As I've said on here in various threads/forums my wife gives the best head I have ever gotten. Never had a bj so good from anyone. She knows how to take me to heaven and edge me for hours till I'm begging to finally cum. Its like what I imagine multiple o's feel like to a gal. The sex isn't half bad either though she's a little too hefty for a good cg or rcg. The sex is great. She is a nice person in general and I have to say that she is my best friend in the world. BUT
If she allowed us to have sex more than once or twice a month I probably wouldn't stray to the hobby. I was good for 5 years. Dating, engaged and newlywed. We never had a lot of sex even at the beginning but I was under the impression that it was due to different work shifts and lack of opportunity rather than a lack of want (or need) on her part. We only have sex when she consents or initiates. The choice is never mine in the end. I need more. Hell, I had more when I saw providers regularly before I met her. I had sex more often with my ex gf's. I married for love, not sex. Now I'm screwed (not literally!). Love her and the kids. Don't want to leave. Just want to have sex on a more frequent basis. Variety and trading up on looks and body type don't hurt either but thats not my main motivation.I do. We are very attracted to one another and a great match sexually (well, she doesn't give a very good or deep blow job and that is pretty hard to tell a woman even though I've tried).
Really, truly, we both satisfy eachother completely.
For me the problem is frequency; no matter what is going on - good or bad - we just can't get our life in a situation where we can have sex more than about once a week or even 10 days, because she just isn't completely up for it. And my wife is not one to try very long to be up for it; kind of a make-up-your-mind thing.
Once a week is just not enough for me.
I hope this isn't a bad topic - after all we have a poll on the main page about sexual frequency.
I was stupid and also meant people in LT relationships that might not be married ones.
Here's the universal fact-of-life truth: for 95% of the women in the world she can be either a great wife and mother OR she can be a great lover. But not both.
Since I'm a hobbyist you all can guess which choice I made! LOL..
reason why we exist, for uncomplicated, NSA attached fun where you can have the best of both worlds without the emotional attachments..
If you said "many men" or even "most men" you would probably be correct. When you say "every man" that makes your statement false.
Not. "every" man wants or needs variety.
I need to cancel our date Saturday night! 
She can be one stubborn hooker!
If my wife were a great match sexually for me and we really, truly satisfied each other completely, every 7-10 days or so, I'd think I'd died and gone to heaven. I sure wouldn't be hobbying.
If I were in your shoes with such a woman as a partner, the days between "dates" would help add fuel to the fire... lots of time to flirt and leave hints and notes and texts etc. about what we're going to do to/with each other in the near future. Because we'd know that after that 7-10 days we're gonna have a real good time together.
I'm not trying to dismiss your problem. I know it's real for you. But I can tell you you are in a much better place than lots of married guys who hobby.
One thing you might try (I've tried this, but it takes a receptive partner) is ask the providers you see for tips on how to spice up your love life with your wife. I know that may seem odd, but I've received some great tips - with demos & practice 
- from providers over the years.
Example... some night if your wife isn't "up" for it, too tired or whatever, ask her if you can give her a massage (no strings attached), or just cuddle together in bed with no expectations for anything else. And see what happens. Or see if she'd be interested in a "DIY" session where she encourages you with words and maybe actions. That can be pretty hot--a lot of guys pay good money for a DIY provider to do that with them. How much better with your wife! 
Wife once said she could take it or leave it (sex). What she didn't say was she really didn't want to. It was second marriage for both of us & her kids were the excuse to avoid sex. It was once a year when we went away to a dinner / dance / annual meeting for a group we belonged to. Sex, when it was allowed was by appointment only (except I didn't need to leave an envolupe)... never spontanious sex. When she gave in to it she seemed to have a good time & ussually had a big final O.
Oh, yes, she doesn't like touching or being touched, kissing, cuddling either. If I had known, I'd have passed on her entirely as all these things are important to me. When I tried to get her to participate more often, she said (when the children were younger) "It wouldn't always be like this". Nope. Now it's stopped totally.
I came to realize there were experiences I'd never had & never would unless I went outside. I'm not ready to be abstinant... so I hobby when I can.
IF I had a partner who would willingly particpate on any sort of a regular schedule... I'd be sure to not let up. Keep the frequency as high as possible. Even if "sex" isn't in the cards on a given night... all the other forms of intimacy are vitally important
Sex only once a year during your annual dinner/dance meeting with your community group?
I don't know whether to laugh or cry!
..based on your scores even your daliance with escorts hasnt been very succesful. That can be fixed though.
