TER General Board

When you are right you are right...
skarphedin 2174 reads
posted

riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend 1
of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to 2
Howth Castle and Environs. 3
    Sir Tristram, violer d'amores, fr'over the short sea, had passen- 4
core rearrived from North Armorica on this side the scraggy 5
isthmus of Europe Minor to wielderfight his penisolate war: nor 6
had topsawyer's rocks by the stream Oconee exaggerated themselse 7
to Laurens County's gorgios while they went doublin their mumper 8
all the time: nor avoice from afire bellowsed mishe mishe to 9
tauftauf thuartpeatrick: not yet, though venissoon after, had a 10
kidscad buttended a bland old isaac: not yet, though all's fair in 11
vanessy, were sosie sesthers wroth with twone nathandjoe. Rot a 12
peck of pa's malt had Jhem or Shen brewed by arclight and rory 13
end to the regginbrow was to be seen ringsome on the aquaface. 14
    The fall (bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonner- 15
ronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthur- 16
nuk!) of a once wallstrait oldparr is retaled early in bed and later 17
on life down through all christian minstrelsy. The great fall of the 18
offwall entailed at such short notice the pftjschute of Finnegan, 19
erse solid man, that the humptyhillhead of humself prumptly sends 20
an unquiring one well to the west in quest of his tumptytumtoes: 21
and their upturnpikepointandplace is at the knock out in the park 22
where oranges have been laid to rust upon the green since dev- 23
linsfirst loved livvy.

ngocneto4173 reads

I'll try to keep this as short as possible but background is important. First, for me to get the most enjoyment out of this world I need to feel a connection so I tend to find a regular I connect with and stick with her. I've had 3 in the last several years - the first was for about 6 months until she quit providing - I still talk to her from time to time. The second was also for about  6 months and ended badly ( got way to close). This brings me to my current situation:

I have been seeing her for just under a year twice a month for a two hour session (occasionally longer). We get along well and there is a comfort and ease with her that I really like (at least until last week). I know about her life and she knows about mine but I have been careful not to get too close because of my prior experience (i.e. I don't know her real name, I don't have her "real" phone number, etc.).  

Last week we had a session scheduled for mid week. The night before, she text me that she has to reschedule because she has to study for an exam (she takes night classes). I respond immediately ok and ask what day she was thinking about rescheduling to. I don't hear anything back for an hour and a half so I send a follow up asking why no reply. An hour later I get a message from her to "calm down" that she had her phone on vibrate. We talk a little and she says she will let me know in the morning. I say fine and wish her good night.

The next day comes and I don't hear anything all morning from her so around 1 pm I send a text asking why she hasn't gotten back to me and stating I was a little upset as it feels like she is "blowing me off". I immediately get a somewhat hostile text from her saying did I want to know how her day has been going followed by a phone call were she lays into me for causing her stress when when she already had enough in her life. We talk through things and the call ends a little strained but she says she will follow up with me later that day. A couple of hours later she does suggesting we meet that Friday night after her class - I agree.

Friday night arrives - she sends me a text saying that "I'm kinda in a bad mood. On my way though" I reply ok That hopefully we can improve her mood together. When she arrives she immediately lays into me about how I was causing her stress, how stressful school has been, how business has been very slow for her recently, basically dumping everything on me. I tell her I'm sorry if I upset her even though I don't see where my actions warranted this outburst from her. She tells me that saying it isn't enough that I have to show her with my actions going forward. She calms down a little and we talk but then she starts crying and it turns out that it was her deceased mothers birthday and she was missing her and she felt it was somehow disrespectful for her to even be there.  

It's clear at this point we are not having sex this night. What kind of guy would I be to go forward with her in the state she is in. She asks if we can just watch TV, so that's what we do. After two hours she says she should go. I walk her to the door and hand her a couple hundred bucks because I wanted her to have something. She looks at me and says she needs the entire amount, that I wanted to see her and she came over, that she could have been doing other things with that time. Keep in mind that we have spent time OTC before and even after it was clear we weren't going to have sex she never indicated her expectations to get the entire donation. Hell, I thought I was comforting a friend  who needed it. I didn't want to fight with her so I went ahead and paid the additional amount.

My questions:

Did my actions really warrant her reactions?
Is my feeling manipulated and a little ripped-off unjustified?
Is this arrangement salvageable? Can it get back to the way it was before? Keep in mind we had never even had so much as the slightest disagreement before.
Why would she jeopardize an on-going profitable arrangement in this way especially if business is slow?

What am I missing here

Her first few responses should have made it clear she was in a shitty mood and was pissed off at the world. You should have just said, "OK, some other time then" and moved on.

Perhaps he wanted the true GFE experience, including shitty mood and all.

GaGambler2041 reads

If there ever was a template on "how to do everything wrong when seeing a hooker" He's created it.

He is getting all the worst parts of having a real GF, and all the worst parts of seeing a hooker, and it's obvious that it's his own damn fault. He is treating her like a GF, so she is acting like one by dumping her shit on him. He is also treating her like a hooker by paying her, so she acts like a hooker and wants to get paid. If the OP is going to encourage this type of behavior, it's his own damned fault when he gets it.

skarphedin2175 reads

riverrun, past Eve and Adam's, from swerve of shore to bend 1
of bay, brings us by a commodius vicus of recirculation back to 2
Howth Castle and Environs. 3
    Sir Tristram, violer d'amores, fr'over the short sea, had passen- 4
core rearrived from North Armorica on this side the scraggy 5
isthmus of Europe Minor to wielderfight his penisolate war: nor 6
had topsawyer's rocks by the stream Oconee exaggerated themselse 7
to Laurens County's gorgios while they went doublin their mumper 8
all the time: nor avoice from afire bellowsed mishe mishe to 9
tauftauf thuartpeatrick: not yet, though venissoon after, had a 10
kidscad buttended a bland old isaac: not yet, though all's fair in 11
vanessy, were sosie sesthers wroth with twone nathandjoe. Rot a 12
peck of pa's malt had Jhem or Shen brewed by arclight and rory 13
end to the regginbrow was to be seen ringsome on the aquaface. 14
    The fall (bababadalgharaghtakamminarronnkonnbronntonner- 15
ronntuonnthunntrovarrhounawnskawntoohoohoordenenthur- 16
nuk!) of a once wallstrait oldparr is retaled early in bed and later 17
on life down through all christian minstrelsy. The great fall of the 18
offwall entailed at such short notice the pftjschute of Finnegan, 19
erse solid man, that the humptyhillhead of humself prumptly sends 20
an unquiring one well to the west in quest of his tumptytumtoes: 21
and their upturnpikepointandplace is at the knock out in the park 22
where oranges have been laid to rust upon the green since dev- 23
linsfirst loved livvy.

