Thx to all for your input. Luckily I've done my due diligence and the financial, background, family etc are all good in this case
I know there are some emotional and sexual issues to clear and get over but I don't have any issues with her being a provider in the past.
I will add threads here as things progress
In the meantime any further thoughts are appreciated
Anyone have experience with developing a LTR w an ATF?
I have that opportunity and am wondering about a success rate or any advice...
Make sure to let us know how it goes.
I have dated a provider.. FBSM... If you truly want to do it, you have to be able to get over jealousy VERY quickly, have to be able to handle your own imagination (don't sit there wondering what she's doing), and you have to trust. If that can't be done, you don't stand a chance. Because unless you can accept all that (and don't think that you're gonna get her out of it, this is her job and this kind of income is tough to replace otherwise), then you will be very unhappy. If you can handle that, then go for it!
Great advice thx
little head or big head is asking this question?
I have that opportunity and am wondering about a success rate or any advice...
Should do a background check to determine if she has an arrest record and is she responsible with her credit. Also, consider her education level and what goals she has in life. Some providers have depth and plans for their future while other don't think beyond the day and can't be trusted. You may find out that she may be using you to take a break as a provider.
Crashed and burned. It wasn't pretty.
Good advice... I've been hobbying for quite a few years now. Great fun and experiences for the most part. Along the way tho, met 2 huntresses looking to bag a hubby. Their reasons varied. First one I sort of fell fall. Lesson learned.
A few years ago I was seeing a provider pretty frequently, which isn't very frequent considering I only see one when not in a relationship or dating someone regularly. She was very sweet, attractive and intelligent. She asked me out on a date on a personal level so I accepted the offer. No jealousy issues here, but her on the other hand...WOW. She became very obsessed with where I was and with whom. Long story short, it didn't work and I haven't seen her since, in fact, I believe she left the trade and is now employed in her field of study.
I have that opportunity and am wondering about a success rate or any advice...
I would never try to have a relationship beyond the hobby. My ex-wife cheating on me has made me very insecure. A few years ago I turned down the chance to "date" another provider she turned out to be bsc.
I gotta agree with you. I am always gentlemanly and I am truly interested and emotionally supportive if a provider cares to share - up to a point. In the end it's still a business transaction and it is generally unwise to mix your business and personal lives. I always harken back to when I was just a tyke sitting @ granddaddy's knee. He told me that there are three immutable truths in life; trees are wood, men are pigs and women are crazy. In the ensuing 60+ years I can count on one hand the number of times that maxim has proved to be false.
A friend of mine told me something similar once. He said that women are all crazy and our job as men was to find one less crazy than the rest.
Think twice, then three times, then more times, then don't do it. A romantic relationship between a provider and a client has a horrid track record. Now sooner or later, almost every client if he does this long enough believes, and I stress the word believes, that he has strong feelings for a provider that he sees. Some things to think about.
1. Your experience is with her work persona. If you like her work persona, then book her frequently if you wish and if your budget holds up. There have been cases where a gentlemen has racked up a lot of expense seeing one certain provider. He has suffered the consequences too. To him, perhaps his family and so on
2. I have seen other dudes think "I think that I will leave my wife and pursue....." Ah, don't be an idiot. Your provider would agree with me.
3. Please do not deceive yourself that you know the real woman behind the work persona. Now sometimes, that happens, buts it rare.
4. If a relationship occurs, you must leave her work life to her. That includes her relationship with her booking agent/agency. Your presence will only make them nervous. Agency owners know all too well this risk. Seeing a boyfriend come around makes them want to shit!!!
5. Ok, I have an idea. Do you know any of the agency owners well enough to meet for lunch? Treat then and ask them. They will work to talk you out of it - and the girl works for him/her!!!! Trust me, this is an old, old, old story to them.
6. You are not the first dude to ponder this question, you will not be the last.
7. Now sometimes it works. There was a fav of mine years ago that saw several times. We became friends. Sometimes the sex was a booking sex sometimes regular sex. We just kinda kept that loose. She soon afterward married a client, and now has two kids. It can work, but not easy.
