Hello from Santa,  
   
 Sorry, what I meant to say was "Ho, ho, ho!"  Um, don't take that personally.  I mean, that's just a thing I say.  I wasn't call you ladies ho's.  Oh boy.  This isn't going well is it?  Look can we just start over?  
   
 Dear ladies of Atlanta - Old Santa needs your help.  I'm trying to get my compute infrastructure integrated in a cloud network so I can compete with Amazon and my Google analytics are indicating there's a nexus of statistically anomolous parameters centered in Atlanta.  Oh, I lost you there?  Sorry that happens.  Let me reword...  
   
 Naughty or nice...  It is a simple decision.  Or it should be anyway.  But it seems that many of the ladies in the Atlanta region are being classified as both.  Naughty and nice that is.  And that just can't be.  It breaks my decision model here at the north pole.  And that's bogging down my present delivery system.  And with Amazon, Walmart, and HomeDepot all on my chubby ass... well, it just doesn't look good does it?  
   
 We don't want to see Old Santa outsourced to China now, do we?  Seriously.  How's that story going to sound for the kids?  
   
 So here's Santa's plan...  
 Santa will be visiting the ladies of Atlanta personally to decide who is naughty and who is nice.  Once and for all.  If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.  Well, please don't tell the elves in my shop that.  They'll get their little feelings hurt.  And I'd get grievances from the elves union local 309.  What a bunch of pansy assed littl... Sorry, back to my plan.  
   
 Yes, the naughty or nice thing.  Ok, when Santa comes to visit you ladies here's how it will go.  You will wear your sexiest lingerie - or in the case of the adventurous ones your birthday suit and you'll sit in Santa's chubby lap.  Don't be shy.  Hop right up there.  Feel free to wiggle around a bit if you like.  Oh, yeah... just like that.    
   
 If Santa gets a bit... excited, don't be shy.  It's a perfectly normal elvish response.  Happens all the time.  Well maybe not as much as when Santa was younger but that's ok.  It's not the size of your north pole, it's how you use it.  That's what Mrs. Claus tells me anyway.  
   
 So here's the important point.  When you sit in Santa's lap all sexy like and Santa gets a chubby.  I mean even chubbier than usual...  He will whisper into your ear something very special.  Most likely something dirty.  Maybe even a limerick - Santa loves a good dirty limerick you know.  And here's the thing ladies... if you giggle, laugh or blush then Santa will put a check in the "nice" box for you.  If you whisper something even dirtier back into Old Santa's ear along the lines of "yeah daddy, I'd love that!" then Santa will put a check in the "naughty" box for you.  And add you to Santa's special contact list.  For when Mrs. Santa is out of town.  
   
 So, I hope you Atlanta ladies are all dolled up (or naked - Old Santa doesn't judge.  Well, actually I do, but you know what I mean...) and ready to jump in Santa's lap to get your uh... present.  And you're welcome.  Do you even know how busy I am this time of year?  
   
 But I love the ladies of Atlanta.  
 They have a special place in my heart.  
 And in my lap.  
   
 Any questions, comments, or concerns please direct them to me at:  
   
 [email protected]  
   
 Thank you  
   
 Oh, and Ho, ho, ho!  
   
 Again, nothing personal.