but I wrote most of this in an answer to a query from a new friend (lunch sometime soon, friend???)
And posted it on another local site when then topic arose recently.
My hobby began almost by accident a couple years ago in Lyon, France. I was alone in my hotel’s bar/café very late one night and as I often do, struck up a conversation with the nearest total stranger. But in this case she was an incredibly beautiful Asian woman in her 30’s. We talked, we had a few drinks and she picked up the tab! At the time my sex life was really non-existent at home (see below). Now I had flirted my whole life and had never been unfaithful to a wife or anyone in a monogamous relationship. But there is always a first time, as they say.
She invites me upstairs to “finish our conversation” as we had closed down the bar. Once in her room things progress and I discover that she is a professional. So what kind of chance did I stand under those conditions? One of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in person, she buys my dinner/drinks, I’m halfway around the world, she is exactly my type, she speaks English with a sexy French accent, she is a pro and I didn’t stand a chance. So yeah I paid, but at the time it felt more like a date than a business transaction (our dinner/bar tab was almost her fee). I woke up with her in my arms in the morning and her question went something like: I loved what you ate for dessert; please eat it again for breakfast. It had been so long since I felt desired.
My SO and I have been together for more than 15 years. But for the last few years there has been almost no sex. When we do have it I try to focus on her in the hopes that she will enjoy herself, gain some desire for it and in turn want to please me. I hate the feeling of her wanting me to cum to get it over with. But this tact has failed to produce the desired effect. She says she just has no desire anymore. And aside from masturbation I hadn’t cum during sexual activity in a long, long time. I can't get her to see a doctor or shrink about it despite the fact that I have been mostly honest about how important thus is to me.
I have told her that it is not about coming or sex but intimacy. I see our love making as the place where I can express the union of the physical, spiritual and emotional love that I have for her. When we talk it seems to make an impact but there has been no long term improvement, quite the contrary. It improves a little for a moment but then the long slow decay again.
I love her dearly and enjoy every moment when I am with her and ache when we are apart for more than a day. She can make me laugh and smile like no other has and sometimes she makes me cry with how she touches my heart. I have tried to live with just affection, which isn't lacking at all, but I don't seem to be able to. As Green Day says, "when masturbation has lost it's meaning...” I feel shitty about feeling this way. Wish I could find a way to be content with what I have, but I am not so Zen. Hard to overcome a primal urge.
I haven't told her I partake in extracurriculars, but have told her I consider it...allot. I don't look to have an affair because I have rationalized that the lack of real attachment and emotions in the hobby somehow make it better than an affair. I know it's not but I don't know what I would really do if I met someone I not only clicked with but saw fireworks with too. Shit what would happen if she was also kind and funny and gave me an intellectual run for my money or wouldn't take crap from a guy like me with a strong personality and a desire for verbal back and forth.?????
So I hobby but I am sure that it will become unfulfilling in the end. It already is but it is the best substitute that I can find or think of short of ending my relationship. I go back and forth on this often. Intellectually it seems like a trivial reason but intellect and nature often disagree. Time either heals all wounds and eventually my sexual desire will fade or time will allow my wounds to fester and ooze. I'll be completely unhappy and it will infect the other really great parts of our relationship and it will end.
God I love to touch her, caress her, and kiss her deeply. I long to feel her pulse race under my touch and have her flushed face look at me and beg me to do that to her again....now! I want to be with her and her alone but I have needs, physical and emotional those aren’t being met despite my efforts. That is my story and my rationalization.
But I don’t feel remorse for hobbying just remorseful that it has come to this. I would quit and be forever faithful in a heartbeat is she wanted me again. And I would do anything she desires to make that happen, she just does not desire it. I hobby.
First of all, just wanted to say hello. I stumbled across this community and have been very tempted but not yet taken the plunge by seeing a provider yet. I have compiled a short list of providers that I want to see. But when it comes down to making the call, I keep coming up with excuses not to call. i.e. fear of LE, STDs. Every day I inch closer towards calling (I wrote down the list of possible providers today.)
