First let me start by saying that I hope this post does not come across as being negative, because that is not my intention in the least.
But asking for a pic is a bad idea on many levels. First and foremost, it would kill probably 90% of your business. Most men would decline a request for a picture before meeting you.
Secondly, consider the poor guy who sends you his pic, and is then turned down. To be blunt, some men come to see us in order to avoid the very rejection he just got.
One of the challenges of being a provider is that we don't have much control over the gentlemen we are seeing. Certainly we have the right to expect an acceptable level of hygiene, and to expect to be treated well and with respect. But with respect to physical appearance, being a provider is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.
After becoming a provider to fulfill my own fantasies, I made another rather remarkable discovery about myself as well, and that is the ability to be open to and intimate with men who come from all walks of life, and come to me in all shapes and sizes. I even proudly display a logo on my site indicating that I welcome and provide discounts to men with physical disabilities.
Men come to us for many reasons. They come because it is convenient and cheaper than dating, they come because they have a wife that they love but are not intimate with, they come because they are so painfully shy they can't work up the courage to ask a woman out, and they come to see us because physical unatractiveness, whether is it weight, scarring, or perhaps a physical disability make them believe they cannot date as other men do. Whatever their reason for seeing us, they come to us with the hope and expectation that we will treat them as a man, and make them feel desired and important.
I do not wish to offend, but perhaps you should consider whether you are truly prepared to be an escort if you find yourself unable to set aside your aversion to a man who is not physically attractive to you. You cannot assess compatibility by a photograph. All you can assess is whether you find him physically appealing or not. Some of the men who see us have experienced enough rejection in their lives. To be rejected by an escort becaue they are not attractive enough would be the ultimate rejection.
Just my thoughts, take it for what it is worth.
I am new to this, and I am having a blast.
One thing I would like to add to how I do business is to ask for a pic when we are first communicating. I love men, all types of men, but every now and then, there are people I dont click with, or find very unappealing. I dont want to have to act or roleplay. I want to have and share real experiences with men.
At least with a pic, if I dont think it would work, Im not giving less of an experience than the gentleman deserves. I then have the ability to recomend other women that I think can provide better for him than I would be able to.
How do I set this up and not come across as a total bitch?
I understand your thinking, but I would not send pic. So I guess I am not your "type".
Post what you just said on your web page (contact form?). Most guys won't send you a pic, but at least they were warned.
BTW: If you say it right, it doesn't come across as being a bitch. Some ladies can do it with almost any guy. Some ladies can't.
So, what are you going to do if the guy sends you a fake pic?
For the same reason we as providers don't send out out face photos (assuming we use blurred), I don't think a lot of gents want to send theirs, although I have received a few, without even requesting one. You could ask for one, but I wouldn't count on getting it.
not sure if this would work or not, but you could offer a 30 min intro date at a coffee shop for say, $50.
Just make it clear that it will only be coffee & conversation & nothing else (just like a real date) & then on a subsequent visit you can seal the deal.
If the guy is not your type, just end it after the first meeting.
Just a thought...
I've tried it, but offered to meet for free to prove I'm legit. No takers. And still no reviews.
I would think that if you do the "intro date" option, and she decides she does not want to go through with an actual "session" then she should refund even the "intro date" money since it was not the guy's fault she did not want to go through the meeting.
To me if I were to have to pay $50 to have coffee with a woman for a half hour, and she decided she did not want to continue, I would be even more displeased because I wasted both my time and money.
As to the picture sending request, I can understand why you want that, but many men will simply not want to send a picture because of privacy issues.
Furthermore: Remember, we are paying for the session. If we walk in and you find us hideous, just nicely say to the man that you think it will not work out, and do not take any of his money, and ask him to leave. Most gentlemen will understand completely.
As to "acting", I would think that there will be many men who may look appealing to you based on a picture, but in practice you do not click with. OTOH there are men who may look unappealing in pictures, but when meeting them, they turn out to be "total sweethearts", and you have a good time with time.
-- Modified on 4/14/2008 1:41:06 PM
B/F I became a dedicated hobbyist, I was on a lot of dating sites, match, singlesnet, e-harmony and they all suck!! Mostly b/c NO BODY ever looks like their photo.
I don't think you are going to be successful with requests for photos, because very few people are going to look like their photo.
I met a woman once who was 20 yrs older and 75 lbs heavier that her photo!
