Or was it always an incall/hotel/your place? From your post it appears you never really went to her place.
If you never went to where she actually lived, then the REAL reason she blew you off is because she has a boyfriend/pimp.
Many many ladies have pimps. They just call them boyfriends. They are actually parastic bloodsucking pond scum who live off the girl and make them stop seeing guys who they see as a threat to their income. Of course these pimps just live off the girl.
My advice is to find out if she has a boyfriend/pimp. THEN you can make an informed decision.
After reading the post below..I thought I would share my own personal experience as a courtesan seeing 'gents' and what can happen..
I, for one CAN attest that falling in love as an sp with a client is most definitely possible as it happened to me. Funny how the old cliché..love at first sight actually happened to me..us . From the moment we lay eyes on one another..it was instant attraction and chemistry. Our first ‘date’ was of multiple hours..and neither one of us wanted to part. I then made it so as I would tour every three weeks in his city and we of course saw each every time I was there..and our sessions became longer and longer..up to six hours..and yes..he was paying for our entire time together.
This went on for about five months..when finally..he asked me to stop sping and see him exclusively..and for no donation whatsoever. At this time, we had already professed our deep love for one another and I complied. I removed my website and email address and retired. We would see each other every three weeks for an entire weekend..save of course when he had to go home to his wife at night.
He finally knew he could no longer lead this double life..and decided he was going to tell his wife about us and that he would leave her for me. Well..you guessed it..he cowered and could not go through with it. I was devastated and heartbroken.
A few months went by (and no..I had not returned to the biz during this time) and he asked me to take him back. He vowed he would leave her by the one year anniversary of our first encounter together. That date soon approached….and once again he told me he couldn’t go through with it!! By this time I had already applied for a US Visa..we had gone house hunting..and had plans to celebrate at the Atlantis in the Bahamas.
My heart was broken once again..and I felt utterly betrayed. Shortly thereafter, I returned to the hobby..on a very part time basis. Mostly seeing regular clientele from when before I retired.
Ironically, his wife eventually threw him out and now he is alone. He says he would have taken me back had I not returned back to the biz. I highly doubt that. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me..fool me a third time..I think not.
Sadly enough, I do not think I will ever get over that relationship, as I truly thought we were soulmates and in fact still hold him dearly to my heart..no matter what happened between us as an end result.
So yes..it is possible to fall in love as an sp with a client..but next time..if there is one..I will tread very cautiously.
Luv,
Miss Tyler
I have been in the Hobby for quite awhile, seen quite a few providers and never became emotionally attached to any of them, until I met this one very special lady. We met several months ago at her incall location and the intense attraction for both was clear from the moment we met. Prior to meeting this special lady, I was a bit skeptical as to if other providers really enjoyed time with me because of who I am or because of the money in my wallet. Well this special lady changed my opinion and I could honestly tell she enjoyed spending time with me because of who I am and not the money in my wallet. This feeling became very clear after she gave me a very very discounted rate for her time and our dates became longer and longer, to the point that I was spending the night each time I saw her. Even though she gave me a very good rate I always tipped her well and always came with a special gift in hand. Then one day out of the blue, I called to confirm our date and she tells me she does not want to see me ever again. I asked her why, and she tells me I am not giving her enough money for our time together. Unfortunately I was not able to change her mind and hung up the phone extremely confused and devastated. After pullimg myself off the ground and placing my head back on straight, I decided that I must find out what motivated this behavior by her. I came up with plan and almost three months later was able to see her again at a Hotel. Unfortunately she did not want to discuss the issue but it turned out to be a wonderful date to say the least. Prior to leaving the next morning, we agreed that I could start seeing her again at her incall location. Then two weeks later as I had been out of town on business, I called her several times but she never answered or returned my messages, so I gave up. Then several weeks later on a Monday, she calls me and says she did not answer the phone or call me back because she was having some very serious personal issues. Of course I went to see her that night, paid her the agreed amount plus tip and our time together was better than any of the times we had spent together in the past! I even helped her financially with her personal issue. Upon leaving the next morning she ask if I wanted to come spend the weekend with her and I was back on Friday and paid the agreed amount plus gifts and tip! We had a perfectly wonderful weekend and it was like spending time with a real friend. We shared many intimate feelings, thoughts and secrets. Our lovemaking was out of this world and more than once she confessed that when she was with me, it did not feel like she was "working". I could tell she wasn't lying by her different attitude, feelings and hunger in the bedroom. Upon leaving on Sunday night, which was extremely hard for both of us, we agreed to see each other in two weeks once I got back from a business trip that unfortunately took me away for this length of time. I spoke to her a few times during the two weeks and everything seemed to be fine. Upon returning home I called to see her and once again out of the blue, she tells me she never wants to see me again. When I asked her why, she once again blamed it on the money issue. I hung up the phone heartbroken but this time not so confused.
