No divorce. At least not yet. Lot of talking, therapy, and multiple reconciliations. You would be amazed at how understanding my wife turned out to be once the pain of betrayal started to heal.
Sex is ten times better than before but I believe it would be so much better if I had not gotten so deeply into this hobby.
My marriage has had to deal with an emotional affair (with a provider) as well as the many physical escapades (hobby).
In retrospect, I spent a lot of time and money on this hobby when I should have been concentrating on figuring out how to seduce my own wife.
I felt like I has tried everything possible to get my wife to pay attention to my sexual needs before I started this hobby.
I could not deal with getting a divorce and denied the truth to myself and her.
Telling her about my hobby was not the best way to get her to wake up and join the real world.
Hey all. I have been lurking on this board for a while, and have visited a few mp and 1 or 2 providers over the last several weeks. This may seem like a silly thing to consider, but I would like some input from all of the sages here.
I am married over 20 years, first and only wife. I have no interest in an affair, or in "cheating," but I very much enjoy massage. I use a couple of different "legitimate" massage technicians, with varying degrees of ability and talent. I work out 6 days a week and have constant muscle pain and stiffness in one degree or another. I'm clean, healthy, and safe.
My question is this. Is there a way to enjoy the company of a beautiful woman, such as the providers on this board, the many benefits of massage, and not have the "finish" that we discuss here? I suppose a "self service" may be okay, but I really don't want to do anything that could be considered cheating. As much as I would enjoy fs, hj, bj, and all of the other initials that we use, I wouldn't feel right about participating. I may sound like a poor conflicted, tortured soul (and maybe I am!!!), but I've had her for 20 and I guess I'll keep her. I sure do enjoy a feminine touch though.
Any body here help straighten me out??? Please forgive the lengthy post.
let's be careful out there.
I thought that the ONLY thing you pay for is the time and companionship. 
Not to sound like a smart aleck or anything, but if you've already visited some MPs and providers, I'd pretty much say you've already "cheated" to a certain extent. It only helps to try and "Clinton-ize" your activities if you get caught anyway, right?
I'm sure there are plenty of ladies around here who would love to spend time with you without you needing to ask them up front if it's okay that all you want is to sit and chat.
Or am I missing something in your post?
BKMan
Actually, the MPs that I have visited, when they have asked me if I wanted anything "extra," I've said no. If they have just hinted that there may be other things available, I've played dumb, and just had a massage. Admittedly, lots of these girls aren't very good at massage.
As far as the providers, truthfully, I have only visited Yvonne on Gessner Street. I was up front with her in advance, and let her know that I wasn't interested in anything beyond massage (actually, not interested isn't accurate!!). She gives a great massage, btw.
I don't want to just sit and chat. I want a massage. I would just like the massage to be done by a beautiful young lady rather than a dumpy massage technician. Also, there is a certain danger which I admit intrigues me. I guess knowing that something is available, and not taking it, does something for me.
Maybe I just need a shrink???
In that case, if you are just looking for FBSM and nothing else but the excitement of having a beautiful woman laying her hands and body on you, then there are a number of FBSM-only gals around that I've seen good reviews for.
Also, I'm sure that there are beautiful providers in town that would give you just a massage, though I wonder if you would be willing to give a full gift for just the massage. You may want to search the reviews to see if the quality of the massage of a provider might meet your needs, if you are also concerned about the quality fo the massage.
Good luck!
BKMan
What is your email address and I can give you a link. I don't want to give it out on this site because she will get hit with all tyes of emails. She is exactly what you are looking for. Straight, pretty, and she gives a great massage!!
cool.
[email protected]
Thanks.
Thank you. I posted an email, but it didn't make the list. I'll try again.
scoschro at hotmail
I appreciate your info.
oh and by the way...where were the MPs with the extras?
-Nolie
One in PB, Ginzaa, I think. Beautiful young girl. Asked me several times if there was anything else that I wanted her to do. There absolutely was!!! But I just said no.
