TER General Board

Why were you offended?
Sooo...YouWanna 956 reads
posted

Is it because you'd rather pay to keep your cheating to yourself than spice up your own relationship in an open and honest way? Does it offend you that other people can have fun together and you and the gf can't/won't be open about your desires with each other? Is it because your female friend never had any interest in you until her bf had an interest in your girl, leaving you in the fallback zone once again? Does it offend you that your girl is hot enough to draw the attention of another guy? Or is it that you're the only one allowed to be "shared"? What's the deal with being offended by an honest version of yourself? These aren't meant to be pointed questions that you need to answer here, just a reminder that many of the times something offends you, it's because it points out something that you don't like within yourself, and this seems like a very good possibility in cases like this.  

As a swinger/polyamorist, I think it's important to ask yourself what exactly such an innocuous suggestion drove you to post on here (amongst people who have likely never been offered something like this), and why you were so offended by their honesty vs your current level of deception. I think it's also important to answer (to yourself) why you would rather discuss this with these guys (I mean, come on. Did you expect a different response, no.) than your real life friends who more than likely know the situation you're all in. Honesty is important to us, and it starts with yourself, ya know?

I don't think the friend is already fucking your girl. The lead up was probably as uneventful as "hey, we haven't fooled around with anyone in a while. Do we know anybody?" "Idk, Dave's been my buddy since college, and Diane is kinda hot?". You're all supposed to be close, so they probably figured you would at least not judge them for it, and if nothing else take it as a compliment to be laughed off and forgotten along with other mildly awkward parts of your friendship. Until of course it'll make for a good joke ;-)

I personally don't think this is a "real time" post either, but it's rare that the opportunity to encourage people to be in REAL relationships with each other comes up on here, so take it for what it's worth. A lot of relationships don't have to be as dull as they seem to be!

!_!3154 reads

My best friend made me an indecent proposal recently. I was over at my friend's place drinking together. Both our girls were out somewhere at the time. He complimented that he thinks my new girl is attractive. I said the same about his girl even tho she's been my friend forever. He then said something I never expected him to say: He'd be ok if his girl and I got involved physically and fooled around. He said she's cool with me for that too. Fucken really? I thought he was joking so I verified twice if he's serious. She's my friend whom I went to gradschool with and also the girlfriend of my best friend so automatically she was placed in my "No Go Zone" despite being attractive.

It turns out, he wants to fool around with my girl in exchange. I was thinking "What kind of a fucked up proposition is this?!?". I admittedly resisted an initial urge of swinging a fist or slapping the shit out of him. I heard that good anger management is an essential part of keeping friends around and making new friends. I just stared at this dude with a confused look of either 1) he must really find my girl attractive if he's going to this extent or 2) him and his girl have become swingers and wants me to party as well. My friend and his girl have been in a healthy relationship for several years. It was only recently they decided to turned "poly".  

My woman isn't into it and neither am I so there's little shot in hell it is really gonna happen but it did get me thinking about his girl more. Initially, I felt like proposing something like this seemed very out of line. I was offended. I have to admit though I had mixed feelings of being both very offended that he'd even have to galls to ask about fucking my girl in exchange of him offering his girl, but at the same time I did get this temptation to mess around with his girlfriend too. Especially now that I know she's "ok" with me and willing to party. However, that temptation does not surpass my desire to keep my woman to myself. Just seemed a bit messed up in my view.

Have you ever had a friend make this type of indecent proposition especially when they are aware you're not into swinging/poly relationships? Did it tempt you to partake in that offer for the first time and got more involved in that different lifestyle? Did her level of attractiveness have anything to do with it or did it just simply have the effect of offending you regardless of your friend's girl's attractiveness

Zangari1071 reads

You describe this guy as your best friend.  If he was into "swinging", wouldn't you have known about that before now? I'm always amazed that people cannot see what's right in front of them.  They cannot see-the-play.
 
