Atlanta
Completely agree. I salute you with a double shot of Macallan 18, good Sir - eom.
In more ways than one. 
And when we are sufficiently wowed (or horned up) we can make contact with her to set up our fantasy date. All on that same magical device. Will wonders never cease? Now that is a happy ending. Or it will be just as soon as I see my girl again. 
I remember the days of just creative loafing and the sport section of ajc. .. ahhhhh....The good olé days
I remember the days of just creative loafing and the sport section of ajc. .. ahhhhh....The good olé days
Gather around the comfy chair and let Uncle Electron tell you a tale of misadventure, great hardship, and incredible horniness. But don't be too scared because this story definitely has a happy ending.
In more ways than one.
Imagine a time - if you will, back before TER, before Twitter and Facebook and Google. Before the internet was a real thing and smartphones were just a glimmer in Steve Jobs eye. Before dvd's and hddvr's and fleshlights. And Starbucks. Scary place - isn't it?
As if that wasn't terrifying enough imagine being a horny young man with needs during that time. And wanting to satisfy those needs. In a big way. Where do you turn? Well, there's always the girls numbers written on the bathroom stalls. But those were usually just put there by someone trying to fuck with you. And not in a good way.
There were your idiot friends and girl friends trying to set you up on a "blind" date, but those were inevitable disasters. Let's not even bother talking about these as viable outlets for sexual gratification.
Now - imagine having to pick up an actual paper. No, a paper magazine thingy with words printed on it that you could read. No, it's really a thing - Google it (which we couldn't do back then by the way). It was called Creative Loafing. And you could look in the "adult services" section to find some like-minded folks to have fun with. For a fee of course.
And 98% of the ads were for phone sex. Stop laughing. Really. That's rude. Hey, we didn't have camgirls or youporn back then. But, I'd skip those and go right for the "real girls". Escorts back then didn't put pictures in their ads, so it was (as Mr. Gump would say) like a box of chocolates. You never knew what you were going to get...
Or for how long. Or with whom. Or how much you were going to pay. You see - before the internet and TER there was no awesome database of provider reviews to peruse. Or cool community of hobby folks to ask advice from. It was a barren wasteland of hopelessness of ugliness. And I mean that both literally and figuratively.
Ok kids - I can see I'm really scaring some of you, so lets skip ahead a good 30 years or so and pick up our tale then...
Now we can (in the blink of an eye on a portable device we carry in our pocket) type in our dream partner's stats and do a local search and that magical machine will spit out our perfect match. And we can read reviews of her exploits. And we can instantly chat with other folks to ask advice. And - see her magnificent pictures in many poses and stages of dress. Or undress as the case may be.
And when we are sufficiently wowed (or horned up) we can make contact with her to set up our fantasy date. All on that same magical device. Will wonders never cease? Now that is a happy ending. Or it will be just as soon as I see my girl again.
So - my biggest mistake was being of hobbying age long before TER existed. Or internet porn, or the internet or computers even. It was a dark, dangerous, and scary place. I had to walk uphill in the snow 15 miles (both ways) to get my dick sucked by a girl that was a stunt double for Ernest Borgnine (look him up). But not you kids. You kids got it good today. So be happy.
And stop all your yammerin' ya pansies!
Run along now - Uncle E's got some serious drinkin' to do.
In more ways than one.
Imagine a time - if you will, back before TER, before Twitter and Facebook and Google. Before the internet was a real thing and smartphones were just a glimmer in Steve Jobs eye. Before dvd's and hddvr's and fleshlights. And Starbucks. Scary place - isn't it?
As if that wasn't terrifying enough imagine being a horny young man with needs during that time. And wanting to satisfy those needs. In a big way. Where do you turn? Well, there's always the girls numbers written on the bathroom stalls. But those were usually just put there by someone trying to fuck with you. And not in a good way.
There were your idiot friends and girl friends trying to set you up on a "blind" date, but those were inevitable disasters. Let's not even bother talking about these as viable outlets for sexual gratification.
Now - imagine having to pick up an actual paper. No, a paper magazine thingy with words printed on it that you could read. No, it's really a thing - Google it (which we couldn't do back then by the way). It was called Creative Loafing. And you could look in the "adult services" section to find some like-minded folks to have fun with. For a fee of course.
And 98% of the ads were for phone sex. Stop laughing. Really. That's rude. Hey, we didn't have camgirls or youporn back then. But, I'd skip those and go right for the "real girls". Escorts back then didn't put pictures in their ads, so it was (as Mr. Gump would say) like a box of chocolates. You never knew what you were going to get...
Or for how long. Or with whom. Or how much you were going to pay. You see - before the internet and TER there was no awesome database of provider reviews to peruse. Or cool community of hobby folks to ask advice from. It was a barren wasteland of hopelessness of ugliness. And I mean that both literally and figuratively.
Ok kids - I can see I'm really scaring some of you, so lets skip ahead a good 30 years or so and pick up our tale then...
Now we can (in the blink of an eye on a portable device we carry in our pocket) type in our dream partner's stats and do a local search and that magical machine will spit out our perfect match. And we can read reviews of her exploits. And we can instantly chat with other folks to ask advice. And - see her magnificent pictures in many poses and stages of dress. Or undress as the case may be.
And when we are sufficiently wowed (or horned up) we can make contact with her to set up our fantasy date. All on that same magical device. Will wonders never cease? Now that is a happy ending. Or it will be just as soon as I see my girl again.
So - my biggest mistake was being of hobbying age long before TER existed. Or internet porn, or the internet or computers even. It was a dark, dangerous, and scary place. I had to walk uphill in the snow 15 miles (both ways) to get my dick sucked by a girl that was a stunt double for Ernest Borgnine (look him up). But not you kids. You kids got it good today. So be happy.
And stop all your yammerin' ya pansies!
Run along now - Uncle E's got some serious drinkin' to do.
