I hope your date wasn't with a 19-year-old.
I'm brand new to this hobby...just went ahead and set up my first date for this weekend...and have something of a dilemma for which I'm seeking advice.
Bit of a backgroud here: my one previous intercourse experience was non-consensual. I was raped. (Yes I'm a guy, yes it can happen.) It's been several years and I (think) I'm pretty much okay with it. But I'm a little concerned about how I'm going to react this weekend.
I have had one sexual encounter since then...It started with a massage and she surprised me by progressing to a HJ. It took quite a bit of effort for me to relax...but I did and had a good time.
But I'm a bit nervous/apprehensive about how I'm going to react this weekend. This is actually why I choose to enter this hobby. I'm just starting to date again, and want to make sure I've cleared out the old baggage, so to speak.
So my question is: how much (if any) of this do I let my provider know?
I sort of feel like I should tell her the whole story so that she's aware and ready if I do freak out. (Don't misinterpret that: I'm not worried about violently freaking out - that's just not me.)
But on the other hand, that's kind of a load to drop on someone. Especially someone I've never met.
Any suggestions? Guidance? Comments?
Please?
these questions, then you probably need to reveal this information to the provider before hand, and the provider should be someone who is well seasoned, not a new person to the business, in any case.
I think you would also need a councilor to discuss this with as you have undergone a serious psycho/sexual trauma.
Kudos to you for inquiring here.
Live to tell, 2manyquestions,
How brave of you to come out on this board! If anything, it teaches us all not to make assumptions!
I believe that if you have chosen an understanding, professional and emotionally sophisticated provider [please scour the TER reviews for every shred of info in that direction], then yes, please do tell her. It will guide her in helping you explore not just her body, but yours as well, in a very sensitive and patient fashion. And yes, if you begin to feel apprehensive, she'll know and can proceed accordingly.
Providers, especially the more mature and level-headed ones with a few years on duty, have heard just about everything. Trust me on that one. This will not be strange to them. So yes, go ahead and disclose as much as you need to. Remember, it's about you and it's about time that you experience sex as something liberating and enjoyable.
My best wishes to you,
the Love Goddess
I hope your date wasn't with a 19-year-old.
At least not yet...
I followed the advice from above, (after all, what's the point of asking for advice if you're not going to follow it?), and explained things when I called to confirm our date. She apologized but said that she would just rather not deal with that. (And no, she wasn't 19...)
Although I am (naturally) a little disappointed, I'm glad I told her. I'm already nervous, her being uncomfortable with it as well would have been a recipe for disaster.
And maybe it won't take me another three months to work up the nerve to contact someone else...
Thank you LG and mrfisher, for your help.
Have a Happy Holiday.
First off: Thank you mr fisher and LG for your advice, I greatly appreciate it.
I did tell her that morning when I called to confirm our date. (No point in asking for advice if you're not going to take it.) She was very polite about it, but said that it really wasn't something she wanted to deal with - so we didn't meet. Which I am cool with. As nervous as I was, her being at all uncomfortable would have been a recipe for complete disaster.
So now I'd like to ask for a little more advice, if you please...
I am looking to contact someone else, (I live in Tennessee which puts about 3/4 of the U.S. within a days drive), and I don't think it's going to take me another three months to work up the nerve to do so. I'm probably going to make contact via email, (because that's what I'm most comfortable with), so should I include this in that first contact? Or wait until we're actually speaking? Or would you reccommend a third option?
Maybe I'm just being silly here, but, well, my first foray didn't work so well...
Any more guidance out there?
Dear 2manyquestions,
I'm glad for you that you are trying with such enthusiasm! Good! And actually, I think your strategy did work very well in your first foray. You got it out there plainly, and by doing so, you avoided a potential disappointing experience.
As for telling the next potential lady, I suggest not putting it in an email. Please wait until you are actually speaking. This is still a personal issue and having it attached to an email may not be so great. It may be my therapist paranoia, but confidential info should not readily go into emails that can be forwarded, saved, etc. And, since this is a deeply personal issue, it deserves to be treated with care. So yes, live over the phone, please. It will also give you an opportunity to assess her tone of voice, diction, etc. After all, this should be a nice experience for you in general.
Let us know how it went,
the Love Goddess