 Your best friend is already fucking your girlfriend.  He's also a little tired of your 'grad school friend', so he's throwing her over to you.  Your ego is preventing you from seeing this situation clearly.   In order for your best bud to make this type of offer "out-of-the-blue", he knows something that you don't.  Before he steals your girl permanently, he's throwing Miss Grad-School-Friend over to you as a peace offering.  Three of the four people in your little group already know what's going on.  Sorry that I'm the one who had to tell you.  --

bonordonor942 reads

-- Modified on 10/19/2014 7:16:59 AM

-- Modified on 10/19/2014 7:53:57 AM

!_!878 reads

Considering she had only met them a few weeks ago for the first time and had to take care of her kid the whole time, your assumptions are extremely unlikely.

Keep telling yourself that she never fucked him.

I love how people magically know the situation.  You have NO clue whats going on here.  NONE.  Yet you egg on the situation as if you know some secret.  Totally stupid and baseless accusations.  Grow up folks.

its not surprising that such offers are made. Nothing that causes me to fall off the chair. Someone has to come out and make an offer... right? - unless of course you are in the swingers club.  

I actually had a friend who went through same thing may years ago, but the difference is that he was believable, and you are not after all the drivel that you have posted in recent days.  Who is really believing your story.

Cute story though.. Is this your new MO?

-- Modified on 10/19/2014 8:50:38 AM

!_!873 reads

All my "drivel" are truthful or based on the truth. I admit I like to joke around but a liar who makes up stories like this, I am not

After flooding the board with nonsense for months under various aliases, anything coming out of your mouth will be discounted.  

Just go back to your shtick, for that was at least entertaining. Lets tag team and do Gangsta stuff. I was enjoying it...lol

I am not discounting that the aforementioned never happens, just discounting that it happened to you...

!_!715 reads

All my "nonsense" were based on an actual events and truth. Just cuz it came from aliases doesn't make it less truthful. It just means I may have changed the story around to make it less personally  identifying.

I have plenty of alias board friends like AsianManNova, Pantera12, and cashorcredit, just to name a few. Black_In_Black and a few others who don't post here no more.  

Just the existence of the "brown" envelope doesn't really get me wet in my pants so to speak, and I don't care for lack of it if the poster has something worthwhile to say..

The more you defend the posts, or try to, the lamer you look.. The truth doesn't need any defending.

GaGambler792 reads

When a person makes posts on a public board like this, the audience makes up it's own mind what we find both believable and entertaining. NEG was briefly entertaining, exclamation point was not even briefly entertaining. Back to the drawing board would be my suggestion.

Some people just are not entertaining, just saying...

GaGambler903 reads

Calling yourself cool is in itself uncool.

Remember when Tidwit first came on this board "demanding" respect? You are beginning to remind me a bit of the little Turdball.

!_!725 reads

Comparing U-man to turdball, that's a low blow, mon.

!_!990 reads

Gandy will save me. He who believe in Gandy will be saved.

And he is angry that you have abandoned your NEG persona.  His wrath is great.  You are fucked.  And not in a good way.

!_!891 reads

Thou shall not abandon being negative?  

NEG may still continue to live among us until His resurrection and the wisdom shall carry on. We must patiently await His second coming.

But the responses to the OP are very entertaining. So, there is some value in letting him post his gibberish.

GaGambler648 reads

but if I ever get around to using New TER,  remind me to "like" this post. lol

Of course this kind of thing happens all the time, but I am willing to lay HUGE odds that it didn't just happen to the OP

At least some kind of electricity is going on between your girlfriend and your drinking buddy. Otherwise he wouldn't have discussed it with his USO. He knows that if he was doing her she'd be more than a little responsive to him, otherwise he wouldn't have approached you.

How the hell did you get into this situation?

GaGambler854 reads

Ok, I'll play along, even though I would give fifty to one that there is zero truth to the OP.

It's not really that uncommon for swingers to "recruit" straight couples to join them, and when they do so they try to be as seductive in their offer as possible.

Quite frankly, except for the author, there is nothing remarkable or unbelievable about this story, and if the author is to be believed (huge leap there) he did say that he was sure his GF had no interest in such a thing. If anything it would appear that the storyteller didn't know either his best friend or the woman he'd been friends with for years quite as good as he thought he did.

Actually I think the whole post is bullshit, but hey I didn't want to start looking football yet this morning

!_!1071 reads

Dislike for BSC and commenting on actual events are my MO.  Making shit up and pulling it out of my ass? Not so much.

