Oooo! Selfishness is a virtue!
Hey,
A responder to another post, a provider I believe, had a great suggestion that I wanted to ask people's opinion on. It regarded health risks.
She mentioned that it was completely acceptable to ask a provider about health concerns. My question is how do you even bring this up without sounding like a cad?
I am a n00b and here's my biggest fear: that a provider knowingly puts me at health risk. Emphasis on knowingly. I understand risk is part of the experience but truthfully, I dont want to be with a provider who knows they have a STD. (I will always use protection, no debate at all on that).
So if it is completely acceptable to ask a provider about health issues, how do you even approach it? Is it improper to say something like, "Were you recently tested? I was." Do you ask the provider's opinion on the matter? Will that make the provider more comfortable or just sound offensive? Do you ask this before you set up a date? thanks in advance!
IMO bringing up this concern to a provider is like setting up a motorized wheelchair retail booth at a motorcycle show.
it can come off as very rude to attempt to ask her if she's been tested. Most providers are safer than the bar flies you may be used to playin with. I know I am tested on a reg basis and clean. I hate the stereotyping.
Your approach can make or break the whole deal depending on how you go about it. When have you been tested last? The way you may ask your concerns can though be a Great way to make sure that you ruin your session. Think through it carefully and choose your words wisely. Not that difficult to ask but think first.
Choose a well reviewed lady and I would think that should eliminate some of your concerns.
-- Modified on 5/19/2008 2:53:50 AM
Posted by sweetnicole1, 5/18/2008 7:40:35 PM
I hate the stereotyping. It is though a Great way to make sure that you ruin your session. So have at it!
Recently, just as our lips were starting to touch, I had a provider ask me if I was gay? I told her that I didn't realize Lacinta was a dude until it was too late.
And for you to find a provider who knowingly gave you an STD... Dude you would be scraping the bottom of the barrel with a crack-head street ho.
Does not matter how you bring up the subject, what do you think her response is going to be? No, I haven't been tested or no, I don't care to know. She sure as hell is not going to show you any test results with her workname 'Kitty Purrs' on it. LOL! I think the answer is to just do your homework and stick with well reviewed ladies and this will be the very least of your worries. Your risk of an STD is a helluva lot higher when you go out on Sat. night trolling the bars for civie chicks. Just my opinion.
PS: If you decide to ask her anyway...I wouldn't wait until after the date.
-- Modified on 5/18/2008 8:09:15 PM
You can ASK just about anything. What you get in response - that is what really matters.
As I've said before, so shall I say again. Ask a lady if she gets tested regularly, or if she has an STD, the guaranteed as is "Sure I get tested, and of course I'm clean". Some women will say this because they actually DO get tested, and actually DO know they are clean - at the time of their last test that is. Other girls will give the same answer because it is bad for business to admit they don't get tested, and haven't the faintest clue whether they are clean or not.
So it all boils down to - sure you can ask. But why waste your time?
A reputable provider is not going to have an issue discussing your concerns, so long as you're reasonable and approach it with tact, honesty & don't badger her.
In the two instances of "slippage" I've had in two years I tested the very next day and faxed or scanned/emailed the results to the client with my full legal name as proof of clearance of 7-panel STD/STI exams so that they would be comfortable in knowing that at the time of our momentary "exposure" (if you can even call it that) that I was 100% healthy. Many providers take great care not only to routinely correctly use protection, but to also utilize antibacterial soaps and other preventive measures post session in an effort to remain confident and healthy. Many of my friends are similar to me in that they test quarterly.
What is not acceptable: badgering, insisting on reminding her that she's a "whore", using asinine examples of faux science or quackery in an effort to demonstrate risks etc.
Think about it like this: with the hundreds of thousands of users on this site, if a hobbyists were receiving undesirable "side effects" post-session, don't you think they'd be online screaming bloody murder? Know the provider you seek via her online reputation, book a little additional time for "chatting" prior and cop a feel at that time for her practices, gingerly.
Hope this helps to assuage your fears & good luck!
I've become a lot more health conscious than ever before... Being exposed to risk on daily basis just makes us, the providers (well... most of us), much more cautious than the average girl you might pick up at a bar. Here's an example... before becoming a provider, I don't remember a day where I took 4/5/6 showers (with antibacterial soap), brushed my teeth 8/10 times, or worried about getting tested for STD's every 3-4 months.
And... like Ally said, although you are welcome to ask a provider these questions, if there were any type of unwanted side effects after the session, it would be discussed/screamed in the reviews or one of the boards.
Ally, that is a great post and yes, it did put my mind at ease a bit. Thank you.
In response to some other posts, Yes, I have been tested recently. I do that because it is important to me. I dont sleep around with a bazillion ladies or anything but I will relate a short story about why I might seem paranoid.
One time a few years ago I dated a woman who seemed very normal etc. We had a conversation as normal adults have to do in this day and age about health risks. She assured me she was completely healthy as I did to her.
Two months into our relationship one night she told me that she was "unable" to have sex. I knew it was not her cycle that interfered so I asked what the real problem was. Turns out she had herpes all along and was experiencing a flare up.
I was fugging infuriated. She blatantly lied to me at no risk to herself and all the risk on me. Since I am the one bearing the risk, I should be the one who decides what's best for me.
Luckily, she did not pass the virus on to me. I went to three different doctors to make sure I was clean. I was. (Always used protection.) And I intend to stay that way.
Still, to this day it bothers me that someone would put me at risk like that. If I had known she was infected we could have talked about it, taken extra precautions if necessary, etc. I wouldnt have minded. But she didnt give a crap about me so she didnt bother to bring it up in the beginning.
I guess a part of me fears that a provider would think I'm just some customer and couldnt care less about me as well. I would never want to make someone else sick and I wouldnt want someone to make me sick either.
Yes, I would only visit a well-reviewed provider. And I suppose it is very true that if someone got sick after visiting one then that person would rant non-stop on these boards afterwards.
Stick with well-reviewed ladies. They care about their own safety as much as they do yours. It is their livelihood and their life that is at stake after all.
You can ask the question or not but keep in mind that any woman who would intentionally put you at risk would have no problem lying to you about it as well.
-- Modified on 5/19/2008 6:12:22 AM
That most of the ladies here have more to be concerned with than we do. Since this is, at least, part of their livelyhood, they would be more likely to take care of themselves than civvie ladies, who may or may not get tested once a year as part of their annual exam.
On the other hand, I would bet that there is a far lower percentage of hobbyists who get tested on a regular basis, if at all. My doctor is well aware of my recreational activities, and since I see her a minimum of four times a year for other screening, she sees that all the appropriate tests are done each time.
To answer your question, I don't think that you should ever ask. I do think you should choose your dates carefully, and get tested yourself.
It seems to me that the ladies take the burden of the testing responsibility. I'm glad to read that a gentleman cares enough about his health to make the trip to the Doc.
It's a bit selfish on my part. If I didn't take care of myself, and get tested, there's a chance that I wouldn't be able to do this anymore. Then, I'd never get the chance to meet you, and we can't have that, can we?
Oooo! Selfishness is a virtue!
is to look after one's own well-being. Only then, can you look after someone else's. Yes, selfishness is a virtue.
why would you trust them to be honest with you regarding their health status?