> Don't mess with these ladies...
> A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
> As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened
> his trench coat and flashed her.  Without missing a beat she said, "Sir,
> I need to see your ticket, not your stub."
>
> Let's go for stupid...
> A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but
> couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do
> these turkeys get any bigger?"
> the stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
>
> Caught for speeding...
> A guy who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been
> waiting for you all day," the cop said.
> The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
> When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way
> without
> a
> ticket
>
> Stuck under a bridge...
> A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
> reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead
> of
> him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
> Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
> around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got
> stuck, huh?"  The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge
> and ran out of gas."
>
> Drunk?
> The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb
> and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take
> you in, sir. You're obviously drunk".
> The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
> "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
> Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was a
> cripple."
>
> Dealing with tro uble...
> A deputy police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance.
> The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed
> almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the deputy
> and Muhammad Ali too.
> Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist-probably
> better than Houdini."
> The giant nodded.
> "If I had some chains," the deputy continued, "you could show us how
> strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't
> you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"
> Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four
> minutes. "I
> can't get out of these," the giant growled.
> "Are you sure?" the deputy asked. The fellow tried again.
> "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."
> "In that case," said the deputy, "you're under arrest."
>
> Too Late...
> The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and
> walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a
> policeman.
> "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer.
> "I'm going to a lecture." The man said.
> "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
> "My wife," said the man.
>
>
>