To me, DIY is what you do when you stay home. Is it because the beatings and burnings and humiliation is what folks are really after? That's a large part of why I've never gone too far into this arena because pain is absolutely off the table, as is humiliation. If I have a sensual domination experience and it winds up with DIY, I feel like I've gotten cheated. It seems most, at least where I live, dommes go the DIY route. Amittedly, I've only gone the bdsm route once and haven't returned because of this.
I am a leader & not a follower, so I make up my own rules!
Tradional text book, or eastcoast lame do it yourself providers have no imagination! The best is in the WEST!
know that in traditional BDSM, there is no sex, but they don't know why. As a Pro Domina and Companion, I make up my own rules and decide how far we get to go.
As a newbie in the BDSM thing, I would look for more open-minded ladies, rather than one who only pretends they are real Dominas. It's a big thing, depending on who you talk to. To lifestyle Dominas, there is no such thing as a release or close to it. The point of being a Companion and a Domina is to not be afraid to combine the two worlds.
BDSM-only providers tend to think that DIY will keep them on the right side of the law or have personal boundaries around that kind of intimacy. And for people who are mostly looking for the beatings and burnings and humiliation, that works... but it sounds like you're looking for a very sensual, intimately controlling experience, and that requires a different touch.
There's an art to blending sensual domination with pure eroticism. You should have much better luck if you specifically look for companions with a background in kink and fetish who will ask you about, and absolutely respect, your interests and limits.
I believe the new term is Hybrid Domina or Provider. Meaning that if the lady identifies as a Hybrid- Domme her primarily service is from the kink and fetish community however she provides cross over services from the provider side. And the same goes for the Hybrid Provider who has added kink and fetish skills and interest to her offerings.
I'm old guard leather, of course there was sex.
Serene
If you're looking for a combination of BDSM and shall-we-say "escort services" (i.e. "tie me up and do certain things to me") you can find it. Many Dommes, particularly if they're working for a professional dungeon, won't allow any type of sexual service due to legal restrictions. There are, of course, rare exceptions. I believe you'll have more luck by reading the reviews of certain ladies (a couple who post here) and/or simply asking if the lady in question does provide "escort services" in addition to BDSM. Do NOT ask them, if you do call, if they'll have sex in addition to BDSM. It's a clear violation of the law and they'll say "no." In other words, be smart about it. As one who partakes occasionally of the combination of BDSM and sensual services combined, I can say with certainty it is available.