Since you have so much empathy for this guy that you don't even know, why don't you book a weekend with him? In the meantime, I will remain shallow on a fuck board while you try to tell yourself that you are not.
A few weeks ago I posted that my favorite AMP provider invited me to take her to the beach for the weekend. I just got back. Several people asked me to post how it went. It was "Very Interesting and a little bit disappointing." Here's the story.
In the past, when I've seen her at the spa, she's been this smiling, incredibly sexy young exotic Asian ready for anything and anxious to please. A real fantasy. It actually crossed my mind that I didn't know how old she was and, if she was underage, could it be a problem? Wouldn't they check that at the spa? Should I ask for her ID before taking her across state lines? I imagined a weekend of great, constant sex and fun times. Not knowing what to expect but prepared for the best I brought six condoms (threw two more in bag at the last minute for 'good measure'), a bottle of massage oil, and a bottle of KY.
I didn't know what to expect. I picked her up at the train station. When she got off I didn't recognize her at first... She looked like a frumpy, almost middle-aged Asian woman (she told me later that she was 26, not sure if I believed her - I would have guessed mid 30's at this point). Instead of the glittery heels and short tight dress I had seen her in at work, she wore flat sandals with old-lady-like large plastic flowers on them. Her luscious body was covered by a shapeless dress and sweater. I remember thinking, "What a difference makeup can make!"
I treated her like a treasured girlfriend; opening doors, reaching over to hold her hand, complementing her, paying for everything. She responded back a little mechanically. The language barrier, too, was significant. Although she said she's been here 10 years, her English is not so good.
In the end, I would only say I had an "interesting" weekend. I have no idea how she would describe it. We ate lobster, went on a boat ride, walked on the beach. I gladly paid for everything. We shared a bed but she made it clear the first night that she didn't want to have sex. When I asked she made an incomprehensible face and said she was too tired and promised it for the next day. She didn't offer the next day and I didn't really mind much as she was not turning me on (although I could have ignored that I suppose). I'm not really sure why she didn't want to have sex. Was it me? Was it that she takes a break from sex on her vacation? Was she in the middle of a herpes breakout? No idea. She didn't seem to want to talk about it and I didn't want to bring it up and possibly make her uncomfortable.
My intentions for the weekend were to give her a wonderful gift of a weekend, have lots of sex, and to understand the essence of a person with her background and profession. A few times I tried talking about some deeper subjects like her life and work, but either language or reluctance got in the way. Once she said she had been in the US for ten years. Later she said she came here alone when she was 11. I remarked that that must have been scary. She 'kind of' laughed and didn't say more. I'm not sure if she understood my questions -- maybe she was telling the truth each time, but answering different questions. She talked about her sister at home in Korea who was having financial trouble, her roommates in NY that she sees only rarely when their vacation schedules coincide, her house in Korea, and that she's only been back 3 times in 10 years. I asked a question about her parents which she didn't seem to understand - or she doesn't have parents. I found out that she doesn't read, watch TV, go to movies, dance, or drink -- there was nothing she told me that she liked doing. I kept looking for what she had a passion for and came up blank.
She never asked for anything. She didn't want me to buy her things, although she let me pay for all the meals (I would not have let her pay anyway). She did, at one point, ask me about meeting her sister. Was she trying to get her a visa? I didn't really understand what she was asking and she dropped it. She seemed to refer to a number of women as "her sister". I was confused. If it had been her purpose for being here I guess she would have brought it up again.
Throughout the weekend I treated her with respect and kindness. I am one of those insanely "Nice Guy's". She was always polite and appreciative without showing any affection, feigned or otherwise, in her touch or gaze. We held hands when we walked in the street, shared a bed. I kissed her 'goodnight'.
I don't know this woman at all. I don't understand her past, her work, how she sees herself, me, or what she envisions for her future. Her sexiness has a volume control which, when turned up at work burns like a match -- but I guess can also be turned all the way off, as it was this weekend. I don't understand why she didn't offer to have sex with me -- why else would she think I would buy her a fantasy weekend at the beach? Wouldn't it have been simple for her to slip into "work mode" for an hour or so and give me what I obviously wanted? I had hoped to get to know her this weekend - get a glimpse into a life that was far, far different then mine. But I got nothing. I'll just have to trust in the general rightness of things as it is altogether possible that, had I learned the naked truth, I might not have liked it.
... but it was definitely an experience I value. I hope she had a really wonderful time.
Original Thread
she was having her period? That description, minus the Asian part, sounds prrrrretty much like me when I am...
But who knows. Maybe it's too early too tell how this will turn out since this was their first official date and a number of variables could have come into play. Maybe he was pressuring her for sex a bit beyond her comfort zone the first night and she got turned off? It seems he was assuming that since she's a sex worker she will have no problem putting out on civvy dates? Maybe she just thought of him as a close guy friend and sizing him up til she's ready?
Also sounds to me like she wanted a break from sex work and just wanted to relax for the weekend with someone she's initially felt comfortable with.