One on Convoy, next to the wienerschnitzel. Much older (40ish) gal, friendly enough, nice enough massage, actually hopped in the jacuzzi with me for a second. When I didn't seem to be responding to her suggestions (nothing illegal suggested at either location by either gal) she took my left hand and put it in my crotch. Told me that I should take care of myself, or something to that effect. I wasn't all that interested in that either.
It figures...since PB is the only place in SD county where one can find a young, attractive Asian masseuse. I've had a similar experience there at Crystal spa, although it's been a while. I've been contemplating a vist to Ginza (the name has positive implications, and there is an AMP in Santa Monica also named Ginza where young, beautiful and willing Asian girls are waiting to please even those with the most fastidious appetites). Anyway, the place sounds great! I think I'm done with the contemplation part and ready for action. Thanks.
BTW: What was this young, beautiful masseuse's psuedo name--Sunny, Pepsi, Yumi, etc.?
-Nolie
well, I hate to have to admit to being a bore, but I don't recall. Her english is excellent, I'm guessing she's a native American, or at least has been here a while. Tallish. Sorry, wish I could remember.
What about just simply asking your wife to give you a massage?
-Nolie
Hell, if I could ask her for anything, I'd ask her for sex!! Sorry, I'm one of those guys that gets it once every month or two whether I want it or not. Nothing physical (at least, dang little) happening here. That stuff is just for making babies, and we're way done with that.
Actually though, I have asked her if she would be interested in taking some massage classes together. No interest there.
There's certainly nothing wrong with setting your own limits. I have a friend who gets massage from regular CMT's and occasionally goes to a more sensual provider for precisely the same reasons. (finishes himself off after the session)
I'm one of those folks who doesn't believe it's cheating if there's nothing happening at home. In order to be monogamous, I'd have to be having sex with someone.
Well, that _is_ the sticky wickett. What constitutes "having sex?" That depends on what your definition of Is is, to quote our former commander in chief.
Is it only sex if it is fs? Is a bj sex? Is a hj sex? Is fbsm having sex if there is completion involved? How about without completion? Self service? beats me (as it were).
I appreciate the insight from the group.
A previous GF or two considered masturbation to be cheating. Well, c'mon, how can self gratification be cheating? Most women would consider that if you got emotionally involved with another woman to a certain degree, that was cheating, even if there was no physical contact. The question is, to what emotional degree? Of course, in this business there is no emotional involvement, so that aspect is entirely ruled out. So, does the lack of emotional involvement leave room for additional physical contact? Getting a massage is not cheating, but is it cheating if you get sexually aroused during the massage? even if she doesn't touch your privates? Is it cheating if you gratify yourself while someone else watches? The line is in a different place for every individual.
Do you consider your body and your soul to be separate entities? Your body needs to eat, but does it also need to be touched? Does it need to have the pipes cleaned?
My friend would take Viagra before going in for a CMT massage and try to have an orgasm while this "legit" (as you say) therapist rubbed him down. Now I think this is just ridiculous.
This friend of mine is getting off on the massage, but keeps himself from feeling guilty by not having his penis touched. He tells me stories about how some of these girls know what he’s up to and they’ll rub his ass in such a way as to stimulate his cock against the table, or use the towel to rub his cock if he’s on his back. I think it's just stupid, and hypocritical. But whatever he needs to do to make it work for him, who am I to argue.
But I say, just let her give you a hand job. It’s nothing but a service, no matter how you look at it.
-- Modified on 7/8/2002 4:51:01 PM
The mere fact that you are lurking here indicates that you have already crossed the line and are cheating. If your marriage is truely that important to you, do yourself a favor and stop your pursuit of getting a massage from anyone but your wife.
If you don't agree, just ask your wife if it is alright with her to go to the massage parlors and strip naked while a woman massages you all over.
