Most would agree that pricing and specific acts are not to be discussed at all but if it must be discussed it should be done face to face during the already schedule session. Which I am normally totally ok with never discussing it because usually between their ads and TER reviews I know what to expect going in. However I have noticed in my area the long time established mistresses don't put up any prices on website and they only have a few old reviews which lack any real detail compared to normal providers. The one I am looking at has no price on back page ads, website just says significantly lower then other studios and reviews are aged and a little general. I know she is one of the most active and successful mistresses in the area and has been recommend by name several times on this board. Is it normal to have an explicit telephone interview? I don't want to embarrass or anger her and this really goes against everything I was taught in the hobby. Do I make an interview appointment? Or do I just guess, make and appointment and hope I bring enough?
I disagree with your premise that pricing and specific acts are not to be discussed, but that could be if you are confusing a professional dominatrix with a prostitute. Many, but not all, pro Dommes do not engage in sex acts, so there's not quite the same level of concern about law enforcement entrapment that other sex workers might encounter.
That said, I'd recommend that you use the word "tribute" (see link for further details) instead of "fee" or "rate".
Unlike an escort, you should probably have A LOT of discussion about what you are - and aren't - going to do before you play. Believe it or not, most pro Dommes will have MORE respect for you asking questions. Just be aware that Their radar is going to be on "high", and if it comes off like you are trying to use Her as a 1-900 sex line for a jerkoff fantasy, She'll likely hang up.
I'm surprised to read that the tribute is not indicated on Her website. That's kind of unusual. The going rate for a pro Domme can be $200 to $500 per hour, depending on how specialized your interests are, plus tipping is appreciated. I know that seems like a lot of money, but take into account all of the equipment costs and training on their end. Your life might literally be in Her hands, depending on the activity, so ask yourself -- is this the best place to try to cut costs? Same deal as an escort . . . just put the money in an envelope and set it down, and don't make a big deal about handing it directly to Her.
This "active and successful mistress" most likely has an email, so just send Her a very polite note -- you don't necessarily have to be submissive, yet, but you can be -- along these lines (note the use of Title Case for Her and lowercase for you):
"Dear Mistress _____:
my name is _____ and i would respectfully like to ask if you are seeing new clients. i have reviewed Your website and believe that W/we might have compatible interests. my interests are {list of BDSM activities}. Since it was not mentioned on Your website, might I also inquire about Your tribute, understanding that Your tribute might vary depending on the type of play involved?
i hope to hear from You at Your earliest convenience. i may be reached at {contact info}.
Thank You for Your kind time and attention.
Respectfully,
{your name}
...until you've already entered into a "relationship" with them (some could take or leave it altogether). Each one of them is kind of quirky in their own special way, sometimes. I don't think the playing with pronouns thing is as important as just being respectful and not saying stupid stuff like, "I want you fuck me with strap-on. Also, how much for two girls?"
Avoid that kind of thing and you'll do fine.
It's a pet peeve of mine. Fundamentally, power exchange, whether it be for a scene or 24/7, is between two equals. That's why submission is such a powerful and precious gift- it's given by a strong person with self-agency who has decided that I'm deserving of holding them and guiding them through their most fragile moments. I need the people that submit to me to know their worth. What pride can I have in owning someone who is truly worthless?
Groveling, self-deprication, D/s pronoun capitalization, using honorifics, etc. when part of initial contact, turn me off. I need to establish a baseline of equality in order to craft a D/s dynamic with the person seeking to play with me.
I occupy a specific niche as a full service (top leaning) switch. Not everyone feels the same way, and I expect that classical dominas/dominatrixes/pro dommes have a very different protocol for non-scene communication. I agree with RokkKrin in that a relationship should be established for genuine power exchange- it's not a one-shot deal.
Avoid that kind of thing and you'll do fine.
My personal preferences as to how clients converse with me is very similar to what RobinArdeur stated. I don't expect, nor do I appreciate, men who grovel and self-depreciate. That's generally one of the easiest ways for me not to take your session. We're both consenting, we're both equals. Not to mention, clients who don't appreciate themselves and tell me they have "no limits" truly do have limits. Not to mention that a power exchange is really akin to a gift. You wouldn't give someone a worthless gift, so why present yourself to me as a worthless person?
Concerning prices, I'm very surprised that her tributes/rates aren't clearly posted. I'm very up-front with my rates, and they're easy to find on my website. As for discussion of what's going to happen during the session, that is really paramount. My personal interests may not be in line with what a client is looking for. Clients come to me for fantasy fulfillment. If I don't know what your fantasy is, how can I possibly help to facilitate it? Frankness and honesty are appreciated, but crassness is not. If you're rude to me or start talking "dirty" to me, I'll either know that you've never actually seen a professional, or that you're just flat-out rude. If it's the latter, I won't book you.
As a dominant fetishist who offers massage, I have no problems offering full service to regular clients. I'm far more flexible concerning the overall feel and mood of a session. Each lady is going to have her own requirements and boundaries, so please be respectful and mindful of that.
Just ask her what her tribute is for the amount of time you wish to spend with her because you noticed a few different contributions on other sites & it was a little confusing.