I hope some of the providers will respond to your concern.
I am sure if I sent a gift to one of my two favorites, they would respond. If this gal is a regular for you, I would think she would. If she was a first time visit- I'd still think at least a thank you would be in order.
However on general emailing after a visit here is what I've found in brief experience:
I am pretty new, already have two favorites that I will see often- they do reply to occasional emails, but sparingly. My emails to them are rarely chit chat emails- they usually pertain to replies they sent me about next scheduling or something they said in an email.
I am sure two things are going on- 1) since they are independents, they have a lot of email correspondence each day to keep and maintain their current appts and all the referecne checking, so they are busy and naturally their scheduling appts take priority,
and 2) now matter how much we like them and how gfe the visit was- we only paid for that time, they are not our girlfriends! I'm quite sure sparse email responses after a session help maintain the boundary.
I'm wondering what is the best way to ask a provider for a referral to the white list. Face to face, their email, or phone. I know being discrete is important for the safety of both of us, and being a new hobbiest, I'm unsure of what I can dialog about and through what medium. As an aside, I have one favorite, and I'm hesitant to ask her. I know it's truly silly, but I don't want her knowing I'm interested in seeing others.
How you contact to ask should be dictated by how you normally communicate. There are a few ladies that I talk to periodically, just to check in. In that case, if it was important to me I'd simply say..."if it's not too much trouble, would you mind adding me to your white list". She'll understand why, and if she's a professional, she'll be fine with it.
There are other ladies that I normally communicate with via email or IM, and I'd ask them through that medium. To me, the bigger issue is how you word it. If a lady feels pressured to add you, you're overstepping the intent of the white list.
I've been white listed twice- one I asked after writing her a well deserved awesome review and she was more than willing. The other did it on her own after my second visit to her.
My understanding from reading posts in the past on this subject is some prefer not to- so as to not have an additional "proof of visit" trail on TER, and many are willing- sometimes after a second visit, sometimes after you've done a review to be sure you won't diss them on review after being white listed.
I can't imagine one being insulted that you want white listed to see other providers- while the ladies need to reply to that, my take is they would be delighted to know you want to see other providers as it would indicate less chance of you being abnormally attached to them and not being able to respect the after session "provider/hobbiest boundary"
-- Modified on 10/24/2007 3:53:31 PM
Regarding the provider/hobbiest boundary, is there anything written in the TER manual about that? I have been a bit frustrated about the lack of dialog from one provider whom I sent an email gift certificate from a store on her list, and given a very good review. I want to ask again if she got the gift, but wondering if I should just leave it alone.
I hope some of the providers will respond to your concern.
I am sure if I sent a gift to one of my two favorites, they would respond. If this gal is a regular for you, I would think she would. If she was a first time visit- I'd still think at least a thank you would be in order.
However on general emailing after a visit here is what I've found in brief experience:
I am pretty new, already have two favorites that I will see often- they do reply to occasional emails, but sparingly. My emails to them are rarely chit chat emails- they usually pertain to replies they sent me about next scheduling or something they said in an email.
I am sure two things are going on- 1) since they are independents, they have a lot of email correspondence each day to keep and maintain their current appts and all the referecne checking, so they are busy and naturally their scheduling appts take priority,
and 2) now matter how much we like them and how gfe the visit was- we only paid for that time, they are not our girlfriends! I'm quite sure sparse email responses after a session help maintain the boundary.
There are a couple things at play here. She may not have had a great time, but still liked the gesture. In that case, calling would encourage you to schedule again, and she might not want that. As was said, she's potentially buried in emails and calls. It's amazing that some of these ladies can get anything done. Another very real possibility is that she doesn't know if it's safe to contact you to say thanks. The last thing she'd want to do to "thank you" is to get you in hot water when your wife answers your phone.
If you just HAVE TO know, contact her and ask. Dropping it, and re-reading the subject line is a better idea.
I have asked for a couple of white list references, and some others have simply done it on their own.
If I am going to ask, it would be in the follow-up email that I send thanking her and reinforcing that I enjoyed our time together (if indeed I did).
I think it is perfectly appropriate to politely ask that she do so. Whether she does or not won't in any way change my opinion or review.