8. I have dated a handful of providers outside of bookings. I have to change gears when I do so. If its a booking, say her work name is "Diamond". Well, I am having sex with Diamond. That is booking sex. On a date, and her real name is Sara. Then I am with Sara. Sex with Sara and time with Sara is different than with Diamond. Never, never, never, confuse the two with her. To her they are distinct. They must be with you as well. Hint, Sex is very good with Sara but very different than with Diamond. For business reasons Diamond may provide services that Sara will not do. Again, never confuse the two because she never does.
9. You must get over the fact the your new love, who works as a provider, will do bookings with guys who have bigger and better dicks than yours, is better technically at sex than you, etc, etc. You have to get that out of your head!!!!!
10. Yes, she will get jealous if you book with providers. Well, what you said? Seriously??? Yes!!!! You have crossed over. You are now a lover/boyfriend to her. Any other female lover or girlfriend will get angry if you book with provider. She is that now, and so....will.....she!!!. Bookings are her job that is different. Her bookings are her work. Your bookings with others, to her, is cheating. I am serious!!
11. You want her to quit. Ok. She has probably thought a few times of retirement. She cant do this fore ever ya know. Its a young gal's business. Are you going to support her? Can she work?? does she want a "real world" job?
12. Hard truth. Most providers do very much appreciate their clients. Very much so the polite and respectful ones. Do they want to see them outside of work? The truth........no. When they are done working, they will leave all this behind them. If she works for a few years. She may have one or two that she would ever want to see afterward. That's it. I am serious. She does not delude herself, don't you do it.
Think hard, think often, then don't do it. As many know I grew up in this business by circumstances beyond my control. Growing up, I saw this over, and over and over again.
Every client will usually fall for a provider at least once in their hobby time. That is why I don't see the same girl twice for some time. At my age, I will not make a butt of myself falling for a provider. I have taken to one or two. but I do control myself.
Good luck if you try it and my best wishes.
Ladies....Dudes.... your thoughts?????? This is a good post for this board.
Fantastic read. Thank you.
LDS,
Thanks for a great post! I have two personal experiences that aleign perfectly with your expressed wisdom. First, a provider I was infatuated with-- I scheduled an appointment on the day of an M&G, and then offered her a ride to the M&G with time for dinner at a fancy restaurant. But got stuck in Christmas traffic for about two hours so missed dinner; hearing her talk freely for two hours was enough to cure me of my infatuation-- drug busts, arrogant and stupid interactions with probation officers and the court. Let me outta here!
The second was a provider I had a great experience with. After our second appointment, during the talking part, she confided in me she was married. Holy shit! I asked her if he knew-- she told me he was a former client-- and they had a
"Don't ask, don't tell" arrangement. He was very affluent, and there was no need for her to work, but she confided in me that getting paid to fuck was her biggest turn-on. She finally retired-- took a corporate job after completing her school work. I miss her-- but somehow am glad she found her calling, relieving me of any complicated emotional choices
Very well written. Excellent advice indeed. Been there, done that ... OP please take LDS's advice really seriously.
P.S. Love the diamond and sara analogy!
I'm struggling with this very question myself right now and you have brought up some good points that I hadn't considered. Having said that, it's probably not enough to dissuade me from pursuing such a relationship but it certainly gives me more insight on what to possibly expect and themes to discuss should I/we decide to take that step. Superbly written!
First, thank you everyone for your kind comments.
There should be a question asked for any gentlemen considering this question. Now. let me please offer something that, if I could, I would write this in bold box car letters, - almost every client who does this with frequency will come to this question at least once. Also, most providers will come to a point to ask - does this guy really like me? Maybe I like him?
I would never tease either guy or gal in this question.
Ladies, first. Yes, just like us, there will be ladies who think "he really likes me". I grew up in this business. Many, many times I had to give counsel as the following
1. He knows your work persona, but has he met you. Caution your heart until he does (and you know him for his own self and not his hobby mindset).
