me running for the hills. lol!

Posted By: Courtney.Ova
Hmmm...  
   
 But I know a lot of guys who aren't into the emo talk, or the deep stuff. So I use it to my advantage and tell them how I feel when I get mad at them lol! It's utter torture for a guy to have to deal with that lol

it appears as if some people should not be married. it seems as if expectations are not being met for many.

the divorce rate is higher than it used to be 50 yrs ago. Maybe, in the future, marriages that last 7- 10 yrs will be considered long and lifetime partnership a thing of the past.

 
and yes, of course, it's not all about how your spouse looks.
 

Posted By: Courtney.Ova
1st of all, that's selfish, because a lot of men give up on their physical appearance, which the way they carry themselves has something to do with it.  
   
 2nd, if that's the real reason, why is the first thing I hear out of a man's mouth when they want to talk about why they're seeing escorts, or cheating with the lady next door?  
   
 "She doesn't have sex anymore. If she did, I would stop."  
   
 I rarely hear a man say, "It's because she let herself go physically. She's not as pretty as she used to be."  
   
 If a guy wants a change, why can't he say the real reason? The real issue being confronted is the only thing that is going to potentially bring change.  
   
 My ex fiance and I were together for a while and I looked great. He cheated on me with two chubby girls (that I know of) who had definitely let themselves go style, hair, make up, and body. They were married with kids. Then there was me, 125# at 5' 4" having sex three or more times a day with him, (no lie). I was constantly working on the relationship, myself, etc. etc. So I guess i know there's no absolute in the 'she's letting herself go'.  
   
 I'm 33, attractive, and I see guys make excuse after excuse all the time. I'm usually more than ready all the time, so if they're cheating and telling the other girl I ain't giving it up, it's a big fat lie lol.  
   
 Why not admit that he likes variety? Or even be honest that it's because she's fat and old, not because she doesn't have sex anymore. I'm sure it's out of respect for their wives, not wanting to put her down - but again, I'm going off of what I hear the majority say. She's not giving it up.  
   
 Men cheat for more reasons than a woman letting herself go. That or men are lying.

"it appears as if some people should not be married. it seems as if expectations are not being met for many."
   
This is an excellent point, I think.  Two points really.  Yes, there are people who should not be married - that seems irrefutable.  As to expectations not being met, I think that is at the core of a lot, but I think a lot of it has to do with unrealistic expectations.  A television generation grew up watching perfect families, love stories with happy endings, etc.    In many ways life may have gotten easier than in generations past, but I don't think that is true of relationships.   As someone said, they have been hard and they always will be hard.   But making a good living is hard too - does that mean we should stop trying?

that  some of my friends and co-workers endure. Almost as if they are TRYING to make the other miserable.

Seriously, I'd probably have my own little spot on a bridge somwhere if I had to live that way.

Now you can be stuck for 80 years if you're lucky, now that life expectancy has quadrupled.

But I do have to say, I say 'men' but I really don't think men are the only ones who cheat. I don't think it's only their fault. Women cheat too, and quite honestly, I have some work to do in myself, because of what I've seen in my RL relationships, I may not pick a guy who will be attentive to me sexually and emotionally for more than a couple years. Which in turn, very well may lead me to first try to work on it, and 2nd either divorce or cheat. Hopefully they have some hottie males wherever I live then, or I'll just go for a hot chick with a strap on lol!
 

Posted By: earthshined
it appears as if some people should not be married. it seems as if expectations are not being met for many.  
   
 the divorce rate is higher than it used to be 50 yrs ago. Maybe, in the future, marriages that last 7- 10 yrs will be considered long and lifetime partnership a thing of the past.  
   
   
 and yes, of course, it's not all about how your spouse looks.  
   
   
Posted By: Courtney.Ova
1st of all, that's selfish, because a lot of men give up on their physical appearance, which the way they carry themselves has something to do with it.  
     
  2nd, if that's the real reason, why is the first thing I hear out of a man's mouth when they want to talk about why they're seeing escorts, or cheating with the lady next door?  
     
  "She doesn't have sex anymore. If she did, I would stop."  
     
  I rarely hear a man say, "It's because she let herself go physically. She's not as pretty as she used to be."  
     
  If a guy wants a change, why can't he say the real reason? The real issue being confronted is the only thing that is going to potentially bring change.  
     
  My ex fiance and I were together for a while and I looked great. He cheated on me with two chubby girls (that I know of) who had definitely let themselves go style, hair, make up, and body. They were married with kids. Then there was me, 125# at 5' 4" having sex three or more times a day with him, (no lie). I was constantly working on the relationship, myself, etc. etc. So I guess i know there's no absolute in the 'she's letting herself go'.  
     
  I'm 33, attractive, and I see guys make excuse after excuse all the time. I'm usually more than ready all the time, so if they're cheating and telling the other girl I ain't giving it up, it's a big fat lie lol.  
     
  Why not admit that he likes variety? Or even be honest that it's because she's fat and old, not because she doesn't have sex anymore. I'm sure it's out of respect for their wives, not wanting to put her down - but again, I'm going off of what I hear the majority say. She's not giving it up.  
     
  Men cheat for more reasons than a woman letting herself go. That or men are lying.

Then why do hookers see the fat and the old and the unattractive then? Because those guys have wives who are not into them BECAUSE they let themselves go too.  

