BDSM provider tells me NO SEX EVER. However...She will Gladly PLOW Me with a Strapon?? Ahhh No thanks....but is that not SEX???
…is that it's bullshit. Yes, I know there are some (many?) self-styled dominatrixes and/or "BDSM only" providers who really mean it when they say "no sex" or "no FS", or similar.
The truth is that many of these women do provide some kind of FS. However, all their websites or other marketing always says the same thing: "I am not an escort. There will be no sex in our session".
Try looking at the links from one of the domme specialty websites some time (I'd mention a few by name, but I don't know if doing that is a violation of TOS, so I won't--but I think we all know Max and Dickie, for example): Nearly every one of them has some language like that.
The truth is that I've been to several dommes who do provide FS--but it's always a matter of lucking out that I have. Someday I'm going to meet a kinky provider for the first time, and I'm going to be disappointed when her idea of a big finish is "allowing" me to pleasure myself while she looks on making humiliating comments. That kind of thing is not so fun for me, and would leave me feeling very disappointed.
I know all about the reasons why (LE, want to be able to vet clients f2f before changing boundaries, etc)--but seriously--there needs to be some kind of P411 for kinky hobbyists. Something that lets these women know that the prospective client is ok.
The first site-developer that comes up with a good system for this will make tons 'o cash--and will deserve to do so.
I hate to say it, RokkKrinn, but the big finish of allowing you to pleasure yourself or to cum from BDSM activity (like a strap-on) is probably the norm for *true* BDSM providers (non-escorts). Sex is a major reason why I prefer the BDSM lifestyle over going to pro dungeons playing with pro Dommes.
Your idea about a P411 for kink hobbyists is a good one. The biggest problem with previous efforts to create that kind of thing is that submissives know that their Dommes will read their reviews, and everything is so artificially inflated that it's almost useless. Plus, just because a Domme will do something with you because you're cute, doesn't mean She will do it will all clients
…which is kind of ironic. Up until around six months ago, I didn't understand the "turf war" that exists between the pro-dommes on one side and the "GFEs with lots of toys" on the other. I thought it was a silly battle, having more to do with each side claiming to be "cooler than thou", than anything substantive.
Then I met a true pro-domme who does in fact offer FS (although again, her website indicates the contrary--but upon our first exchange of emails, I was told what the real menu was)…suddenly, my eyes were opened, and I understood that there was a legitimate issue over which the two sides were arguing.
I also found out from my FS pro-domme friend that she was rare but not unique, and that there are in fact others who offer a similar range of services; unfortunately, the only way (it seems) to crack that nut (no pun intended) is to keep trying different pro-dommes, until you find "one that will"--and then she can refer you to others. Anecdotal whining and complaining here on TER seems to indicate that finding that first one is very tough, indeed; as with nearly everything in the hobby though, I got extremely lucky--I found that first one on my first attempt. Apparently some kink hobbyists never find it….which is quite lamentable.
I have been seeing pro dommes for years and I have found that very few offer FS. Most of time, these dommes have offered hand jobs (or blow jobs in a few cases) or otherwise used toys to get me off and I have left satisfied and feeling good about the session. A few dommes have permitted me to engage in DATY or DATO, but most don't, which is too bad.
In a few cases, a domme has told me to jack myself off and has not helped in that process, which was a big letdown and prompted me never to return to see her. Apparently, some guys find those "unhappy" endings to be satisfying, but I really don't.
After a few frustrating experiences, I joined TER last year and I have had better sessions with kinky GFE providers who also offer BDSM play. Unfortunately, most of these GFE ladies travel with fewer toys and and have less fetish wear (or boots) than many pro dommes, so I miss that aspect of BDSM play.
On the plus side, I see that there are a fair number of kinky GFE ladies on this board so I'm optimistic that I will meet a few ladies who can meet the full range of my kinky interests.
I agree with you. BDSM desires for men are wide, as far as our kinky fantasies go. But they mostly all involve sex with this beautiful, powerful female we envision.
A kinky GFE provider is the only one who can satiate these intense passions.
We have absolutely zero issue saying that we are dominant and like our kink and BDSM with a sex mixed in because it naturally feels like the cherry on top of the sundae after a good session. While we may not have a p411 there are other resources out there.
There are several ladies here who have actively laid it out that they are involved in the BDSM Community. Check out their sites and see where they are, what they are doing, do they have links to places where you may find other ladies that interest you in your area or region? Maybe sites with information that interests you? Make connections out there. Get involved.
Kink isn't as in the closet as it used to be it just isn't as out in the open as we are hoping either. It is getting better though. Help us help you. Or at least point you in the right direction. We are all here for the same reasons.
It just takes a little leg work, sometimes sexy boot work and latex too!
Grac
I've been trying to find that Pro Domme who does provide FS here in phoenix to no avail. I don't think it exists here but I continue to search for that one. Saw a provider recently and the session was so boring it made jacking off in the shower seem amazing by comparison. Had one who put saran wrap over her pussy for our face sitting session. That was disgusting.
If anyone knows of a pro Domme who does real face sitting and real watersports I'd love to know.
re: Saran Wrap barrier - maybe She had a STD that She didn't want to give you.
I had the same issue years ago when I decided to live out a BDSM fantasy. This is not my scene but something I thought I'd try. My first problem was I couldn't find a Dom in my area that I really was remotely attracted to, unless I wanted to go to Germany. That seems to be the major league of Mistresses.
The second problem was the one I did find attractive didn't provide physical contact. In fact, she offered foot worship and specifically said nothing higher then the ankle. That wasn't going to do. So I changed course and found a few pretty gfe/pse ladies who offered role-play. One even suggested I write-up a little script, which I did, and after a few phone conversations, which made things a lot less embarrassing to discuss, I had a nice session. True she wasn't a Dom or great actress and didn't have a dungeon but it didn't matter. Time didn't allow everything I wanted to try, but a nice experience. I can't find her website anymore but some day I may like to try to finish my 'to do' list and figure will need to go same route.
Wouldn't this be a way to go?