You are in for more drama if you chose to remain her client. Answers to your questions:

--Did my actions really warrant her reactions? A little. The "why aren't you replying!" texts/emails are a red flag to her (needy client alert!).  

--Is my feeling manipulated and a little ripped-off unjustified? Not entirely. She should have canceled if she wasn't up for it (I know, she needed the $$$!), or perhaps offered to make it up to you later in some fashion.  

--Is this arrangement salvageable? No, unless you are an emotional masochist or ATM.  

--Why would she jeopardize an on-going profitable arrangement in this way especially if business is slow? You're a decent john on her list, but she doesn't like you as much as you like her. She can't fake it anymore.  
 
--What am I missing here? See answers above.

Cocktail Party might be right, but you won't know if it's salvageable unless and until you talk to her and tell her how you felt about the last encounter.

You should have given her a few days space when she said she was stressed about the exam.  She should have rescheduled the last session or said she just wanted to talk.  Maybe she had some hope that she might be cheered up enough to go forward.  Yes, she should have accepted the reduced fee offer.

Will she contact you if you don't contact her first?  I would suggest leaving her alone for a month and then try contacting her again.  Express how you felt about the trouble (without asking for or expecting a refund or a make-up session) and if you want to resume the previous status of the relationship tell her so.

...the OP showed clear signs of being a needy client and/or doormat. I'm sure she'll contact him in the near future (when she needs money), she'll apologize and they'll have 1-2 good sessions. Then, she'll lose her patience again and the drama will start all over again. It's not a good sign that she's expressed shame and remorse about providing to him.

noagenosage2185 reads

From what you wrote, she has a lot of stressful things going on in her life that she's not dealing with very successfully, so she lays into you as a scapegoat.  Not unusual behavior these days, but no reason you have to take it if you've done nothing wrong.  My suggestion:  back off for a bit, then have a conversation if you can and ask her if she really wants to see you and under what circumstances.  If you're "just" a customer, that's one thing; if you're a customer and you and she have a connection and/or modest relationship that's another.  In any event, if the desirability factors are not reasonably equal you have to move on.  In other words, you have to be on pretty much the same wave length with her or the connection is doomed.  A third possibility is that if she's troubled and wants and needs help, then it's up to you what degree of involvement you want.  Good luck!

Sad, ain't it, how fucking tends to draw people closer.

I think that you and romantical need to get together.  You can commiserate on your problems in P4P.

One thing you and romantical need to understand....it's NEVER about YOU.  Why any woman (IRL or P4P) does anything is a mystery.  One that, unless you are married to her, never need to be contemplated.  And even many married dudes turn that off as well.

Keep this simple...find another one.  No shortage of PYT here...or IRL.

Yes...you were a moron for paying her anything.  And she is (was) a greedy bitch for accepting coin (and wanting more) to waste your time crying about her poor choices and her lot in life.

She should have paid you...think about it!!

Maybe Dr. Milrod will chime in and tell me that I'm full of shit?  

Posted By: ngocneto
I'll try to keep this as short as possible but background is important. First, for me to get the most enjoyment out of this world I need to feel a connection so I tend to find a regular I connect with and stick with her. I've had 3 in the last several years - the first was for about 6 months until she quit providing - I still talk to her from time to time. The second was also for about  6 months and ended badly ( got way to close). This brings me to my current situation:  
   
 I have been seeing her for just under a year twice a month for a two hour session (occasionally longer). We get along well and there is a comfort and ease with her that I really like (at least until last week). I know about her life and she knows about mine but I have been careful not to get too close because of my prior experience (i.e. I don't know her real name, I don't have her "real" phone number, etc.).  
   
 Last week we had a session scheduled for mid week. The night before, she text me that she has to reschedule because she has to study for an exam (she takes night classes). I respond immediately ok and ask what day she was thinking about rescheduling to. I don't hear anything back for an hour and a half so I send a follow up asking why no reply. An hour later I get a message from her to "calm down" that she had her phone on vibrate. We talk a little and she says she will let me know in the morning. I say fine and wish her good night.  
   
 The next day comes and I don't hear anything all morning from her so around 1 pm I send a text asking why she hasn't gotten back to me and stating I was a little upset as it feels like she is "blowing me off". I immediately get a somewhat hostile text from her saying did I want to know how her day has been going followed by a phone call were she lays into me for causing her stress when when she already had enough in her life. We talk through things and the call ends a little strained but she says she will follow up with me later that day. A couple of hours later she does suggesting we meet that Friday night after her class - I agree.  
   
 Friday night arrives - she sends me a text saying that "I'm kinda in a bad mood. On my way though" I reply ok That hopefully we can improve her mood together. When she arrives she immediately lays into me about how I was causing her stress, how stressful school has been, how business has been very slow for her recently, basically dumping everything on me. I tell her I'm sorry if I upset her even though I don't see where my actions warranted this outburst from her. She tells me that saying it isn't enough that I have to show her with my actions going forward. She calms down a little and we talk but then she starts crying and it turns out that it was her deceased mothers birthday and she was missing her and she felt it was somehow disrespectful for her to even be there.  
   
