Mr.F was not on the mark in some respects but on the miney in others. Yeah I know that it is early and the chemical heat is just plaon smoldering. But I am not intersted in any way going back to a professional situation and my desire to see her is not based on sex.
In some ways I think that keeping nonsexual, at least for a whuke may be good. My trepidation comes from the fact that my feelings for her are so strongly caring, tender and emotional. Thats what scares me.
I chose to hobby strictly because my sex life was lacking but pretty good in all other respects. If I had been looking for an emotional outlet I would have persued the civilian affair route. I wanted sexual fun, no ties and the release that was lacking at home. But then came Betty and POW!
LG, it is too early to consider option 1. Betty and I need to spend some more time together just doing normal things, some recreation, taking the dogs hiking, watching a DVD at home.
At some point we will decide together if we want to take this further, if the chemistry really exists the way we both think it does.
As for 2) that remains to be seen. I understand intimacy and love and they come in so many forms. But like most folks I am used to equating the physical acts with emotional love. So time will tell howI will feel about her work. I found myself rereading some of her reviews and the fantastic reviews that drew me to selecting her were noe reread from a very different perspective. It is too early at too fast to process all of this. So one step at a time.
I guess I write to you and the board not to hear something I don't already know but as a way to process this, afterall in my life when I have struggled I turn to my SO for guidance and comfort but that door is not open and I think that it may be a tad too soon to lay everything out to Betty.
I think she and I need to progress a bit before we gat to the details of 2). And I need more time to process it too.
Yeah she has a degree and a skill to earn outside of escorting but I doubt that that income and mine combined can match her current earning power. But that is another bridge to cross too.
Thanks for letting me vent and process and bending your collective ears.
Never in a million years did I think that this could possibly happen in the hobby. But like I have often told my friends, quit looking for love and you will find it. Ironic ain't it?
It was suggested that LG may provide some valuable insight here so why not?
I have been seeing providers for about a year both in the states and Europe (because of the YMMV thing I only post really positive or a negative experience, the in betweeners I tend to keep to myself)...
So I see a well reviewed lady for the first time (let's call her Betty for now) and I am left speechless. This was a first for me, it was more than the physical but a connection that I have never, ever felt before. With anyone at any time. So I just assume that Betty was "good at her job" and try to move on.
But I can't...I book another session after a few weeks of an emotional wrestling match that I was loosing. When I return, she tells me almost immediately that I am her ATF and that she hoped I would come back and over the next few hours tells me she has never felt connected to a client before.
Then she asks if she can see me outside of the hobby, "you'll never pay for me again". So the conflict grows, I am not married but do have a girlfriend that I have been with for a significant while.
The times I have spent with Betty have been some of the most emotionally moving experiences of my life and I am both ecstatic and miserable.
She knows about my situation and said she would like to see me anyway. She said she would take a day a week off to accomodate my schedule.
People, can I get a dose of reality from both the ladies and gents. Anybody ever transitioned into a relationship with a provider? Am I as crazy as I think I am to even consider this?
Every nuance about this woman intrigues me. Physically she is my ideal of perfection but it is so much more than that.
I feel lost and adrift....
There are so many variables, so much nuance.
I am in a relationship with Beverly Fisher, but even though we are mad about one another, it differs greatly from your situation because I do not have another SO type relationship and neither does she. We also live 1500 miles apart, so we can only get together in person once every month or two.
First of all: Your relationship is very young. I suspect that the great attraction is chemically based. I go through this myself every few years with one or another provider. The chemical reacton fades and what's left is often a very nice client/provider relationship, or a mutual parting (or maybe not mutual.) Time alone might solve whatever problem you have.
If not, you have to decide yourself whether you want this relationship the way she seems to want it. I don't think I'm being a psychic if I say that you are very uncomfortable with it.
All things of value are obtained with some form of currency. In this business that is usually the green stuff, but when the currency changes to emotional capital, things get quite murky.
I suspect you want to continue the relationship for the wonderful feelings you have towards each other and the fact that she is offering what appears to be free time is unsettling. It should be.
Tell her your concerns and that you would prefer to continue to pay for her time with cash because you are unsure what may develop and prefer the saftey of the pay for play reltionship.
It is possible she can get her head back into that mode, but if she is really hung up on having a more conventional SO relationship with you, and you do not want that; it may be best to say adieu.
This is supposed to be fun and relaxing, not stressful.
Yes and no, not really, to answer your questions. There are probably at least three possible scenarios here. First, you go with the flow, enjoy the great emotional and physical feelings and when it ends (or if it ends) have splendid memories to recall. Second, you over think the entire thing, conclude that you're nuts and decide to stop seeing her. Or, third, you somewhat cautiously and with considerable prudence permit yourself to create a place for her in your life (in some ways this might resemble an ordinary affair, except with someone who is a provider). The third scenario might last the longest, be less emotionally as fulfilling as the first, but would still be better than allowing caution to override passion as in the second. My point is that you have some choices to make and it sounds like something wonderful to enjoy.
