I was dating a non-hobbyist for 5 months...and the relationship went down in flames last month. I He would constantly ask me if I was seeing or talking to other men every other week and would constantly text me if I didn't talk to him for a few days. I have a life outside of the hobby and couldn't always talk to him on the phone or text him everyday. He was very much into trips to the Greek Isles and I told him that I wasn't into that, nor was I interested in being with a woman at all. When we broke up this month, I hadn't seen him since April 16...and he kept on putting our next meeting off due to "being broke"...which I found out was a lie. I tried to be monogamous, I really did...but realized monogamy wasn't for me. I didn't mess around with any other men outside work, and when I told him why I was breaking it off, he went off on me, saying nasty things and I eventually blocked him on Facebook and Twitter. At this point, I'd rather either being single or in a poly relationship (even better). He was very happy when I didn't work for a few weeks and said he didn't want to share me with anyone else, including clients. My ex fiance tried to get me to stop providing, to rely financially on him...but he was working a minimum wage job and living with his brother and his wife. Eventually he went celibate and wanted me to do the same thing. I left him after he told me that. For now, being a singleton is best. I don't have to answer to a man or get constantly asked if I'm cheating.
Why would I joke about something like this? I have no reason to lie about my experiences. It was a relationship that didn't work out. I understand why some providers are single.
-- Modified on 7/20/2014 7:45:17 PM
but read from the perspective of most of us here, yes it is a joke. a very sad joke perhaps, but a joke nonetheless.
Your problem isn't men in general, just your apparent rather poor taste in men. A non hobbyist who can't see you because he's broke??? He went "celibate"??? You haven't even seen him in two months??? I am sorry, but this sounds like a very, very bad joke to me.
I am sorry for your bad luck with men, but this doesn't sound like a problem due to you being a provider, It sounds more like a problem due to you choosing a deadbeat.
Providers sometimes have to deal with stalkers, and I suspect these are with men who have seen relatively few providers. No one can say if it's wise for anyone else to mix involvement in P4P with a traditional love life, but it seems there are many more ways that such a cocktail could go wrong than how it could go right.
In a sense, all of us for whom P4P is our only expression of sexual intimacy are already living celibate. Like the clergy in the early centuries of the Catholic Church, who enjoyed occasional sex, but who refrained from having a family for the Church to support, or legitimate male offspring who would inherit the title of Bishop and access to the tithe wealth of a dioceses.
My advice, for what it's worth, would be to choose one life or the other.
People have emotions that are too primal to disregard. That includes the possessiveness and security longing that monogamy promises
Right now, I will focus on bettering my providing career and put relationships to the back burner. I realize that monogamy isn't for me and that it took being in a failed relationship to come to that conclusion. I had to block one guy because he kept on asking me to move in with him....when he knows full well that I just got out of a relationship. I'd rather be single and happy than in a relationship and miserable.
you said he is a non hobbyist?
So he was aboyfriend but felt he had to have money to meet with you?
I was dating a guy i met cuz he came for massage, He isnt expected to have money for me every time i see him but if i am falling behind cuz I am spending too much energy and time with him I coulda spent working and i am falling behind,I UNFORTUNETLY. Have to not hang with him as much, If I could have my same income same apt, Same amount of spending money BUT never do another date again and spend ALL my time with him, I definetly would, BUT thats not the case.
I was spending alot time with him when not working, BUT when not working I usually clean the apartment and kinda my whole life revolves around work and getting things prepped for work, I noticed after spending alot time with him i got 2 bad reviews, WELL compared to usual ones they were bad, I kinda felt it was due to the eenergy and time i had been spending with him,
It sucks but i cant ahve sex alot cuz when i twist wrong way or even have weight on me it kills my neck is the most painful spot, but i am like so not able to do as much as i used too with fibromyalgia disorder, If i have sex with him on weekends i tend to be physically exhausted for days and miss doing any gfe for while after, I cant even do nmore than a few gfe a week now so i feel like if I FUCK HIM TWICE A WEEK BY END THE MONTH i AM BEHIND IT ADDS UP.
I DONT GET IT HE SAYS HE CAHT SEE YOU AND HE HAS NO MOEY? dO YOU REQUIRE HE HAVE A CERTAIN AMOUNT EACH TIME YIU GUYS FUCK? BUT HE IS NOT A HOBBYSIT, i JUST DONT GET THAT PART OF YOUR STORY.