 It's clear at this point we are not having sex this night. What kind of guy would I be to go forward with her in the state she is in. She asks if we can just watch TV, so that's what we do. After two hours she says she should go. I walk her to the door and hand her a couple hundred bucks because I wanted her to have something. She looks at me and says she needs the entire amount, that I wanted to see her and she came over, that she could have been doing other things with that time. Keep in mind that we have spent time OTC before and even after it was clear we weren't going to have sex she never indicated her expectations to get the entire donation. Hell, I thought I was comforting a friend  who needed it. I didn't want to fight with her so I went ahead and paid the additional amount.  
   
 My questions:  
   
 Did my actions really warrant her reactions?  
 Is my feeling manipulated and a little ripped-off unjustified?  
 Is this arrangement salvageable? Can it get back to the way it was before? Keep in mind we had never even had so much as the slightest disagreement before.  
 Why would she jeopardize an on-going profitable arrangement in this way especially if business is slow?  
   
 What am I missing here?  
 

Then it's always about YOU!

Just remember...it's your turn next.

Off to Manny's tomorrow...chop suey special  ;)

Who knew?

I will miss you since I am not going to Manny's until Friday. Then off to see my fave. A perfect day - pastrami and a very happy fuck. Then to cap it all off, I think I will whine at her about how she does not see me often enough, pretend to love me hard enough (or is that love me as much as I love her?), and take my money without having wild sex with me. She is such a disappointment! That is the only way I can think of to make it better.

Then I will come here and ask why she gave me exactly what I wanted, what I requested, because I do not like the way this is working.

That's the way to play, right?

My turn for what? To take shit from you? Since when do I have to wait for my turn, you grumpy, old fuck?

zig

I love a story where the writer does absolutely nothing wrong, I do. But I recognize fiction. You are the needy energy vampire. The only thing worse than an outright jerk. You kill with love, concern and probably awkwardly long hugs/eye gazing/hand holding. A whole hour and a half with no text response!!!!

Did she bop you? Absolutely. But somewhere in my bones I think you might owe her that hour for the amount of texting and talking she has done with you. Sorry, I'm the messenger. Will it ever go back to the way it was? Not likely, and even with her newfound information that she can cry and watch a little bravo and still get paid…I have a feeling she'll still avoid you until she's broke…and possibly drunk.

You seem like a sweet guy. Knock it off. If you're not texting to schedule don't text. Don't deny it, you're the "thinking about you"…"Enjoy your day" guy. She's just not that into you. PS her moms alive.

Your second sentence says "I need to feel a connection"…she sucks cock for a living, maybe she doesn't want a connection. But if you're handing out cash without having a session she'll stomach you for as long as hookerly possible.

I spank you because there is no other way. Spend your time, money and affections where they are likely to be reciprocated. Life's just too fucking short

I too have a tendency to get a little cunty when I'm super stressed, but yeah...that was a little much. I think it might be time to find a new regular.

I'll gladly take care of the cunty for you. We can definitely break you of that, for 3 hours or so anyway.

Holy crap! Just got a boner typing that, yummy.

Bourbon tour, here I cum.

I'd say someone is having a really bad period.

In any case, on the noodgy scale, maybe you were about a 6, but nothing to deserve what she has given you.

Break off contact for 1 to 2 weeks, and see if she contacts you.  If not, decide if you think she is worth salvaging and contact her.  She may come around but who knows.

I've gone through similar experiences with both long time favorites and civies over the years.  If you know anyone long enough, this is sure to happen.

In fact, I hooked up with one gal just last week after about 3 years of silence after a bad break up.  Best damn make-up sex I've ever had.

Patience can be a virtue as well as very rewarding.

Posted By: Dr Milrod

Now now mrfisher...we've been down this road before.  Telling these lovelorn johns that type of stuff is just not good.  

And we also discussed that make-up sex with a prostitute is more P4P.  

See you next week  ;)

And don't assume you know everything either.  I can be rather inscrutable.

Thanks for the warning.

Posted By: Dr Milrod

Oh my mrfisher...I thought we had discussed your using words like that.  Didn't we agree that enigmatic was more appropriate?

Not to be a PITA....but my last bill hasn't been paid yet.  

You know that's a no no....don't you?

 

Man, I thought I had mailed out that check already, but there it was sitting on the desk still.  My, I've grown so absent minded lately.

 
   
 What am I missing here?  
 
You aren't missing anything - this is an actual girl friend /wife experience.  Many times - especially after the newness wears off - a real girlfriend/wife will decide she really doesn't want to have sex and just wants some one to dump out her feelings on.  Your provider was providing what she thought you wanted - a good simulation of a real girlfriend/wife.  She was simulating a connection. Of course you owed her money for services rendered.

The problem was you don't really want the Girl Friend/Wife Experience - You want the hot slut fantasy experience.  Honestly - so do I.  I don't fool my self about wanting a real connection - I want fantasy.  I don't want  the reality of her mother's death (or her final exams, medical/financial issues, whatever...) - I want her to kneel before me and convince me that s*cking me off is a privilege she's been looking forward to since I called.  

You may wish to adopt a similar approach.  Consider this experience tuition - and, honestly, cheap at the price.

As far as seeing her again - just depends on what you want..... to believe that your next encounter with her is going to revert back to "hot slut experience" is absurd

I'd bounce (and have) because "Heaven has no rage like love to hatred turned, Nor hell a fury like a BSC hooker scorned," or something like that ...

Are you suggesting dissolving into the crowded world before the longlost love returns with a (probably expensive) plea for help? Ohmygosh, don't tell me you and I are on the same page of the Drastic Measures Manual? It's harder to do these days, and it was never easy.

Inike was right in the first response you got. "Okay, maybe some other time."

But you're really into this lady, and believe me, I can understand that. I've been seeing a once-in-a-lifetime find for some truly fantastic long sessions, and a month and a half ago I felt I was getting to emotionally invested. Not falling in love, not creepy I don't think, just that instead of just feeling like I'd like to see a gorgeous woman for a couple of hours of sandbox and other dirty play, she was the only woman who came to mind. So I forced myself to book a few other appointments before seeing her again. Some were quite rewarding; some were sitcom material. Expensive fix.