But this is why I don't take girls on vacations unless she's already my girl or very very close to being my girl. or if she's paying for her own trip. Lead on the guy, have him spend all that money, she doesn't pay for shit, open doors, etc.... yet he got nothing. It doesn't even seem like she appreciated what he did. I hope he's still seeing other escorts and not get too deep with this girl at least not til she shows some real interest.
And people wonder why men hobby. Who enjoys being strung along in a wishy washy date minus expenses, just to come home with blue balls?
After reading your post my first thought was to make a joke and say "welcome to the world of marriage' but that flip comment would neither do your thoughtful and heartfelt comments justice, nor would it be fair to marriage which is not all that bad - only mine is.
You shine through as a decent person who did their best and learned that things are not always as they appear. And for me, after years in this hobby of ours it become more clear each day that Shakespeare had it right once again when he (or she) wrote:
All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances
In addition to the traditional benefits of what we do, sometimes we need to just give a crap about someone a little bit special, and sometimes we needs someone kinda special to give a crap about us. When that happens, it broadens the experience. It sounds like you were probably looking for that experience - not a lifelong commitment, just some shared special moments between two people who mater to each other. Clearly you looked past a lot to have her matter to you after all was said and done, and my guess is - and it's just a guess - that she will look back fondly on this weekend and upon you.
But this does not change the fact that you two met on our stage, and when the lights come up the empty theater does not emit the same energy as opening night. It is important to taste life without cosmetics with someone who seems to matter. The truth may be harsh as morning light sometimes, but that does not make it bad. You found out who she is and she found out who you are. It think you got all the real her truly had to give this weekend. Maybe there will be more and maybe not. Her life cannot be easy and I doubt you or I can possibly imagine half of what it must be to wake up each day and be her... that said, I have a feeling you showed her a side of life that was truly special to her this weekend, more by putting your own needs aside and coming out in the end hoping she had a wonderful time.
You sound like one of the good guys. I would say though that while it is understandable for you to wonder why she didn't have sex with you, you may want to consider what she saw in you at first to ask you to do this, is someone who did not have to have sex to enjoy her company. I would not let what might just be a very reserved and shell shocked nature be confused with indifference. I am not suggesting that she is calculating (in a good way), because I do not know her, but it seems as if she showed you about the un-sexiest side of her as possible, and if you still liked her after that then maybe just maybe she feels some increased sense of mattering as a person, compared to being someone who is simply paid to provide whatever it is she provides.
-- Modified on 7/27/2014 11:01:24 AM
was such a nice post that about half way through I had to stop and remember on which site I was reading it. Very thoughtful. 
Thank you! I'm not sure I want to know what site you may have thought you were on, so I will simply enjoy the fantasy that it was someplace good and to say that your words mean a lot to me.
I totally disagree. he brought 6 condoms. he wanted sex. he lost his nerve and came back empty and unhappy. his intent was not to walk on the beach and feed her lobster. plus I don't buy the statement that the girl went from a beauty to a frum. at the very least he could have seen her naked when the went to bed. her boobs and ass didn't shrink I hope.
She wasn't joking lol. She was straight forward and did / asked for exactly what she wanted. She communicated the exact purpose. Just going away with you.
When we go on a vacation with someone that is work related, we communicate an all expenses paid trip. Plus our weekend rate. We go home with our weekend rate. On any weekend I've been on, I was surprised, (and usually frustrated lol,) that there was minimal sex. I remember with one guy, in an entire weekend, we had intercourse once and there were two blow jobs. I still got paid for that time and expenses. (And I did have a ton of fun, just wanted more sex lol.)
If she had sex with you once, or maybe twice, and it was how a lot of these weekends go in my experience, you would have paid a lot more than her expenses. But you wouldn't have had the blue balls.
It still sucks, so sorry for the disappointment. It does show that a guy can see things that aren't really there and get confused just like women. 
-- Modified on 7/27/2014 2:04:54 PM
if so then she should have performed. If not then you get her as she is normally unless there is a set agreement in place where you are to pay for everything and she owes you this many hours play. However if you are not comping her for her time then really she doesn't owe you sexy time, you get her company in return for paying for everything. Most ladies won't even do that so count yourself lucky
No, I was not compensating her for the trip. She didn't 'owe' me anything. I had no expectations, but several (dozen) fantasies. My fantasies are not her responsibilities and I'm really glad I had the weekend with her. It was 'an experience' and that's enough to make my day.
as long as you were satisfied then that is all that matters.
I also have to say and I only did this once because I now know personally I can't make the transition but...
Once upon a when, I had a wonderful guest. I found him fun, engaging, funny, smart, giving, nuturing and kind. My personal life opened up and he was there for me when I needed to talk and even when I got too drunk and lost my car keys between my seat and center console convincing me to take a cab home and maybe saving my life. So I figured what the hell, and asked him out. We went out every Saturday for 6wks and I never even kissed him that whole time. I was trying to get to know the real him and found him to be to opposing to me, conversation became hard and I found that while I "liked" him outside of the hobby I didn't lust for him like I did when he would book an appt. Great guy, but I could not get past not being able to bring the lust I felt for him in session into the real life relationship we were trying to have. I tried, I really did but for me it just was not there and would never have become love. Sure I could have rode it out, probably get him to pay all my bills and take care of me but I didn't want that, I wanted love. So I let it go.
