I did love my ex wife. We got married in our early 20s and had a child. I became a lousy husband and father. Im daughter grew up and i was never around. I put work and career before family. My wife or i should say ex wifeand i grew apart. I became a different person. I was never home. Now i have a 20 year old daughter in college who i see from time to time but we never really got to know each other.
I haven't had feelings for a non provider either, in a long time. I got use to my life as it is. I feel in a way im a free spirit. I love the fact in my life that i can get up and go anywhere i want without answering to anyone. Come home when i want and not having someone to answer to when i get home. I devote alot of time towards work, i'm not out looking for a relationship with anyone. Seeing a provider now and in the past was simple to me. No stings attached. Meet up have sex, go home. No drama no bitching no strings.
Yes you're right this is a business and im her client paying for a service which she provides me. In the past i always remembered that. She has been telling me about her life. Nothing really bad but just about life and her. This has been going on for a while and now i really see her as a person. The other providers i never really saw as a person, just an object.
I guess what it really comes down too, is that i was dreaming that my provider would see me more then just money and gifts.That she truly liked me for me. Before i never cared what the providers thought of me.
Thank you for your advice.
-- Modified on 1/27/2007 9:13:30 PM
After my divorce many years ago i had to feed my sexual addiction. I started seeing providers to feed my sexual addiction. It was seldom that i ever saw the same provider twice. I tend to see more upsacle providers. Never really had a regular provider until i got into doing doubles all the time. Meet a gorgeous bi sexual woman that could feed me many doubles with different women with her. I have never got attached to her emmotionally or anything else. I have heard of men getting emmotionally attached to there provider. I use to think what is this client problem i would never fall for a provider for many reasons. I know 98% of these providers don't feel the same way about here client when there client falls in love with there provider.
After my regular provider walked away from the business, i kept seeing many more women and many more doubles with different women. I'm lucky enough to have to money to have this large " Hobby".
I finally met this provider. I made her my new provider. I kept seeing her over and over again which is unheard of for me and NO doubles. I stopped seeing other providers except for her. I pay her her fee plus a tip every time which is the same amount as her fee. Plus im always giving her gifts. I do this because i want too. I have never given a tip before or gifts before to a provider. I have never treated one so nice as im doing now. I realize i have feelings for her that i have never had for another provider. I so want to give her everything she wants and be with her all the time. I have never expressed my feelings for her. All she knows is that im a good client who treats her well. I have never asked to see her outside of the bounds of our business relationship. I dont ask her personal questions. I know she doesn't feel about me the way i feel about her. I know in the real world if she saw me or meet me at a party, or a club etc. she wouldn't give me the time of day. I feel i have gotten too close to her. I have been thinking its time for me to walk away from her for good. I don't know what to say to her. I hear from here everyday. Asking to see me. I know its just about the money and expensive gifts even though she has never asked for them. I created my own problem. Is it time for me to walk away from this provider and when do you know its time to walk away from a provider? Thank you in advance for any advice.
It may be harder for you to talk to her about your feelings and your problem than it has been for you to give her gifts and money.
But, what do you have to lose? Why not give it a try.
But I'd wait to see what LG thinks.
Thank you !
-- Modified on 1/27/2007 9:13:50 PM
Are you worried that you have a problem of getting too hung up on her and losing your independence; or is it that you worry that she is getting too hung up on you (she calls every day?) and you don't want her to get hurt; or both or something else entirely.
On a first glance, I don't see anything but a nice situation, but that's me.
I have for a long time kept my distance, i was afraid of getting hurt, i felt because of our relationship is a business client relationship she could never have the same feelings for me as i have for her. She is a popular woman in my area. She has many male clients, i am afraid of geting hurt and wanting something i cant gave. I'm 42 years old she is 31 years old. I guess i have always been afraid of getting close to anyone
-- Modified on 1/27/2007 9:14:08 PM
Yes, let's Meet Joe Black,
Thank you for your openness and willingness to disclose. As to the answer to your first question: Yes, I believe it's time to walk away if you can't stand the heat in the kitchen. You say "I feel I have gotten too close to her." If you also feel that "it's just about the money and expensive gifts, even though she has never asked for them," and that you "know she doesn't feel the way [you] feel about her," then what deepened emotion of yours could she reciprocate?
There is no hard and fast rule for when to "walk away from a provider." Your level of comfort, or rather, your increasing discomfort with the inequality in the relationship could be one indicator.
