Hanging out with guys who just don't find you attractive is another option, but if you're a hottie, well I guess you're just going to have to get used to it. Straight guys almost always think with our dicks. Something about the survival of the species or some such thing.
Don't worry, someday you'll be old and unattractive, THEN guys will start leaving you alone. Well, not all guys, you'll still have guys hitting on you then too. I wouldn't worry about it until it stops, THEN you'll have something to worry about. lol
So I'm a provider, hence the usage of this site. But primarily, I'm a regular person. I live in NYC and as anyone who lives here or has visited knows, it's a city where it's very easy to meet people because most people walk or take public transportation. You just come face to face with a lot of people and inevitably, meet people of the opposite sex.
So, recently I met this guy on the train. Cute guy, we started talking. I met him for brunch and he seemed like a decent person. I have no interest in having sex with some civie guy I just met, and was looking forward to maybe being friends and hanging out, going to the park, whatever. But he keeps trying to come to my apartment! Calling and saying things like, "Good morning! Can I bring you breakfast in bed?" And "I'm in the neighborhood. Can I stop by?" HA! You've got to be kidding me dude. Ive started avoiding his calls.
Then I meet another cute guy on the street a few days ago. He ran after me and approached me with a compliment, and we started a conversation. Seemed genuine enough so I gave him my number. We met yesterday for a picnic in the park, and I notice he's wearing sweatpants and keeps getting an erection! WTF? We're just drinking juice and eating sandwiches. He tells me that he had love at first sight and tries to go in for a kiss. UMMM... I just met you yesterday. I just wanted someone to hang out with at the park and maybe walk around town with. AKA a friend. You guessed it. I'm not going to answer his calls anymore.
Do any ladies feel my frustration with men? It's as if it's impossible to just he friends with someone of the opposite gender unless they're gay. I just don't want to be pressured or "tricked" into being alone with a guy so he can make a move on me.
What do you guys suggest
not even think about writing fiction.. 
..you write very well in fact.
My personal residence is off limits until I know the provider at a very personal level at least a month or two or more... :s
I treat providers differently from girls I met I civvie world due to the personal information and BSC risk factor.
I've known her for maybe 3-4 days but she keeps making plans to stay over, visit, etc. How do I tell her nicely that I would like to get more comfortable with her first before I invite her over???
Invite her to dinner OTC... that one will put things in their proper perspective
I stayed at her hotel every night in same bed, OTC.
She's coming back soon and we're gonna take a vacation (OTC) but she wants to see my place before we go. I'm not comfortable inviting her yet
When you leave your place to go on your little vacation, just make sure that all of her shit goes with her.
I take it you've never done this before, have you? Not to mention a 10-15 year age difference is nothing. I remember a few years ago I was seeing a Korean girl who mentioned that I was 14 years her senior, I told her that I was a bit concerned that she might be a bit too old for me, but that she was in pretty good shape for an "old broad" and that I was still willing to try and make it work, despite HER old age. lol
I have lived with a couple of providers in the past so seeing a provider off the clock is not at all new. Considering you knew why I took a hiatus from the hobby last year or so, I'm surprised at your response. lol
Primary reason right now is that there's a girl living with me at the moment.
Secondary reason being my general paranoia and precaution when it comes to illegal activities and strangers from such domain crossing too quickly into my personal domain beyond my comfort level.
I have had theft, vandalism, and drugs on my premises when I let a druggy girl and her druggy friend stay with me for longer than I am comfortable with. It's another level of felony if the girl is selling them too.
The rest of your points are well taken, especially the part about having a girl living with you, unlike our little Turdy, I have enough difficulty keeping up with my own life to remember whether or not some other drunk presently has a GF.
Maybe tell her that you think hotels are just sexier than your place. Tell her you're a slob and all you have in your LR is a lawn chair, cooler, and bean bag! And you have no groceries. Etc. I think she'll be ok to stay in a hotel.
Tell her Turdy's your roomie.
I treat providers differently from girls I met I civvie world due to the personal information and BSC risk factor.
I've known her for maybe 3-4 days but she keeps making plans to stay over, visit, etc. How do I tell her nicely that I would like to get more comfortable with her first before I invite her over???
It's time for you to raise YOUR rates !!
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I know, you'll have to pay her after you break the news to her.
That might be a nice way to say, hey babe you are just my hooker and not my GF.
I better switch things up a bit hahahaha.
But that's annoying for sure. It's almost like there's a full moon and they all get weird.
I've literally told a guy or two I ONLY want to be friends. But then when we hang out, they're always asking if they can touch me, what they can do better to make a girl like them, ask me for kisses because my lips are this or that, then get all disappointed when I go home and --- nothing.