Wow. Your post sounds like my life. My wife can also take it or leave it. Usually she leaves it. She doesn't like to make out, she doesn't really like to be touched and she certainly doesn't like to do oral (the last time she did oral was probably 13 years ago). She also used the kids as a shield to avoid sex. She told me for years "Don't touch me, I've been pawed at all day long". Since our last child was conceived, 10 years ago, we've had sex 6 times. Our intimacy shriveled up to a pathetic dessicated thing. I tried for years to get things going again - maybe she's upset that I don't help enough around the house so I did the laundry every week and made sure I picked up around the house (She's a stay at home mom), maybe she just wants non-sexual physical intimacy to get going, and so on. Basically I've realized that sex is just simply not a priority for her, and she for some reason thinks that she's compromising herself if she "gives into" my sexual needs. I suffered for years, just taking care of my own business, and then finally threw in the towel a year ago and joined the hobby. I still love her but now she's more like a best friend and a roommate.
I'm a hell of a lot happier now that I've been having intimacy in my life again. I've met some wonderful ladies in the hobby; three of them are more like lovers and friends than mere providers (they will stay hours beyond the time agreed upon). It's been great.
If there is one thing I will stress to my sons once they are in their 20s, is that they need to find a woman who clearly has the same level of sexual interest and need, and that they will need to work out a mature and reasonable approach together about the appropriate level of sex in their lives and how to handle when one wants it and the other doesn't.
But to answer the original question in this thread, if my wife had been interested in having sex at least monthly, I would never have joined the hobby
I read this post and felt so bad. I'm scared to death to get married for this reason. I know people change and hormones change and that impacts a females sexual desires. However, it this happened to me I would still want to please my partner and act like sex was amazing and interested. Does that make sense? Where do women go wrong with this? is it age?
There's a natural ebbing of libido as people age. That happens at different rates. For my wife, it's like it dropped off a cliff about 25 years ago, although was never that strong. For me, I feel friskier now than I did 35 years ago. Not a great combination. 
Another factor is physical health. There was a study that showed that pain has a direct and significant negative impact on female libido--but not male libido. My wife has a number of physical issues (many self-caused) that leave her in almost constant pain of some sort--headaches, backaches, knee pain, gut problems etc. So even if she might be open to having sex, which happens once every few months, she might be in too much pain to act on it.
And another factor, not to be overlooked because of how common it is, is the long-term affect of abuse. This is a tough one because the effects can lie dormant for years, then suddenly manifest themselves. So if your SO starts acting differently towards intimacy and sex, e.g. doesn't even want to kiss you or cuddle with you let alone have sex, or seems detached or out of sorts when you do have sex, and there's no other explanation, it could be from abuse sometime in the past. Often the survivor doesn't even remember the abuse. Therapy and a patient and understanding partner can help, but it can take a long time and some people are never able to overcome the abuse. What a tragedy that is, for both partners.
Knowing what I know now, I highly recommend to any man & woman looking to get married to have a frank discussion before marriage about what they would do if one of them is unable to satisfy the other's needs for intimacy long-term, for any reason--serious illness, injury, total loss of interest etc. If that ever happened to me, I'd want my wife to be happy and seek solace elsewhere if she has to--just be discreet and safe about it. (Except I'm pretty sure she'd be just fine with never having sex again.) This isn't a discussion I can have now with my wife, as she'd think I'm crazy for even bringing it up.
"And another factor, not to be overlooked because of how common it is, is the long-term affect of abuse. This is a tough one because the effects can lie dormant for years, then suddenly manifest themselves. So if your SO starts acting differently towards intimacy and sex, e.g. doesn't even want to kiss you or cuddle with you let alone have sex, or seems detached or out of sorts when you do have sex, and there's no other explanation, it could be from abuse sometime in the past. Often the survivor doesn't even remember the abuse."
Abuse can haunt people for sure and it is an important factor. But generally abuse is remembered all too well. There is NO psychological evidence for repression of abuse. People (women) may not want to talk about it but that doesn't mean it is forgotten.
This is a professional opinion. Not to be a dick, but a lot of people have gotten hurt by the belief (by therapists!!) that memories can be repressed, totally forgotten, and recovered.
you know that there is considerable debate on the subject of repressed memories, and there is scientific evidence of the brain's ability to suppress memories.
Unfortunately, I have experience in this area. I have seen memories of abuse surface only under therapy. And I've felt the effects of abuse on loved ones. Do I care whether the memories were totally forgotten and then recovered? No. All I know is, the survivor had no conscious access to some memories until they surfaced during therapy.