Zangari832 reads

Posted By: GaGambler
he did say that he was sure his GF had no interest in such a thing.
 And that settles it for you?  You accept this self-serving statement at face value.
Posted By: GaGambler
If anything it would appear that the storyteller didn't know either his best friend or the woman he'd been friends with for years quite as good as he thought he did.
 People lie about their sex lives. But swingers are *usually* the most upfront and honest, since both partners are involved. That's why I think the OP's  simple conclusion about his best friend (he must be a swinger!) may be off-the-mark.  We have to be able to *infer* what's going on in sexual relationships, given incomplete info.  To just accept the type of statement above at face value (e.g. "I'm so wonderful, why would my girlfriend fuck anyone else")  is the very essence of gullibility.  --

GaGambler933 reads

That is the very essence of gullibility.

This is like debating the origins of the Klingons, it's fiction, we/he can make up whatever "facts" that we want.

If you are going to accept any one of his statements as fact, then you have to swallow the entire story, which I don't. I think the entire OP is made up to "stir the pot" Now who's gullible?

Zangari669 reads

Posted By: GaGambler
That is the very essence of gullibility. This is like debating the origins of the Klingons, it's fiction, we/he can make up whatever "facts" that we want. If you are going to accept any one of his statements as fact, then you have to swallow the entire story, which I don't. I think the entire OP is made up to "stir the pot" Now who's gullible?
 You could also assert that the million plus reviews on this board are 'fiction' ( I think TER actually states that in their disclaimer).  And you spend a lot more time on this 'fiction' board than I do.  

 You actually *did* accept one of the OP's statements as 'fact' (his girlfriend's fidelity) to support your argument that other posters are 'gullible'.  You can't have it both ways.  --z

Maybe I'm dense, but it certainly appeared GAG quite unequivocally labelled the OP as bullshit, and did nothing more than hypothetically ASSUME certain statements to be true to make a point.

I think you're seeing it as it is, and the more I've contemplated GaG's stance the more I'm inclined to admit that he's right.

It's difficult on a forum like this to deal with lies. I feel I pretty much have to accept the statement as true or, if I doubt that, as if it WERE true. But, of course, I don't find arguing about fiction as repugnant. What IS the genesis of the Klingons? Aside from an anonymous scriptwriter. Or, WHY did Cagney break down in the chair in "Public Enemy?" I find that stuff fun and far more interesting than what goes on in my mundane life (using mundane in contrast to enchanted).

But if it IS or WERE true, there's still the question of whether or not !_!'s best friend is deep in the swinger lifestyle or just suggesting this out of the blue because he feels a connection with the girlfriend.

I wonder if they see themselves as beautiful people or just looking for relationships. That would make a difference.

GaGambler746 reads

but I plainly stated that I believe the OP is most definitely a work of fiction.

I think someone has simply found himself in a hole of his own digging and is now desperately trying to dig himself and even deeper hole to hide in. lol

We disagree on a lot, but thanks for actually understanding the point I was making

Zangari623 reads

Posted By: GaGambler
I plainly stated that I believe the OP is most definitely a work of fiction.  
 You did state that you were skeptical about the OP.  But then you decided to debate the thread on its own terms.  When you do that, then it doesn't matter whether the topic is about Klingons or Swingers.  You can't run away from a careless statement you've made by falling back to : "It's all bullshit, and you're gullible for debating it."    

 You're also debating it--you've posted on this thread half a dozen times in one day.  --

I wasn't offended in the slightest bit. We just laughed and said "thanks, but no thanks." They were into swinging, we weren't. It's really not a big deal.

Sooo...YouWanna957 reads

Is it because you'd rather pay to keep your cheating to yourself than spice up your own relationship in an open and honest way? Does it offend you that other people can have fun together and you and the gf can't/won't be open about your desires with each other? Is it because your female friend never had any interest in you until her bf had an interest in your girl, leaving you in the fallback zone once again? Does it offend you that your girl is hot enough to draw the attention of another guy? Or is it that you're the only one allowed to be "shared"? What's the deal with being offended by an honest version of yourself? These aren't meant to be pointed questions that you need to answer here, just a reminder that many of the times something offends you, it's because it points out something that you don't like within yourself, and this seems like a very good possibility in cases like this.  