I'm sorry, but this isn't a charity and it's not just there for use whenever a guy thinks it's time 'just because'.
If someone is going to be a douche and just hit it when they want to, well, then shoot Courtney an email. She'd be happy to book an extended date.
(My friends usually know what I do for a living unless they can't handle the info.)
I LOVE sex, don't get me wrong. But there's got to be a good reason to have sex. And it ain't because some random Joe Schmo and I had a picnic.
...Isn't that what woman often complain about no communication. Works both ways.
Which BTW is bullshit. I have been so honest that the guy would have to be in a coma not to get it but still, he had to go there and was kicked to the curb for his efforts. Shows disrespect if I have told him in no uncertain terms I do not want sex with him.
...indeed mean yes. I said, you realize what you're saying, right? She said, yes she did.
Do I assume that's always the case? No.
This situation is still as I've said it's about communication and yes, sometimes people are selectively deaf.
College friend was attracted to a girl. She was not interested. He kept calling on her. Her friends would say she wasn't there. (Dorm visits) Finally she went out with him just hoping that would be enough and he'd go away. Now 40 years later of the entire group of couples that were friends through those college years they are the only couple still together.
Turning red lol
Now it is considered stalking.
People often wish for the "good old days" but this is one improvement that is exactly that, an improvement.
"The good ole days weren't always good, and today's not as bad as it seems"
and NO, I am certainly not going to claim those words as my own. but they are appropriate, aren't they?
...it's always what happened. I'm gonna keep saying it's never only one or the other.
Ask if she really means no because you think she means yes.
Of course there are no absolutes. But if she keeps hinting no, or saying no, and then all of a sudden she stops taking your calls, answering your texts, or avoids you in other ways, that's a good sign she means no and doesn't want to say it again.
...too many other possibilities to deal with that.
"...there's got to be a good reason to have sex. It can't be because me and Joe Schmoe had a picnic." Lmfao I'm tweeting this with credits to you lol!!
..because its so true.
that you've left behind the real world. That's a common theme with escorts, once they've been paid for sex, they always want to be paid for sex. No wonder so few providers successfully transition back into the civvie world and find true love and a man that they'll have sex with without him laying $$$$ on the nightstand.
So what are you going to do when you're old and men aren't willing to pay you for pussy anymore? Let me guess, you'll give up sex of course. You don't really want it unless you're getting paid.
I think after being as escort, women do continue to want something for sex. Not cash per se, but maybe a marriage with a well-off man or even just to be with a man with some social status or access to resources/connections that benefit her. I do have an education and some marketable skills (non escort) so that I can somewhat make a living with on my own, but would definitely like to be in a secure relationship someday. Lots of women want this though, not just escorts.
Too many times in my life I've been the Joe Schmo at some other good-looking gal's picnic. Although long-time female friends say I'm a very attractive guy, I lack the knack for landing a girl on the spur of the moment.
You say, "[T]here's got to be a good reason to have sex [with a guy who's trying to pick you up]."
Please give me examples of good reasons. Is it some line he gives you? Is it a particular look in his eye? Is it a swagger or a body shape or a cut of clothing? Or is it something etherial that defies definition?
You've kind of answered your own question. If you just want a male 'friend' and no sex hook up with a gay guy. Most men expect a relationship to lead to sex. Some on the first date, but most will give you the benefit of waiting until some "near" future date. Kathy Griffin on Dave Letterman a couple weeks ago said she doesn't have sex on the first date, she has it before the first date. Relationships are a trade....either sex for money or sex for security. But, keep looking. If you just want friendship, do you really mind him being gay? If you eventually want sex, than it's just a matter of finding the right guy with the right timing.
However, I find it tough to meet gay men. I don't know where girls find their gay BFFs. I mean, I don't work in a salon or boutique, nor am I artsy or a designer, etc. I don't go to gay bars. Just not sure how else to become friends with gay men. They surely don't approach me and ask for my number.
Ride public transportation to Fire Island
I'm guessing you're kind of new to New York? This link may hel
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just wanted/expected to jump right in. That's why I like this world better. We get the sex part done right away. Then, sometimes, if there's a connection, a friendship can happen.
But really, you can have a version of the same problem in this world with guys who have sex, buy into the GFE fantasy and imagine a connection that doesn't exist, then stalk you.