Just saying that because we are providers doesn't mean we fall into bed with the guys we like, the emotional side in a relationship can become clouded with sex and real feelings never found from a females POV.
I hope that helps. Sometimes the spark can be there in session and just never show in real life. GL hun
and you too are projecting, not only are you projecting but you are projecting from a single experience in "dating" a client.
I know I too am projecting my personal experiences on this subject, but at least I have a rather large sample size having "dated" literally dozens of providers a very substantial number of them asian.
I am not saying that your feelings on the subject are invalid, and I fully accept that you have every bit as much right to post on the matter as anyone else, but you are basing much of your opinion on the subject on a single case of you trying to date a guy who just didn't do it for you in "that way". Just because the one guy didn't work out doesn't mean that maybe the next guy won't, whether or not he was once a client. All I am saying is "never say never"
and while I only singly dated a guest and it actually RUINED everything, I only saw him once more after I cut him loose and it was not like before(I would not risk a hot guest again!!). I have had many friends(I have known for 10+yrs) that I see off the clock for lunches and such followed by sessions and while we are out the friend factor is there and the romance is not till we get behind closed doors. Not sure why, wish I knew. I do know that the envelope makes me hot, I get excited and very turned on by getting paid for my time.
However this is just one girls view. I am trying to interject a female POV. Keep in mind you are only giving the males side and what you were TOLD was the female side. Alot of ladies lie when they no longer wish to see a guest OTC for fear of bad review retaliation. I hope you at least see some value in a provider who is unfettered by retaliation, and well just does not care about that. I also know many ladies who really like the guy but aren't really feeling him, but would rather ride him out then stay a FT provider. All things happen, of that I don't doubt. I can tell you that from my small group of friends I have 1 who really like a guest she is now dating, another refuses to date anyone and would never date a guest period, and yet another who is married to one and she is unhappy with her relationship. I have seen alot in my years. I just hope that everyone keeps their expectations realistic.
We are providers and NO ONE should ever come into this industry looking for more then what it is. Good luck to all
and yes I can only offer the male perspective, but I do know what a woman in love looks like, and I have seen that look a few times from providers i have dated, and these were providers that I met as a customer first, a BF second.
For the record, I also realize the one true way to know if a woman's feelings for a guy in this business is to take the money out of the equation and I have reached and passed that threshold on many different occasions
My main point here was that NEVER seems to be a word tossed around a lot where it comes to providers and clients dating, and that has been the furthest thing from the truth in my experience. I will confess that most of the relationships that I have been in with SP's have been more of the "friends with benefits" type of thing rather than true love, but I also know for a fact that I have had the "real thing" on a couple of occasions.
We also don't know if she really doesn't want anything more with the OP than friendship, or if she wants to show him her "real self" and see if his is still interested after he didn't get immediate gratification. If you didn't read his original post before going on this date, you might check my post warning him of this very outcome on their first "Non paid" date.
To the lack of affection and sex and that she was not all dressed up sexy like. So it clearly did bother you that you wanted "lots of sex" but got none and that she did not look as appealing as she does when you pay her to be with you.
Thanks for the followup. Your posts have been interesting since I have a Chinese girlfriend.
My girlfriend has been in the USA for 2 years her English is good and she has been working hard at learning everyday. While we can generally understand each other we sometimes have to explain things a little more or use Google translate for certain words. I will tell you the lack of English may be a big reason why she did not want to talk much or have conversations with you about deeper subjects. When we need to text message I use a messaging app that allows me to translate txt with her so she can write in Chinese. She can't read english well but is learning. watching TV is actually a good way to learn english.
As for the frumpy appearance. I always find it funny how different my girlfriend looks depending on her hair style. When we first met her hair was always up and when I first saw it completely down she looked like a totally different person.
The sex thing I don't know she could be on her period or it could be she wanted to take it slow on a real date? Or maybe she was just looking for a friend to go away with. I don't know much about her industry. I do think the lifestyle of someone in her line of work is usually very simple she probably doesn't have much money and what she does make sends home to her family. That coupled with the language barrier she probably doesn't get out much.
I've been learning Chinese for three years now and I feel like my brain goes to the gym. It's amazing how it opens your mind and your life. Find a local professional teacher. Get Pleco for your smartphone for flashcards
You were hoping for the fantasy, but got a dose of reality. Oh well, live and learn.
In the past, when I've seen her at the spa, she's been this smiling, incredibly sexy young exotic Asian ready for anything and anxious to please. A real fantasy. It actually crossed my mind that I didn't know how old she was and, if she was underage, could it be a problem? Wouldn't they check that at the spa? Should I ask for her ID before taking her across state lines? I imagined a weekend of great, constant sex and fun times. Not knowing what to expect but prepared for the best I brought six condoms (threw two more in bag at the last minute for 'good measure'), a bottle of massage oil, and a bottle of KY.