LG I know based on your previous post that you advise both hobbyist and provider not to cross the lines and boundaries and afer what I have been through, somewhat agree. It is clear that we have broken all the rules, boundaries and lines. I tried as hard as I could to follow your advise, but I am a person that sometimes likes to live on the edge and push the boundaries. Also it was extremely hard to follow your advise since the attraction and chemistry is/was so intense between this special lady and I that it made it impossible.
I am not one hundred percent sure, which is a first for me (lol), of why she keeps running but I think it may have to do with me getting "to close" to her and also a trust issue. Correct me if I am I am wrong, because I really don't think it is the money. Also I would really appreciate some advice as to how to solve this issue. Please do not advise me not to see her again, as that is not an option I want to accept.
-- Modified on 9/4/2006 6:33:19 PM
I have never had exactly that kind of ping-pong situation in the hobby, but it does remind me of some civie dating relationships I and others I know had way back when I was in that game.
I know you don't want to hear that this is not the gal for you, but the evidence is all too clear that unless you find a new love of your life, this behavior is going to repeat over and over.
We can speculate as to what is going on, but that is all; so here it goes:
I suspect the "money" thing is an excuse. Beyond that, it's probably a case of "Do I or don't I" and you are the ping pong ball.
If there's any solice in any of this is that both men and women can be the perps and victems.
The solution?
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get right back up on that saddle (only on a new horse.)
Also have a shot of vitamin A (alcohol).
I have also been involved in this type of relationship in the civie world and always viewed it as a challenge. Fortunately in the civie world I was able to overcome the odds and always won. Lets hope the same is true in the Hobby world as well. This is one challenge I can't resist even though the risk and odds of winning this time are extremely high!
I thoroughly enjoy the GFE fantasy and I certainly am getting more than I ask for!(lol)
-- Modified on 10/25/2006 6:24:36 PM
If by that you mean that you got her to stop the BS behavior and become semi-rational, then I am greatly impressed.
Please write a book for the good of mankind about your technique.
Even Siggy Freud threw up his hands at this one.
Have you ever known a women to be 100% rational? (lol). I will admit some are more rational then others and some are more rational in one situation and less in others. Depending on the situation. I don't believe I ever said I was an expert on the subject of relationships or women. My point I was trying to make, sorry if you misunderstood, is that I have been in this situation before and thru patience and perserverence, was able to overcome the BS and have a strong, lasting relationship with someone.
-- Modified on 9/5/2006 2:44:31 PM
I don't think so,but getting there.
Dear livingontheedge,
All right. I'm NOT going to advise you to stop seeing this woman. And here is the reason: I believe that you will only find resolution in this case by experiencing and processing your own emotions. You are in no frame of mind to listen to anything or anyone at this point, as far as your passion is concerned. As to what I think of the general situation: I think you are being treated exactly as a client...one who is having great phantasies and projections onto a true professional.
I hesitate to speculate on what she feels. We don't really know. But what we do know, is that she clearly gets enough of the situation and pulls back. Unless you have a deep and honest discussion with her, you'll never know why. So one piece of sensible advice I will give you is this one: Try to just observe what happens between you. Try not to imagine how she feels or what she feels. Instead, judge her simply by her actions and then assess within yourself whether or not - and certainly for how long - you can tolerate her behavior. And finally, ask yourself if it's acceptable to you. At some point, I do believe she [or rather you] will hit the limit.
Keep an exit strategy, lest a sudden door should open,
the Love Goddess
-- Modified on 9/4/2006 6:41:49 PM
LG thank you for your advice, I will seriously consider it before I continue this journey. The weekend I spent with her gave me the opportunity to observe her and judge her actions. I have always had a talent for "reading" people and my instincts tell me this is more than a client/provider relationship.
One of my faults is that at times I can be too analytical and logical. This fault also forces me to always pursue the truth, no matter how painful it may be. I do agree that I must have a deep and honest discussion (even though she keeps avoiding it) with her to find out the truth.
