My favorite pro-domme and I see each other fairly often, for two people who live at opposite ends of the country (something on the order of every six weeks or so). Some of these get-togethers are multi-day mini-vacations. I've had some of the best times of my life on a few of these. Wouldn't give them up for the world. One of the few downsides of these encounters is the "sub drop" that often seems to follow. (If you don't know what that is, go goog it up now--there is also such a thing as top drop as well, but I'm told that sub drop is tougher still)
All the online advice about how to deal with this sort of thing (besides the obvious, like drink plenty of fluids, get plenty of rest, take long hot baths) seems to assume the context of an ongoing relationship. There's advice about how you're supposed to call or see your partner so that you can get some reassuring soothing words from them, or hugs, whatever.
For sure, I can't get very much of that. The very nature of the "relationship" precludes that kind of thing. We might exchange a couple of texts, but that's about it--and the rules of the hobby game won't allow for more, I understand that.
Getting through this phase on my own (or worse still getting through it on my own when the Mrs is underfoot also), is very difficult for me. That sudden shutdown of endorphins after several days of nonstop stimulation is a killer.
Any advice, suggestions, whatever, on how to make this a little easier? Interested in hearing anything that might be helpful, from either side of the fence. Thanks.
Maybe spend the day at the Spa! (massage, facial, mani & pedi) Do things that make you happy! I enjoy outdoor activities, like walking on the beach, around the lake, enjoying my theme park passes. I went to Legoland today & tomorrow is the Zoo. Treat yourself to a fine meal. Start pampering yourself. Smile & be happy. Life is good!
you can remind yourself that if you had that situation/feeling everyday then it wouldn't be so special.
perhaps remind yourself that self denial & self discipline are the things that make us more susceptible to success in real life thus leading to the means to have these really awesome times on occasion.
otherwise, you may become a feisty call girl
lol
also, don't forget to hit the gym or do some other sort of cardio to help balance those endorphins:
I get both kinds of drops, so I feel for ya. Top space, form, is very energized, it takes me a long time to wind down after a particularly excellent playtime. But sub drop makes me want to cuddle up with a blanket and watch TV or take a nap. I appreciate the hance to play with other switches who might be slightly more dominant asn it gives me a chance to balance the energies of the session.
Try upping the intensity of sessions in the beginning and taper them off slowly over the course of the days. Your endorphin levels will fall a little more slowly, and there won't be the sudden drop from all to nothing. If at all possible, and if it is a part of your play, having her mark you in some way that you can see or at least feel for a few days after you part company might also help with the return to normal.
I mean no disrespect to you, your partner or your dynamic, but I'm going to (possibly) take a controversial angle on the advice I give and point out that you're only in a provider-hobbyist relationship, and I think that you probably desperately want to be in an ongoing (lifestyle-type) D/s relationship with this person. You don't want a provider. You want someone who truly loves you, and you're seeing one another often enough to fool your mind into thinking that there's more of a relationship than there really is. Sort of like the cliche of guys falling in love with strippers. I'm not saying that she's not very, very fond of you -- I'm sure she is -- but, from my reading of your post, your "sub drop" sounds like a lot more than textbook "sub drop". It sounds like unrequited love to me.
Am I wrong?
I see you missing "the connection" between those six week play sessions. Maybe you two could work out something where you have a shared Google Docs area where you would be encouraged to journal to her about your fears and fantasies in between your times together physically, and she can read those and write notes back to you (or find ways to incorporate those fears and fantasies into your next time playing together). That way, there would still be the feeling of being "connected" emotionally to her when you're not physically together, which is what I think you are missing and seeking.
...and insights. Especially Kiley on the marking thing--I will for sure keep that one in mind. Like taking a little bit of fantasyland back into real life....great idea.
If there are any more ideas out there, don't hold back, keep 'em coming, thanks again....
Find some things that are also engaging exciting and scary that will raise your endorphin levels. Then spend as much time as you can hugging someone you love - getting some oxytocin going is helpful.
In my personal life, I'm a switch, so I can relate to your sub drop experience quite readily. I don't get to bottom very frequently (once, twice a month max), and the anticipation always lasts longer than the session (c'est la vie). This response is only going to help marginally though, because I'm speaking about a personal relationship, not a client-provider one. In my personal relationship, we remain in contact quite frequently between our times together, and that helps to ease the sub drop. Keeping busy with other projects also helps ease things for me; hobbies, exercise, spending time with other people.
As for a client-provider relationship, I have a few submissives that I see regularly that I am closer to than others. I know they experience sub drop, and I do what I can during our time to help them through that. A few of them reach out between sessions, and I never have problems sending quick messages back. Again, this depends on the relationship you've built with her. It seems like you've been seeing her for a while, and she might be open to this. Asking her might be helpful.
Good luck!