I didn't know what to expect. I picked her up at the train station. When she got off I didn't recognize her at first... She looked like a frumpy, almost middle-aged Asian woman (she told me later that she was 26, not sure if I believed her - I would have guessed mid 30's at this point). Instead of the glittery heels and short tight dress I had seen her in at work, she wore flat sandals with old-lady-like large plastic flowers on them. Her luscious body was covered by a shapeless dress and sweater. I remember thinking, "What a difference makeup can make!"
I treated her like a treasured girlfriend; opening doors, reaching over to hold her hand, complementing her, paying for everything. She responded back a little mechanically. The language barrier, too, was significant. Although she said she's been here 10 years, her English is not so good.
In the end, I would only say I had an "interesting" weekend. I have no idea how she would describe it. We ate lobster, went on a boat ride, walked on the beach. I gladly paid for everything. We shared a bed but she made it clear the first night that she didn't want to have sex. When I asked she made an incomprehensible face and said she was too tired and promised it for the next day. She didn't offer the next day and I didn't really mind much as she was not turning me on (although I could have ignored that I suppose). I'm not really sure why she didn't want to have sex. Was it me? Was it that she takes a break from sex on her vacation? Was she in the middle of a herpes breakout? No idea. She didn't seem to want to talk about it and I didn't want to bring it up and possibly make her uncomfortable.
My intentions for the weekend were to give her a wonderful gift of a weekend, have lots of sex, and to understand the essence of a person with her background and profession. A few times I tried talking about some deeper subjects like her life and work, but either language or reluctance got in the way. Once she said she had been in the US for ten years. Later she said she came here alone when she was 11. I remarked that that must have been scary. She 'kind of' laughed and didn't say more. I'm not sure if she understood my questions -- maybe she was telling the truth each time, but answering different questions. She talked about her sister at home in Korea who was having financial trouble, her roommates in NY that she sees only rarely when their vacation schedules coincide, her house in Korea, and that she's only been back 3 times in 10 years. I asked a question about her parents which she didn't seem to understand - or she doesn't have parents. I found out that she doesn't read, watch TV, go to movies, dance, or drink -- there was nothing she told me that she liked doing. I kept looking for what she had a passion for and came up blank.
She never asked for anything. She didn't want me to buy her things, although she let me pay for all the meals (I would not have let her pay anyway). She did, at one point, ask me about meeting her sister. Was she trying to get her a visa? I didn't really understand what she was asking and she dropped it. She seemed to refer to a number of women as "her sister". I was confused. If it had been her purpose for being here I guess she would have brought it up again.
Throughout the weekend I treated her with respect and kindness. I am one of those insanely "Nice Guy's". She was always polite and appreciative without showing any affection, feigned or otherwise, in her touch or gaze. We held hands when we walked in the street, shared a bed. I kissed her 'goodnight'.
I don't know this woman at all. I don't understand her past, her work, how she sees herself, me, or what she envisions for her future. Her sexiness has a volume control which, when turned up at work burns like a match -- but I guess can also be turned all the way off, as it was this weekend. I don't understand why she didn't offer to have sex with me -- why else would she think I would buy her a fantasy weekend at the beach? Wouldn't it have been simple for her to slip into "work mode" for an hour or so and give me what I obviously wanted? I had hoped to get to know her this weekend - get a glimpse into a life that was far, far different then mine. But I got nothing. I'll just have to trust in the general rightness of things as it is altogether possible that, had I learned the naked truth, I might not have liked it.
... but it was definitely an experience I value. I hope she had a really wonderful time.
Original Thread:
he just paid expenses and had no agreement she had to provide services for the trip it sounds like. What he got was her in normal mode. She accompanied him places so technically she preformed as a LEGAL escort and accompanied him for the price of him paying for her food and travel(the room doesn't cost more to add her). I think he personally got a deal. The companionship he got while conversation lacked was worth more then the cost he absorbed I am sure since it is never fun to go somewhere alone
She was a non paid "date" just like any other civvie date, and as such it was a "sex optional" date on her part. She was under no obligation to "put out" on this date and apparently she chose not to, exactly as I warned the OP when he made his original post.
No pay doesn't necessarily mean no sex, but what it does mean is that there should be no "expectation" of guaranteed sex just because she is a hooker by trade. As I said before "sometimes a weekend at the beach is just that, a weekend at the beach" nothing more and nothing less. Nobody was scammed, nobody was ripped off, and nobody "got a deal"
You seem to be making this out to be a business deal and I completely disagree that business had a thing to do with his weekend. If she were not a hooker, no one would be jumping to all of these conclusions. It would have simply been two people going on a trip together that didn't end up with sex. Sorry kids, but those kind of dates happen all the time in the "real" world.
Absolutely. She asked him to take her, if i recall correctly. Dates happen.