-- Modified on 10/25/2006 6:25:16 PM
Living, you didn't want LG to advise you not to pursue this but I'm going to, at least for a while. The lady sounds like she has a lot of things to sort out and a client-cum-boyfriend is throwing off the equilibrium between her business and personal lives.
Also, I have to ask, what are your true motivations and intentions here? The title of your previous post, "Can't Resist the Challenge", makes me suspect, as does the post itself. Does the chase itself excite you? What will you do if you "win", if you "conquer" her heart and soul? It almost sounds like you're doing this to, once again, prove something to yourself and to the world.
I am not trying prove anything to anyone or conquer the world in this lifetime. I will admit that I can be can be arrogant and too self confident at times, but thru time and maturity, realize my own limitations. My only intention for now is to be a close friend (which she really needs at this time)to this special lady. If I did not view this as a challenge at this time and did not posess a strong belief in one self, there is no way in hell that I could pursue this journey, and hope to bring some joy to a truly wonderful lady. No I am not one of those a**holes that is in it "just for the game" and then walk away and break someones heart.
-- Modified on 10/25/2006 6:25:52 PM
Or was it always an incall/hotel/your place? From your post it appears you never really went to her place.
If you never went to where she actually lived, then the REAL reason she blew you off is because she has a boyfriend/pimp.
Many many ladies have pimps. They just call them boyfriends. They are actually parastic bloodsucking pond scum who live off the girl and make them stop seeing guys who they see as a threat to their income. Of course these pimps just live off the girl.
My advice is to find out if she has a boyfriend/pimp. THEN you can make an informed decision.
I always went to her place except for the one time, that was out of town at a hotel. There is no pimp as she is an agency girl and I now call her directly when I want to see her or was seeing her. During the many hours I spent at her place, I saw no indication that a boyfriend exist.
Sounds like she really does have a fear of closeness, just as you suggest.
If you think about it, women with this problem might be attracted to this profession. They can become physically intimate with a lot of men, without really getting close to them emotionally.
I'm not saying all providers are this way. But some clearly are. And you may have found one of them.
It sounds to me like you have no closeness problem at all. So, don't blame yourself.
If she ever wants a real male partner, she's the one with the big problem, not you.
I hope, as you come to recognize this, that you'll be able to compartmentalize this experience - to be able to remember it, including its lovely moments, but not permit it to torment you, or limit your future experiences.
Someone who can feel pain the way you have is, by definition, a sensitive person, entitled to better reciprocity next time.
So, the next time you find yourself getting involved with a girlfriend, ask yourself: is she like my last experience (frightened of real intimacy) or not? Do your best to watch and study all her vibes.
Hopefully, some now-experienced self-protective watchfulness will prevent you from having to undergo this heartache again.
You'll see. You'll get over it. Good luck!
Yes bostongreg, I think she does have an issue with "closeness" due to an issue with trust. I do realize I do not have an issue with closeness but hope she will realize I don't and she does and I can see her once again. Will not plan to see her anytime soon but definitely will down the road. This will give her time to straigten issues out in her life and me a chance to focus on the challenges before me. Odds are, she will call me before I call her.
I will probably see someone else in the interim and thanks for the words of encouragement!
-- Modified on 10/25/2006 6:26:29 PM
First off, you've been through the mill. I hope you come to a resolution sooner than later.
The money thing, can you clarify please?:
You said she gave you "very very discount rates". Then you'd agreed to up your rate with her. How does your current rate compare to her published rate?
Does she talk about her goals with you? Just looking into some insite as to why she brings up money so often.
You'd mentioned she borrowed money from you. Can you expand on that? How much, did she pay you back? Is this an ongoing problem she's dealing with right now or is it over?
Does she live at her incall location?
There could be many reasons she's acting like this. From you two have great sex and feelings for you, but she just can't afford the missed income discounted rates effect.
Another option is she might not want the man she decides to have a relationship with know her past.
1.)I would say it was more like hell than a mill, but instincts tell me she is worth it.
2.)I have come to a resolution/solution. Plan to see her sometime next month to have questions answered. Will approach subject with empathy and diplomacy.
3.)Agreed rate is a flat $200.00 without time limitations. Her regular rate is $350.00 per hour.
4.)Yes, she wants to get out of the Hobby and start her own business. She never brings up the money issue until a week to two weeks AFTER I see her.
5.)Money I gave her was not borrowed, it was a gift to a friend. No it is not an ongoing problem, just a difficult situation caused by a third party.
6.)Yes she lives at her incall location.
7.)Knowing her past, which goes deeper than her present occupation, is not an issue. One reason she cares for me and enjoys spending time with me, is because I do not judge her in anyway.