Show her what you read here at TER and see if she has no problem with it at all.
Go get some therapy now before you make a mistake which will cost you a lot of anguish, not to mention time and money.
Having been married for 20 years does not give you the right to exclude your wife from what you are up to. You are trying to justify your cheating but you are only kidding yourself.
If you want more sex from your wife, then tell her. If you want massages from your wife, you need to express your needs to her.
If those needs are so great that you are willing to get a divorce, then do it before you go any further with the massage parlor hobby.
Sit down and think about what your needs really are and then talk to your wife about them. Do not be afraid to discuss everything and don't worry if she is too shy to talk about the physical sex. She will have to talk about it eventually if you cheat on her and try to reconcile later.
If you want sex every other day, talk to her about it. You would be surprised what a wife of 20 years would be willing to change if she knew that her marriage depended on it.
Before anyone flames me on this response, let me say that these are words spoken from experience. If only someone had said this to me, I would have forever been in their debt. GO talk to your wife NOW!!! Before you hurt her anymore than you already have.
And you're making assumptions for yourself on what would have happened had you taken a different course than you did. You'd be surprised at how uninterested a woman is in changing anything after 20 years, or ever, for that matter.
This gentleman has been married for 20 years and the situation is clearly beyond talking. Certainly he should talk to his wife, of course. But it's highly unlikely to nearly improbable that any discussion, counseling or tirade is going to make even the most minor of changes in their physical relationship.
Wake up and smell the real world…
-- Modified on 7/9/2002 8:23:46 AM
-- Modified on 7/9/2002 9:45:44 AM
-- Modified on 7/9/2002 10:08:21 AM
I'm not sure what you mean by my experience is clearly quite limited. I had been married 20 years to a wife who used to say "I could live the rest of my life without sex" and we were in the once every two month frequency as well. I thought that I had done everything I could to restimulate our sex life at the time I started this hobby. I was wrong.
Unfortunately I had been pursuing this hobby for a couple of years before I talked to her. I can truely say that I am awake and my nose is working just fine.
You will just create more trouble for yourself if you do not maintain honesty and trust in your relationship with your significant other. Believe me, if your marriage is important to you, you cannot start lying to the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with.
I thought I could separate the two worlds and did a good job of it for a long time. But eventually it will come out, either in your actions, or through a mistake, or merely because of the guilt you will feel.
If you don't care about how she feels, then get a divorce and go have fun. At least that way, you will not be spending her money to satisfy your sexual needs.
I know that what I did wasn't the best way to play the hand that life dealt me and I sure hate to see someone else make the same mistakes given the same hand.
Clearly I have the experience to back up what I am talking about, on both sides of the fence. What about you, riker?
Would you mind sharing the outcome? If you did already, I must have missed it.
Did you get divorced?
Or did you talk to her and get the sex life back on track at home and cease your outside activities?
Or did you talk to her and establish that you are allowed to play outside?
Or something else?
Check out the article posted on the General Discussion board under the thread "Question for the guys ... is there REALLY a problem at home?"
The link to riker's article is provided here.
It is funny that I have to post the same link to the same article twice today
Disclaimer: don't know riker at all. Just like his take on things.
p.s. riker is the moderator in SF board.
No divorce. At least not yet. Lot of talking, therapy, and multiple reconciliations. You would be amazed at how understanding my wife turned out to be once the pain of betrayal started to heal.
Sex is ten times better than before but I believe it would be so much better if I had not gotten so deeply into this hobby.
My marriage has had to deal with an emotional affair (with a provider) as well as the many physical escapades (hobby).
In retrospect, I spent a lot of time and money on this hobby when I should have been concentrating on figuring out how to seduce my own wife.
I felt like I has tried everything possible to get my wife to pay attention to my sexual needs before I started this hobby.
I could not deal with getting a divorce and denied the truth to myself and her.
Telling her about my hobby was not the best way to get her to wake up and join the real world.