More focus on the effects of abuse and less on pedantics would be welcome.
I do care about the effects of abuse. I do have a loved one affected by sexual abuse.
Improper thinking about the way memory works (that it is veridical - truthful - like a camera, that is can be repressed by some mechanism, that children are good witnesses) is widespread, dangerous and hurts a lot of people. As a related example http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fells_Acres_Day_Care_Center_preschool_trial
and tons and tons of others with adults. I resent you saying this is semantics. But I'll agree to disagree.
Not all marriages end up like mine. I have plenty of friends who have sex monthly or even weekly in their 40s with 2+ kids in the house. I always was the initiator of sex and intimacy in general. She tolerated it before kids but then shut down after the kids showed up. In one conversation a couple years ago, I told her that "I signed up for monogamy not celibacy!" But I met her when I was in my early 20s and she was in her late 20s, she was utterly gorgeous (but totally unaware of how gorgeous) and we were compatible in so many other ways.
But from what I can tell, in the cases where the woman routinely showed interest in and initiates sex on her own throughout the relationship, those couples have healthier sex lives after the arrival of kids. Where the man had to initiate and the woman was relatively passive about sex, those couples like myself and my wife, have had their sex lives deteriorate.
But it is natural that once married with kids that sex is a lower priority for everyone; between careers, multiple kids, homework, kids sports, there just isn't much time left.
Lastly, what I think most women fail to understand is that sex is a key part of intimacy for men. It is very difficult to feel close and intimate with one's partner if there is no sex in a relationship. Sex is about closeness and intimacy; they cannot be permanently separated.
If you make those things clear well before you get married, and work out an approach to handling any mismatches in desire, then you will be fine. If your partner is unable to have a reasonable and rational conversation about this, then he/she is the wrong person for you.
Good luc
If there is one thing I will stress to my sons once they are in their 20s, is that they need to find a woman who clearly has the same level of sexual interest and need, and that they will need to work out a mature and reasonable approach together about the appropriate level of sex in their lives and how to handle when one wants it and the other doesn't.
It seems that marriage is a mistake.
I imagine that many on this board, considering all have played around in the past and still are, will laugh, snicker and think I am full of shit, when I say that I was married for 52 years w/o straying. I'm not religious nor a goody2 shoes. I was married to a great woman who loved me and we had great sex throughout our life until she became ill and died. I would say throughout most of our life we averaged at least 1/week. She gave great BJ's. I had ample chances to stray but I didn't.
I think that it was more common in my circle of college couples to remain married. The 4 groups we knew stayed together all their lives. I don't know if any strayed but they did stay together.
So there have been faithfull couples and maybe there still are. The sample of this group probably won't find many who are completely satisfied with i woman. Times have changed and now that I am a widower, I'm glad they Have!!!!
God YES!!!! 3 to 5 times a week, might not always be full sex, sometimes one of us just takes care of the other,sometimes its eveything, just depends on ho we both feel, cant wait to include another lovely lady into our play time!!!!
Really, truly, we both satisfy eachother completely.
For me the problem is frequency; no matter what is going on - good or bad - we just can't get our life in a situation where we can have sex more than about once a week or even 10 days, because she just isn't completely up for it. And my wife is not one to try very long to be up for it; kind of a make-up-your-mind thing.
Once a week is just not enough for me.
I hope this isn't a bad topic - after all we have a poll on the main page about sexual frequency.
As I've said on here in various threads/forums my wife gives the best head I have ever gotten. Never had a bj so good from anyone. She knows how to take me to heaven and edge me for hours till I'm begging to finally cum. Its like what I imagine multiple o's feel like to a gal. The sex isn't half bad either though she's a little too hefty for a good cg or rcg. The sex is great. She is a nice person in general and I have to say that she is my best friend in the world. BUT
If she allowed us to have sex more than once or twice a month I probably wouldn't stray to the hobby. I was good for 5 years. Dating, engaged and newlywed. We never had a lot of sex even at the beginning but I was under the impression that it was due to different work shifts and lack of opportunity rather than a lack of want (or need) on her part. We only have sex when she consents or initiates. The choice is never mine in the end. I need more. Hell, I had more when I saw providers regularly before I met her. I had sex more often with my ex gf's. I married for love, not sex. Now I'm screwed (not literally!). Love her and the kids. Don't want to leave. Just want to have sex on a more frequent basis. Variety and trading up on looks and body type don't hurt either but thats not my main motivation.
my wife is a plus size girl and has NO problem with CG or RCG, we have been together over 23 yrs and i will say the sex has been good and bad ,off and on, but for the last year it has been ON ON ON, MY mistake entering this hobby was what changed things, that and she was holding onto a LOT of dammage from her ex husband, and honestly, i feel i traded DOWN when i cheated, and even though i caused a lot of damage and pain to the person i love most in this world, it was also one of the best things to happen to us. i wish you luck that things can change for you....( maybe see oif she wants to have a threesome, that was the BEST thing we ever did).