Oy vey, it's that time of the month again, foodcritic,
Yup..it's the I've-fallen-in-love-with-a-provider-and-I-can't-get-up week! Reading your posting is like reading something out of Tolstoy...except I can't decide if you're Vronsky or Anna Karenina, LOL. In all seriousness, however, you've got the erotobug, and you've got it bad.
So let's play hardball here: "Betty" wants to be with you outside the business, in fact "you'll never pay for [her] again." You're mad for Betty. Fine. All you really have to decide is this:
1. Do you leave your girlfriend for Betty?
2. Can you handle the fact that Betty sleeps with men for money as a profession and will you let her do it so that she can make a living while you decide if you're for one another?
3. Can you buy Betty out of the business and conceivably live happily forever after? You will need to, unless Betty has a college degree, a resume and can hop into a job that will support her in the style to which she is accustomed.
These questions need to be answered in their exact order, because if you answer in the affirmative, each question shows an escalation of commitment. And, unless you're the "unfaithful" type [n.b. meaning "emotionally unfaithful," not physically so,] then you will need to break up with your girlfriend in order to spend as much time with Betty off the clock as possible. Because baby, that's the only way you're going to find out if you and Betty are made for one another. None of this hour here, hour there stuff. Nope. You gotta go for seeing each other at least a couple of times a week, sleepovers, cooking at home, hanging out during the weekend with no makeup, all the "real stuff" and no games.
The other version of this scenario would be some type of "emotional arrangement" á la mrfisher [wow, that's almost a psychosexual construct at this point!!!] but I don't think that's what you're going for.
So you be the critic of this lovely mousse and let us all know how it tastes in the end,
the Love Goddess
Mr.F was not on the mark in some respects but on the miney in others. Yeah I know that it is early and the chemical heat is just plaon smoldering. But I am not intersted in any way going back to a professional situation and my desire to see her is not based on sex.
In some ways I think that keeping nonsexual, at least for a whuke may be good. My trepidation comes from the fact that my feelings for her are so strongly caring, tender and emotional. Thats what scares me.
I chose to hobby strictly because my sex life was lacking but pretty good in all other respects. If I had been looking for an emotional outlet I would have persued the civilian affair route. I wanted sexual fun, no ties and the release that was lacking at home. But then came Betty and POW!
LG, it is too early to consider option 1. Betty and I need to spend some more time together just doing normal things, some recreation, taking the dogs hiking, watching a DVD at home.
At some point we will decide together if we want to take this further, if the chemistry really exists the way we both think it does.
As for 2) that remains to be seen. I understand intimacy and love and they come in so many forms. But like most folks I am used to equating the physical acts with emotional love. So time will tell howI will feel about her work. I found myself rereading some of her reviews and the fantastic reviews that drew me to selecting her were noe reread from a very different perspective. It is too early at too fast to process all of this. So one step at a time.
I guess I write to you and the board not to hear something I don't already know but as a way to process this, afterall in my life when I have struggled I turn to my SO for guidance and comfort but that door is not open and I think that it may be a tad too soon to lay everything out to Betty.
I think she and I need to progress a bit before we gat to the details of 2). And I need more time to process it too.
Yeah she has a degree and a skill to earn outside of escorting but I doubt that that income and mine combined can match her current earning power. But that is another bridge to cross too.
Thanks for letting me vent and process and bending your collective ears.
Never in a million years did I think that this could possibly happen in the hobby. But like I have often told my friends, quit looking for love and you will find it. Ironic ain't it?
My situation is different in that I have no girlfriend and my wife is dead. I also did not meet the lady as a client although I was aware from the first that she was a provider and she was aware that I saw providers.
I have been to her home and there are mutual friends.
In my case, the answer to your questions are:
1. Does not apply.
2. Yes, I can. I have learned that escorting is what a woman does, not what she is.
3. I don't know.
In my case there is the additional problem that I am much older. I am all too aware that if something "permanent" comes of this I will almost certainly die long before she reaches old age.
We live over 400 miles apart so spending time together involves a lot of commuting. You have convinced me it needs to be done. Thank you.
I know how you feel, happened to me.
But some advice from other providers to me was:
Never fall in love with a stripper/dancer/escort because they make their living entertaining men with their bodies, they make make money sharing their body with other men. They make more money by learning to play up to men's egos, creating fans or regulars.
Unless she is willing to completely leave the business of entertaining other men with her body, you are in for some heartache down the road. And being a hobbyists yourself, are you sure you won't miss the hunt in a few months or years?
Keep it casual until the infatuation wears off, then you will see what I mean.