GT
In theory, "intro dates" is a good idea.....but, there's this thing called the male ego....which is enormous and fragile. If you meet a guy, it will actually be harder to get rid of him without hurting his male ego than through the email thing. Say he meets you and then you decide not to continue, he will feel rejected and you will have quite a pickle on your hands... A picture might help, but you should at least talk to the guy on the phone to get a sense of his personality. I actually have been asked to send a picture twice...both by very young early 20's providers....the first one I didn't send her one, but that was just because I hadn't figured out how to send a pic of myself via email on short notice(see even if the guy wants to...he might not know how to send pictures....a lot of guys don't really care about taking pictures of themselves). First I would have needed a picture that I can scan into the computer and second, I would need that equipment. She saw me anyway and it worked out great. The second time, I finally figured out how to do it and did send one...but that was because the girl happened to be a model....so I gave in and complied....it worked out great, but I admit that this was a rare exception...as I wouldn't even bother most of the time...plus, I don't like having my images out there....that one time my libido overpowered my brain cells.
First let me start by saying that I hope this post does not come across as being negative, because that is not my intention in the least.
But asking for a pic is a bad idea on many levels. First and foremost, it would kill probably 90% of your business. Most men would decline a request for a picture before meeting you.
Secondly, consider the poor guy who sends you his pic, and is then turned down. To be blunt, some men come to see us in order to avoid the very rejection he just got.
One of the challenges of being a provider is that we don't have much control over the gentlemen we are seeing. Certainly we have the right to expect an acceptable level of hygiene, and to expect to be treated well and with respect. But with respect to physical appearance, being a provider is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.
After becoming a provider to fulfill my own fantasies, I made another rather remarkable discovery about myself as well, and that is the ability to be open to and intimate with men who come from all walks of life, and come to me in all shapes and sizes. I even proudly display a logo on my site indicating that I welcome and provide discounts to men with physical disabilities.
Men come to us for many reasons. They come because it is convenient and cheaper than dating, they come because they have a wife that they love but are not intimate with, they come because they are so painfully shy they can't work up the courage to ask a woman out, and they come to see us because physical unatractiveness, whether is it weight, scarring, or perhaps a physical disability make them believe they cannot date as other men do. Whatever their reason for seeing us, they come to us with the hope and expectation that we will treat them as a man, and make them feel desired and important.
I do not wish to offend, but perhaps you should consider whether you are truly prepared to be an escort if you find yourself unable to set aside your aversion to a man who is not physically attractive to you. You cannot assess compatibility by a photograph. All you can assess is whether you find him physically appealing or not. Some of the men who see us have experienced enough rejection in their lives. To be rejected by an escort becaue they are not attractive enough would be the ultimate rejection.
Just my thoughts, take it for what it is worth.
I agree...and I find also when you meet someone who may not be attractive to you, there is always something or usually something about them that truely is. I have walked into sessions and thought, oh this is going to be tough, and look beyond the outside and you may soon find a very interesting sweet Gentlemen who has a very attractive side of him as well. Its not about the outside but the inside of the man who makes him desirable in the end.
Screening a guy for his looks should be the last thing on your mind. What you are doing is a job. Every woman has the right to see whomever she wants of course but an ugly guy who shows up on time and freshly showered with the donation in hand and a good attitude is worth a lot more to you than a Brad Pitt look-a-like with body odor and a short envelope. I honestly wish you the best of luck but I think your priorities may need to be refined a bit.
Thanks for everyones responses. I've been thinking about it all day, and heres my list of "wants". Maybe this will clarify, but still be unrealistic. I really dont think I would screen that often based on the photo, its more like the following.
I want to take the time to have a nice 5 - 10 minute phone conversation to find out more about the gentleman. Things I pick up on are things like is he nervous, new to this, confident, etc. Not really to screen him, but get a feel of what type of experince I can provide him.
I want to see a pic, to put with the voice, and help me decide which dress I think he would like, how I should do my hair, etc.
I want at least 24 hours between the phone call and our meeting, so we can both enjoy the anticipation of our upcoming meeting.
I want him to know I am thinking of him the day before when I get my nails done, and wondering what color polish I should get.
When I get here and give him a big hug, I want him to know its genuine, because I have taken the time to know him just a bit.
Being late 30's, I dont have the rock hard body I used to have. What I do have to offer is me, a confident woman who enjoys spending time with men. I want my guys to know I am sincere, and love the opportunity to have some wonderful fun together.
The photo is just a way of letting me do some homework and to be the best prepared I can be as soon as I walk through that door.
Does that make better sense?
After reading your first post I had no interest in booking with you. After reading the second, I am completely intrigued....
"I want to take the time to have a nice 5 - 10 minute phone conversation to find out more about the gentleman. Things I pick up on are things like is he nervous, new to this, confident, etc. Not really to screen him, but get a feel of what type of experince I can provide him. "
I totally agree with the Phone Conversation. I wish more women would actually want to chat with me before the meeting. To me filling out a form on a website, and never actually hearing the voice of the person until arriving at the hotel and calling to get a room number is just plain un-social to me! So on this count, I agree with you. Plus I have a very sexy phone voice, so this works for me.