No pay doesn't necessarily mean no sex, but what it does mean is that there should be no "expectation" of guaranteed sex just because she is a hooker by trade. As I said before "sometimes a weekend at the beach is just that, a weekend at the beach" nothing more and nothing less. Nobody was scammed, nobody was ripped off, and nobody "got a deal"
You seem to be making this out to be a business deal and I completely disagree that business had a thing to do with his weekend. If she were not a hooker, no one would be jumping to all of these conclusions. It would have simply been two people going on a trip together that didn't end up with sex. Sorry kids, but those kind of dates happen all the time in the "real" world.
are the very same assholes who throw around words like whore, slut and hooker?
Is it really that tough a concept to grasp that hookers are just women who happen to sell sex for a living? Why should a woman need to "turn it on" for an hour when she doesn't want to, just because that's what she does for work? If the same woman ran a restaurant she would be allowed to go on a date and not want to cook, why shouldn't a hooker have the right to fuck or not fuck who ever she wants or doesn't want to when she is not "on the clock"?
deices the airplane dumping antifreeze on his dates head.
I don't know many people who take their occupation on a date with them.
He said he got tired of people running into him on the street saying, "Hey! Tell me a joke!"
He said it's like walking up to a guy who hangs drywall for a living and saying, "Hey! Hang me some drywall!"
-- Modified on 7/27/2014 4:31:31 PM
to get to spend some OTC time with one hooker IRL - and realize that they are just a human being like everyone else, and with that, realize how much effort they put into creating the fantasy for the client.... get some idea of what goes into it, and the mindset she has to work with.... realism is liberating....
Sometimes too much truth is not worth it for some guys. There are others that do get it like yourself and Gag and a few others. But tell it too much like it is and the shit starts to hit the fan and a whole lot of dumping on who dares speak the truth ensues.
Hey I am about as straight forward as you can get and I am darn sure I have been crossed off many a list just for that alone.
I would say maybe. Personally it sounds like she thought of him as a friend IRL and thought he could be fun to hang out with. Hanging out with a person outside the hobby holding their hand on walks doesn't necessarily constitute a date. Sounds more like a friend thing to me but then that is in hindsight as well
Oh and by LEGAL escort(look it up, like a gentleman might escort a lady to a party there are many meanings) I was referring to the fact that she was accompanying him places which is what a legal escort does. Illegal escort means sex. If she is providing no escort then she would not be with him at all. I guess I should have just said accompanying him places but it in the end means the same in the definitions ey
traveling together to another city, staying in the same bed and walking down the beach hand in hand is most definitely a "Date"
Just because no sex happened on this "date" doesn't make it any less of a date. Furthermore she did not "escort" him on HIS trip, she asked him to take her, You really need to reread the original thread, or redefine your meaning of the term "escort" because you are just flat out wrong here.
I'm surprised people are actually confusing this. That's certainly Turdwellian, but he'd have had to be completely devoted to her before during and after date and avoid seeing all escorts in order for this to be 100% certain it's Turdwellian. ROFL
she put a lot of trust in you. You must be pretty cool. 
It sounds like even though it was an "ok" time, you got some value out of it and got to glimpse a tiny bit into her in real life. I think an interesting follow up will be how it is between you when you see her professionally again. Please let us know!
There are things like that at the beach that she probably can't get out to do in the city.
As for her mot liking TV or movies and not reading, That's probably because of the language barrier, I stayed a couple of months in a country where I didn't speak the language and the TV was a meaningless piece of furniture.
Her life has probably been limited in experience. I suspect that she has had to work at one thing or another all through childhood. Maybe she has glimpsed people having a fun relaxing time at the beach and wanted to be like those people for awhile.
I've known women who couldn't picture sex outside of martiage, others couldn't picture outsidr of love, and other women who couldn't picture sex outside of earning money.
We all imagine working girls has having a wild exciting life, and some of them probably do. But I've discovered that few of them have any passions towards the arts or sciences, or deep convictions either philosophical/political/sociological, or in terms of what they want back from life in an immediate sense, the what they're about and why they're here. That stuff just gets in the way of making money, as they see it, and that's how most of the men they see view life as well.
I wanted to comment or ask about the extent to which she was able to see the strange and new surroundings you brought her to on her own. I often feel that women who go off on these weekends as companions end up viewing strange and exotic placed from under some guy's armpit and that's the extent of it. Once I was with a company that went to Buenos Aires for two weeks and none of us got out to see the city for more than a few touristy hours. I know nothing at all about Argentina. I assume women in the life can relate that type of thing.
You conducted yourself as a gentleman, and probably you provided her with everything she hoped the weekend would be. You sound disappointed in finding out that she is not an exciting, clever, fiery and glamorous woman. Aside from the work they do, few of these women are.
She didn't try to run a game on you, unless this business of her financially strapped sister and her not being able to go back to South Korea is/was an attempt to slip her hand into your pocket. I assume South. And I assume you'd know if her hand was in your pants pocket. And I also assume that when you retuned home that nothing was missing and that the place showed no signs of having been broken into.
