Hello, karmaexpress,

You ask "How often do providers want us remembering them for reasons other than "repeat business"?

Couldn't we then ask the question, "how many women want us remembering them for other than just sex?" One of the worst things you can do to a woman is probably just dismiss her as a purely physical being. There is a real need on the part of mentally sound women to be liked and appreciated, since women's brains are primed for social connections. So yes, I believe that you'll find that same desire with women all over, providers or not.

I think women in general - and men too - like to be remembered and thought of as more than just a number in a business relationship. Many a times I've encountered sales reps in my life and often thought, 'this profession demands a certain kind of 'likeability;' a charm and a lightness of being.' Now whether that's the true nature of the person himself/herself or just a veneer, can surely be debated; still, you can have two people selling the same thing, and the client will invariably choose the rep who is 'nicer,' and more 'personable.'

So, I think there is a real concern among those in the "people business" to make a good impression and to be liked. Now, among providers, the stakes are very, very high, in that a successful provider is not just selling her genitals, she's selling her entire persona. So in one sense, she has to be very concerned with being liked for a lot more than just "repeat business."

And by the same token, as you so astutely point out, you can get a business-like response because the provider, by virtue of her profession, has to create some distance between her clients and her private life - simply because it's sane to do so.

Now, I believe that the desire to be appreciated for something other than just "repeat business" also has to do with the beholder. In other words, if the provider respects the client and also has a cerebral and mentally stimulating relationship with him, then yes, she will probably appreciate being remembered for being a sharp cookie and someone interesting way beyond her sexual persona. The issue is that she may still need to "modulate" her appreciation, particularly if the client is unattached, or if she imagines - right or wrong - a desire on the part of the client to go beyond the stipulated arrangement if she lets her appreciation be known to him.

It appears that this has become my mantra: "Providers Walk a Fine Line." In this case, it's between externalizing versus internalizing their emotions. A provider may feel flattered that a socially respected client validates her being beyond the sexual activity; at the same time, she still has to let him into her body, and yes, let him treat her like a full-on sex object if he so chooses. She may state to him that she really appreciates his approbation, but in most cases, she will probably just internalize it and make him one of her favorite, respected clients - without him knowing her in-depth feelings. If she knows her boundaries, she will not encourage him to go beyond the business arrangement, and yet, she may tell others in the biz [or her therapist!] how nice the client is and how much she enjoys his company.

As to the question "is this just a natural form of the male ego needing some form of gratification," with the risk of being stereotypical in my answer - PROBABLY. On the other hand, if women clients visited with male providers, they would probably want more of that feeling IN SPADES. Again, women are more concerned with social connections and the emotions attached thereto. Again, stereotypically speaking, when male gigolos have been interviewed, they all state the same thing: it's less about the sex act and all about providing a feeling of 'being special' to their female clients. So you can just imagine how important it is to those women to fantasize that these men are wildly passionate and in love with them!

It is actually interesting to see that many men don't care one whit about what the provider is thinking at all. These men do not engage in analyzing their feelings once the sex act is completed. They want to focus on other things, their "real life," their family, even their wife. They don't send Thank You notes, they don't bother writing reviews, they just go on without much thought toward the event whatsoever. Maybe the desire for some emotional feedback is a function of being single or profoundly dissatisfied in a marriage? Maybe if you asked that same question of hobbyists who state that they are happily married, you might get a completely different answer.

So what do the brothers say,
the Love Goddess




-- Modified on 2/9/2007 11:37:33 PM