We all get old but there is getting old and fighting the shit we can control. BOTH sides slip., I see it weekly in the tricks that book. Flabby, dough boy bodies that could be fixed if they would get to the gym and quit eating shit.  

No, it is not always the women that get fat and let themselves go, but I guess the guys have to blame someone.

but women dont care about looks right? they just want a man with a sense of humor right? at least that's what they all say in magazine articles..

To protect the very fragile male ego. How do you think a trick would feel if he were reviewed and talked about like the hookers are? I care about looks, always have. I am not laying down for free with some fat slob. So keep blaming women and we will keep feeding you a crock.

Oh no, so does this mean the sense of humor thing is a lie too? ;)  

Posted By: hbyist+truth=;(
To protect the very fragile male ego. How do you think a trick would feel if he were reviewed and talked about like the hookers are? I care about looks, always have. I am not laying down for free with some fat slob. So keep blaming women and we will keep feeding you a crock.  

because they are being manipulative not because they are being forced.

reviewed for performance or looks?

 " I care about looks, always have. I am not laying down for free with some fat slob. So keep blaming women and we will keep feeding you a crock. "  ok sounds fair to me. when I get tired of it. I'll move on to another. works for me.

Posted By: hbyist+truth=;(
To protect the very fragile male ego. How do you think a trick would feel if he were reviewed and talked about like the hookers are? I care about looks, always have. I am not laying down for free with some fat slob. So keep blaming women and we will keep feeding you a crock.  

What about two people who have mind blowing good oral sex and pretty damned good regular sex who are both admittedly a little pudgy but also still quite good when they get together.  The guy, wants it several times a week or more and has NEVER said no to her.  He brings her flowers weekly, he massages her aches and pains, he listens to her talk about her job, her friends, the kids, the eternal "lists" she makes for "things to do", he cooks for her, he helps with the kids, is drug and alcohol (except for maybe 2-3 beers a week) free.
The woman wants sex only on her terms when she is, "in the mood", no matter how much she is wooed or massaged or complimented or "dated" or made to feel special.  His needs are unimportant to her except during their few times of intimacy.  Then she's gung ho and great.  A few times a minth at most and BJ's more infrequent than that.
How much does a guy have to take of frustration and masturbation before he strays to either a provider or cheats with another woman?  Also, while a bit pudgy, the guy has kept pretty much the same body type from day 1 while the woman gave up on day 2 and has gained 100 lbs and refuses to shave anywhere but her upper lip of her face? Despite the weight and hair, the guy would STILL fuck her rather than stray if only she WOULD!!!

Ok, the guy is me and the gal is my SO.  I can't help that I still love her and don't want a divorce because outside of bed she's still my best friend in the world.  Inside of bed she's awesome, especially at oral.  Its the fucking FREQUENCY that has me pissed off.  As a monger from before marriage I went back to it out of desperation for MORE.  Masturbation every damn day is the only sex I have on a regular basis.  So is the guy, me, at fault here too?

HandleWithCare900 reads

that if you're lucky you'll never have a chance to see up close. But if you read enough "how I came into the hobby" stories, you'll get some examples of this other side. And if you stay in the hobby long enough, you might get some clients who are living this other side.

It's the side where the woman really doesn't want any more sex, or kissing, or touching, or romance. Doesn't matter if the guy does everything he can to make her feel sexy. Doesn't matter that he works out every day to keep himself in shape, while she never exercises and is 40 pounds overweight. Doesn't matter if he desperately wants to touch her, just hold her close and cuddle with her... she doesn't like that. He'd love it if she'd enjoy kissing. She only tolerates his kisses, but never returns them. He does his best to please her, make her feel good--massage (when she'll accept it), light caresses all over (when she feels like it), DATY (when she'll let him, a few times a year maybe), etc. But massage him? Caress him? Give him a BJ, or even a HJ? Nope. Not interested.  

I could go on but I think you get the idea. It's not always, "Ok you ready? Let's fuck."

Epsilon_Eridani1042 reads

your post makes no damn sense.

but then... most of your posts don't make sense. so what else is new?
 

Posted By: Ridgetucky
Don't know if you saw it but if you have not there is not a wasted minute in the movie.  
   
 But I could not help but think that's probably what it would be like if you married a Provider.    
   
 Hot woman, great sex, then married life kicks in.  Most people would just get a divorce.  
   
 But I posit a Provider would have to make you suffer.  Then when it didn't work out that way.  She would really make your ass suffer.  (you have to see the movie to understand that part).  
   
 Damn, I love crazy chicks.  They are a wild FUCK in bed.  
   
 RT  
   
   
   
 

a loser that posts under an alias.  

Because you are too fucking scared to be a real man and attached your name to your posts.

Or maybe it's because you are a psycho that stalks Providers (just what a little bird told me).

OTOH I would just rather pay them and fuck them and go on about my business.  Of which I have plenty I can assure you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

The post from RT may be stupid (but I can assure you I am not).  

But either way you know they are from RT, take it or leave it

considering everyone here knows who he is and he always gives himself up with every new alias and handle.

And NO many ladies in this biz are not crazy! You are a dip shit and you suffer from the Madonna/Whore complex!

I'm a provider who married a client. We were so hot for each other. We had eight phenomenal years and two not-so-good ones. Our split up was amicable and best of all, we already knew each other's dirty little secret.
   
   
   
 

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