It takes all of us to keep each other safe as a hobby community. Guys, I am sure that you all have helped a new gentleman from time to time find safe, reliable and cheerful providers with whom he is sure to have a great time. I am sure that the men of TER at some point have schooled one another on the importance of verifying that a lady is whom she states BEFORE taking precious hours out of your day to drive to wherever she is located only to be disappointed or worse--have something frightening or tragic happen. The same applies to the ladies.
There is a reason why we check references when a potential date complies with our request for them. SAFETY! Safety comes before anything else when engaging in this hobby and keeping each other safe should be the time when we are able to set aside whatever quarrels, jealousies and insecurites we might have and comply with the golden rule of sexwork: ALWAYS VERIFY A REFERENCE NO MATTER HOW YOU MAY PERSONALLY FEEL ABOUT ANOTHER PROVIDER. When a provider fails to operate according to this communal rule, bad things happen. Women and men get robbed, beaten, raped or their freedom is taken away. One bad apple often spoils it for the bunch and to know this to be true as I come near my one year anniversary in the Atlanta hobby community saddens me.
It has been the greatest of pleasures to meet many of the women and men that I have met thus far. I have made great friends of some wonderful people and I always look forward to many more. I shake my head at the fact that I felt this even needed to be said in a public forum but I just couldn't get over the shock of not having my reference verified when I have never even met the provider in person.
I'm terribly sorry that you have had this experience, Shay, but don't let it get you down. Many of the ladies and guys in Atlanta are wonderful to work and play with and there are a great many ladies who will promptly provide reference information without giving you grief. Sad that this has happened to you when you haven't done anything to anyone! Heck most providers have never even met you to even warrant such behavior (FYI: I can attest that Shay is sweet as Southern iced tea, Guys!)
It is a duty of ALL OF US that if we are engaging in this hobby to keep the community safe from predators or rotten apples. I have never had any issues with a lady in this business but I am a big enough person that if a reference ever came from someone I did have bad blood with, I care about her personal safety and freedom and I will check the reference. We gotta be bigger and better than this, Ladies, always, always, always keep each other safe! Besides it's just good karma and the principled thing to do.
I know that Shay has a great soul who desire to be a friend than a foe. We as a community have to protect each other. There are so many things going on in this environment that we all would suffer. There are so much division from one another and it's sad. If we always operate in rift or division, then we will always be threatened by each other
Shay, as someone lucky enough to call you a friend I am not just saddened this happened to you: I am irate. References are a huge part of what keeps us safe. There is absolutely no reason not to give a verifiable provider a reference. I do not care if it is for a regular client who has seen you every Tuesday at 3pm for the past 5 years, or a provider you do not care for. PETTY FEELINGS ARE NOT WORTH SOMEONE GETTING HURT OR KILLED!
A non local provider I'm friends with just announced on Twitter that men who have not seen her have been using her as a reference. This is exactly why maintaining the integrity of the reference system is so important, it's only as good as we make it! If we do not follow up on a reference or refuse to grant one we make it that much easier for those who would do us harm to get access to us.
On a related topic, ladies stop with the two word "He's ok" response, especially if the provider asking for the reference asks a direct question. You don't have to write a novel but seriously how hard is it to write "George is a total gentlemen and I would definitely see him again, have fun!" or whatever? It makes me feel so much better about seeing the guy and I know I'm not alone here.
God damn I can't believe we actually need to talk about this, I know what I'm blogging about next.
PS- Most ladies I ask give detailed, timely references and I do my best to do the same. Thanks to all who do so much to keep everyone in our community safe!
I am so very sorry Shay! I am more than happy to give you references anytime you need one AND as Alex said, MANY wonderful ladies here in Atlanta that won't give you any shit for a reference! References are absolutely for everyone's safety involved. Now I won't give one to just anyone asking (only verifiable ladies) hell there are some I am just not reference friendly with period but THEY KNOW why! Just to turn down a reference request for no reason at all is not good business. Shay, keep your chin up and your head held high you have a lot of support here! Xoxo, TL
This occurs on occasion due to what I call the 'He's my client scenario'. In this scenario, a client sees Lady A a couple times and Lady A is pleased that she has found another regular. Now the client wants to see Lady B and Lady B asks Lady A for a reference. Lady A, if she is not particularly reference-friendly, due to jealousy, bad blood, or other factors may react in one of two ways:
a) Lady A goes totally BSC and melts down in a response to Lady B b) Lady A ignores Lady B's request in an effort to keep her regular to herself
Smh...that's terribly sad to hear but you are 100% right that it does exist. Ladies, these guys see EVERYONE (sorry...guys but you know it to be true) so why not give a reference? We all engage in this hobby in part because of the variety. Ownership is not a thing in this community, folks!