"I want to see a pic, to put with the voice, and help me decide which dress I think he would like, how I should do my hair, etc."
Ok, I understand the face to the voice, but 'what kind of dress I think he would like?' How do you get that from a picture?
"I want at least 24 hours between the phone call and our meeting, so we can both enjoy the anticipation of our upcoming meeting."
That is all well and good, but in many men's cases, 24 hours is simply not possible. My schedule dictates that I have availability in the next hour or two. I have no idea what I will be doing 24 hours from now!
"I want him to know I am thinking of him the day before when I get my nails done, and wondering what color polish I should get."
See Above.
"When I get here and give him a big hug, I want him to know its genuine, because I have taken the time to know him just a bit."
See above phone call text for 'getting to know him'
"Being late 30's, I dont have the rock hard body I used to have. What I do have to offer is me, a confident woman who enjoys spending time with men. I want my guys to know I am sincere, and love the opportunity to have some wonderful fun together."
And the fact that you are not 'rock hard' makes you more attractive to many men. Remember not all men want a 21 year old. Many men want an older woman for her mind, not just her body.
"The photo is just a way of letting me do some homework and to be the best prepared I can be as soon as I walk through that door. "
I can sort of understand, in that when you see the person visually, there is more that is thought about than just from voice alone, but I still think that many men are unwilling to send a photo.
"Does that make better sense?"
Yes it does, but I still believe that many men will simply not send a photo for many reasons.
Heres an example of how a photo helps.
I recieved a call from an older gentleman who just rambled on and on. It was definately nerves, and slightly ackward social behavior. He had sent me a pic, he was well dressed, was holding a dog in a photo. (First clue, make sure I take allergy medicine before I go, he seems to own a few dogs). His ackward behavior could have been a red flag.
We talked about the dogs a few minutes and he started to unwind. Why should he have to take ten or fifteen minutes of his appointment time with me just to become relaxed? I now have a trigger. If he is very nervous, I'll just start a conversation about the dogs until he relaxes.
If he sent me a pic in front of his boat wearing a stained T shirt as compared to being in a three piece suit gives me alot of info. Not that I would judge him either way. But knowing if he is a bit more casual in nature allows me to help guide the experience along in a way that is comfortable for him, especially if he is new. I would still dress sexy and classy, but a different type of sexy and classy than the man in the three piece suit.
I'm not going to judge him based solely on his looks. Just a few weeks a go I had one of the most memorable experiences of my life with a man that was physically not attractive, until you got to know him. He totally blew me away.
---------That is all well and good, but in many men's cases, 24 hours is simply not possible. My schedule dictates that I have availability in the next hour or two. I have no idea what I will be doing 24 hours from now!--------
I wish I was available more on short notice. But for now its not really possible. My route right now is to offer quality time as compared to quantity. If my lack of time only allows me to book two appointments a week, thats fine. I'd rather go into this knowing what I have to offer and limiting to that, rather than giving up some of what I have to offer just to book more appointments.
My first post was really only half a thought, that I wasnt fully done precessing. My mistake for posting before it was more well thought out in my head. But I do appreciate the honest responses I am recieving.
I guess one of the things I have realized and was trying to articulate is that many men I have seen, or are going to see are in a fragile state. Some from divorce, others from a physical point of view. I have to take responsibility that I am new, am going to make mistakes, and do my best to ensure that my "newness" does no damage to anyone else.
So I would rather start slow than to hurt someone who, in some form, is trying to reach out. To me, thats the only responsible way to proceed.
It's Ultimately NOT about what "YOU WANT". It's a fantasy hon, you are looking for a date. It's their fantasy and it's untimately about what the Gentleman wants.
I agree its about what the gentleman wants, and his fantasy.
That makes a lot more sense.
*but*
I think a lot of men are going to see the "picture required" statement and either assume that you are screening for good looks or simply feel uncomfortable for reasons of discretion. There's not so much a gal can do about that.
Here's the thing though. The lovely thing about being self employed is that you get to make your own rules. You can do anything you want to feel comfortable - as long as you realize that you are limiting who you'll see by doing it. There's nothing wrong with that.
Also...another gent said that your first post turned him off, but this one intrigued him. I think there's really something to that. Consider putting things like the statements above up on your website. Lots of guys are specifically looking for those kinds of connections. It sounds from this that you're looking at this from a more "date" oriented or courtesan style perspective. That can naturally lead you to market yourself a little differently and have different screening and arrangements. Please send me an email so I can give you a bit of specific advice.