Sounds good.
-- Modified on 7/27/2014 6:44:08 PM
because it prevented you from having an opportunity to come to a clear understanding about the trip in advance......
In any event yours is an experience that more hobbyists should have. (I've been there but the details were somewhat different - we agreed in advance that sex as compensation for the trip would happen before and / or after the trip not during.....)
There are several things to learn from such an experience -
you get a sense of just how much of a fantasy the provider - client relationship really is
you get some insight into what a provider or a few providers really are like as people
ideally you do form a better connection for future visits....
a couple of provider friends are regular traveling companions. I feel enriched by having the opportunity to get to know them outside of the fantasy -
and I hope that you will feel this way as well...
I appreciate your sharing your story so openly and hope that many will learn something of value from it....
Don't feel too bad. Most of the other hobbyists would have failed too, myself excluded of course.
Let me ask you a question. Did you learn a few words of her language? If not, you made little effort to really make her comfortable with you. It would have shown that you had an interest in her and her culture. Being a gentleman is expected and you don't always get rewarded for that.
If she has been here for 10 years then in all probability she understood more then what you think, but you need to exercise a lot of patience. If you were getting flustered, she would pick that up and not make so much of an effort to communicate.
In the face of failure, what would I do? Try again
There was nothing "Failed" about it. The fact that I did not get sex when I hoped for it? If that's "failing" then my entire life has been one huge string of failures!
It was what it was and I treasure the experience.
And yes, I learned about her language, her culture, and as much of her background as I could.
"Cum sa me da" is "Thank you"
"ya boo da" is "Beautiful.
As far as sex, I can get that anytime I want to pay for it, and sometimes when I don't. On average, though, it's cheaper to pay for it
You took a provider away for a weekend, and couldn't even get laid. Yes, that a FAIL.
He didn't. Like tricks don't like paying to watch a hooker eat, I will go OTC but will not engage in anything sexual or remotely suggestive. That shit is compensated for.
At the time he was away with her, she was not providing. Providing is what she does, not who she is 24/7/365.
See if you and I can have a discussion without you defaulting to your usual. It might be a nice change.
Let me ask you a question. Did you learn a few words of her language? If not, you made little effort to really make her comfortable with you. It would have shown that you had an interest in her and her culture. Being a gentleman is expected and you don't always get rewarded for that.
If she has been here for 10 years then in all probability she understood more then what you think, but you need to exercise a lot of patience. If you were getting flustered, she would pick that up and not make so much of an effort to communicate.
In the face of failure, what would I do? Try again.
I have found that I get a lot of OTC time from asian providers because I have made the effort to learn a little about many different Asian cultures, not to mention having slanted eyes myself.
but just being of Asian descent is not the secret, It also helps to know something about their culture and especially their food. Most americans don't know a thing about asian food above or beyond sushi and "family dinner number one" lol Being comfortable ordering Dim Sum or Korean BBQ goes a long ways towards them feeling comfortable with you.
BTW I don't know if what the OP got could necessarily be considered "failure" it wouldn't surprise me that if he were to take her on a second "date" that she might very well "reward" him for the effort.
One other thing, OTC time doesn't always mean OTC sex. I have been seeing a Thai girl for the last couple of weeks and I alway pay for an hour session just like any other customer, but then she always makes sure I am the last appointment of the day and our one hour session turns into a 5 hour dinner date, and for those that think I am "taking advantage" she texts me at least ten times a day so she doesn't seem to be thinking that I am taking advantage and hers is the only opinion that matters to me.
And finally ..... we have the obligatory shallow response. Well done sir.
"In the face of failure, what would I do?"
How in God's name could this be considered a failure? Unless your point is that the game is all about getting laid - and if he didn't get laid - he failed.
FWIW - I think Charlie played it just right.
Almost every time an escort has asked me to take her out somewhere OTC, the first time has been very similar. Little make up - hair tied back - non'sexy dress - perhaps a little kiss at good night. - evasive responses to questions, etc. The first couple of times this happened, I didn't understand it at all.
"If she's playing me for money - how's this advancing her cause? And ... if she likes me ... why didn't she dress up or show more affection?"
By the third time, I think I started to understand. To Charlie, I would say ...
Her world is full of dozens (perhaps hundreds) of men wanting sex and fantasy. Some of them are undoubtedly richer than you (and a few maybe even better looking). Yet, she didn't ask them - she asked you. Why?
Probably because she thought she recognized something in you that was different - and something that attracted her. But, from her experience, she has serious doubts. This whole scenario then makes complete sense. She was testing you - and testing her instincts. If she spends extended time with you - without glamour - without pretense - without sex - and you still come back - perhaps she was right.
I think you passed her test with flying colors ... and, for one ... I would be surprised if she doesn't follow up.
One other thing ... again FWIW
I think you should book another paid session with her ASAP. Another thing ladies tell one another is that, if she gives you free time, you will never want to pay for her time again (which seems like what GaG says too). I think you should put that notion to rest right away.
