If you honestly feel that you owe her some sort of explanation (I don't believe that you do)then call her and tell her that you have decided to move on. Ultimately, you are paying this woman for sex. Be honest with yourself, unless there really is a true friendship involved you don't owe her any explanation at all.
I have a general questions about how to let go of an ATF gently. I've met her a year ago while she was stripping. We did our deed several times at the club before she asked if I wanted to try OTC. Since then, I've been meeting her outside almost every week for the last 6 months. I've agreed to pay her more for this service($$ more), which she justifies by the the extra time she's spending with me. My problem is for the last several visits, I am feeling she really treats me like an ATM machine. We'd meet and literally talk for 5 minutes, and she wants to get into the action. This is a sharp contrast from the beginning. I'm partially to blame for some of this problem, b/c at some point I started to have feelings for her and she sensed it. We talked about it, and I've since detached myself from the emotional aspect. I told her this too. However, I'm unsure if she thinks I am sincere. Nevertheless, I'm not feeling the same enjoyment with her as before. Inasmuch as I love her beauty, I cannot justify paying for her services anymore. It may have been her intention to distance herself (emotionally) from me, but I'm afraid it may have backfire. I know she relies on my donations a great deal, so I need some advice how to break it to her.
If you honestly feel that you owe her some sort of explanation (I don't believe that you do)then call her and tell her that you have decided to move on. Ultimately, you are paying this woman for sex. Be honest with yourself, unless there really is a true friendship involved you don't owe her any explanation at all.
Try cooling it for a month or two, then go see her again. You may find that the old oomph will be back again.
If not, it's a big ocean out there.
As far as she being dependent on you, I've been there and done that and the sooner you disabuse her of the notion that you are her ATM machine, the better.
Just tell her the same thing that you posted.
I'm not trying to diminish anything the two of you might have shared but I want to alleviate one of your concerns without sounding too cold. You said that you know she relies on your donations a great deal... I want to tell you that as soon as you break it off with her (because you know it's right for you at this time) there will be someone else to give her donations. Believe me. As many ladies as there are in the bizz.. there are probably ten times as many men. So don't worry about her "needing" your money. There's another guy lined up to fill that void.
The BUSINESS aspect of providers' lives has been a common theme for the past 2-3 days on both the General and the Newbie boards. While I recognize that jt2010 felt a more intense connection, apparently things have changed from HER perspective -- or else jt2010 has first and always been "an ATM machine" to her. The common answer in the various threads about this similar topic ---> Remind yourself that she views it as a business and move on if you do not like or can't accept that.
Thank you everyone for the reality check and wisdom of your advice. Perhaps my personal shortcoming, but being new to this I have trouble detaching my feelings. I am just curious, maybe shocked, that one can switch off feelings for someone so easily. I'm speaking to both hobbyist and providers. In my case, I've been seeing her every week for 6-7 months. I know it's a business, but aren't we at least creatures of habit?
Searching deep into my soul, I'm begining to understand the issue isn't so much my perceived idea of her reliance on the donations, but more about the finality of the situation for me. Perhaps hobbying is not for everyone, and perhaps I am searching for something I will not find in hobbying.
Thank you again everyone and much appreciated
You are making a HUGE assumption here that this woman may have feelings for you beyond your wallet. Habit is one thing, mutual affection is quite another. I'm not saying it never happens as anything is possible but you seem to have made the leap into assuming that spending money with this lady on a regular basis has instilled the same feelings in her towards you as you seem to have for her. This will only lead to anguish 99 percent of the time for you.
You may be right, hobbying may not be for you. First and foremost one has to maintain perspective. Beautiful women are intoxicating and part of a good provider's job is to make you feel special. Never lose sight of this.
Good luck
BTW, I never said it was easy to turn your feelings "off" when it comes to ladies past and present. Women come and go in this business and when they go the tendency is for them to disappear without a trace. I have a lot of great memories and I wouldn't change the way I have approached this hobby but harboring false hopes will only cause you pain.
just stop calling. you pay for that privelege. you do not owe her anything.. the end of each session is the end of your relationship.
until you schedule again.
my opinion:
you are not an atm machine, but this is her business and you are a client..
and a friend...
not many people, and providers are people too, can be with the same person every week for any period of time unless they actually like the person.
you were a good client and she enjoyed making you happy but now she is feeling badly because she knows she isnt giving you what you want.. . its no longer fun.
see someone else .... it will be a relief to her
go back to her in a month, she will welcome you as an old friend, and a favorite client. she will give you the a session like she used to ....
but if u pressure her for more than that, if you make her feel like she is disappointing you, or causing you pain,
she will go cold on you, not because she doesnt care about you but because she does. .. and she doesnt want to hurt you and she knows she will.
-- Modified on 8/17/2007 7:55:23 AM
-- Modified on 8/17/2007 7:54:53 AM