Cheaper fix: take a shower and put on a pair of jockeys. Not boxers, jockeys. Tight ones. A size small if you've got them. Then click on your list of favorites and call up a dozen ladies and leave a message on their voicemail. Do this early AM before they'll be picking up. Then drive to a saloon that opens early for the hardcore alky crowd, put your phone on vibrate only, shove the phone down into the crotch of the jockeys, and go in and drink beer. As the women call back one by one, you'll get more of a rush than you would have by pestering your heartthrob, and you'll find no end of amusement in trying to divine which one is calling you back with each erotic tingle. Shouldn't take more than three beers, if you're not one of those goddamn guzzlers, and that's really all you should be drinking before noon anyway.

Big ticket, small ticket, it's all good.

This is what happens if you see a girl too much, I like repeating with girls but not so often that their lives and problems become mine or mine theirs and is what can happen in the Sugar Daddy type arrangements.

 It has all been said here and there is way too much pussy to get here so just go out and get it :)

This is what happens if you do not have a clue, not if you see a lady regularly. I have been seeing my current fave for 2+ years, probably at least 2 times a month for most of that time. She is the second woman I have seen for that long. Trust me it does not have to go where the OP and his girl have taken it.

It does require a certain amount of awareness, both of yourself and the situation. And it helps if you follow some rules. Here are a few that work for me.

1. Understand what you want. The OP wants a girlfriend and this provider seems like the bestest GF he has ever had. Thing is, if you really want a GF, this is an awful place to find one, which takes us to...

2. Understand what you are buying. The company of a really hot chick, who will be pretty, fun, and have enthusiastic and excellent sex with you, while pretending to like you. Yeah, yeah, she may really like you, but I guarantee she does not like you as much or as quickly as she pretends to. It also helps to keep in mind that she is putting on the same performance for 10 other guys this week, and has done it for hundreds of others. Over time something else may grow, but the odds are very high that she is only seeing you as long as, and because, you are paying her. That is not a bad thing, or a sad thing. If it seems that way to you, you should find something else to do.

3. Understand that you are paying for every encounter you have with her, whether it is an OTC date, or a looooonnngggg, friendly phone conversation. She is only doing that because you are paying her enough the rest of the time to make it worth her while. So, ask yourself, is it worth paying extra to get that extra companionship and (simulated, probably) friendship? Or you can just ask how pitiful and lonely you really are. Personally I prefer to spend my free time with friends, but I only know that because I have explored that other type of provider relationship and found it empty and a waste. Plus the odds are that eventually she will find you annoy her too much to go on, and the more you bother her outside the fucking, the sooner that day will come. So if the fucking is the point, why jeopardize it?

4. Know when what you want it to be is interfering with your ability to recognize and enjoy what it is. Seeing a provider and getting to know a provider, can be a hell of a lot of fun,  but only if you are able to accept it for what it is. The big irony is that only if you do this can it become something more. Otherwise you are locked into the fantasy performance and nothing beyond it, no matter how "close" you think you have become. A provider is a woman who sees a lot of men, provides them with sex, and pretends to adore and enjoy the company of each and every one of them. This is a stressful job, very demanding and often very lonely. Typically they do not have a lot of people they can relax with and truly talk to. Most people want to get something from them (sex and their time), or tell them what to do/own them, like the OP. So if you clearly accept what they are doing, do not seem to want anything from them beyond the services you buy, it opens up a whole new world of possible interactions (though not OTC, GFE dates, please!). Most ladies want to talk about their lives, share their experiences with someone who is sympathetic, accepting and has some understanding of what they do.

5. Avoid co-dependent relationships. Okay, I know this is me, some guys like to feel needed, powerful, protective, but I absolutely hate it when someone goes all pitiful on me with the intention of getting something. In this world that usually means money. I am okay with a message saying "Hey, it's been a while, I miss you, how about getting together soon?" I may not believe it tells anything close to the whole story, but it is friendly and professional. I am not at all okay with "Life is really hard, everything sucks, can I come cry on your shoulder, and by the way I could really use some money because my car broke down (or whatever the excuse is)." That conversation is always the last conversation I have with a provider.

I have known way too many manipulative people who play that game. Those people are just hustlers at best, junkies at worst - either way, they see you as someone to use. Say no, and they move on to the next sucker. Asking for help is never an expression of trust or affection. yes, bad things happen to good people and everyone needs a hand sometime, but that is rarely the real situation in my experience.

I currently am seeing three ladies, one being my long time regular, the other two being ladies I have been seeing on and off for close to a year, but not as regularly. I like them, I know them a little, we are very comfortable together and the sex just keeps getting better as a result. I learn things from each of them, and I like to believe some if not all of them get something from my company. But if they do not, if I am just a nice, easy client, that is perfectly okay with me. After all, I know what I am buying and what I want. Hot sex with a beautiful, smart woman.

At the end of the day, you either can separate sex from emotional attachment or you can't. You can be sure that any lady who has provided for more than a very short time is able to separate the two. If you cannot separate them, then you need to control that attachment some other way - maybe by not seeing anyone for very long, or very often, or having the discipline to avoid sharing too much, or communicating outside of your dates.

As for the OP, there is nothing more to say to the lady, and she has communicated to you very clearly where things stand for her (see point 5 above). She will probably reach out to you, give it a shot, the next time she can't find anyone else to hit up for cash. And that does not have to be a bad thing so long as she does it professionally, delivers the services that you are paying for in a positive, pleasant manner. Personally I would not go there because even if she does that, she will try to use you again sooner or later. After all, that is something she does, and you have shown that it works with you. So I would be done with her, but you might have a little more fun with her and the knowledge that you will need to deal with the next sad, sad story... probably best to decide how you will deal with that up front, though.

enjoy?
zig

while you are starting to become a bit clingy with the why you not respond and following up the next day because you think she is taking to long.  If she says she will get back to you, she will get back to you when she is ready to.  Clingy crap gets you on a providers non-priority list quickly.