Basically, I'm interested in hearing about what your first time was like. Especially if it was recent and the first time was through an ad (not from a SW.) Did you have any fear of hesitation? What was going through you mind? How did you get over the fear? Thanks.
with eyes wide open, and you should be fine. Remember that it is humankind's oldest profession, and the internet has just made it easier, better, and a little less seedier.
I've been at this for about twenty-five years, and found my first "escort" through a yellow pages ad in the DC area when I was 17. I've been going strong ever since, including a few years in Germany where it is legal.
If you practice safe sex, and only see well reviewed providers, you will be fine. Prior to this site, it was very difficult (not impossible by any means) to chose safely in this lifestyle. The risk was very high, but the reward was the same. That's what this site does: it reduces the risk but allows you to reach that great reward.
The only posters associated with this site have their usernames in red, so you know that if the rest of us are posting, you can take it to heart because we don't have a stake in the site. We are only concerned that the reviews are honest and the boards are meaningful. (BTW, you will start to accept that the red handled posters are just as honest and have the same goals in mind, but you may need to reach that conclusion on your own with experience.) So, when you are advised to get the VIP so that you can do the real research, you can rely on that advice.
The STD risk will be reduced with safe sex practices. The LE risk, and the risk that you will be ripped off will be greatly reduced by seeing only well reviewed providers in your area. Having said that, you cannot expect to do this without some risk, and that leap of faith into risk is something you will just have to make when you are ready. This site will help you know that the risk is reduced, but short of some sort of hobbyist ride-a-long program, it will never be foolproof.
Good Luck, and use the local board and review search features to the hilt.
but I wrote most of this in an answer to a query from a new friend (lunch sometime soon, friend???)
And posted it on another local site when then topic arose recently.
My hobby began almost by accident a couple years ago in Lyon, France. I was alone in my hotel’s bar/café very late one night and as I often do, struck up a conversation with the nearest total stranger. But in this case she was an incredibly beautiful Asian woman in her 30’s. We talked, we had a few drinks and she picked up the tab! At the time my sex life was really non-existent at home (see below). Now I had flirted my whole life and had never been unfaithful to a wife or anyone in a monogamous relationship. But there is always a first time, as they say.
She invites me upstairs to “finish our conversation” as we had closed down the bar. Once in her room things progress and I discover that she is a professional. So what kind of chance did I stand under those conditions? One of the most beautiful women I have ever seen in person, she buys my dinner/drinks, I’m halfway around the world, she is exactly my type, she speaks English with a sexy French accent, she is a pro and I didn’t stand a chance. So yeah I paid, but at the time it felt more like a date than a business transaction (our dinner/bar tab was almost her fee). I woke up with her in my arms in the morning and her question went something like: I loved what you ate for dessert; please eat it again for breakfast. It had been so long since I felt desired.
My SO and I have been together for more than 15 years. But for the last few years there has been almost no sex. When we do have it I try to focus on her in the hopes that she will enjoy herself, gain some desire for it and in turn want to please me. I hate the feeling of her wanting me to cum to get it over with. But this tact has failed to produce the desired effect. She says she just has no desire anymore. And aside from masturbation I hadn’t cum during sexual activity in a long, long time. I can't get her to see a doctor or shrink about it despite the fact that I have been mostly honest about how important thus is to me.
I have told her that it is not about coming or sex but intimacy. I see our love making as the place where I can express the union of the physical, spiritual and emotional love that I have for her. When we talk it seems to make an impact but there has been no long term improvement, quite the contrary. It improves a little for a moment but then the long slow decay again.
I love her dearly and enjoy every moment when I am with her and ache when we are apart for more than a day. She can make me laugh and smile like no other has and sometimes she makes me cry with how she touches my heart. I have tried to live with just affection, which isn't lacking at all, but I don't seem to be able to. As Green Day says, "when masturbation has lost it's meaning...” I feel shitty about feeling this way. Wish I could find a way to be content with what I have, but I am not so Zen. Hard to overcome a primal urge.