As a swinger/polyamorist, I think it's important to ask yourself what exactly such an innocuous suggestion drove you to post on here (amongst people who have likely never been offered something like this), and why you were so offended by their honesty vs your current level of deception. I think it's also important to answer (to yourself) why you would rather discuss this with these guys (I mean, come on. Did you expect a different response, no.) than your real life friends who more than likely know the situation you're all in. Honesty is important to us, and it starts with yourself, ya know?

I don't think the friend is already fucking your girl. The lead up was probably as uneventful as "hey, we haven't fooled around with anyone in a while. Do we know anybody?" "Idk, Dave's been my buddy since college, and Diane is kinda hot?". You're all supposed to be close, so they probably figured you would at least not judge them for it, and if nothing else take it as a compliment to be laughed off and forgotten along with other mildly awkward parts of your friendship. Until of course it'll make for a good joke ;-)

I personally don't think this is a "real time" post either, but it's rare that the opportunity to encourage people to be in REAL relationships with each other comes up on here, so take it for what it's worth. A lot of relationships don't have to be as dull as they seem to be!

YouWanna, that's a very sensible view of the situation. Do you think that this forum assumes a bias that sex with more partners is preferred to sex with fewer? I'm wondering how people who have never ventured into the P4P world might respond. There are some, and I was one myself for most of my life, who lived a monogamous lifestyle seeking the one-on-one relationship that would last "a lifetime." Meaning marriage or at least a similar LTR facsimile.

When I first started whoring around, first with just a lot of different laywomen and then, as age caught up with me, with women in the life, I felt the whole range of square emotions on the guilt/jealousy spectrum. Sometimes I view getting beyond that as enlightenment, sometimes as just a sad state of affairs.

If, thirty years ago, my best friend of the time would have suggested that he would like to fuck the woman I was dating and in exchange offered me the opportunity to fuck his SO, I would have been thrown way off balance. In that world, living such an old-fashioned lifestyle amongst people who also stayed on the sunny side of the street mostly, that kind of proposition would have been a big deal.

Now, !_! is in this enchanted life of ours, and I might expect him to respond about his GF like I respond to swapping a night with my ATF in exchange for tasting how sweet some other guy's ATF is so we could have a beer and compare notes. But maybe !_! has one foot in each world?

So on a trads forum, the whole notion of swapping would be quite shocking, I'd guess, and the emotional impact on all four participants much heavier.

I don't get it.....so what? I've accepted similar proposals before, and believe me it's a blast. Come on, the chance to test drive your friend's girlfriend? Hell yes! I'd jump on that opportunity in a heartbeat! Only problem I see is that you are a) the jealous type, and b) seeing a woman whose not into that sort of thing. Too bad.

The only time a man should ever be offended by such an offer is if the dude wants to do HIM also. Otherwise it's all good.

!_!943 reads

I thought he'd want to do me too.  

 

Posted By: Captain Kink
I don't get it.....so what? I've accepted similar proposals before, and believe me it's a blast. Come on, the chance to test drive your friend's girlfriend? Hell yes! I'd jump on that opportunity in a heartbeat! Only problem I see is that you are a) the jealous type, and b) seeing a woman whose not into that sort of thing. Too bad.  
   
 The only time a man should ever be offended by such an offer is if the dude wants to do HIM also. Otherwise it's all good.

He never said that, why would you suddenly jump to that conclusion!!

Other than your GF isnt into it.  I'd say go for it and have wild foursomes all the time.  Why the heck not.  3 of the people (including you) are relatively close and Id say the safest to do this type of thing with without any serious backlash and/or drama.  You're obviously not the only person your GF has ever banged and since you're on TER I would guess you're banging other ladies on the side, so who cares if your good bud is nailing her.  At least its not Joey bag-o-doughnuts from down the street, behind your back.  Besides what guy doesnt wanna nail the chick he's known since grade school?  Gay guys, thats about it.  (Nothing wrong there, just sayin)  If I could nail some of my elementary school-mates I'd be all over it in a heartbeat, and he gave the green light!  Heres a thought, can you bang her anyway if your girl says no?  Now you come out totally on top while your friend gets shafted............Just sayin ;-)

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