However, she knew she was in a bad mood and saw you when she should have cancelled probably because she needed the money.  But to make you pay the whole fee AFTER her telling you it is not going to happen is just rude.  Sure she could have been doing something else, like sitting at home not making any money.

She didn't earn the funds, maybe the couple hundred you offered but not what you paid.  I know it is time you buy but we ALL know better.  Unless you book us to watch TV, then it is totally full fee....

If she doesn't offer you a makeup session you really should cut her loose because she will from here on out take advantage.  She knows she can say no sex lets watch TV and you will pay full rate...  That is nuts

nd that is  
   
 they want you when they want you - or more precisely, your donation -  
   
 when they don't want to be bothered with you, they don't want to be bothered with you  
   
   
 they think nothing of taking time you've paid for to dump their drama on you  
   
 but  
   
 you had better NEVER place any emotional demands on them and NEVER EVER express anything remotely critical or they will blow up  
   
 you basically killed this relationship by talking about *your* feeling of being put off  
   
 the only way to salvage it if you are crazy enough to want to do so would be to go on your way for a *long, long time*  and then get back in touch down the road and be very *casual* about asking if she would like to get back together again  
   
 yours is not at all a unique case.    Guys who play the GFE game and revisit providers frequently run into this all the time  
   
 my advice for what it's worth is learn to play this game more effectively -  
   
 view it is a sport, not as a pseudo relationship -   play the game for fun and for variety and very rarely repeat.    
   
 You will be a lot happier  
   
 guys who are in this shiz for handholding and pseudo girlfriend drama will find themselves much better off seeing a therapist.....

It's much cheaper to post their "I've fallen" stories here.

And far too entertaining for those who like to make snarky comments.

Maybe this dude can write a book too?

Posted By: MarkusKetterman
 
   
 and that is    
     
  they want you when they want you - or more precisely, your donation -  
     
  when they don't want to be bothered with you, they don't want to be bothered with you  
     
     
  they think nothing of taking time you've paid for to dump their drama on you  
     
  but  
     
  you had better NEVER place any emotional demands on them and NEVER EVER express anything remotely critical or they will blow up  
     
  you basically killed this relationship by talking about *your* feeling of being put off  
     
  the only way to salvage it if you are crazy enough to want to do so would be to go on your way for a *long, long time*  and then get back in touch down the road and be very *casual* about asking if she would like to get back together again  
     
  yours is not at all a unique case.    Guys who play the GFE game and revisit providers frequently run into this all the time  
     
  my advice for what it's worth is learn to play this game more effectively -  
     
  view it is a sport, not as a pseudo relationship -   play the game for fun and for variety and very rarely repeat.    
     
  You will be a lot happier  
     
  guys who are in this shiz for handholding and pseudo girlfriend drama will find themselves much better off seeing a therapist.....

it does not seem to be helping some of the SWs who really could use it though :p

First of all, you don't know shit about the "psychology" of the ladies in this business. So just save it, Dr. Phil.  

Second, every time you slam people who don't play the way you do, you just make yourself sound piggish and judgemental. Why are you so fixated on this "GFE = hookers babbling too much" idea that you've cooked up in your head? It's really bizarre. Not every guy out there wants to treat us like piles of flesh with a few wet holes. Deal with it.  

I honestly used to think you were a pretty reasonable dude, but your posts these past couple of weeks are just icky.

I don't give a shit how johnnies choose to "hobby" or how providers decide to offer their services.  Irrelevant to me unless I'm doing the choosing -

but there is a steady stream of these sad sacks over - romanticizing this - whatever it is -  and getting all smeary about boundaries.  

they post here asking for feedback and I offer one perspective "dose of reality".

I'm not the least judgmental -  I don't care at all -   but when asked for input I give it.....

if these guys adopted more of a sorting mentality they would not get confused and all wrapped up in nonsense and become problem clients for you providers out there -

my advice to you which you are of course free to ignore is -

don't encourage them....

(not saying that you specifically do - speaking to the audience in general.....)

too much "GFE" just confuses johns - and sometimes SWs as well.....

He does not offer an opinion but is pretty darn obvious in trashing both hookers and johns for wanting a little more than a few wet holes to plug for the hour. I can see why he uses k girl agencies...submissive Asians ladies and he rarely repeats...his words not mine.

I never had an issue with him until he started downing any hooker who did not offer 59 or 119 minutes of wall to wall fucking. I think MK is a sexual sadist. The more he can punish a lady the better he feels. Why else would he object to anything that even resembles a real life girlfriend experience that does not include a submissive woman?  

 Thank God I am not Korean.



-- Modified on 9/10/2014 9:15:53 PM

Everyone sees the world differently, and some perspectives are so remote from the pack that it's no longer the same world. Not the same universe. What I'm trying to do with that phenomenon is just accept everyone's insistence on being who they are in spite of hell. This board is an easy place to come to grips with that.

Some people can fuck and fuck and never feel drawn to another human being. Just, [~"Sharing a drink they call loneliness, but it's better than drinking alone..."~], and others make friends.

So sometimes it hurts, WTF, and sometimes when it hurts people squeal, WTF, and only the snobs react to the squealing as somehow wasting their precious time, WTF.

Markus is who he is, and if he weren't, we'd probably all have to take turns being him otherwise he wouldn't exist at all, WTF. Now THAT would be sad enough to be a chic flic.

You have become a dick MK. You are starting to implode around any comment about a hooker or john wanting more than a wet hole to plug. It is evident that that you see women one way and can't possibly understand that other men might just want something different.

You skite about your money and your bespoke suits etc. but in reality you are a Walmart buffet john. I have seen your history going back years and you have pulled some shit on the independents. Now you are plowing through the k-girl agencies...good thing new girls are arriving from Korea weekly.  