I haven't told her I partake in extracurriculars, but have told her I consider it...allot. I don't look to have an affair because I have rationalized that the lack of real attachment and emotions in the hobby somehow make it better than an affair. I know it's not but I don't know what I would really do if I met someone I not only clicked with but saw fireworks with too. Shit what would happen if she was also kind and funny and gave me an intellectual run for my money or wouldn't take crap from a guy like me with a strong personality and a desire for verbal back and forth.?????
So I hobby but I am sure that it will become unfulfilling in the end. It already is but it is the best substitute that I can find or think of short of ending my relationship. I go back and forth on this often. Intellectually it seems like a trivial reason but intellect and nature often disagree. Time either heals all wounds and eventually my sexual desire will fade or time will allow my wounds to fester and ooze. I'll be completely unhappy and it will infect the other really great parts of our relationship and it will end.
God I love to touch her, caress her, and kiss her deeply. I long to feel her pulse race under my touch and have her flushed face look at me and beg me to do that to her again....now! I want to be with her and her alone but I have needs, physical and emotional those aren’t being met despite my efforts. That is my story and my rationalization.
But I don’t feel remorse for hobbying just remorseful that it has come to this. I would quit and be forever faithful in a heartbeat is she wanted me again. And I would do anything she desires to make that happen, she just does not desire it. I hobby.
Whenever you share a part of yourself, you are enriching the rest of us. You have just underscored that we all have our own unique reasons for doing this thing, and the only common denominator should be that none of us should be judged.
Thanks again for sharing. 
BTW, where's the review of the French-Asian chick and her tour schedule? She sounds great.
is private. But if you want some idea think porn star Katsumi. She was a match in almost every way.
Her memory is special and private, she made me feel alive again in a way I had forgotten for a time. I will always love her for that and treasure my memory of her, always.
and so relieved when it was finally over.
I wasn't scared of being busted, I wasn't scared of STD's and I wasn't afraid of eternal damnation.
I can't tell you what it was except I continued to hobby and be afraid for many, many years before I finally got a rhythem going.
Now I think it is wonderful, the best part of my life just about.
So hop on in, it takes a few minutes but once you do, the water is fine.
I was 15 years old and drunk in TJ on my way to Louisiana to make my fortune in the oilfields.
I think it cost five bucks, which was probably a rip off at the time, and I doubt that the experience lasted 5 minutes.There wasn't even a bed, we did it sitting upright in a chair.
My, how times have changed.
For many years the SW scene was so good in Boston that I never bothered with looking for another option. Things began drying up on the street scene and it was getting damn near impossible to find any decent action.
Fortunately the internet had come along and I started reading agency and provider sites along with Craig's List and World Sex guide. My first escort in call was a CL girl. I wasn't as scared as I should have been probably because I had spent years dodging LE while doing car dates!
I recently saw my first provider who I found through the TER review board in Denver. After reading many great reviews and thoroughly reading her website- I decided to take the plunge. I generally got the feeling from her site that she does not provide full time and is selective about who she spends time with (that made me feel better about the STD issue). Being far away from home on business helped also - I am married etc. I had been under alot of stress over the months prior and decided I had to "treat myself". It was a great decision and experience although I would be lying to say I didn't feel any guilt at all afterwards. The reviews helped me feel more comfortable about the initial fear and my provider really made it special for me knowing my newbie status! She also really liked the outfit I bought for her to wear! Good luck!
Never fear, only concerns!
All my concerns were alleviated in the process of research (most notably here on TER). Knowledge helped it to all make sense. The answers are here, but you have to search for them! The questions are here, but you just wont know how important some of them are until you read the posts they are a part of! I found that when I combined the opinions of the users here with my own common sense - I had nothing to be really concerned about.
It was also several years after my divorce that was very unkind to me, my emotions or my checking account. Dating left me feeling even more unwanted and worthless. But since I've seen my first provider: nothing has been able to wipe this big-ass smile off my face!
But I am also single (a minority I think), and have no SO to hide things from. I suspect it is a whole different set of circumstances that have led many others to this hobby!
Been at it full time (once or twice a month) for almost 6 years. Before that is was massage parlors and lingerie shops. Got to get some satisfaction somewhere when none exists at home.