Isn't that really the same thing? Of course, they've already paid to fuck you but emotionally it seems rather similar.
he doesnt know and you give him your number, 99% hes trying to date you or fuck you. Guys dont go out just looking for females to be friends with. If you give him your number, let it be known that you are only interested in being friends. Otherwise the guy is going to think the fish is biting.
would take a girl saying, "Here's my number but I'm just looking for a casual friendship" as a challenge, would they not?
Honey you can tattoo just friends on your forehead, it doesn't work. I have had guy "friends" bide their time for years but inevitably they always make a move. It's annoying when you just met the guy, but if someone has been pretending to be your friend whilst having "feelings" (bonors) for years it's a painful betrayal and their frustration can turn ugly quick.
I have come to accept that there is no such thing as male friends UNLESS you've already fucked and broken up or knocked it off for other reasons. You can remain cool/friends.
They will say yes and still try and hit eventually. I have totally given up on straight male friends and have the most gorgeous gay male friends that I love hanging with. The guys I meet at work, this work, pay to fuck me and that is how I like it.
They are looking to fk you. But do you really need me to tell you this?
If friendship is what you want, get that from your civie job, organizations you may belong to, meeting people thru people you already know, neighbors, etc not by giving your cell out to every Tom, Dick, or John that hits you up.
Women I meet keep wanting money from me. Go figure.
When you have sex for a living, and make hundreds an hour a civie guy has to be pretty fucking spectacular to make it to your bed. At least for me. I don't date and work on tours, meaning weeks with no nookie in between. On occasion I wish I had someone to take me to a nice dinner or movie or to cuddle up on the sofa watching garbage tv together...
But get real. Because you provide you want to have a civie guy provide what you don't get at work. Like some real conversation with someone who actually wants to get to now you for who you are? An intellectual exchange of ideas, values and dreams with another human being? Someone to do activities with who doesn't want to tickle your twat, or at least not until he gets to know you and then organically build mutual attraction in a non slimy way?
You're a beautiful girl assumingly in your genetic prime. Factor in the nature of your species along with an over sexualized media and yeah, guys are thinking with their dicks pretty much all the time.
Breakfast in bed? Hahaha C'mon, transparent as that is give him a break (mental not vaginal).
Men trying to figure out a way into our panties is similar to watching first man figure out fire. It is annoying that they think one date constitutes some physical affection, but then again with a lot of women it works.
If you want romance, date an older gentleman and even then cross your fingers and pray sister…pray hard.
I've accepted that the way I look (mostly the way I'm built) makes men think of sex immediately. It pays my way through life so when it annoys me at the grocery store or yoga class or when (LA) someone thinks honking and attempting to speak to me from their car is anything other than insulting I just shrug it off.
Sometimes you can't have it both ways. If you'd like to enjoy the company of a man who isn't trying to fuck you embrace gay men. They are the loophole and a heaven-sent.
PS NOTHING good/tasteful can come from a guy who would wear sweats on a first date. Shiver
Really good response. I think we relate in a lot of ways. I want a guy to go out and watch movies with, ride bikes, go to museums, etc. And no alterior motives, no pressure. You definitely "get" it.
Gay men are indeed treasures.
And you are SO right about the sweatpants!!!! LMAO! I saw him and I immediately thought "WTF are you wearing?" They were like tapered at the ankle. But he's a muscular guy so the look was just not working for him AT ALL. They looked like 90s pants you buy from American apparel. Anyway, maybe that's the true reason for being uninterested in getting physical with him. Lol
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If you're looking for strictly platonic, I'll second (or third or fourth) the suggestion about befriending gay guys.
My ex has a lot of gay friends. She confides in them more than she would a hetero guy, has fun conversations, goes to all sorts of places and events with them, and just enjoys herself. She started doing this when she was young and hot. Having a guy along with you keeps other guys from hitting on you, too.
And I love my gay boyfriends.
... if I pretended to be gay then I could have hung out with all the hot girls... and then maybe after a while I could have said I'm curious about what hetro sex is about and... well, not it still probably wouldn't have worked. But if I pretended to be a gay guy with money...hmmmmm
... offer to see mongers for free if they take you to dinner, but let them know it's only dinner - no sex - and if they want sex well... well, you know what to say
That is an intriguing idea. That may be crazy enough to work, with the right client. He'd probably have to be single though. Have free time on the weekends, etc....
You would have hit pay dirt.
I was forever befriending gals in college and afterwards who just wanted to "be friends". I accepted that even though I was so horny I'd go home and chew the furniture. As soon as I could afford it, I started to hobby because it seemed that was about the only way I'd ever have sex.
I enjoyed doing things and talking to these women, though half the conversations with me were about how upset they are at how their boyfriends treat them.