I view you as a sport and you just got benched...or should I say douched.

I think seeking a connection is the cause of your problems here.  This hobby is all about selling and buying services, not about connections.  The best providers will give the illusion of a "connection" on the first date.  But building a real "connection" can only lead to trouble.  Look for a non-pro girlfriend to build up a lasting relationship.

on point -   that building a "real" relationship with a SW can only lead to trouble (or at least drama)

absolutely so in the context of P4P

"real" is what most of us are trying to improve upon anyway by playing this sport :p

noagenosage1818 reads

The flaw in your argument is that we are dealing with human beings, not commodities.  I respectfully disagree with those who insist that providers are nothing more than money scroungers and "johns" are nothing more than dick stickers, with money exchanged as the sole criterion between them.  Sure, there's plenty of that, at the bottom feeding end of the spectrum of this activity.  But I know of plenty of instances, including my own, where a lot more than wick dipping for $$$ was involved, even though without $$$ the event would not have occurred.  That should be obvious to anyone who has encountered humans they genuinely like, and feel attracted enough to enjoy repeated encounters. Now, to let that in-between feeling get out of hand is the road to disaster, as everyone should know.  But to avoid it at all costs is to miss out on one of the great human experiences.  "Connections" are not to be denigrated, but exalted, but losing one's head invites ridicule.  We see examples of these differing behaviors every day.

School can be stressful. You should have just tested her Ok and let me know. You acted like her husband so you got what you asked for.

You should learn how to give space to people instead of getting intertwined.  

 

Posted By: ngocneto
I'll try to keep this as short as possible but background is important. First, for me to get the most enjoyment out of this world I need to feel a connection so I tend to find a regular I connect with and stick with her. I've had 3 in the last several years - the first was for about 6 months until she quit providing - I still talk to her from time to time. The second was also for about  6 months and ended badly ( got way to close). This brings me to my current situation:  
   
 I have been seeing her for just under a year twice a month for a two hour session (occasionally longer). We get along well and there is a comfort and ease with her that I really like (at least until last week). I know about her life and she knows about mine but I have been careful not to get too close because of my prior experience (i.e. I don't know her real name, I don't have her "real" phone number, etc.).  
   
 Last week we had a session scheduled for mid week. The night before, she text me that she has to reschedule because she has to study for an exam (she takes night classes). I respond immediately ok and ask what day she was thinking about rescheduling to. I don't hear anything back for an hour and a half so I send a follow up asking why no reply. An hour later I get a message from her to "calm down" that she had her phone on vibrate. We talk a little and she says she will let me know in the morning. I say fine and wish her good night.  
   
 The next day comes and I don't hear anything all morning from her so around 1 pm I send a text asking why she hasn't gotten back to me and stating I was a little upset as it feels like she is "blowing me off". I immediately get a somewhat hostile text from her saying did I want to know how her day has been going followed by a phone call were she lays into me for causing her stress when when she already had enough in her life. We talk through things and the call ends a little strained but she says she will follow up with me later that day. A couple of hours later she does suggesting we meet that Friday night after her class - I agree.  
   
 Friday night arrives - she sends me a text saying that "I'm kinda in a bad mood. On my way though" I reply ok That hopefully we can improve her mood together. When she arrives she immediately lays into me about how I was causing her stress, how stressful school has been, how business has been very slow for her recently, basically dumping everything on me. I tell her I'm sorry if I upset her even though I don't see where my actions warranted this outburst from her. She tells me that saying it isn't enough that I have to show her with my actions going forward. She calms down a little and we talk but then she starts crying and it turns out that it was her deceased mothers birthday and she was missing her and she felt it was somehow disrespectful for her to even be there.  
   
 It's clear at this point we are not having sex this night. What kind of guy would I be to go forward with her in the state she is in. She asks if we can just watch TV, so that's what we do. After two hours she says she should go. I walk her to the door and hand her a couple hundred bucks because I wanted her to have something. She looks at me and says she needs the entire amount, that I wanted to see her and she came over, that she could have been doing other things with that time. Keep in mind that we have spent time OTC before and even after it was clear we weren't going to have sex she never indicated her expectations to get the entire donation. Hell, I thought I was comforting a friend  who needed it. I didn't want to fight with her so I went ahead and paid the additional amount.  
   
 My questions:  
   
 Did my actions really warrant her reactions?  
 Is my feeling manipulated and a little ripped-off unjustified?  
 Is this arrangement salvageable? Can it get back to the way it was before? Keep in mind we had never even had so much as the slightest disagreement before.  
 Why would she jeopardize an on-going profitable arrangement in this way especially if business is slow?  
   
 What am I missing here?  
 

TheMaskedProvider1424 reads

Sounds to me like you pushed her boundaries way too much and she cracked.  Should she have been better about asserting her boundaries?  Yes, theoretically.  But you don't leave room for people to assert their boundaries when you are constantly pushing them and then guilt-tripping them about not letting you do so.  If you had not texted her over and over to ask why she was not responding to your messages, you would never have ended up in this situation, I guarantee it.

Learn your lesson.  Don't push boundaries.  We ladies have lives.  It's not reasonable for you to expect a response within less than 24 hours.  If she is busy and stressed out, leave her alone and let her contact you when she is ready.  You're not entitled to see her twice a week just because you want to.   You're a client, not her boyfriend.  She owes you nothing, and no one should be pressuring a college student to work any kind of job at all during finals week!

You want a "connection"?  Respect that this is how she pays her bills and that you're just a client to her.  Stop pushing her boundaries.  When she says she is stressed out, don't expect that spending time with you is going to put her into a better mood.  This is work for her!  You want fantasy, that's great, but try to take a dose of reality along with that.  Otherwise you're going to keep having these six month flings that don't end well.  Invasive needy clients who not only demand large amounts of emotional attention, but also insert themselves into our personal lives by demanding attention between appointments, all have a shelf life.

When I meet a guy like you, I always tell my girlfriends "I'm going to make a lot of money off him but the situation has a limited shelf life."