I refused to go to his apartment because its a mess and he's very disorganized. He said he couldn't come to me because he was saying he had no money. He didn't want to rent a hotel room at the local hotel so we could meet up, and I thought that was suspicious. He admitted to me that he was a very insecure person and asked me if I was ever insecure about our relationship and I told him "Not at all" because that's the truth. I learned that insecurity can really cripple a person and I know this from past experiences. A lot of things he said didn't add up and I didn't read in between the lines (my fault).
You need to learn how to sniff them out quicker, whether here or in civvy life and get away from them fast. They are the male version of BSC hookers. The entire world of sex, civvy or not, is full of them for obvious reasons.
-- Modified on 7/20/2014 9:47:24 PM
Hitting the proverbial nail on the proverbial head! Outstanding!
Relationship love comes with way too much baggage.
Unconditional love is the only love I'm interested in anymore.
And fuck marriage, what a bullshit union that is. I'm sitting here in an airport gate (again), and I look around and see the old married couples, who all look so damn unhappy. And then I see young love couples and all I can think of is if we were to fast forward three years, we'd either not see them together, or they'd look like they were as miserable as these old married couples. Perhaps it could be conceived as sad, but I've completely lost my desire for a SO, not much upside, and way too much downside.
I love the hobby though, hooray.
men have a double standard. If I found a guy who made enough to support me and 2 kids i would quit. one of 2 things happens they have the money and then after a while they start to try to control you with the money or they dont have the money to take care of you.
I have decided to live my life the way I need to suit me and if a man comes along that fits then so be it, but I can not have a man controling my life and my goals.
Dear SexxyLeeza:
Considering that you are an active Adult Companionship Professional that is experiencing certain conundrums with the Psychological Aspect of dating and courtship, what type of man would be ideal and functional for you to have a normal civilian heterosexual relationship with? What types of life experiences would he need to have to be even keeled but at peace with the fact that the copulatory aspect is Just a job but your heart and mind belongs to him? Or from your experiences is it just easier to concentrate on being the best provider that you can be? Also what are the types of questions that you might ask some of the women who were on American Courtesan with respect to having a relationship while working as an active professional and how do you have balance with that?
It takes a very special kind of man to understand a 'providers' situation. I've read and heard many tales over the years of similar difficulties between a 'working girl' and her SO.
The most successful provider I know simply precluded BFs, SOs and any sort of 'romantic' pursuits from her life when she chose the profession. It may seem draconian, untenable and lonely to many; but by my observations over the years it has shown to be the simplest, drama free, and most profitable.
Lets say i shoot for 5 appts a week gfe and 5 massages. You realize how much that is? that ten hours of being on a bed with guys, Then all the socializing in between the setting it up the scheduling, Then during the course of that week you also will have banter with regulars ones who came week before ones to come week after, Ones whom your paths wont cross anytime soon but it is in the works. You think you seriously have energy or need to be on a bed MORE than 10 hours a week with a man?
I tried and i just always end up in the negative with neglected clients a few bad reviews, and realizing i cant do both, It sure as fuck isnt lonely. I just had anice client here from 2pm or so sat til say 7 pm tonight. Like i d want another guy coming over now . I havent even cleaned up half the mess we made at out overnight, . I still have the yoga mats out, all the stuff i used for his spa facial. Alot the cooking stuff we made a spinach artichoke dip from scratch and also gluten free waffles. It was fun, and had good sex. And didnt snuggle as i am angle the cold escort made out of stone.,........................................
... with a heavy dose of misspellings and poor grammar.
Wow, you are bitching about working 10 hours per week? Really?
Many non-providers would love to make your hourly rate at 10 hours per week.
That must be really draining your bank account, huh?
You're nuckin' futs!
The Forest Waits
I tried and i just always end up in the negative with neglected clients a few bad reviews, and realizing i cant do both, It sure as fuck isnt lonely. I just had anice client here from 2pm or so sat til say 7 pm tonight. Like i d want another guy coming over now . I havent even cleaned up half the mess we made at out overnight, . I still have the yoga mats out, all the stuff i used for his spa facial. Alot the cooking stuff we made a spinach artichoke dip from scratch and also gluten free waffles. It was fun, and had good sex. And didnt snuggle as i am angle the cold escort made out of stone.,........................................
tables are turned your saying you would still have energy or time or need to have an 11th over for free just because?
