Here was my post of several months ago:
I wouldn’t bring it up if it happened only one time. However recently on a few different occasions, providers during our initial get to know you conversation have felt the need to ask the taboo question, "So, are you married?" Now, I usually respond with a quick yes, and try to move on to any other topic. To my dismay, the providers have often ignored my obvious discomfort and followed up with, "Really, how long" or "What did you and your spouse do for the holidays" or even worse "So, do you have any kids?"
Now, this is NOT what I came there to talk about. If I gave you a list of 1000 topics I was willing to discuss, my wife and did I enjoy taking my son to T-ball practice over the weekend would not be on the list. Ever. Can it get more uncomfortable than that?? Here's a news flash: This particular conversation does not really put me in a good mood for an enjoyable session.
Now, if I were to open the door and bring up my home life that is one thing. But I NEVER NEVER broach this subject. I know I'm married, and the provider may guess I'm married, but for heaven's sake, why must the question be asked???
I suppose I could lie and say no I'm not married, but eventually, if I enjoyed my time and wanted to see the provider again, the truth would prob. come out. Besides, I am not a good liar!
Now, the only rationale I can come up with is that a provider feels safer knowing that they are seeing someone who is married, and that their privacy will be protected as both parties have something to loose. Even so, PLEASE refrain from asking. Let the gentleman bring it up if he desires.
As you can see, I cant stand when the question is asked. I just dont feel its necessary.
I've only seen a couple of providers so far, but both asked me at some point if I was married. Is this normal? Maybe its just making small talk, but I know its inappropriate for a hobbyist to ask the provider such a question about their personal life (or if she has a boyfriend etc) so why is it okay the other way around?
It gave me a bit of the creeps, as if searching out for possible blackmail information. Given the glowing reviews of both providers, I didn't really believe this to be the intention at all, but it still bothered me that they asked.
Am I just blowing this waaaaay out of proportion from what is a standard question?
maybe they just want to know if they can leave some smell on you.
I don't ask, I usually assume yes.. unless he tells me otherwise. I'm a private person and I just think it's nosy. Some men voluntarily tell me.. and that's fine. But, a LOT have asked me if I'm married/have a boyfriend/have kids. The answer is no (and don't mind saying so) But, I can see how it can upset both sides, it's your personal life.
Also as 'chum666' alluded to; it is a way of determining to what levels of discretion they need to practice with you.
I also had one provider tell me that if she knows you are married, she will take extra care before you leave that there is no tell-tale evidence like makeup on your shirt collar or a long blonde hair on your coat.
Here was my post of several months ago:
I wouldn’t bring it up if it happened only one time. However recently on a few different occasions, providers during our initial get to know you conversation have felt the need to ask the taboo question, "So, are you married?" Now, I usually respond with a quick yes, and try to move on to any other topic. To my dismay, the providers have often ignored my obvious discomfort and followed up with, "Really, how long" or "What did you and your spouse do for the holidays" or even worse "So, do you have any kids?"
Now, this is NOT what I came there to talk about. If I gave you a list of 1000 topics I was willing to discuss, my wife and did I enjoy taking my son to T-ball practice over the weekend would not be on the list. Ever. Can it get more uncomfortable than that?? Here's a news flash: This particular conversation does not really put me in a good mood for an enjoyable session.
Now, if I were to open the door and bring up my home life that is one thing. But I NEVER NEVER broach this subject. I know I'm married, and the provider may guess I'm married, but for heaven's sake, why must the question be asked???
I suppose I could lie and say no I'm not married, but eventually, if I enjoyed my time and wanted to see the provider again, the truth would prob. come out. Besides, I am not a good liar!
Now, the only rationale I can come up with is that a provider feels safer knowing that they are seeing someone who is married, and that their privacy will be protected as both parties have something to loose. Even so, PLEASE refrain from asking. Let the gentleman bring it up if he desires.
As you can see, I cant stand when the question is asked. I just dont feel its necessary.
In my so far limited experience, I have not come across any men who did not volunteer that information in our initial email/conversation, I guess maybe I just assumed that was the norm
But to ask, and especially to continue on with questions about the marriage, kids, anniversary plans, etc that seems very invasive and a real mood killer. I would not feel at all comfortable probing like that, but just in a general getting familiar with someone way, and a discretion way, it seems like having your provider know just the basic "yes" or "no" is really to the man's benefit, but he should be the one to disclose that
I"ve had a couple of providers ask me if I'm married, and some that haven't. I don't really mind being asked personal questions(I"m single , by the way). I'm generally a pretty open person, and I actually enjoy talking about personal things in my sessions. So, being asked that question doesn't bother me at all. I've never been asked "why do you do this" or other questions like that, but again, I'm fine with being asked those questions.
Runningman
-- Modified on 9/12/2007 5:31:35 PM
-- Modified on 9/12/2007 5:32:18 PM
to ascertain what you need to know without being so blunt. I merely ask, "Should I be extra careful in leaving you without any evidence?"
The answer to that gives me the info I need without using the dreaded "M" word!