Politics and Religion

2008 Republican National Convention
BuckFush! 2327 reads
posted

2008 Republican National Convention


6:00 pm Mike Huckabee Salutes Confederate Flag
6:15 pm Group Hug and Cross Burning
6:20 pm Ann Coulter Bares Adam’s Apple
7:00 pm OPENING REMARKS: "HONESTY IN GOVERNMENT" - Randy "Duke" Cunningham
7:25 pm Log Cabin Republicans Induct Sen. Larry Craig into Stall of Fame
7:45 pm CEREMONIAL LIGHTING OF COAL FIRED POWER PLANT
7:55 pm Rush Limbaugh Lecture: “Anal Poisoning and John McCain”
8:00 pm John McCain leads convention in rousing chorus of “Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Bomb Iran.”
8:10 pm “Why All Scientists Are Wrong,” Talk Given Posthumously from Hell by Jerry Fallwell and Grand Inquisitor
8:15 pm Rick Santorum Addresses Convention: “The Secret Man on Dog Agenda.”
8:35 pm George W. Bush re-ups for the National Guard
8:40 pm Ronald Reagan’s corpse re-animated, still can’t remember Iran-Contra
9.00 pm MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR BILL OF RIGHTS
10:00 pm WARRENTLESS WIRETAPPING ETIQUETTE – Alberto Gonzales
11:00 pm BILL O’REILLY SALUTES HOMELESS VETS
11:05 pm COLLECTION FOR CHILDREN WITHOUT HEALTH INSURANCE
11:15 pm Keynote Speech: “Why We Fight,” by Fred Thompson
11:30 pm National Proclamation by the President: “Nucular Is Now an Official Word”
11:45 pm Glenn Beck Kicks Keith Olbermann onto Subway Tracks
11:50 pm “Abstinence Only Education, Do As I Say, Not As I Do,” by David Vitter
12:15 am TRUTH IN BROADCASTING AWARD - Presented to Rush Limbaugh by Animatronic Joseph Goebbels
12:20 am Ceremonial Assassination of Foreign President by Pat "Ninja" Robertson
12:25 am Ann Coulter French Kisses Lynne Cheney in Ladies Room
12:30 am SATELLITE ADDRESS – Dick Cheney, live from Secret Bunker
12:45 am NOMINATION OF JOHN MCCAIN – Swiftboat Veterans
1:00 am Laura Bush Hands Out Free Xanax
1:05 am “Reagan Republicans” Mass Mooning of John McCain
1:30 am Reagan Reanimated Corpse Proposes a Toast: "To the Youth of America"
1:40 am Closing Remarks: "Why Strom Thurmond Was Better than Harry Truman," by Tom "Hammer" Delay
1:50 am George W. Bush Celebrates End of Term in Cloud of Suspicious White Powder

The nominee will be chosen by snake handling

The acceptance speech will be "in tongues." (I hope there is closed captioning).

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Will travelling providers descend on Saint Paul, MN for the christian taliban convention?  Will the local prices go up?

Sex Offender2302 reads

"Free-market forces" already are at work to service the conventioner's proclivities... Traditional providers need not apply!

harryj1653 reads

Since St. Paul leans to the left so far that the list is about to capsize it I doubt that they need any more of those you state are "on their way". Possibly you can just bring them back to your rat hole and service them yourself, good "compassionate" libbie that you are. What do you think Jack'O, can you handle it?

BuckFush!1013 reads

It would figur that you would know what is up there in St. Paul...scouted it out for all those right-winged, gun-wielding, bible-thumping, hypocritical nutjobbers already, did we??

In fact, weren't you in the stall next to that Senator at the airport??

St. Paul (and Minnesota) ain't as far left as is often portrayed.  MN is officially a "purple" state.  We are the home of the late, very liberal, Paul Wellstone as well as that psychotic, savage, religious nutcase Michelle Bachmann.  A Republican governor with a Democratic legislature and its pretty difficult to tell who's going to come out on top from election to election.  We want our guns, but we want people to be politically correct when they shoot other people.  We genuinely welcome the republican convention with polite shuddering revulsion.  And yes, I expect those uptight, holier than thou jerkweeds to board the perversion train enthusiastically when they are let loose away from their churches and shamans.

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