I have responded to everyone that has asked me for a reference because it is the right thing to do for US and for the Clients as well, they deserve to be treated well for what they have given to me and I will not hold out on them. Many of you TL, Ginger, Corey, Terri, Ilona, Leslie, Sunny, Kendall, SEC, GCE and quite a few others have been generous and kind to me by prompt courteous and helpful replies and I am so thankful for their assistance, kindness and thoughtfulness. There have been some who have been a little delayed but always with an explanation, illness, family, travel and SPAM Filters and I get it and I understand because we all have had or will have some of these issues at some time or another, "there but for the Grace of God goes me". And I always thank everyone for their graciousness, deservedly.
However, there are those on the other hand who never, ever under any circumstance have responded, so I have a LIST, yes, I am can be that way, because you see I believe you have to teach people how to treat you. It is a damned shame but yes, I now on occasion tell a prospective Client that I am sorry you will be required to have a much more in depth screening because YOUR GIRL does not PLAY WELL WITH OTHERS. And even worse, as most of my Clients are (thankfully) NEWBIES I have had to tell some of them as well, sorry honey but I will not provide a reference to her without QUID PRO QUO. Probably doesn't mean anything to the simple minded wench(es) however, I certainly never have done anyone wrong here because other than my Conduct here (which admittedly can be a little shall we say DIRECT) I certainly cannot have offended anyone.
So, Shay honey you are right, there is no need to treat you wrong and put you or any other providers at risk as well as the Clients because if something goes south with the last one in the door, the next one will suffer the consequences of the tragedy as well, so this is definitely not just a PROVIDER or GIRL problem by any means but a problem for all who play..............suzee
Please, please...we have GOT be kind to each other... Thank you, Shay, for posting this. Recently, I've had the unfortunate experience of a provider giving me grief when requesting a reference for a client. It truly makes my heart sink when I think about how some providers refuse to contribute to the SAFETY of our community by not adhering to the simple unwritten rule of "let's play together, well together". I've experienced providers bashing potential clients and straight-up lying about them for their own gain, at the detriment of others. What goes around, comes around. The end, point blank. No one will ever catch me behaving this way! It simply isn't worth the negative domino effect.. Thank you again, Shay, for bringing it up..
First, let me just say that I am reference friendly. I try to respond to a reference request as timely as I can. This is because I rely on references as part of my screening, but not all providers do. There are providers who do not ask for nor give references. That's their prerogative. Who am I to shame them for running their business differently than I choose to run mine? References are not required of anyone, they are a courtesy. No one ever got hurt because someone didn't give a reference...maybe because someone didn't do their due diligence, but not because a reference wasn't given.
I am sorry this happened to you. And as I was once told, just remember that not everyone has the same work ethic as you.
Of course references are a courtesy, but so is the title Mr President. It's still considered a mark of high disrespect to not address the president by his title. If you do not ask for references it is within your right not to give them. It's up to Shay to confirm if she wishes to do so, but what I inferred from her post was this is a known provider who participates in reference culture. If that is indeed the case that provider acted in poor service of the community that she has likely benefited from. If you use references as part of your screening process, you should be willing to provide references to providers who are trying to keep themselves safe. Again what we are talking about here is physical safety, the list of reasons to not give someone a reference is short and do not seem to have applied here.
Of course references are a courtesy, but so is the title Mr President. It's still considered a mark of high disrespect to not address the president by his title. If you do not ask for references it is within your right not to give them. It's up to Shay to confirm if she wishes to do so, but what I inferred from her post was this is a known provider who participates in reference culture. If that is indeed the case that provider acted in poor service of the community that she has likely benefited from. If you use references as part of your screening process, you should be willing to provide references to providers who are trying to keep themselves safe. Again what we are talking about here is physical safety, the list of reasons to not give someone a reference is short and do not seem to have applied here.
You seem to have missed my point, which is you can't say we need to stick together then bash another provider in the same sentence. There are providers in this very thread that have admitted to being reference friendly, under certain circumstances...are we bashing them? Everyone has their ways. Good or bad, every provider has the right to handle themselves the way they see fit. If you take that as they don't play well with others, well, don't play with them. I agree with you, teamwork makes the dream work! Ultimately though, your safety rests in your own hands.
Really, there is one provider on this thread that has stated that they aren't reference friendly to just anyone. That would be me. Wtf are you saying Caylee? Yeah, you're definitely the devils advocate. This woman, Shay, has NEVER met this person and this person claims to never strong arm anything. Strong arming is exactly what THIS is dear. Good grief! You all should just grow the fuck up an realize these guys WILL fuck other ladies. Honestly Shay, just know that not all ladies will do that shit and I know you will rise above this Looking forward to seeing you very soon Ms. Shay! Fuck the haters really love. XOXO, TL
...there's more than one on this thread, and if you read my post, you would have noticed that I said "we're not bashing them."
