Wife has known. Expand your view. Fetishes, FMF, MFM. I was lucky in 2011 to find lady new to biz but a swinger that: liked me, loved sex, had husband's consent and participation, and was a flexible when and how we'd meet. With spouses, a bi or other friend of hers or several. Always fun. She apparently retired two yrs ago, although posts her say otherwise.  Point is find a person that rocks your world -- on/off clock.

I've participated in this hobby for 20 years now, off and on. I had the same feelings that you describe, where I felt that I was just going through the motions because I just had to meet that highly-reviewed lady or I had to meet someone once a month. Whenever I realized I'm just going through the motions, I would simply take a break and re-enter the hobby when I felt like it. Usually, something would stir within 3 months or so and I would get antsy.

I would also try different things to keep the spark alive. Take a hobby vacation in a foreign country: the FKK scene in Germany, French Canadian girls in Montreal, Russian models in London, shy Japanese college girls in Tokyo. Picture your ideal lady, then look for someone exactly opposite: tattooed, pierced, and short hair doesn't do anything for me, except that I had the best experience of my life. And yes, try something from your bucket list: FFM, MFMF, or MMF should be experienced.

if you find you miss it, come back.  if not, move on.