Curious bout the "before that it was massage parlors and lingerie shops" statement. Did ANYTHING happen at a "lingerie shop"? When I was 22 and right out of college, I had a skanky 50+ year old woman who was the owner of an "art studio/lingerie shop" hit on me. I politely turned her down, then she offered her daughter (who was a couple of years older than me and waayy hot) into the mix for a little 3-way action. Her daughter wasn't there at the time, so I had no way of knowing if she was really serious or not. All of this was too much to process, so I fumbled my way to some kind of weak "I'm sorry, I can't" type of response. I stopped kicking myself a couple of hours later when I remembered that the daughter was married to a cop! (not to mention the mom was 100% SKANK!)
-- Modified on 2/19/2008 8:18:01 AM
I was looking at the erotic section of Craigslist, not looking for a provider, but to see what would be termed "erotic" by that site. I noticed one girl there had a line that said "reviewed by TER". I typed TER into google and found this site.
I then spent about 4 weeks reading and pouring over this site (bought a VIP after the first couple days). I have not been really good in relationships (way too long to get into now) and thought maybe seeing a beautiful gal would be fun.
I made a long list of providers that drew my interest, then shortened it a little each day until I had a short list (about 5 names). I sent out an email explaining my situation (newbie) and requested some feedback to one provider. I never heard from her, so I sent another email to another provider basically saying the same thing. She emailed back requesting specific information to verify me. I answered each of her requests and within a couple days I was verified.
You can read my one and only review (thus far) to see how my first experience went. I was very nervous but she eased my nerves and I have been back to see her 4 times now.
b-
I started sometime in 2005. It was a combination of some bad experiences in the bar scene and disappointment in the post-college dating scene. So long story short, I got into the hobby.
The first time, I was a nervous wreck. I did the smart thing: searched for a provider with many reviews here on TER, and made sure her agency was reputable. At the same time, I kept having visions of six Crown Vics pulling me over, like on that "Cops" show. (Newbie paranoia acting up.) Needless to say, I kept thinking about backing out. But I knew I would hate myself if I did. So I decided to man up, conquer my fears, and go to the incall location.
The provider was much friendlier than I expected. She was patient with me, helped me relax, and even overlooked a faux pas I made during the session (mentioned the donation at one point). She even said something I now completely agree with: "someday you're going to look back on your first hobby experience and laugh". And she was right.
Hello all, I'm a newb to the hobby and the site. My story:
I'm 30 and single, and saw a provider for the first time last week (I don't really count the SW Vegas casino girl that gave me a BJ in a hotel bathroom while I was drunk last summer). For various reasons (won't bore you with the B.S.) I'm simply not inclined to be involved with anyone. I have been, and it was great, but at the end I just don't feel so great about it. I know I'm single, make a decent living (enough to afford this hobby, obviously) and live near NYC, considered one of the greatest place to find single women, but my heart just isn't in it. Hopefully that will change.
But of course the desire for female companionship arrives every so often. I'd been curious about hobbying for a while but either didn't have the guts, the money, or was involved with someone, until now. Some research turned me into a local agency and I did a pre-screen, still not sure if I wanted to go through with it. But last week, after I was already approved, the idea became more and more attractive and I finally struck up the guts to call.
Being with my first provider was a revelation to me. See, the kind of women I date are very intellectual, strong-willed and progressive-minded. I'm proud of that, but the down-side is that these women don't have the mind-set of pleasing their man, so to speak. Oh, a couple have been nice and passionate and giving, but I the (very beautiful) provider's entire purpose of being there with me was to please ME. Selfish?- sure, but it was new to me and I rather enjoyed it.
I'll never stop treating women with the utmost respect and consideration, but I can see enjoying an hour of me-time every few weeks.
The other day I went to another provider from the same agency (I guess I still had some left over energy) and while it was fun, it wasn't as good as the first time. Even though it's a brief time together and not truly intimate, I'm learning there really is a chemistry between the provider and myself that dictates the experience (I just feel the 2nd one didn't like me, while the 1st one did).