2. Brace your heart - he may like fucking you and so far that is all you two have been doing together. He has not met you in your own setting nor you he in his. Hint - a good number of providers, in their own lives, do not like sex as much as we guys think.
A rest stop here for the gentle reader. Seriously????? You may ask. Yes, seriously, I respond. A little secret to you, if I may. Some of the ladies that I see get a sense that I understand the business and they open up a bit to me during a booking (after the fun part-lol). One provider that I gave a rocking review to here on this board, just flat said," I don't like sex that much." I got it. I understood. I gave her a great review because she is a fantastic provider. If I wanted to see her personally; however, I knew that the sex life would not be that active. Straight up. Surprising but true.
Ok back to things.
3. I have had to tell many newer providers, look her likes fucking you and that's is perhaps it.
4. That ladies have feelings too. Those in agencies that don't get picked a lot get hurt feelings. Understandable. Oh, yes, they get jealous of those that do.
See it can happen to providers, too. We are all human.
Ok, back to a gentlemen who is considering the main question. I would ask the straight bottom line question --- are you trying to be her white knight???? Are you trying to save her????? Are you thinking of Pygmalion or My Fair Lady???? If so...............get over it!!!!
if you are thinking - I liker her and I want to help her. You are being arrogant and self empowered. Stop it!! She is a big girl. She has either learned to manager her life or will suffer as with anyone else. Get the macho notion out of your head that she needs (wants) you to save her.
I mentioned this because what I learned is that the initial trigger of "perhaps I want to see her outside of her work" is really the dude trying to be a white knight without realizing it.
Don't try to be her white knight. Caution to your real motives......
Just a thought from one who has been over and over and over both the girl side and the guy side of this many many many times.
Comments, pro or con welcomed.
All this writing on this topic is working my mood, maybe I should call either Sunny or Hep -lol. hey both girls whose skirt I would love to look up and so on and so on -lol
Most are self obsessed for no good reason. If you were all that, you'd be something more than a hooker. That or they got knocked up by some loser early on whose not around anymore and they're 'doing this for their kids'...oh, and you should respect that cause they r 'independent woman'. Drug-addicted and crazy...
Think they're too good to date lowly clients while waiting on their 'pretty woman' moment, like that's ever gonna happen. Or they're dating or married to a real prince...some of the stories ladies have told. Ugh.
Maybe it will work in your case. Good luck.
-- Modified on 4/14/2016 4:21:16 PM
I find myself at that crossroads all too frequently. After seeing a lady multiple times it becomes difficult to simply treat it as an appointment because the pain of leaving starts to outweigh the joy of the sex. So I move on to another provider, and another, and another, etc. After a while the whole process starts becoming a hassle instead of a hobby. I hope I don't get kicked out of The Manly Men's Club for having feelings. Or maybe I should just start seeing a new lady each time.
Tartus
Many are us are like you. I will be candid and others can chime in if they wish. Trust me, dude, many, many, many are in our boat.
I am a widower with now grown children. I enjoy sex. I really enjoy a first rate female sexual partner. Growing up under a foster mom, who ran a "house", I got lots of great information from women about what they want from men in both an emotional and a physical level. I later wrote a book on that which is now well out of print. Titled "Girls Really Don't Get Any..... And the Boys are Useless". I know and understand sex.
I have a problem though. While I am a good and decent man, I am a well educated man. I am, was, a very good husband and father. I am an accomplished man. In my long career through international banking, a senior position in the foreign service, a writer, and running my own consulting firm, going from the low end of the social/economic scale to where I am today took its toll. I have averaged about 5 hours sleep a night for decades. It shows on my face. Women do not jump out of their pantyhose to have sex with me. I understand that. I hold no grudges. Everyone discriminates everyday. if I want a good sexual partner, I am going to need the service of a good provider. I say that with no lack of self confidence. it is what it is.
Ok, that said, Yes, I could get attached very easily to a provider that I have booked with. I select my bookings with great care. Also, I always feel some connectivity to the lady. I cannot have touched her, been inside her, and just always just forget her. Booking or not, to me that is how it is. Now sometimes, I don't, that is kinda rare. Some I do some. A few a lot.