You wouldnt, Guy that hobby have wives and girlfriend sometime then maybe hobby a little, They dont do ten appointments a week i bet no hobbyist does, Or do they????
You dont think doing ten appointments a week would be tiring?
You never been to one my massages or you would understand i do thai shaiatsu and am lifting the guys legs and bending them to stretch him it isnt a fake girly scratching the guy lightly with a light back rub . Ask any onethat reviewed me for massage my massages are very hard work, It is fun but i couldnt do a truck load of them.
I have fibro though and tons of meds for other mental crap too so I guess my stamina may be half of a "normal" person, I even just had my already super HIGH DOSE OF MOOD STABILIZERS raised.
EVERY med i take says "dont operate heavy machinery, may cause dizziness, ect ect.
I got more on my plate than average guy or girl so yes I PEETER OUT ALOT FASTER. sO NO NEED TO CALL ME LAZY I MOST CERTAINLY AM NOT LAZY AT ALL .
I have said my reasons why I get chronic fatigue plus the low, lows when I come down from manic episodes. I am not dealing with same brain or level of functioning as you or many others for that matter so have some sympathy for the devil. xo
Ten in a week is nothing. That's only one a day four days a week, and two on the other three.
Now once I did see forty different women over a ten day period and I have to confess, that was a bit tiring and something I am sure I will never do again, but even at my "advanced age" ten women in the course of a week really isn't such a rarity, I fully expect to do so this coming week in Costa Rica, and I am OLD. lol
Women are sources of power, and men drain that energy from the women and devour it.
That's why women like Angel get drained and men get charged up.
It's not a physical phenomenon entirely, it is more spiritual energy.
Fucking and drinking, drinking and fucking. Holy crap man! Sign me up.
Only thing is, I'm a work o holic, so I'll not be able to dedicate the time to the CR as these guys do.
But to spend 1/10th the time as they do, we'll I must say, I don't envy many people, it's just not my thing, but these guys holy crap.
I hope to one day get to five hundred, and that may be a lofty goal. But we must all have goals to achieve. I'm on it.
... it's all about CHOICE!
No one forced you to have 10 clients in one week. Geez... you made that choice to see that many people in one week. You can say NO, can you?
You can choose to only have 7 appointments in one week... one appointment per day.
Will that work for you?
Will that help improve your spelling and grammar? Probably not, but it's worth a shot, though.
The Forest Waits
You wouldnt, Guy that hobby have wives and girlfriend sometime then maybe hobby a little, They dont do ten appointments a week i bet no hobbyist does, Or do they????
You dont think doing ten appointments a week would be tiring?
You never been to one my massages or you would understand i do thai shaiatsu and am lifting the guys legs and bending them to stretch him it isnt a fake girly scratching the guy lightly with a light back rub . Ask any onethat reviewed me for massage my massages are very hard work, It is fun but i couldnt do a truck load of them.
I have fibro though and tons of meds for other mental crap too so I guess my stamina may be half of a "normal" person, I even just had my already super HIGH DOSE OF MOOD STABILIZERS raised.
EVERY med i take says "dont operate heavy machinery, may cause dizziness, ect ect.
I got more on my plate than average guy or girl so yes I PEETER OUT ALOT FASTER. sO NO NEED TO CALL ME LAZY I MOST CERTAINLY AM NOT LAZY AT ALL .
I have said my reasons why I get chronic fatigue plus the low, lows when I come down from manic episodes. I am not dealing with same brain or level of functioning as you or many others for that matter so have some sympathy for the devil. xo
The girl I see weekly and spend a lot of time with, told me that she is simply not able to have a boyfriend or SO while she escorts. Doesn't want the drama or to have to lie to him. She doesn't see herself providing for long, it's a temporary bridge between RL jobs, but she won't consider the idea of a BF while she's hooking.
sorry you experience this... Take it and learn... No two men are alike!!!! Unless, your seeking men that are broken?
When it comes time to date. Most females have a BIG Guard up. Never know who we are dealing with or what his intentions or motives are...
We must take out time to get to know someone. To better understand who were dating. Its a 2 way street. Even on here we screen or ask simple questions to be able to enjoy each others company with less worry.
respect, communication, and the same amount of appetite for sex is key! then the entire Values & standards come to play......
