These past few months I have been working closely with the IOC and the US Olympics Committee. I have it on good authority that the "hobby" and a number of "hobby" events will be added to the next Olympic games. I know what you are thinking, but I want to reassure everyone on this board that this is ABSOLUTELY NOT A JOKE! Anyone who knows me, knows I would never kid around about anything like this! Actually, adding the hobby to the Olympics was inevitable considering the recent scandals and sagging ratings and revenue over the past several Olympics.
Hobby events will be broken down as follows:
1) "Compulsory" program (CBJ, BBBJ, DATY, CG, and RCG with & without Triple Lutz)
2) "Short" program (does anyone know how to locate the dude who was paying for escort services with counterfeit money? He would be perfect for this part of the program)
3) "Freestyle" program
The IOC believes that Neilson ratings for the "Freestyle" portion will break all previous records. Budweiser has already purchased exclusive advertising rights for the "instant replays".
Phoenix has been chosen by the US committee to develop a team for this new event (probably because of our strong interest and commitment to winter & ice sporting events)
Common folks! I need your help! We need to put together a team quickly and begin working toward if we want to have any chance at all of "taking home the gold!" You know the British and the Russians are way ahead of us already with their hobby teams. I think a theme emphasizing patriotism and antiterrorism would be appropriate. What do you think?
We are going to need major funding. I will personally talk to my good buddy Jerry Colangelo - I have no doubt that he will throw his financial support behind us, since he is really into sporting. I would also like to talk to the Keating family and if anyone has an in with them, please let me know.
Private message me or call at 1-555-555-6969.
Hotoffload, I am so glad to hear there are local people working to help those of us who are dedicated to offering a Phoenix team for the 206 games. The financial drain put upon those os us truly dedicated to this effort is already becoming serious.
We have a small group working to feild a championship team to enter in the free style events. As you know IOC rules will require a free style team be made up of one hpbbyist and at least two providers with up to four allowed. If we are to have any hope of winning the gold we have to have teams with four providers to meet the degree of difficulty to really score.
We wanted to practice twice a week but even using B team girls at $ per session the cost has forced us back to once a week, not to speak of the considerable stress on the men's bodies. Can you imagine the cost factor when we are ready to bring in the real pros like Crissy, Sky, Debbie, Donna, Jordan etc. And we know after seing her site we must have myMichelle, her beautiful ass will be perfect on the ice.
This is a serious problem and we really need help. For us to keep up this grueling practice schedule for the good of our country a geart deal of money is needed. You do the math, four ladies, twice a week 2-3 hour sessions. I know Jerry will be 100% behind the effort but he is so concerned about his name being connected with the sport. As for the Keating Family, I don't know about the son and grandson (both game veterns) but I'm sure you know what happened to old man Charlie before the games in 1998. Remember he got together a free style team in Europe to do an exibation at the games and his wife walked in while he was practicing the three girl pyramid. She screamed, the girls fell on Charles and the poor guy almost got killed.
I just don't think you can count on that family this year.
I wish you the best of luck in your fund raising, in the mean time we will struggle along with only one practice a week with the B team.
PS man if you don't think it takes true athletic ability to do a free style four way performance you are wrong, wrong, wrong.
None of us have made it past the three way and sometimes pass out with that. See we need more practice. Bring on the cash!
Slowstart
and want to be included in the team. It's about time the public has taken notice and wants to do something for the good of the US. You go boys!!! Hopefully all my hard work has paid off, but you'll have to let me know if I need to practice harder. I want to be one of the best of the best at the 2006 Olympics!
And you have a fantastic BODY and you are one of the BEST of the BEST
Good news, folks! The pharmaceutical company Pfizer (which makes Viagra) has agreed to sponsor our team!! (The maker of Cialis has unfortunately already committed to the British team) "Yours truly" (aka HotOffLoad) will be personally fitting the thongs with the Viagra logo on the providers who wish to try out for the team. This is serious business! We want our team to look good marching in at the opening ceremonies of the 2006 games! I anticipate it will take me AT LEAST 1-2 hours to fit each thong. Providers, please call the following number for an appointment for thong-fitting (operators are standing by to take your calls): 1-800-HORNY BASTARD
Cigna Healthplan also offered to sponsor us if we promoted their generic equivalent to Viagra, and if any hobbyists trying out for the team want to wear two popsickle sticks with some duct-tape, let me know.
And Debbie, thanks for your interest and support. I've penciled you in for the "pole-vaulting" competition if that's OK. We can discuss other positions (that is, events) when you come in for your thong-fitting.