I have the most genuine connections with clients who understand that real intimacy can be achieved during the span of our time together without thinking that they're entitled to anything else outside of the time they're paying me for.  They understand that connecting with strangers intimately is a talent of mine (or they think I'm a great actress, which truthfully maybe it's a mix of the two being that chemistry varies and all), and that they are hiring me to focus my talent on them.  We can have a real connection within those boundaries, because we are both grounded in REALITY.

whatever sense of connection occurs in P4P can only occur with awareness of and respect for those boundaries and a genuine appreciation for the inherent limitations of the sport....

you can have all kinds of genuine fun and moments or sparks of connection if you just focus on what it is that you are doing and don't romanticize it or start trying to exert ownership or control....

earthshined2316 reads

Posted By: MarkusKetterman
whatever sense of connection occurs in P4P can only occur with awareness of and respect for those boundaries and a genuine appreciation for the inherent limitations of the sport....  
   
 you can have all kinds of genuine fun and moments or sparks of connection if you just focus on what it is that you are doing and don't romanticize it or start trying to exert ownership or control....

Posted By: TheMaskedProvider
Sounds to me like you pushed her boundaries way too much and she cracked.  Should she have been better about asserting her boundaries?  Yes, theoretically.  But you don't leave room for people to assert their boundaries when you are constantly pushing them and then guilt-tripping them about not letting you do so.  If you had not texted her over and over to ask why she was not responding to your messages, you would never have ended up in this situation, I guarantee it.  
   
 Learn your lesson.  Don't push boundaries.  We ladies have lives.  It's not reasonable for you to expect a response within less than 24 hours.  If she is busy and stressed out, leave her alone and let her contact you when she is ready.  You're not entitled to see her twice a week just because you want to.   You're a client, not her boyfriend.  She owes you nothing, and no one should be pressuring a college student to work any kind of job at all during finals week!  
   
 You want a "connection"?  Respect that this is how she pays her bills and that you're just a client to her.  Stop pushing her boundaries.  When she says she is stressed out, don't expect that spending time with you is going to put her into a better mood.  This is work for her!  You want fantasy, that's great, but try to take a dose of reality along with that.  Otherwise you're going to keep having these six month flings that don't end well.  Invasive needy clients who not only demand large amounts of emotional attention, but also insert themselves into our personal lives by demanding attention between appointments, all have a shelf life.  
   
 When I meet a guy like you, I always tell my girlfriends "I'm going to make a lot of money off him but the situation has a limited shelf life."  
   
 I have the most genuine connections with clients who understand that real intimacy can be achieved during the span of our time together without thinking that they're entitled to anything else outside of the time they're paying me for.  They understand that connecting with strangers intimately is a talent of mine (or they think I'm a great actress, which truthfully maybe it's a mix of the two being that chemistry varies and all), and that they are hiring me to focus my talent on them.  We can have a real connection within those boundaries, because we are both grounded in REALITY.

earthshined2013 reads

even with someone I've seen many times, I can ALWAYS sense the wall between us.  

So, I stay on my side.

JustAnotherOpinion1454 reads

Its kind of whiney in spots but keeps your head on straight.  FWIW you get way too close when you visit too often especially if you are not seeing other escorts in between.  One of you, probably the man, is going to cross the line & forget it's not real.  Remember, "I'd like to see you again" means "You are not a complete jerk so you can bring another donation and I'll do my girlfriend act."

earthshined1947 reads

they really couldn't wait to see me/meet me? LMAO!

Just a liitle dash of hubris keeps the delusional stew simmering.

If a hooker ever tells you, "I'm in a bad mood, I'm on the way."  

You should immediately cancel.
If she doesn't have her wits about her, and is being emotionally uh, emotional.... (train-wrecking) did you really not see the impending train-wreck?

"I'm in a bad mood, I'm on the way."

 
"Well, if you aren't in a good mood, we will rain-check. Sound Good?"

 
What other choice will she have?  (It isn't like she didn't try and warn ya,  
but you were Soooooo  insistent-n-persistent, weren't ya?)
Both of you should have put your foot down, starting with her, but since she didn't...
Tighten up.
It's your investment in a good time.  
Meeting up with a pocketful of money with a foul-mood hooker doesn't sound like good potential to me.

Next time, think with the big head

making 85-90 % of the effort and she is using you as an ATM machine.

Move on and find another provider who will respect your time and your money for said time.

ngocneto1663 reads

First - in hind site I clearly should have simply said some other time when your feeling better to her text about being in a bad mood but on the way. That's a lesson I won't have to learn twice.

Second - I did push to much on the follow-up texts and acknowledged that when I saw her and apologized for it. It had never been an issue before as our communication had always been very timely up to this point and often initiated by her. Regardless, I can admit when I was wrong and did so.

Third - I am not going to initiate contact with her going forward. If she initiates contact with me, depending on how it transpires I will make a decision at that point. However, if we do decide to move forward it will only be after having a candid conversation about expectations and boundaries on both our parts.  Should have done this much earlier anyway.

Finally, for those of you that view this as a mechanical act with no ability to care about or feel anything about the other party, then if that works for you who am I to question. As for me though, I just don't see the point if you can't develop some level of caring for the welfare of the other party. If this opens me up for more trouble in the future then so be it but I go into it with my eyes open. After all, as I see it we are people first

I think you got an eye opener. That was a lady who didn't have her fantasy hat on for sure. Chalk it up to a BAD week and take your own advice: Late low with her and see if she contacts you.

A lot of folks here do have a connection. I have guys that a love to spend time with and I enjoy them a lot. Is she kinda young? Young gals are great looking, have lots of energy but *sometimes&* lack emotional maturity. She gave you cues that she wasn't doing well and was stressed. That being said she definitely blew up big time.

Chill out, don't beat yourself up and I truly hopes she makes it up to you if you did come off the total donation after she pitched a fit about it. Her behavior just plain BAD!

xoxo,

Steph

she owes you some make-up time.  Really -- she acted quite poorly.

