stop torturing yourself.  Quantum mechanics teaches us that contradictions exist in nature, side by side, all the time.  A beam of light is both a particle and a wave.  

Your desire for a three-some is a natural desire to be curious.  The issue isn't whether your desire for it is legitimate, but whether your relationship with your gf is the type of relationship you really want to have.  At the outset, recognize that if you continue to see escorts, you'll have to deceive your gf.  You could live the rest of your life this way -- lots of us do, but there is a psychological cost to you as an individual, a cost to the intimacy you enjoy with your girl, and a risk of hurting her should she find out.

I note that you refer to her in terms that some might consider derogatory -- "she is the type you keep."  Come on, she's an individual human being, not a chattel!  (If you don't get what I mean, consider the alternative, "She's the type of girl you throw away!")  

Since you've been able to discuss threesomes with her, why not take one step further and say you need to have the experience -- and talk to her about why you want to do it.  Then you'll be honest with her.

As for the threesome -- well, been there, done it.  Got to tell you that no threesome I've had remotely compares to great sex with a regular partner who's engaged and willing.  That kind of experience you can't buy.

I treat myself to a threesome - have one scheduled for this Monday with my ATF and another lady.  Key is to try to find a pair of ladies who are comfortable in their own sexuality - it makes all the difference in the world in a great experience for all.
As for the guilt - your desires are normal in my book - I have been married for 36 years and would not change that for anything - my bride is my best friend but her desires and sexual needs differ from mine occasionally, hence I hobby.  Not all married couples are miserable - you have to work on any relationship if you want it to succeed.

this magnitude of betrayal will just put your relationship into crisis, sooner rather then later.

Turk and Mr. Fisher make very good points.  Heed their wisdom.

If you are going to indulge in threesomes, and thus start the dissolving of your relationship, definitely make sure the women are stimulated by other women.  

I remember having my first threesome with my  mistress of 4 years( I know another mistress story) and her stripper friend.  The problem turned out to be my "Hottie" didn't want to touch or be touched by another woman, so I had to pull double duty the whole time trying to please two hotties without the benefit of what we fantasize two women should be doing to each other in a threesome or even a porno(everytime I pulled out of one, I had to change condoms before entering the other).  The best memory of the event was my mistress laying on my chest, DFK, while the other hottie was riding CG.
I could have had the same fond and hot experience just being with my mistress.  

Of course when my wife found out about my threesome, I never heard the end of it.  Holiday get togethers with Family were brutal.

-- Modified on 2/17/2007 9:21:17 PM

-- Modified on 2/17/2007 10:39:28 PM

Dear bluegray,

Thank you for your post with its honest concerns and deliberations.

I'm wondering about your absolute need to have a threesome PSE. It seems to me that you are putting an awful lot of pressure on yourself. There is pressure from both sides: One, that this will be "the last girl you'll ever have." [How do you know that for a fact, when roughly 50% of all marriages in this country end up in divorce?]

And two, if you put the matter in such absolutist terms, then it would stand to reason that you "need to have that PSE with two girls."

My other concern is that "her family is expecting me to marry her soon." Is this a non-Western cultural issue? Or is it one of having promised them openly that you will get married? Is there a date set?

And finally, your immensely astute question, "am I ready for marriage." I'm taking a wild guess here, but I believe you are on the younger, rather than the older side of 30. "Headcase fuck-buddies" or not, it's doubtful that you are ready for marriage at this point....whether to this particular girl, or to another one. This is also evident in your statement "she should be all I need." Maybe you have an image of what it is you need, but reality paints a different picture? Maybe what you need is someone just a little sluttier, wilder, and yet sane..and maybe you just haven't met such a girl yet?

You are asking if your feelings are normal. Yes, they are. My advice, radical as it may be, is this one - when in doubt, do nothing. I wouldn't rush off to get that marriage license so quickly. Who knows, you may have a period of hobbying or even more 'fuck-buddying' ahead of you in life. And if that's the case, why complicate the issue with marriage?

You are not alone in this issue. The tension inherent in the sexual discrepancy between males and females is probably why sex is for sale in the first place. You just have to decide if that's how you want to start off your married life.

Sow some more wild oats,
the Love Goddess

Whether you realize it or not, you're now escalating to be a sex addict. You may not be one now but you're on the road to it.

Take a look at your progression.
You are bored and want a massage with a happy ending.
Now you're looking at doing 3somes.
You say it's a one time fantasy but you're thinking of doing it again.

You've tasted the hobby and are now loving it.
This is just like drugs, starting off with just smoking some pot and then pills to IV drugs.

Where it stops is up to you.
You're not yet married and it will only continue from here. I doubt you'll be able to quit once you are married or if you get married.

RH

I've never had one, but from all I hear, it's overrated.

It's hard enough to please one woman as well as yourself.  Two must be twice as hard!

My reaction is: go ahead and try it.  You just might find you prefer a 1-some...and that you really are ready for marriage.  And if not, then you've learned something valuable.

Proceed without guilt or fear.  Enjoy.  
Then decide what you really want.

Just my own reaction.  Everybody's different.  Do what you want.  (But I do *not* think it's wise to tell your GF about your experiment.)

If you're thinking of cheating even before you get hitched, it's a VERY bad sign... sheduling and choosing your providers in anticipation... even worse!

Just cuz' 50% of marriages fail, doesn't mean your's should. Your spouse should be the love of your life. Cheating on her should be the last thing on your mind... right next to hiding things from her (that's hard!).

Go experience your 3some but after that, consider, seriously if you want more... or will you be happy with your GF/future spouse for the greater part of the rest of your life?