Like I said earlier, references are a part of my screening, give and take. I also respect those who choose not to provide a reference, for whatever reason they may have, even if they have no reason at all. I can't force anyone to do things the way I choose to do things. The only thing I have any control over is myself. If and when my request for verification goes unanswered, I don't call someone insecure and I don't blame them for putting me at risk of physical harm. I just keep it moving...and it's working out very well for me
I never said anything or everything was all about me lol but if you only knew anything about what's going on you'd probably just refrain from being a devil's advocate. This is strong arming at it's best dear. Something that does NOT work well for me nor any other lady in this thread. I am definitely reference friendly and I've help a fuck ton of ladles make a lot of money. Including you it's always been my pleasure to help out a fellow provider really but this shit isn't high school. This is SAFETY and let's get really real here. Shay has NEVER done anything to ANYONE so why be so "provider friendly" yet single her out? Yeah, this kind of stuff needs to stop. This isn't just a case of "I'm not reference friendly" this is just plain out uncalled for. At the end of the day, when a lady refuses to give a lady a reference for him seeing another provider whom that lady has never even met just because he's not seeing her OR the lady has a problem with her associates is just stupid and bad form IMO. Ladies if you're going to take references then give them. If you don't want to then at least know why lol Peace out. Xoxo xoxo xoxo, TL
Having the conviction of NOT PROVIDING REFERENCES would be a business/personal decision and though many may feel otherwise that would be just fine. We all run the UGLY business side of our business differently as we are all different however, such being the case a simple "I do not provide references sweetie, I'm sorry" or "because of __________ I cannot provide you with a reference" would both be acceptable and understandable, no harm/no foul. All I know of Shay is what I have seen here and that is a well spoken, thoughtful, woman who seems gracious.............suzee
Posted By: ThisIsCaylee
First, let me just say that I am reference friendly. I try to respond to a reference request as timely as I can. This is because I rely on references as part of my screening, but not all providers do. There are providers who do not ask for nor give references. That's their prerogative. Who am I to shame them for running their business differently than I choose to run mine? References are not required of anyone, they are a courtesy. No one ever got hurt because someone didn't give a reference...maybe because someone didn't do their due diligence, but not because a reference wasn't given.
I am sorry this happened to you. And as I was once told, just remember that not everyone has the same work ethic as you.
First and foremost, Shay I am so sorry that you went through this ordeal. Please stay strong and encourage because you are a really good provider. Just consider this a bump into your path that you have to cross over and an experience that you shouldn't have to bear but bearing it bravely.
My observations can be that there are several factors such that it could be many factors like which i agreed with Bucky. There could also be the factor of rifts or maybe just that anything could be the reason. We never really know behind this. It happens in many different areas of profession. I guess this is where a person just have to decide if that reference is worth it or not. I just say stay strong and true to yourself.
It's not a "stop the presses event", it's a public callout to the provider who didn't give a reference.
There are NO "golden rules" in this hobby, there are common sense rules that should be followed. Shay, you are correct the guys do share info about the women and whether or not they are legit, those are the reviews that are written by the gentlemen, yes some are fake, some are full of fluff and some are actually exactly what transpired.
This "catty" behavior is ridiculous honestly, you all need to stick together regardless of differences. Giving a reference is just a professional courtesy, be a professional.
I recently visited Atlanta. Booked 3 different girls over two nights. The first night, everything went great. Exactly as we all want it. Great time. I also confirmed the 2nd night multiple times, with both the other two women, the time and location, with one even texted again when I landed and she replied, see you tomorrow night. The next night, when sending out text to again confirm meeting place, both girls said they had made other plans...because they didn't hear from me again (like, for the nth time), even though the plans had been set days before and confirmed the evening before. I always believe in 24 hours notice, both ways. However, from experience, girls also don't show up. Yes, I booked 3 girls, saw one and, what do you say about the two who didn't show up the next night? One is local, the other was visiting, both with very high (9's) reviews numbers. I had planned for one to possibly cancel. But both, that's just not right. But, I accept it and, didn't raise any negative vibes. I was more understanding about the girl visiting, needing to cover her costs, but the local girl, who confirmed the night before, the 24 hour rule...she was dead wrong.
There is no excuse but some ladies just don't give references. You never have to dig deep or tell any secrets.
My statement "I have met so and so" and he's a very nice man. Please say hi for me.
No kiss and tell on my part unless it's a newbie guy i have only seen and he's looking for something special. I'll go the extra mile to keep him safe.
I would never not give a reference because I don't care for the lady or don't know her as long as I am able to find her somewhere in this big escort community.
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you have a lot of support here! 