I believe there has to be some kind of equality in a relationship in order for it to work. Try to remove the money from the situation and analyze it. What if you were to stop giving her gifts and tips? What if you stopped paying her altogether? Try it and see what happens.
Another interesting point you make is this one: "I realize I have feelings for her that I have never had for ANOTHER PROVIDER [caps mine]." But that's not the same as saying 'I have never had feelings like this for ANOTHER WOMAN.' Is there a distinction, and what does that distinction mean to you? Would you feel different about someone whom you didn't pay for sex? Would you be CAPABLE of falling in love with a 'civilian?'
On the bright side, perhaps this turn of events has demonstrated to you that you are capable of falling in love again - if you were ever in love with your ex-wife, that is.
My answer on this one stays: Knowing what you know, feeling what you feel, if the discomfort is too great, then stop. If not, then continue until you figure out what to do.
It's a business, alas,
the Love Goddess
I did love my ex wife. We got married in our early 20s and had a child. I became a lousy husband and father. Im daughter grew up and i was never around. I put work and career before family. My wife or i should say ex wifeand i grew apart. I became a different person. I was never home. Now i have a 20 year old daughter in college who i see from time to time but we never really got to know each other.
I haven't had feelings for a non provider either, in a long time. I got use to my life as it is. I feel in a way im a free spirit. I love the fact in my life that i can get up and go anywhere i want without answering to anyone. Come home when i want and not having someone to answer to when i get home. I devote alot of time towards work, i'm not out looking for a relationship with anyone. Seeing a provider now and in the past was simple to me. No stings attached. Meet up have sex, go home. No drama no bitching no strings.
Yes you're right this is a business and im her client paying for a service which she provides me. In the past i always remembered that. She has been telling me about her life. Nothing really bad but just about life and her. This has been going on for a while and now i really see her as a person. The other providers i never really saw as a person, just an object.
I guess what it really comes down too, is that i was dreaming that my provider would see me more then just money and gifts.That she truly liked me for me. Before i never cared what the providers thought of me.
Thank you for your advice.
-- Modified on 1/27/2007 9:13:30 PM
something you wrote really hit home with me. It's business. I have to remember that and im paying her for her to make me feel good in several ways. Alot of times im happy just to be with her, not even having sex, just being with her is worth the money and gifts. I gave her more money and gifts because it made me feel good seeing her happy.
Business is a two way street also. I think its best if i start seeing other providers. I will see her but not as much, and not give as many gifts as i once did.
I feel such a big relief off of my shoulders. Thank you so much.
Lots of wisdom here, from you, LG and others. IMO, the key point is your fear of getting hurt, and therefore you have to remind yourself that it's a business and it could come to nothing. But it's unusual that a provider contacts you every day. It seems she really cares for you, even though it's a business.
I say, "follow your bliss," but be careful every step of the way. If the relationship brings satisfaction to you both, why not continue the journey? There's risk in everything worthwhile, but it should be calculated risk, not reckless adventuring. Good luck.
Thank you very much for your kindness and wisdom. Im going to cut back on tips and gifts, and maybe cut it out for a while like LG said and sees what happens. I have noticed when she does call before we got off the phone or in emails she says" Let me know when you want to see me " It might be nothing when she says that maybe alot of providers say that. I dont know. I guess time will tell. Thank you for your advice.
but if I could wade in here in my usual "can't leave well enough alone" way, I think you should examine some of the feelings you have that led you to post here.
I detect a longing for something more than the "wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am" lifestyle you espouse; and I don't fault you for that one bit.
I think you need, at the very least, to take some time off from this gal to gain perspective and maybe to work on the spiritual side of your life for a while.
If after this time, you still think that there is something out there that you are missing and that this woman may be the key to finding it, I think you should explore the possibilities.
This path is fraught with risk, but as a businessman you must know the old adage: "Nothing ventured, nothing gained."
I went down this path about a year and a half ago, and so far I am very glad I did; although I have to admit that my personal circumstances are probably quite a bit different than yours.
Whatever you decide, I hope you continue to stay in touch with us through this board.
Your posts are very refreshing.
I do agree i need some time away from her. However even i do or not see her again, I dont regret seeing her and doing nice things for her. I do regret not knowing my daughter and not being there for her when she was growing up. I have learned family is the most important thing in live. I would do that part over again in my life. Thank you for all your advice and help.
Sounds like any good sales rep-following up!!!