It's a week after Christmas, I'm crabby and I'm broke.
I'm so full of ham and fruitcake, I think I'm gonna croak!
It's nice to see the relatives. I wonder when they'll leave?
They've been camping in my bathroom since early Christmas Eve.

They're eating everything in sight and sleeping in my bed.
I been sacked out in the basement with my old beagle Fred.
The relatives have all gone out and left their screaming brats.
The toilet bowl is all plugged up and I can't find the cat!

It's Christmastime at my house, the relatives are here.
They eat me out of house and home and drink up all my beer.
I love the decorations and the sleigh bells in the snow,
But I wish those pesky relatives would take their kids and go!

Those cookie crunchers fed the dog a twenty pound rib roast.
His feet are sticking in the air like skinny old fence posts.
Now they're in a free-for-all the girls against the boys.
They're fighting over boxes 'cause they're bored with all their toys.

My mother-in-law is snoring in my favorite TV chair.
Those kids are stringing lights on her and tinseling her hair.
I oughta wake her up before the fireworks begin,
But I wanna see those blue sparks fly when they plug her in!

I love the decorations and the sleigh bells in the snow,
But I wish those pesky relatives would take their kids and go!