~ Naiya
Hi Rebecca,
In the beginning of my adventure nearly two years ago now, I was similar. I ventured into escorting as an alternative to AdultFriendFinder & Casual Encounters.
Though many seem preoccupied with the misconception that all providers are victims of circumstance, supporting their families or struggling through with no other options-there are a many women like yourself and the poster TooPersonalForMyRealName who apparently have a great deal of fun with their work and approach it in their own way.
In the beginning for me, I had a generic Rare-Escort site. I requested not only age, race and a short introduction message from potential guests-but a photograph from each. I had a clause requesting that guests be under the age of fifty AND height-weight proportionate.
I worked merrily for well over two months in this way, building a name, getting reviewed and garnering a reputation as an excellent provider.
Obviously there were those who took offense to my preferences-but I was brand new and chose to do it my way until I was comfortable enough to meet sight unseen and without the age/weight prerequisites.
I think that while some may antagonize you now should you introduce a clause with your request on your site-you will save those who otherwise would have felt tension during your appointment grief and money AND perhaps you will grow comfortable enough in your sexuality to understand that there is something attractive about every single verified gentleman that wants to walk through your door. Everyone deserves love & intimacy and I can honestly say that I believe that with time, you will come to enjoy providing even with those that you would typically find "unappealing" if they are gentlemen towards you.
Until then-take your time, and do whatever you please. If you would like to treat it like "adult Match.com" and request a photo so that you can feel genuinely attracted (kind of the ultimate GFE, huh) go right ahead-place it on your website. When I had the requirement nearly every single potential guest complied and sent a photo-some were even bemused by it because I was so obviously new.
Good luck!
Please do not take any offense this response. There was no intentions to make you feel bad, but just giving you my honest and sincere opinion.
I am glad to find that you are having a great time, hopefully it meets your desires. But this is how I view it, in life, every excitement comes with a liability. If there is no liability, there is no excitement; you are just deceiving yourself that you are experiencing the excitements.
To you, I assume your excitement of being a provider comes with a liability of not actually knowing how your clients look like. Or as one of the reply said, getting a box of chocolates.
Just enjoy it 
. Enjoy the act of rolling the dice, not the value that you get after you roll.
Who knows what the future could bring?
XOXO
I only sent a pic once. The lady was someone I had met at a small M & G so we had a comfort feeling between us. This was one of her ways to help guarantee her security in case she didn't come back from her date.
With the competition that's out there, you're not going to make very much money if you only see the ones who you are attracted to. "Real experiences", as you say, are found with REAL men who have substance, not the poster boys you're looking for.
It sounds as though you need to be on a dating site, not an escort site....
"It sounds as though you need to be on a dating site, not an escort site...."
The money we pay is strictly for a companionship "date" ..Anything else is merely a attraction between two or more consenting adults.
give her a break Zayaha, she's trying to come out of her shell, did you not read her subsequent posts?
GT
After reading your second post, I think I understand where you are coming from. But nevertheless, I still wouldn't want to send a pic and I somehow doubt I'm alone on that.
"You can't judge a book by its cover" This old saw seems to cover it.....
If a provider asked me to send her a pic, I'd politely decline. Whether or not her intentions are good, I can't tell that from behind a computer screen. Since I don't look anything like Brat Pitt, there's always a risk of a provider NCNS'ing on me after seeing my picture. (I once had a situation where she asked me to stand outside her apartment building, then call to get buzzed in. When I called she didn't pick up.) So if I sent a pic and she didn't like it, would the provider still see me or would she stop answering my calls? And that brings me to another point: asking for a pic almost sounds like actually planning to NCNS, which is highly looked down upon in the hobby community.
(NCNS = no call, no show)
i would never send a picture via the internet:
1) there;s the uncertainty as to who is one the receiving end - LE, kids playing prank, Dateline, or genuine provider.
2) a pic over the internet is too permanent a record, never know where/when it might surface.
if you really want to get to know the person first, require either short in person meetings first time, work for a PV agency or provide sensual massage only, then let folks you desire know that more is available - lots of PV agencies work that way.
I've visited providers before and had a short "get to know you coffee" when they wanted more info/verificatio than I was wiling to provide other than in person or by telephone, and if its a hot local lady, I have no problems meeting for a quick coffee/drink the first time, then subsequently if desired a real hobby experience.
I could see how some clients would definatly not be interested in sending pics but I would have no problem with it. I am single and have no one, including my employment, that I have to fear finding out. Plus I am not too hard to look at but attractive hobbyists still might not want to send you a pic because of lack of privacy.
I dont think it is out of line, you care about providing a good experiance enough to decline a person because you would not be attracted to them, I appreciate that.
I am probably in the minority there though.