We've been with each other over 15 years. Plus engagement and dating. So closer to 17 or 18. My (second life) here in the hobby has been sporadic at first but now a regular basis for almost 3/4 of that. She does do cg and rcg but she's awful at it due to bad knees. We do have great sex but not often, and definitely not often enough. I tried and tried over the years (nicely at first but escalating to the point of verbal fighting with her about it) but she explained to me that she just does not want it as much as I do and feels that to submit to doing it when not in the mood is (her words) not "honest lovemaking". I told her "screw honesty I want to get laid!" And she told me to go masturbate if I had to. Would she help? Nope, not in the mood, go have fun. So I did. I jerked off till it lost its appeal then went back to my old premarriage ways and started finding providers.
As Far as a 3 way, it will never happen. She is fiercely hetero (even to the point of being homophobic) so would not entertain another lady in our bed. She is also a gal who is very insecure and jealous. If she even sees me talking to another woman she argues with me about it for hours afterwards. While I am not opposed to a MFM, again, she feels that lovemaking is between 2 people and only when the mood strikes her. I don't get enough myself and I'm gonna bring another guy in? Scheduling nightmare, even if she'd go for it, which she wouldn't.
When she is ON, she is awesome. Especially the BJ's as I've mentioned. It's just not enough. The rest of our life together is fairly good. We both work, have two kids a house and friends and family. One of our kids is a special needs child which puts strain as well.
You have to be emotionally stable to separate love and sex. Then you have to be even more emotionally stable to separate sex and P4P.
For me the Hobby is like golf or poker for other guys. When you engage in those 2 activities you are simply enjoying yourself while being engaged in an activity that you like.
I equate hobbying the same way. I make no bones to the Providers that I am married. IMO some seem to prefer that married status!!!!! (don't know why)
The sex that my wife and I have is great. But due to being a married professional couple with kids and all the activity that goes with that status we simply don't have the time to do it more. But when we do it's like an explosion
And furthermore I like some of the unconventional "stuff". My wife is just not into that. Not that she is a prude or reserved - it's just not her thing.
Likewise, the Providers that do go for it - it's simply their thing (I am sure paying helps). I don't look up or down on the women who have their own sexual likes/dislikes.
RT
RT just claimed to be "emotionally stable" I can't be the only one in stitches over that one.
RT, that has got to be the funniest thing you have said all year. lmao
with someone else since she's probably more emotionally stable than he'd ever could be. That means according to his twisted logic she could separate sex from love just fine.
Remember she was there for him during his darkest days.
The fact that he wants to fuck someone wearing her wedding dress speaks volumes about him IMO.
And by his posts here he DOES NOT think of ladies in the Biz with respect.
Steph out on this one...
-- Modified on 10/27/2014 7:55:20 PM
With that said and looking at it from that angle.....I had some questions for him.
1. Are you overweight?
2. Are you good in bed?
3. Do you know how to please your wife?
4. Are you a good listener?
5. Do you use foreplay or just get to sex?
Lots of questions here..
Like they say curiosity killed the cat. I was on vacation with the wife for a week (recently). While on vacation I sneaked out and saw a provider lol. Then came back and had the wife.
At least I am not as bad as my other hobby buddies. One hobbied on his honeymoon while his wife was getting her nails done. Another did hobby activity 2 days after he was married (get this he is one of those holy roller preachers lol).
Sometimes I will have sex with the wife in the morning then a few hours later see a provider around noon or in the evening time. If my wife gives me 2 rounds in the morning I don't need any extra. She is noticing that I have a hard on all the time when she touches me. She is starting the realize my sex drive and stamina is higher than normal. She has told me a few times you guys who are in shape can handle multiple women and still take care of business at home. I think she is on to me. But of course I have access to a 24 hour GYM to clean up after the fun...
And all my ex's live in Texas.
-- Modified on 10/27/2014 8:58:26 PM
If all your exes live in Texas, do you reside in Tennessee?
Sorry couldn't resist finishing the lyric...
I love my wife and enjoy our intimate time. The problem is we just can't get on the same page frequency wise. I don't need it three times a day or anything but more than once every couple weeks would be nice.