And (a second) one other thing ... again FWIW
Everyone is different. None of my OTC experiences has been like any of the others. And my experiences may have no relationship to your situation or to this girl. There are ladies out there who have perfected a technique of getting inside your head by seeming to slowly allow you into theirs. Again, I think it was GaG who said a few months ago that there are ladies for whom escorting is merely a ruse. They can be dangerous. Your girl doesn't sound at all like this - but - be careful.
And please keep us posted. Really enjoyed your post.
-- Modified on 7/27/2014 7:17:42 PM
Look at my reply to the OP, idiot. What do you think he took the condoms for? To use them as water balloons? Charlie is in a state of confusion. He was confused before he went and he is still confused now.
And you think this was all a "test" and he passed with flying colors? WTF, you are more confused then he is.
I tried to make it clear that I acknowledge that I could be completely wrong. But I'd bet that my take on this is much closer to reality than yours.
None of us who were not there can know with any certainty what either party was thinking. But I can empathize with both of them (for you Panthera - "Empathy" = the ability to share in another's emotions or feelings").
Of course that's tricky in this arena. But so what? We're offering interpretations of the facts presented in the OP.
And if that makes me dense ... then I guess I'm dense.
And your complete lack of empathy makes you a rather shallow guy.
And ... if that's the choice ... then I will freely, consciously, and proudly choose to be dense every time.
Since you have so much empathy for this guy that you don't even know, why don't you book a weekend with him? In the meantime, I will remain shallow on a fuck board while you try to tell yourself that you are not.
I agree 100 percent. who is he kidding. he's looking for sympathy. none here. all these questions re payment, sex etc. should have been taken care of before they went out. if you have a fantasy and you actually have the girl, you blew it big time. tell me he slept next to her and he never touched her. tell me he never saw her naked. this is stuff you learn in high school tell me he's happy going home with a big boner
She wanted a vacation from working and she does know you well on a personal level yet? Really?
Maybe you should have come in with low expectations of sex on your first week end with a woman you only knew professionally. I'm thinking she was hoping you wanted to get to know her as a person not who she has to be in her profession. I'm sure she wanted to see if you like her for her, not for a weekend of non stop sex, which surely isn't a vacation for a SW with a guy they don't know well or at all IRL.
Quite a few SW are NOT fast and loose in their personal lives.
Steph
Steph
Rather that was his "hope" and that's why I haven't once made fun of him like you know I like to do with fools, IMO he was neither a failure nor a fool. He had a good time, albeit not as good as he might have liked it to be, but he is hardly the only guy who was hoping to get laid by a woman he took out, only to be a bit disappointed in the end.
Quite frankly I think he has got a great attitude about the whole thing, after all it's not like he didn't know this was a possibility going in, and if he did at first, he certainly didn't after I warned him that "no sex" on a "sex optional" date was a distinct possibility and it even happens to the great GaGambler on occasion. lmao
if you see her again, be sure to not hide the fact that you want her, but that's all, just make it clear.
She is not into playing games in any way, I would bet.
..you were going to have this amazing time on an extended trip with someone who can barely speak English (and I am assuming that you cannot speak hers?) These type of trips almost demand that you two need to be able to communicate with each other to connect on a level beyond the superficial -- which cannot happen without a command of a language both of you can understand. At most, I can imagine how awkward a situation such as this would be. Chemistry is absolutely key, but unfortunately many do not realize that it involves being able to converse.
Very interesting story. Thanks for sharing -- though your statement about how she should have slipped into her "work" mode to give you what you wanted for a few hours..
Hmm.
Perhaps both of you went on this trip for two different reasons. She obviously was seeking a different kind of companionship with you and thought you were were the guy for it.
Perhaps the chemistry just wasn't there. And since she invited you..
-- Modified on 7/27/2014 3:10:06 PM
... is how complicated the non-hobby life is. As the song goes, "I've been there, that's why I'm here.
I go on extended dates all the time with women who barely speak English. Some of them are paid dates, others are not. If you have an open mind, it's not awkward at all. you would be amazed how much fun you can have with someone even if you don't share a common language.
BTW when I say "all the time" I mean maybe monthly I will spend a weekend with someone who is not fluent in English, and I do overnight dates, mainly paid, on average five or six times a month, at least half of which are with women who are far from fluent in English. The last time I did was actually last night. lol Some people might look at this as an impediment to having "chemistry" I find it challenging and enjoyable.
I just doubt everyone can approach it the way you can and come out successfully.
BTW when I say "all the time" I mean maybe monthly I will spend a weekend with someone who is not fluent in English, and I do overnight dates, mainly paid, on average five or six times a month, at least half of which are with women who are far from fluent in English. The last time I did was actually last night. lol Some people might look at this as an impediment to having "chemistry" I find it challenging and enjoyable.