But if she contacts you, DON"T push.  You'll just end up back where you are now -- or worse.

Good luck!!

ROGM1333 reads

1) No

2) Sometimes these Girls are so Sweet and Adorable that it's difficult not to fall for them.

3) Most likely not. / No.

4) She needed the Money at that point in time. With all the Drama she was dealing with she probably wasn't thinking rationally.  

 
Just like you I've gotten to know the girl I'm seeing pretty well. Her Family Drama and Problems. Do I regret knowing her this much? For now the answer is No. I didn't expect to know her this well. How this happened I'm not really sure.

If she was she would of said thank you for the cash you did give her and graciously leave. She knew exactky what she was doing, and bad day or not she was in the wrong. Don't let the lines be blurred my friend. ;-)

n 2012 I had fun with a lady on MFC.  She was fun to talk to and all that and I tip her fairly well.  She wasn't one of the top girls or anything so I stood out.  Eventual she gave me her phone number because I earned it and she would text often talking about personal shit and whatever.

Many times I would step back and be like what's going on here are we friends or is it all part of the fantasy.  She would insist we were friends and if not she would tell me otherwise.  She said she didn't even expect tips anymore and that she had fun talking to me.  She would ask when I was going to come and visit her, I'm on the east coast and at the time she was in AZ.  I wasn't into meeting at the time so I said I don't know when I have time.  She would text me about all her drama in life as well.

Fast forward to spring 2013 she became a hardcore porn star.  She's on Brazzers, DP, Wicked, Bang Bros, Twistys and all those websites.  She still kept in contact and we just talked she really stopped going on MFC at this point.  She had alot of stuff going for her and I was happy, she seemed like a great person and was successful in life.  She even moved to LA and started escorting so she bought into the whole porn style life.  I don't think she escorts all the time but she has 2 reviews on this site and charges a lot at $1700 per hour.  

Anyways she moved to LA summer 2013 and I would send her flowers/gifts from time to time but nothing more.  Communication went down hill slowly, she became more busy and stressed and big multi-hour text conversations turned into minimal response.  To me that spells I don't want to talk to you so I would text less, she would be all why don't you text me any more.  

At the beginning she would always initialize texts, but after she moved to LA I was always starting text conversations.  The calling and talking on the phone stopped a little after she got to LA as well.  I made a few trips to Vegas for vacation and I would be like hey come by and hang out in Vegas with me and my friends.  I would give 2 months notice and while she would initially agree she always backed out later because of work.    

Thus seeing me was bumped for making money.  This is not something friends do in my mind and when said to her she say stop over thinking things and being sensitive.  To me this is where thoughts starting coming into my mind that we were never friends and she was good at playing the fantasy role for gifts.

Eventually I would be all when can I come visit you and she would never agree to anything.  She was all I'm busy and shit, even if I wanted to schedule for 5 months out she didn't want to commit.  I ended up being in LA randomly in Oct 2013 and I met her.  She was even better looking in person and we met from like 7:30 to 9PM.  She was all lets meet early so I can spend lots of time with you, but I got stuck I 405 traffic after my flight landed so I didn't get to my hotel till 6PM.

I met her that only time she was nice and friendly.  She was flirtatious with lots of playful touching on the shoulder and arm.  She even payed for dinner and wouldn't let me pay, but in reflection I think it was just pay back for all the shit I sent her.  Then she even said that would we fuck if she wasn't on the rag, ya whatever seems like a convenient excuse to me.  She didn't want to hang out after dinner she had to go home and carve pumpkins with her friend.  I mean I'm in town from 3000 miles away and pumpkin carving with a friend you see everyday is more important? OK something true friends don't do to each other in my opinion.  I bet she played with her dogs longer that day!

She blurred the line really well and even got her roommate in on it as she started talking to me on twitter.  Her roommate wasn't a porn star or anything like that so it seemed like Ok this girl is incorporating me into her lfe, but in hindsight no it was all part of her little game.  Which according to her she doesn't play, she said if this was all fantasy she would tell me and that we were friends.

Today I don't buy it for shit.  I think she does whatever it takes to get ahead in life by using people.  I didn't initiate a text with her all summer and she texted me once with a "Thinking about you". I replied and heard crickets.  I'm sure she just wanted to ping me so I may buy her something.  

I'm sure the gf side I saw would be great if she really wanted to be with you, but her words and actions many times didn't align.  She was using me and I know it now and don't need those people in my life.  It's one thing when I asked what is going on and she says it's just fantasy, but to say we are really friends when at this point I don't think we ever were is what gets me.

If she is even on TER and sees this she'll probably go nutso about me talking about her private life.  She banned me on off of her twitter when I would too often post "had a great phone convo last night with X" or something like that.  I mean WTF that's private information?  Why are you trying to hid me from people? I thought we were friends?  All you girl/guy friends say "great time at the beach with X", but I can't say what I did?  Just more signs that I was nothing to her.    

I'm not going to say her name here unless people see a reason.  If anything learn from the experience

When something explodes, always write it down.  

You want your bread buttered on both sides....Emotional connection without commitment. From my experience it doesn't happen.  Either the guy falls in love (happened to me once) or the girl falls in love (happened to me once) or the girl is trained to see you as an ATM (Happened to you).  

There are only eight rules in Fuckclub.  

 1st RULE: You do not talk about FCLUB.

2nd RULE: OK, Forget #1

3rd RULE: If someone says "stop" or goes limp, taps out the F is over.

4th RULE: Only two girls to a F.  You can't handle more than that.

5th RULE: One F at a time.  Unless you have two penises.  

6th RULE: No shirts, no shoes.  

7th RULE: F's  will go on as long as they have to or until the money runs out whichever happens first.  

8th RULE: AND THE ONLY ONE THAT IS REALLY TRUE: p4p =  Companionship for money, and if you forget that you lose.  

     

-- Modified on 9/11/2014 5:00:14 PM

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