Some many years later I had sort of an opposite problem: I got reacquainted with a platonic girlfriend I knew back in high school. I had just been divorced and of course I hobbied a lot and shared all this with her from the onset because I wanted to be straight with her. I was only looking for someone to go out and see movies with and share some laughs, no sex. But, it seems she had other ideas and sought me out for sex which I foolishly acquiesced to and predictably, it led to us having a messy break up within months. A similar experience occurred with another gal, only this one had an ironic twist as she is someone I met at an MP but our relationship became more intense for awhile.
So, it's a two way street with this sex thing sometimes.
I think the suggestion to befriend people from work and organizations might be better that just casual meetings on the street.
expresses your quandary pretty well.
It features one of my all time favorite Hollywood character actors, Percy Helton.
...and he's attracted. It just happens. Now regarding the other stuff he decides to do that.
What's the issue with a guy trying to have sex with an attractive woman? If he doesn't try (or ask) he'll never know if it's possible. You are looking for one thing, he's looking for another. Some discussion would be useful. He may or may not turn into a friend or hangout buddy or whatever you want to call it. Do you tell them you're looking for a hang out friend? How will they know if you don't?
I make it priority to be up front as soon as I can so I don't waste his time or become annoyed at fighting off his advances.
A simple" I am not interested in having sex with you, so if that is your primary goal, well, you might want to go elsewhere. If you are cool with being platonic, I have no issue with that."
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1) You are almost certainly turbo hot. If you are, 95+% guys with the balls to cold call approach you are shameless horndogs. If you want to meet a more civilized dude stop taking numbers from sex-freaks on the street and go to a BBQ class or join a sports league or whatever the equivalent is in depraved NYC...
2) You are almost certainly turbo hot, If you are, guys will really want to have sex with you and the sooner the better.
3) You are almost certainly turbo hot. Be friends with girls.
4) You are almost certainly turbo hot. If a guy asks you out on a date he will try to kiss you and touch you and other icky stuff. He is not tricking you any more than a sidewalk vendor is when they try to sell you their stolen crap.
5) You are almost certainly turbo hot. If a guy wants to have sex with you like RIGHT NOW it doesn't mean he is a bad guy. There are other better tests for that like is his name skarphedin? If so, he wants to fuck you and also loves your beautiful soul and you should buy his beer.
She's a white girl trying hard to be an exotic girl. White people all look the same to an Asian guy though. Ha
But yeah, she's turbo hot.
Skinny and I go a while back, we were in the same division back in WW2. she has 3 purple hearts
who go the "I only hang out with gay guys because they don't want to screw me" route and they are bitter and either terminally single or ugly.
Now, it could be correlation without causation but it isn't.
You stop gazing in the mirror.
Seriously. This sounds like mid-20s puppy type behavior. It's less common if you look up into the early 30s bracket, and even more so if you go 40+
Men mature emotionally later than you, it is what it is.
They may not be good suggestions, but they're suggestions.
1. Dress down. Basic makeup, plain clothes. I know it's not fair, but we're talking the real world here, and most guys are pigs at heart. You'll still have guys approach you, but they won't be as hormonally nuclear (at least at first).
2. Be a bitch to every guy you meet. My favorite-so-far provider is hot as can be. I've asked her how she deals with guys hitting on her. She says she has her bitch look down cold, and they stop approaching when she flashes it. I understand that your complaint is about guys you've already agreed to see, but if you don't have that look, maybe work on it to cut down on the number of guys hitting on you.
3. Make it painfully clear in the first hour that you don't have sex right off the bat with any guy. If you really want to see what he's interested in, say you're saving yourself for marriage. I kept pursuing a girl who said that. It was like a challenge. Never got anywhere, but we had a lot of fun despite not having sex.
4. Kick him in the nuts. If he asks to see you again after, he's either extremely interested in you or he's BSC
Are you not looking for a boyfriend period? Or just that these guys dont cut it for you?
...Men and women alike responded compassionately. That is saying a lot. You deserve an award! Most constructive post of the year.
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Yes, it has happened but most of the women here are smart and tough, take care of themselves and get respect. I can think of only one who does not, and gets regularly bashed for it. She actually doesn't understand why and probably never will.
Men are from Mars and Women are From Venus.
Everyone here seems to either overtly or tacitly accept this but no one quite knows what to do about it, except that we now know women need to have gay male friends if they want to avoid sex and need a tire changed, and men must come to terms with the fact that they are the pigs who sinned badly in a past life as this is purgatory where civie women and even providers don't really want to have sex with them IRL.