Not to mention the fact that I have dated a LOT of asian women in my life, both civvie and P4P, i've dated Thai, Korean, Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese, Indonesian, Filipino, and probably a few more that escape me at the moment. Almost all of these women spoke English as a second language and most of them spoke it rather poorly. It's nowhere near as hard as you would think once you get used to it.
Sounds like you were very sweet to her and gave her a weekend she'll always remember. So I hope you can take that away from it...
As for the sex:
I remember the first time a client took me on a 'real' date.
He was a nice guy. An agency client I saw one time for incall, second time for outcall. The second time, I stayed a little over time and we chatted...I noticed as he left that he talked about 'hanging out' again rather than 'scheduling another date.' He had my number, but that was because he'd needed it to give me directions to his place...
Anyway, he asked me on a few dates. First few were to the bar, to get a drink. Those requests were ill-received. But then he came up with something I couldn't say no to...involved a performance. So I agreed.
Although he was flirtatious with me, I felt that certainly, he MUST realize that since he was not 'booking' or paying me...of course he should realize we'd go as friends only. He was older than I and an experienced hobbyist. He was not paying for my time, just the ticket to this performance...we were not in a relationship nor had such a thing EVER been discussed.
Well, not the case. The slight bitterness in your post as you describe her reaction to your advances reminded me of the way things went down with him...
With that said, you paid for an entire vacation, and SHE asked YOU...so I get that.... Probably because I have benefit of experience, and there is no communication barrier...I personally wouldn't have accepted such an offer w/o clarifying terms beforehand. But when I was newer and more naive, I could see my self possibly getting into a situation like that. So I am not sure she was being disingenuous here.
In general, if there's no money and no relationship...it's safe to consider it a non-sexual date. I think sometimes guys forget...they did not have sex with US, but were serviced by a character/service provider. (There are some exceptions and a lot of gray areas I skipped over there, but in general, believe that until she tells you to stop paying...). It's akin to you asking your favorite bartender to tend bar for your birthday party...unpaid and without tips...and I regard such requests with the same incredulity. With the added astonishment that a guy feels entitled to my person
It is sad that some guys just don't get the real deal.
has to be at least as old as the profession.
I think some guys think we have sex with tons of men...so what's one more time? As the OP said, 'Wouldn't it have been simple for her to slip into "work mode" for an hour or so'
One of the advantages of seeing guys on this board and others is that they are more likely to GET IT. Although, one in particular is coming to mind who blatantly did NOT (not someone on the GD board)....but on the whole, it's nice to see guys who don't expect an illusion, don't judge, and don't fall in love (so easily).
If I am getting PAID. Providing is what we do, not who we are 24/7. Only an idiot would believe that we are "on" 24/7.
WOW! Great perspective!
I love hearing from the providers, too. Thank you.
I believe that what she wanted was to visit the beach and eat lobster -- exactly what she said she wanted. I don't think she wants to be in a relationship or have another date together. Neither do I.
I got the idea that sex might be involved because, when she asked me, she was holding my hard cock in her hands during an intimate table-shower. Kind of like holding a sandwich in one hand and asking a guy if he's hungry. Concluding that you're going to share is not too big a leap.
That said, I went without expectations, only hopes and fantasies, and respected her wishes without question or judgement. I intend to go back to the spa and see her, doing everything I had fantasized about, and be an even more generous tipper - not because I want anything, just because we have a sweet connection.
Overall, I just wanted to be clear that I believe that this whole experience was completely positive for all concerned (except, perhaps, the lobster). Yum.
She did not get any money to fuck. Therefore that explains the lack of sex. And since she was not being paid, it was an OTC scene, why should she get all dolled up? No reason to be "on" at all.
You clearly are NOT someone she desires in real life. When she is WORKING she can create the illusion of wanting you because she is being PAID to do so. I do it all the time. So do many hookers who are being paid to fuck a guy she might otherwise not bother with should she have a choice. I know, reality bites but what do you expect?
-- Modified on 7/28/2014 11:12:30 AM
Which is why I warned the OP that this might happen.
What you will find highly ironic is the fact that on at least a couple of occasions they were very interested in "more" but wanted to test me to see if I would run away when presented with them at "their worst" I know this for a fact because I had to LTR"s with asian providers start off exactly this way and they both later confessed that it was a test to see if i was actually interested in them, or simply looking for a freebie.
Come to think of it, I had a couple of civvie chicks, both asian now that I think of it, that also did the very same thing to me. So maybe it's just an asian thing. lol
I've been "tested" by white and black girls. So its not just Asians.
(But never had one confess yet that that was what was going on - I'm just surmising).
I'm not sure this thread is still being read, but one last comment comes to mind.
There has been a lot of stuff here about me expecting sex just because she's a provider. I'll plead a "not guilty" to that one.
I wasn't expecting sex just because she's a provider, I was expecting sex just because she's a woman who wanted to go away with me for a weekend and share a bed.
The fact that we slept together several times, professionally, and that I was paying for everything supported the likelihood that there would be sex. Bottom line is that for any woman who goes away with me for a weekend, unless discussed otherwise beforehand, sex is always "on the table."