Confidence is a beautiful thing, in a man and woman... Having a life away from our partner is healthy.. If he didn't trust you ( and you were being Loyal) then he was the one cheating? or full of insecurities??
Still Not good!!!
DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE Plenty of people do.
they shut down and stop dating...Or carry baggage..
Take your time to get to know someone....
good luck.
Vivianna Lov
I was loyal to him and he would constantly ask me if I was seeing other people, if I was sleeping with guys outside of work. He said he was very lonely and insecure and he had asked me if I was insecure about out relationship and I said no, I know for a fact that insecurity leads to problems. He would demand that I constantly reassure him of my fidelity and I got tired of being asked if I was cheating. I tried pleasing him, but got accused of not opening up more to him. I opened up to him, but my efforts weren't good enough for him. When I told him I wanted to get the Lap-Band, he said I shouldn't do it because I will have issues with loose skin. WTF? Sometimes he would sext me and when I would answer him back that I was busy preparing to see a client and that I couldn't really talk to him at that moment, he would get upset! He has the worst case of ADHD his doctor has ever seen...not my words, but my ex's.
The idea that going without a SO might be scary (who's there if you get hurt or sick?) and it might seem lonely. But people learn to live with it very quickly.
I once had work where I was not in contact with anyone for over six months. Every ten days to two weeks I'd make some purchases at this gas station/convenience store and snailmail some correspondence. But that was it. This was before the internet and cell phones. So, being alone can be done. And after awhile, it gets to be sort of an unending adventure. Or seems unending. Everything ends.
I happen to agree with GaGambler's post.
It was you that made that choice to be with that man. No one forced it on you.
For whatever reasons that you did stay with him as long as you did. Was it financial reasons that you stayed with that man? Was it love? Was it something else? You never stated that in your original post.
All I read was... that was a mistake and another mistake and another mistake.
Well, ok, that's all fine and lovely, but what are WE supposed to do about it?
The Forest Waits
It brings up every insecurity a man could have. You also have to redefine what that means in q traditional sense. I know I am married to q wonderful woman that is a sex worker. Most men can't and/or won't do it. But. Please know some can and will do so.
You had a bad deal with this guy. Being a sex worker will make having a SO difficult. I perfectly understand why when in the adult industry one would forgo a SO. It is a huge risk that far more often will not pan out. But it can and does occasionally work out and when it does the bond can be as strong as any. The key is honesty and trust. I just want you to know it can work.
I am sorry this one didn't. As I said most guys can't handle a working girl. But then again plenty can handle a relationship at all.
and deal with the husband, kids, boyfriend, when your ready to stop escorting,
I realized any guy i am going to meet doing this work isnt going to be a nice guy, You dont meet a "nice guy" escorting, And no "nice guys" want to date or have anything to do with escorts.
I d suggest staying single, spend your energy on the clients and the work and whatevr you can do with in your energy, budget, time to be BETTER at what you do and then if you want the normal life, the boyfriend, wait til your ready to have a normal job. I dont think any guy is gonna be ok with it, THEY ALWAYS say they are but they arent after a while and then it becomes tiresome,
I met one recently at 250 massage appt, Then once i began "dating him". He has never given me 250 for a massage since. Maybe help with very small things, But never any gifts or paying a bill.
I was better off staying his massuse and getting the 250 than now, I soent energy and time and get jack shit,
Guys treat escorts better than thier own wives and or girlfriends, Why would i want to be a girlfriend to a guy that is LESS generous to me once i become more than just an escort to him.
Would i rather have 300 after each time i fuck? or would i rather fuck and then have nothing, I rather NOT have a bf and get an envelope with 300 after everytime i fuckl. Nothing like having bills and rent paid, I d rather be financially secure than be having sex for free, I am 33 and at this point the clients are in my dating age cracket anyways, whats the difference?
may as well waste my precious energy on them than be exhausted and broke and fucking a bf for free all week. Thats how i see it.
I made 1,550 this weekend from 3 guys, Weekend before I spent entire weekend with a supposed boyfriend then realized on monday i am outta money, tired, not in mood to fuck since thats all i did all weekend, And have bills and rent i owe and felt guilty I even spent the weekend not working and dating a guy I enjoy beingn with, yes. But I d rather spent time with customers on the weekend and get 1,550 like this past weekend, On my way to give a small check to landlord now actually, .
