A different dynamic when you are seeing a Caucasian indie provider than when you are visiting an Asian agency incall. My recommendations were in the context of an Asian incall setting. If you're asking for ladies to chime in here, you're not going to get any K-girls, because they don't participate here because they work through orgs and bookers.
OK folks. I'm a little lost and could use some help.
I grew up in Japan and, up until 18 months or so ago, that's where I did all my mongering. In the world of the Japanese soapland brothel (bathhouse, years ago called Turko) one of the key differences between the better (think business class and above) stores and a less expensive store is what they called in Japanese "Instant - Instant" (soku-soku). What it meant was in a better class place the sexy times would begin immediately when you went to your partner's room (each "Instant" refers to a key sexy time acts), then after the first round she'd bath her customer, chat, share a drink and from there you'd move to the nuru mat for a second round. However, in less good place you'd start with some chatting, then bath together, then round one, then nuru.
But in the Bay Area it seems like providers, even the expensive ones (especially?) expect to start with some chit-chat. Of course, I'm talking about dates of 60-90 min dates here - I'm sure quickies are just that.
I'm sure every provider is different, and the chemistry with every gentleman visitor is different, but am I right? Do most ladies feel they need time to chat at the start? And generally is the chit-chat 5 min or 15? Also, is this a difference between GFE and PSE? Help a stranger out
shy or nervous to the provider, they will chit-chat to try to get you comfortable. If you initiate contact (holding them, LFK, DFK, feeling their curves, etc.) they will usually respond in kind. If you are only seeing girls once and then moving on, you will get more of this "getting comfortable" time, but when you repeat, it should be off to the races.
Holding and caressing would be Initiating
Pushing them back against a wall as you walk in the door would be pushy.
. . . a gentleman! Any rough treatment of a Kgirl is usually unwelcome. There are BDSM dommes if you are looking for rough stuff.
That would obviously be 100% out of bounds and not what's being discussed here...
taking it to the logical extreme. Obviously, there is plenty of room between sitting on the bed and talking and dripping hot wax on her tits.
"Initiating" merely means taking the lead and making the first move. When you get into the bedroom, try putting your arms around her waist, pulling her into you gently so you have full body to body contact, and kissing her lightly on the lips. She should take over from there, but if not, you are free to escalate gradually. Just treat her respectfully the way you would a civvie girlfriend, and she will respond in kind. You both know what you are there for, so no need to spend time sitting on the bed chatting. I usually do a little playful chatting in the shower as a great icebreaker, but not until I have done a little bit of fondling and kissing in the bedroom to let her know I am very happy to be there.
I usually assume the guy wants to chat to help him feel comfortable. Everyone is different. I would state your preference plainly when you arrive. It's good practice to voice needs. Being passive is not good for either person - she can't read your mind and passivity could lead you to you feeling resentful and then perhaps even writing a crappy review when you could have just told her what you want. A lot of providers genuinely want you to feel good.
A different dynamic when you are seeing a Caucasian indie provider than when you are visiting an Asian agency incall. My recommendations were in the context of an Asian incall setting. If you're asking for ladies to chime in here, you're not going to get any K-girls, because they don't participate here because they work through orgs and bookers.
How long I chat is determined by the vibe I get from my date. If he's super talkative and we have a lot in common, we can chat for up to about 20 minutes (assuming this is an hour-long session), but then I'll suggest we retire to the bedroom so that there's plenty of time left for everything else. Usually, my date will initiate some action 5-12ish minutes into a first date, after some light chit-chat, which signals to me that he's comfortable and ready to proceed. Every once in a blue moon, I'll get that quiet guy who responds to all my questions with one-word answers and just won't offer up any small talk on his own. With those guys, I just drag them immediately into the bedroom because I don't know what else to do. They're typically the ones who give me zero verbal/physical feedback and leave right afterwards, too. I guess some just come into the date with one single mission in mind, and once accomplished, they're out!
I view my service as an ~overall experience~, not specific acts. Not only is this for plausible deniability for legal reasons, but also, that's just my personality. I like connecting with my clients. Chit chat helps with that.
I wouldn't feel comfortable being so intimate with someone without at least *trying* to get to know them a bit first. What can I say, I'm a bit of a sapiosexual...
I view my service as an ~overall experience~, not specific acts. Not only is this for plausible deniability for legal reasons, but also, that's just my personality. I like connecting with my clients. Chit chat helps with that.
I wouldn't feel comfortable being so intimate with someone without at least *trying* to get to know them a bit first. What can I say, I'm a bit of a sapiosexual...
I'd just say, to me (based largely on my Soapland experiences) it's a question of not if you chat, but when. You are guaranteed a break in the middle anyway and that's when in the higher class soaps you got to learn more about each other.
By the way, unless she was totally independent, what your friend was talking about was probably what's called "Douhan" and comes from the Hostess Club world. In Hostess Clubs you really are paying for the companionship (the girl sits with you, chats, maybe touches your arm or leg) with no guarantee (or even likelihood) of sex. The sex, if any, is handled very separately by way of these outside the outside the club "Douhan" meetings
It's also super interesting to learn about how sex work occurs across cultures. My Seattle friend used to work in Japan, and she explained it like, she meets a client at the club, they go to tea and sit and negotiate price and services, then she goes home with him, does the deed, and returns to the club to give them their cut / wait for the next client.
I haven't had the opportunity to work internationally yet, but I plan on spending a significant amount of time in Latin America, and will likely do sex work there to fund my travels. I've done a LOT of research into escorting in Mexico City, and it's just interesting to note how sex workers advertise differently. Prostitution is (mostly) legal there, so they can be very explicit about what sex acts they offer (unlimited vaginal intercourse! blowjob without condom! interactive bisexual show!), like, even the ~high end~ girls are super explicit about what they do and do not offer, because hey, it's not like they're going to get arrested for it, right?
I find this all fascinating!
Really does any of this need an explanation?
Googlewasyouridea, I appreciate that you want your provider to feel comfortable. I find that my need for chit chat increases when I am meeting someone for the first time, and when I am going to be engaging closely w him.
For a FBSM, I have no problem starting rite away. For a first-time companionship session, I do like to sit down and perhaps have 5 minutes of chit chat, or more if the other person wants. If a gentleman wanted to speed up that process, he could tell me in a seductive way. For example, he could complement my body and ask me to dance or model for him. I have a 90 minute minimum for my companionship session, so dancing or a lingerie show is a nice way to start. From your post, I take it that you would not be happy doing this. In that case, I would be willing to skip the chit chat and start by telling you what kind of touching I like and asking you to touch me that way. Would you like that? Or is it still too slow for you?
Have you considered repeating? On the 1st or 2nd visit, you could ask that the action start immediately for the next visit. Once a provider has met you, she is willing to at least listen to what you want. If she feels comfortable with your concept and has time to plan the beginning of the session, she can deliver.
I think that there is a certain type of provider for you. She offers a 60 minute session and de-emphasizes a connection. She talks about herself more than you. Read the ads carefully and see if you can find someone like that. I wonder if she would minimize the chit chat..
I really appreciate you taking the time to read my message and come back with clear, useful, information. Very kind of you.
One small thing. I actually have no problem with getting to know someone first. It's just a different custom. Kind of like when I first tried came to an American friend's house and was told no, you can leave your shoes on. I'm OK with doing it that way (though feel a bit bad that the floors and carpets will get dirtier faster with people tracking outside dirt on them) but it just feels weird. Not what I'm used to