I am simply stating that these feelings occur in me and I was wondering if others experience it as I do.
I certainly recognize that I have free will and make the choice consciously to participate. I do it because I enjoy it and at home my sex life is almost non-existent. The neurochemical cascade (as you describe it) is both pleasant and unpleasant but I now understand it better because of some of the replies to this thread.
Your post has a critical tone that is unnecessary.
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I would assume yes...maybe oxytocin or dopamine?
After I see a provider about 3 or more times I generally start having feelings for them. Its not a good thing because I'm married and yet, its predictable and happens to varying degrees depending on how attracted physically and sexually I am to them. What's also interesting is that once I see that provider many, many times the intensity of those feelings starts waning. Then I meet another provider and if the attraction is strong, the whole scenario starts up again.
I have to remind myself constantly that it is an illusion (delusion) and that providers increase their success by creating those feelings in their clients.
Another related question is whether this is common among men? For me, its a bit tricky because the crush that I experience is sometimes hard to deal with emotionally. It creates a yearning which is not practical nor healthy for my marriage and occupies too much of my time and thoughts.
Good call, Addicted2Lust,
No need to elaborate, since you've figured it out 100%. Yep, it surely is oxytocin bringing on those cuddly, bonding feelings, and dopamine first dysregulating - hence you want the gal real bad - and then stabilizing, at which point you don't care so much.
It's not as much an illusion as it is a neurochemical fact. It has less to do with providers increasing their success by creating those feelings in clients, and more with clients just being normal human beings subject to evolutionary adaptations. Is it common among men? Heck, it's common for BOTH GENDERS. Men aren't immune to any of it. And of course it's hard to deal with emotionally. Mother Nature designed it that way. She wants you to go runnin' straight to that provider, put it in, squirt and make a baby...then hang around for a few years until that passionate bonding truly has worn off..and then repeat the procedure with the next one.
So...since you know you're a victim of your neuropeptides and neurotransmitters...stay aware, just like you are now. Yes, it's troublesome to you. But it's probably what got you married in the first place. The 4F types can end up old and unwantingly lonely, simply because they were busy spreading their seed and maybe because their brains produced less oxytocin than yours. It's good to remember that scene in Woody Allen's film "Husbands and Wives." The one where Woody's voiceover states:
"Pepkin married and led a warm, domestic life. Placid, but dull. Knapp was a swinger. He eschewed nuptial ties and bedded different women: Nurses, housewives, students, a doctor, a salesgirl.... They all held Knapp between their legs. Pepkin, from the calm of his fidelity, envied Knapp. Knapp, lonely beyond belief, envied Pepkin. What happened after the honeymoon? Did desire grow...or did familiarity make partners want other lovers? Was the notion of ever-deepening romance a myth....along with simultaneous orgasm? The only time Rifkin and his wife experienced one...was when they were granted their divorce. Maybe in the end, the idea was not to expect too much out of life."
So, yer married..enjoy...
the Love Goddess
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Love Goddess, I love y'all. "Husbands and Wives" is one of the many HITS in Woody's hit-and-miss cinematic career.
His movies (the best and worst) ARE
that neurochemical continuum you describe so well.
None of which explains "Interiors" - but the neurochemical continuumbut says ALOT about "Annie Hall" AND "Crimes and Misdemeanors." Incredible films, both.
His recent effort starring Christina Ricci (sp?) left some critics cold, and me steaming. She be ALL about the orgasm.
Thanks, LG, for the great reads. You're too young, no doubt, to have seen it, but I recommend "Interiors." It's a no-hankie movie, because you need balm on the fatalism to induce cinematic tears.
I am not too young to have seen Interiors. I saw it upon its original release, and I still chuckle over Maureen Stapleton's portrayal of the second wife. Like Woody, I am an Ingmar Bergman fan, and sadly, I found Interiors to pale in comparison with Bergman's in depth portrayal of women... perhaps because of Diane Keaton's unrealistic portrayal of a grieving daughter. Her frustrated "snort" while standing by her dead mother's coffin was just a little too fake for me. Then again, I never found her that great of an actor.
I was even adult enough to have seen the Godfather in its original release
the Love Goddess
I have one comment about providers. I suspect that most of them do not try to make their clients develop feelings for them. It would seem to be a real difficulty emotionally. I have got to believe that being a provider is largely acting, and acting under the most difficult and intimate circumstances. And we clients ought to realize that this is all a fantasy, and nothing more.
That said, I do have real feelings for certain providers. But those feelings do not moderate with time. They increase. And I know something about long relationships because I have been married 42 years.
of dealing with it (at least for me). I'm married over 30 years and as cited here by many before, I very much love my wife. Needless to say my ventures in the hobby are filling a void that now exists at this time of my life. In any case, I too have met one or two of the most amazing women ever. And yes indeed I have developed an attraction for these ladies. But I have learned to keep a balance of sorts. I consider myself fortunate that we connected and have forged friendships. We have respect for each other, we care about the well-being of each other and we have a strong fondness and sweet love (in a non-romantic manner) for each other. We even talk about this state of our special friendship but at the same time we manage to leave it just on this level. We know this is important and we know how to stay in bounds. Works for me.
Yes, this is a biz and providers offer a service that clients consume. Yes, there is role playing and distinct separation of personal and occupational emotion. But there are also two humans interacting in the most intimate manner. So feelings happen. I don't run from them nor do I categorize them as being false. I just try to deal with them in a prudent and realistic manner. It's not necessarily easy but it can be done and it is special.
Just reading and digesting the replies here has made me feel much better. Both validated and relieved. I am relieved that I am not having unusual or inappropriate feelings and validated that its OK and normal and that I am not alone. I think that because of your intelligent and insightful replies, I am now better able to handle these emotions and understand them in the proper context.
The fact that I have shared so many fantastic, exciting, sexy experiences with beautiful and giving women has made me a better man I believe. There are times that I am walking on air after having these experiences.
With the right provider my life is enhanced and that is, obviously, what keeps me participating.
Thanks.
On the same hand it is a cop out as you are attempting to negate free will and cognition. I can administer exogenous oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin and you will not have these feelings. Perhaps you should examine why you visit these whores in the first place. Within that reason you will find the key to recreating the neurochemical cascade you crave, yet damn.
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I am simply stating that these feelings occur in me and I was wondering if others experience it as I do.
I certainly recognize that I have free will and make the choice consciously to participate. I do it because I enjoy it and at home my sex life is almost non-existent. The neurochemical cascade (as you describe it) is both pleasant and unpleasant but I now understand it better because of some of the replies to this thread.
Your post has a critical tone that is unnecessary.
-- Modified on 12/16/2006 6:52:35 AM
-- Modified on 12/16/2006 7:07:04 AM
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It's highly reassuring to see sensitive and well-considered comments from people who have reactions and feelings very similar to my own. I have concluded that these feelings are rational and normal, but they must be dealt with in a mature and responsible way to avoid damage to all concerned. Maybe some would say this is merely rationalizing improper behavior, but I've learned to deal with that feeling/accusation too.
Onward, with care!
not being a neuro-chemical-biologist, I just recomment doing the provider 20 times more, so she feels like your wife, and move on. =Þ
20 times? That's more times than I have ever done my wife I'm afraid.
well then 10 more, that'll save you a few grand.
LOL! Do you have any idea how many years it will take to do my wife 10 X? About 3 years!!!!