I dont know. Do you have extra time and energy to expend on men AFTER all the energy you have spent on the clients all week?
i just feel like they deserve my attention more than a bf cuz with out them i wont have an apartment or the well kinda easy life you have if all you do is escort, You dont have to work many hours to survive bein an escort, If your only doin it to get by, Like most Americans work to make a living, Some work to own property and are hard workers, I am kinda not like that i do this to simply maske a living have an apt, I dont save for nice furniture or shop alot.
I mean maybe you can focis on work and find some clients you like as boyfriends and spend more energy on them since they are the ones taking care of you.
I do an overnight for 1000 with a regular and considering doing entire weekend for 1000 next time cuz we just cant do all the stuff we wanna do in one day/night.
I think it makes more sense to be extra nice to a guy who is takin good care a me then a guy That cant.
I dont know you may not be as deoendant as me i havent been able to work for 10 years so i am super dependant on my clients. I cant afford to keep a bf that isnt in a position to help, i just dont got it like that i have to survive.
Id say nix the bf and latch on to a few good guys that do appts AND are decent people. Then you get that void filled the need to date and bond and allt hat and your secure and everything you need is taken care of.
Who deserves your time and energy a guy that cant even clean his place or pull it together to get cash to come visit? Or a guy that is coming and showering you with everything you ask of them and money to help you get by .
Fuck that lazy low life and find a few good lookin customers to give better deals too, Like soending longer time with especially if they are loyal customers and enjoyable positive fun people,
Thats what i am doing right now.
IMO
After spending time or "fucking" so to speak I am more charged up than ever before. Gives new material to think about while "working" to say the least. And sets off a sense of fulfillment and passion until the next time we see each other again...
Then again my boy toy is smoking hot and the abs and smile on him make me melt. He warms my soul and ignites a fire inside. Then again I'm a dreamer and a Capricorn, we play hard and work even harder...
Any man who doesn't do that for you isn't worth your time. But that type of chemistry is hard to come by and he doesn't have to give me an envelope, rather, he does other things that are equivalent to a monetary exchange. Like take my car to have it detailed and pay for it, takes me to lunch (he pays every time), listen to me bitch about this or that, lol and makes me laugh off the tough moments and is always there in my text to joke and play with me during to good ones, but always has words of encouragement and advise when I am planning something out or working towards a goal. Team US is what we call it, not boyfriend.
Companionship, not a boyfriend, is what works for me while providing.
~M
I truly cared for him, I really did. I loved him, yes. I wanted to move closer to him, but I'm glad that I didn't. I didn't know that things would turn out like this because he seemed completely normal. It was only after my business started to pick up that the problems started. I broke it off with him being as nice as I possible could and he said I was being insensitive and not caring to his needs. BS! I was being honest about why we were breaking up and he chose not to acknowledge his role in the demise of our relationship. I just didn't dump him, leaving him was a gradual process.
It's too bad so many people go nuts when a relationship flops.
I wonder if he'll at least learn something from this, but probably not.
I'd go for the older men if you're gonna go at all.
SOME of them are open-minded enough to be in a relationship with a provider and fully support her choice without being an overbearing asshat.
They've maybe been married a few times and they've had the life experience to understand there are different types of people and different types of love to be shared.
Young ones or ones my age (early 20's) are just too dumb, imho.
The sad thing is...my ex is 56 years old! I only date older men because I've only dated 2 guys that were close to my age. The rest of my exes are in their 40's and 50's.
So he had no money for your meeting even though you wanted to meet at a hotel and he had no money to pay. Did you ever tell him that you would just pay for the room? He wanted you to rely on him financially yet he had no room for a hotel let alone paying your bills and perhaps his own as he was shacking up with sister and hubby! It seems he did eventually find out about you providing and wanted you to stop and was wondering if you were seeing men outside of work. Wow girl this whole thing is messy!!!! Wherever you found him don't go back!!!!! I agree you should stay single. Why on earth was he your fiancée? After some of this foolishness he should not have even been your boyfriend! He did not even have his own place and the place he did have was a mess so that means the sister and her husband were also very messy. You also actually stopped working at his broke behest. Why had you not seen him since April? WOW on the real!!! This is like a bad train wreck!!!! So glad you are out!