lookingforH, boy can I relate. I was a virgin until age 26 (shy and nerdy). I lost it to a woman I wasn't all that attracted to and was dating out of desperation. We got along well and she was a great person, but I felt no passion for her. My first time is, to date, the greatest disappointment of my life. We dated a long time, I had a few other relationships of varying length (including one beautiful and fun woman I was fixed up with and started falling for who ultimately felt no passion for me), and that brings us to the present day. I truly couldn't get a date to save my life. I see providers because if I didn't I would feel so rejected, miserably lonely, horny, and desperate for female company that I would have no chance of a second date even if I managed to get a first.
Given your situation, I'm going to say it doesn't really matter whether you lose your virginity to a provider or a civvie girl. The provider will make your penis feel good, the civvie girl will give you some much needed validation (but you might not be all that attracted to her), and both will give you just a tiny bit more confidence. Don't see a provider purely for confidence though, do it to lose some desperation. Desperation is a turn off, and at your age never having had sex you're probably reeking of desperation. Find a compassionate provider who can be patient about being a teacher too. With some bedroom knowledge that'll help your confidence as well.
Good luck, I hope life turns around for you. I hear positive thinking is good for boosting your self-esteem, but it's so much easier said than done.