I have taught myself to step away. In my reviews the ones I felt connected to comes out in their reading. At my stage of the game, I will not make an ass of myself. Also, as mentioned above more than likely I am a booking to her. That is not meant as a pejorative statement. it is what it is.
Also, I have not booked some as after meeting them at a M&G, I know that I might get attached. I need to be self responsible and act like an adult. Plus the age difference makes it ridiculous in this country. Others not quite so. Romance and sexuality are different overseas. America is still a very Victorian country. Even with providers.
So, dude, you are not alone. By no means are you alone of this topic.
Your last line might be good advice to yourself. It is what I do.
Lastly, real men are straight up. In your post, you are.
Happy Trails to You............
I’ve also reached that stage in my life in which women don’t clamor to leap into my bed. Although, parenthetically, there must be a “I’ve been getting my brains fucked out” vibe, because I find I get a lot more speculative lookovers from milfs in shopping lines, especially if we exchange comments. But as usual I’ve digressed.
For the most part, I’ve kept my provider relationships purely sexual. Have a great time and try to make sure she does as well, because part of my “fun” is evoking a response. I’m usually not a repeater, and in most cases when I do I find that the thrill is gone by the second or third time. However, over my journey there have been a very few ladies with which there has been a combination of chemistry, physical fit, and personality compatibility that creates both an ongoing sexual tension and very comfortable interpersonal vibe. The first was my first venture into the TER top five – I think she was number 2. We had an incredibly intense and wonderful session during which she more than justified her ranking. After my departing shower I came out to find her lying nude face-down on the bed working on her laptop. She looked up, smiled and said “I just made some coffee – would you like some?” Over an hour later, we’d talked of politics and personalities, discovered our original hometowns in another state were only 20 miles apart, and lots of other stuff. Her naked and me dressed the whole time, but totally non-sexual. She’s long since retired, de-listed and married, but I still recall that time, and the subsequent ones, warmly.
There have been very few special ladies like that in my experience, and you know who you are. I have no romantic or white knight fantasies; and if I were to, I’m intelligent enough to know that none of them would want to lash up with my gnarly ole butt. No matter what the little head thinks. However, I do appreciate that in our relationship we can form a friendship that respects the boundaries of the hobby relationship but incorporates enough elements of the “other” persona to make it live. It’s rare and cannot be forced, but I cherish it when it happens
It's awfully weird that in this world first you fuck - then you MIGHT (or might not) get to be friends. I am not talking about BFF or anything like that - just friendly. Have a few laughs, a good time.
Well OK - there's still money involved....
BUT.. I have clients of my own IRL that I am friendly with. Does that mean I am going to invite them over for Xmas? No - just means I do enjoy spending a little time with them every now and then, shooting the bull, whatever - and I like working for them. Does that mean I am not going to invoice them for my services - Heck NO!
As it happens, I also have clients I don't like; I still work for them and give them my best shot. That's called being a professional.
Don't know if providing is the same sort of thing - but it sort of looks like that from the outside. At least with the good ones..
A lot of people that are trying to detract you might in fact be jealous or cynical themselves, we are all human. Many people here would love to have that special relationship even more so than the general population, I imagine. If you don't have a lot of money, and she wants to stop you have to be supportive about a business or career that does make money. People may become providers to pay for school, businesses, disabled parents. But often something expensive.
Thx to all for your input. Luckily I've done my due diligence and the financial, background, family etc are all good in this case
I know there are some emotional and sexual issues to clear and get over but I don't have any issues with her being a provider in the past.
I will add threads here as things progress
In the meantime any further thoughts are appreciated
If you enter the relationship with the attitude that you're going to learn something and the relationship is going to last as long as it's going to last, then it can be a great experience. Not necessarily a 100% enjoyable experience, but definitely an opportunity to really examine what makes you tick. There will be lots of things that come up that you won't expect and lots of chances to deal with difficult emotions. With a lot of work, you can come out the other side a much more insightful person.
I highly recommend it.