I think you have to trust the provider and therefore provide the personal information. You're not going to be any more confidential when you have references – that will mean that one or more providers know enough personal information about you to vouch for you. I don't see where you have any choice but to trust them.
As a number of people have pointed out on this board, the providers take a much bigger risk than you do. And if they are valid professionals, they have no interest whatsoever in "outing" you. They are looking for a straightforward transaction.
It's easy to find reputable providers using the TER database.
Hey all, really good to find this site of like-minded individuals. Anyway I am a newbie as this as this is my first my post. Anyhow I have never been with a provider however would like to do so. My problem is most require references and such and I of course do not have any. Also I am slightly reluctant to give some of the personal information they ask. I was wondering anyway around this? I would gladly talk to them on the phone or show them my myspace website, but giving away where I work and such is a little unnerving. Any help would be appreciated.
I think you have to trust the provider and therefore provide the personal information. You're not going to be any more confidential when you have references – that will mean that one or more providers know enough personal information about you to vouch for you. I don't see where you have any choice but to trust them.
As a number of people have pointed out on this board, the providers take a much bigger risk than you do. And if they are valid professionals, they have no interest whatsoever in "outing" you. They are looking for a straightforward transaction.
It's easy to find reputable providers using the TER database.
referal service like Preferred411 or Date Check? Check your local board to see if there is a preferred service for your area.
Giving out your information to a provider is a fact of life in the hobby. Her concern is that you will not cause her harm when you meet her. Even if you wouldn't even think of doing that, she has no way of knowing it. Screening is a safety measure on her part. As for your work information: it's safer with a provider than with some online banks. If you treat her with respect and pay the right donation, she will *never* use the information against you.
Unfortunately, there have been cases of providers making life difficult for clients. Yes, this is usually due to a grudge between then based on something he did, or did not, to/for her.
Yet another reason to stick with well-reviewed providers and agencies, with reviews written by prolific reviewers! These are indications that there is no history of this type of behavior, and that they know the consequences of starting.
just my £0.02
I understand your concerns. Years back, I had a provider take my home and phone # information and pass me off as her "husband' while she opened charge accouts at stores. I did not use review information to select her, that was a large mistake.
Start with well reviewed ladies, they have no interest in causing problems for you that could become public and cause problems with their business.
Ladies take many risks when meeting hobbyists, the smart ones get information that allow them to determine whether a person is safe to meet. You should expect to give the information that they request. Don't get bent out of shape by giving out work information, but insure that the lady understands protocol to follow when calling.
You can try agencies, but I have found that agencies that require no information other than a location and phone number often are low quality and expose me to many risks.
There are many gentlemen who are nervous about providing personal information. But, look at it from the lady's point of view... she needs to feel comfortable that the person she is meeting with is legitimate and safe. Anyone call put up a "myspace website." Heck, my girlfriend's 12 year old son has one. What does that say?
I get asked all the time by gents if they will accept an ID at the door in lieu of prescreening. The answer is no.
When a lady meets with a gentleman, she is alone with someone that she needs to be able to trust. If a gent has been upfront with the prescreening, she will be more at ease than if he is not willing to provide information. When a gentleman arrives for an appointment, its too late to worry about safety. Consider it this way, if a client wanted to meet with a lady to do her harm, would he cooperate with prescreening. The answer is no. Why? Because many ladies use a "safe call" system or check-in alerting another party that their client has arrived and then that the client has left. He wouldn't want to take a chance.
If you stick with credible and well-reviewed ladies, treat them right, there is no reason to be afraid of their doing anything with your information. However, if you mistreat them physically, your information will probably not be kept confidential.
Then there are other issues to consider. The lady wants to do her best to ensure that you are not one of our men in blue. She cannot ascertain this on the telephone or on "my space."
So, the answer is simple:
a) You can try CL and other sources of this type. But you take the chance of finding that the provider you thought you were going to see is actuall a lady who likes to wear blue uniforms... or getting ripped off. However, you may get lucky and find a legitimate provider who does not require much prescreening. You take your chances.
b) Join a prescreening service such as DateCheck, Preferred 411 or Room Service 2000 (in the midwest primarily).
c) Use an agency (but be sure it is one that does give references as there are some that do not)
I'll pose this question to you:
"Wouldn't you be leery of meeting with a provider who would accept little (if any) prescreening?" There could be a valid reason for this. Again, she may like wearing the color blue. Or she may be an unethical provider who may rip you off.
What I tell gentlemen who ask if they can bypass my prescreening because they are uncomfortable is this:
"While I appreciate that you are uncomfortable with my prescreening requirements understand that I would never ask you to do something that causes you discomfort. Likewise, please do not put me in the uncomfortable position of fearing for my personal safety by asking me to not require prescreening."
In short, you have a decision to make. Good luck!