My heart really goes out to the married guys who are not sharing the intimacy you want, need and deserve from your wives. Someone else wondered if hobbying is "better" than an affair, and IMO, yes, yes it is. It is more honest.
Sorry for rambling...
My first time was only a few months ago. Wife and kids had gone away leaving me time to act on a long simmering plan.
Chose a well-reviewed escort from TER. Of course, I was as nervous as could be with all sorts of doubts and concerns going through my mind. And I was shocked when I met my date to see how young she was.
But, the flesh has a will of its own. OMG I had a wonderful time! The thing you might find unexpected is that this is one of the most honest transactions you'll ever encounter. The good providers are all incredibly genuine. How could they not be when they are engaged in something so intimate? Treat them honestly and with respect and they will take extraordinary efforts to make you happy.
How did I get over my fears? I took one look at her incredible body then buried my head between her legs. The rest seemed to flow pretty naturally. Good luck!
I started about 2 months ago, I had thought about it for about a year. My GF had gone thru the dreaded menopause, and our lovelife went from every weekend, we each live in our own homes 35 miles apart, to maybe once a month. I simply cannot live on once a month. So I e-mailed a well reviewed TER provider and was so easily approved I coudnt believe it, She really made it easy. That first Lady was a real gift, she made all my fears dissappear, and I saw her twice so far. Then I arranged to see another and had a wonderful time with her as well, I guess the true pros are gifted. I have another Lady I am going to see in the near future. I guess i am hooked.
Almost four years ago on a business trip. When I got to my room that night, I could hear two people in the room across from mine getting it on. This bummed me out somewhat, as all I had to look forward to that evening was hitting a strip club. After setting up my laptop, and unpacking a little, I heard the door open across the hall, and what sounded like "Thanks for coming", and "nice meeting you" as the lady left. It was the latter line that convinced me that the guy had seen an escort, which prompted me to google that term on my laptop. That led almost immediately to the discovery of TER, which convinced me that next trip, I would do the escort thing instead of the strip club. As it turned out, that didn't happen, as the lady I contacted did not get back to me until the day I returned home. After reading that response, I decided that it was going to happen ASAP. So I checked the NYC board here, saw that a well-regarded lady posted that she was travelling to the city that week-end. I e-mailed her, and received a response the next day. After several more e-mails and phone calls, we met at her incall two nights later. The meeting itself went as well I could have hoped. Since then, I have met many different ladies, though the one I met that first time has become my favorite by far. So far, no STD's, and the only times LE have come into play is DUI checkpoints on the way home afterward. So the only fear I have when seeing someone is drinking too much,lol, so I rarely do so. Bottom line: If your short list of providers are well reviewed, your risks should be minimal. Once you get over the fear and go for it, you'll wonder why it took so long! Expect to be nervous when you have to make that first phone call, and when you finally meet her, but you'll get over that once the session starts...
I can understand your reticence.
I made a couple false starts myself. I wanted to, but I didn't. I told myself, I really didnt need a little sex once in awhile or "pay" for it THAT much. Yeah right!
Meanwhile as road trips and out of town conferences kept getting longer and my libido seemed to grow in proportion.
Of course I was apprehensive the first time, no body really likes cold calling for something, so do a little homework, check out a few websites, and chances are you'll meet a sincere and charming woman who'll put you at ease. Just remember, she knows what you want and how to deliver it for about what it would cost you anyway in cab fares, drinks ,dinner, and all that other stuff,
When? I started seriously last month.
Why? Well several reasons:
My libido is showing no signs of slowing down, Im tired of fighting it,
or denying why it seems to kick into high the second I clear security, or step on a train,
I finally tired of watching "Nightline",
and seeing the babes in the elevator and coming out of other guys rooms on the way back to mine from the bar.
So one night I started browsing a few websites.
Ive decided being a hobbyist as a relatively safe, and sane way of doing what a guys just needs to do sometimes.
Not only that, there are some very bright and intelligent young women out there, who enjoy being and making companionship worthwhile and are worth knowing.