Lol lol lol
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If you REALLY want a non sexual relationship with a guy - you need to meet in a setting that is not one on one. Guy on the street/in a bar/church/grocery store/whatever random place is not going to accomplish this. Hot chick met on the street/bar/church/grocery store - go to her place for hot sex --- basic fantasy fodder for any guy with detectable testosterone and a hetero orientation. You will not succeed in establishing a stable long term non sexual relationship with that starting point. Guys are pigs - that's how you girls make money.... We think about sex continuously - it's called testosterone poisoning.
So pick a different starting point - What do you like to do when you aren't working? Amateur theater - charity work - community organizing - organic gardening - dungeons and dragons - bridge - chess - whatever. Find a group of people who do that - join them. NYC (just guessing) has lots of groups of people.
You might find some interesting people (of either sex). You might find that they are complete putzes. If so - move on to another group. If not - you should find some new friends with common interests that are between your ears rather than your legs - which I am guessing is the point
but a guy will never talk to a random hot girl just to be friends.
Did you ever think about paying guys just to be friends?
I'd be good at that, as most women don't find me desirable. They wouldn't want to use me for anything else. Plus the lady might get her money back. That is, if I pass her screening process. Which should be a piece of cake, given she(my date) would also be my employer.
Did you ever think about paying guys just to be friends?
Sorry, but it's true. Guys can't help it. It's more or less impossible for guys to spend any amount of time with a woman as "just friends" (going out to dinner, a show, a museum, etc) without starting to feel some sort of affection/lust/love. We pretty much want to nail 'em all. It's coded in the DNA, nothing to be done about it.
I'll agree that these "winners" you've picked have been remarkably unsubtle in their pursuit of you and your affections. At some point though, a guy is going to wonder where "the relationship is going"; he may ask you straight out, and be disappointed by your "let's just be friends" response (and/or turn creepy stalker-ish on you), or he may never ask and just stop calling.
Assuming you're reasonably attractive though (and if you're a provider, I guess you'd have to be), you're going to have to get used to this kind of "attention" from men.
I like guys who have that "I give very few fucks" aesthetic, but sweatpants?! I didn't even think people wore sweatpants anywhere other than home or the gym. No sandwiches for that guy holy shit.
I am bald, unemployed and I live w my parents....and w all that going for me I would never wear sweatpants on a date. I would've mentioned my small penis, but that is TMI
I literally LMAO on that one! To his defense, I am pretty sure he got them from American Apparel. Like he was going for the throwback 90s sweatsuit look. It was a major fashion fail, but I'm pretty sure the intention was good.
I'm not sure what's worse, a slob who wears sweatpants on dates, or a hipster douche who wears them to be trendy.
....you will have all of the male buddies that you want.
But then you won't be able to have any platonic female friends, since you will be constantly hitting on them.
Oh the conundrum......
Men ALWAYS want sex, whether it be civvie or hobby. It's unfortunate that you're so attractive guys are trying to get into your pants - I really do empathize with the horrible dilemma of being a hot woman. Had you been born homely, you would have absolutely no trouble finding a ton of heterosexual men who want to be platonic friends. So my suggestion is to ugly yourself up and trust me, the guys will stop hitting on you.
I don't think hot is a factor. Many men will hunt anything that walks... and pay for it.
and then "not so skinny Minnie" would have all sorts of guys not interested in having sex with her, but most likely she would still have lots of guys right here willing to pay her for the pleasure. Sounds like a win win to me. lol
I was dressed nicely and on my way to see a provider.I arrived in the area about an hour early, parked in a lot .2 of a mile from her incall, and stepped into a juice place for a cool something and a relaxing, air conditioned place to kill time. This chubby girl with scraggly blonde hair asked if she could sit with me and started talking about how nice I looked, if I worked in the area, what I had planned for the day. How often does a stranger hope to get an answer to, "So, what you going to do with the rest of your day?" I almost felt like telling her I planned to spend two hours in bed with a woman I would then accurately describe in glowing terms, but the chubby blonde was just ugly enough to be an out-of-shape cop.
When women start feeling sorry for me, I'll start feeling sorry for them. Until then, hey, babe, that's all part of la dolce vita.
Maybe they recognized you from your ad and trying to get a civvie freebie? Seriously, all you can do IMO is make it clear you are not interested in sex. If they drop you, then you have a compatibility issue and better off without them.
It's like when you were 18 years old and kept getting "carded" for everything. It bothered you. Still getting carded at 26 and it bothered you, but you were getting carded a little less and caring a little less. Then one day you realized you weren't getting carded at all. Enjoy it while you can.