Recently I’ve developed a taste for red wine.  Mostly because my doctor said one glass at night would be good for my heart, help me sleep better and improve my digestion. Since I suffer from a mild case of angina, I have a hard time falling asleep and I fart every five minutes, I thought I’d give it a try.  I choose my first brand based on a cute name – Fat Bastard.   I started with the Pinot Noir because that “type” was the choice of one of my favorite providers. It’s made from the black grapes, whereas a Merlot is made from the red grapes.  Recently to broaden my experience, I’ve begun to try other types and brands.  And since I enjoy sharing my experiences, I decided to pen my first wine review.  
 
The Red Wines  
 
Fat Bastard Pinot Noir: The “Girl Friend Experience”.  I found this wine to be light and smooth with a good body.  It has a good taste and aroma without being overpowering.  You can sip it all night and get lost in the experience.  When it’s over, it leaves you with a smile, a warm glow and delightful memories.  You can recommend this wine without hesitation, knowing it has universal appeal.  
 
Fat Bastard Merlot: A “Damn Good Fuck”. This wine has a little more body and “oomph” to the taste.  It has become my favorite. You can sip it if you have the time, or you can just pound it back if you want to get right down to business.  Its aroma fills your nostrils and lets you know right up front, “you’re gonna have a good time tonight”.  I would recommend this wine if you like to smack your lips after a mouth full, and enjoy a little more body to grab your attention.    
 
Fat Bastard Cabernet Sauvignon; The “Covered Blow Job”.  It may not be the best, and some folks with “certain standards” may not be satisfied, but it’s a decent wine, it gets the job done, and it’s usually on sale.  In my case it was $8.99, marked down from $12.99.  
 
ECCO Domani Merlot: “Good for the hour, but I won’t repeat”. This is a real “fruity” wine.  There is lots of color and has a “grape juice” like taste.  It’s like a girl who shows up in an outfit that’s great for the bedroom, but not exactly suitable for taking out. One that is all bubbly, giggly and fun to fuck, but once it’s over, “you pay them to leave”.  I kept looking forward for the bottle to be empty so I could move on.  
 
Ghost Pines Merlot: ”Dinning At The Other Hole”.  This one is just plain nasty.  When you crack open the seal, the stench jumps out, and you know, …. “You’re the last trick of a five John incall”. The place is a mess, the sheets are stained, the place smells of used rubbers and sweat, and there’s not a clean towel to be found. It leaves that unmistakable “sour-sting” aftertaste on your tongue.  Don’t kiss the wife after this one; you gotta wait a day or two.  
 
So there you have it, my first wine review.  Thank you for reading.  

And yes I realize, I have absolutely no taste in wine at all.