Thanks for the interest in my situation.
Sounds to me like you may be imagining
the relationship is a certain way
(the way you want it), but her actions seems to
contradict this ideal -
what I think is happening is you have this
ideal of what a relationship is/could be with her
and it isn't reality based (given her actions).
I know this pattern because i've been there
done that. I've seen several friends go through it too. we Want the woman to feel a certain way
and Interpret anything she says/does in a way
that supports our need to see it that way- unaware that we are in denial
and are refusing to see things clearly.
Some women are less direct than others, some
are completely indirect about saying they're
not interested. It sounds to me like she is
not interested in/ready for a relationship,
and that is something that you cannot change
(only she can decide that!)
my advice is to not have any contact with
her for an extended period (not 2 weeks,
try 3 months), you need this to see things
clearly. by this I mean no email, no phoning
nothing. Then you can work on what is going for
you and sort that out, and move on.
You need to give your heart a chance to
get unhooked from all this.
just my .02 cents
-BeenThereDoneThat
sitarman, I appreciate your candid opinion & reply to my situation. According to your post, you assume that I have not seen this special lady since my last post on 9/25/06. Do you know something I don't? (lol). Fortunately in this case you are correct. I have taken the advise of others on the subject and have not had any contact with her since 09/01/06. Based on my original post on 09/04/06, which is a true account but condensed version of the actual events and my previous experience with relationships and women, I know I am not "imagining" anything in this relationship. Prior to meeting this lady, one of the many things I enjoyed about the hobby is the fact I did not have to worry about starting a relationship with a lady I was seeing for a "date". So no, I do not have an "idea" of what a relationship with this lady "could" be nor wanted her to feel a certain way. The last thing I wanted was a relationship with any women at this point in my life. I have been around the block a few times in my life and know the difference between bullshit and the truth, by not only what they say but also how they act. I don't believe this women is not truly interested as she is never indirect about anything and after getting to know her, she always speaks her mind. If she wasn't truly interested, I don't think she would have wanted me to spend the weekend with her for less than a third of what she actually charges or could have made for the weekend! I do agree that she may not be ready for a relationship but I will not know for sure until we meet again and discuss it, rather it be as friends or something more. Only time will tell and that time is coming very soon. I think two months has been long enough.
My heart goes out to you, Miss Tyler,
it really does.
Your honesty and candor provides us with a most cautionary tale. Thank you for letting us into your broken heart. I hope you are healing well.
Live and learn, folks,
the Love Goddess
I have moved on..but will always wonder what would have happened had I not returned to the hobby after my second heartbreak..would he really have given us another chance? I doubt it..and in fact, how would I ever be able to trust his word again?
Live and learn..as you say!
Luv,
Miss Tyler
Hmm- well I fell into a relationship with a provider as well. It's weird on how we just clicked- kept in touch as friends and then things moved along. What is interesting is I got out of the hobby myself because of her. I knew I wanted something more- not necessarily her- but it ended up that way. And one day out of the blue she called me and it just went from there.
But unlike your experience- I am a great guy who is single and does not play games with people’s hearts. Yes- stay away from the married people when in a relationship- I was screwed over in the past with a woman I loved as well. Oh well- a lessen in life I guess.
She now lives with me and yes she is out of the business- which she did by her own choice. Met her parents, family, friends and visa versa. Funny-but the other night she told me she doesn't know how I swept her off her feet like I did- but she stopped her relationships with her other guys she dated. I would hate to say we are totally committed as we are still getting to know each other and trying to have our relationship develop at it’s own pace. The only thing that scares me is that she is 16 years younger then me. I can't explain it- but it just works. I have dated plenty of women and she is special, honest and we just love being with each other. I trust her like I have never trusted anyone before.
Oh well, I don't know what the future holds but the journey has been a great one at this point. 3 months and still going strong. Sometimes in life you just have to take the chance.
I don’t want to give anyone false sense of falling for their provider as I don’t think this is the norm- but you just never know where you might find your next SO. Yes I still lurk here because I like the people on the boards and find the topics very interesting- but I can assure you I have no reasons at this point in my life to re-enter the hobby.
Justanaverageman, I am not playing with anyones heart and I apologize if that is what you think I am doing. I only want to continue to see this special lady as a friend/client and see where it goes from there. I wish you the best in your new relationship and good luck.
-- Modified on 10/25/2006 6:27:18 PM
I never meant it to sound that way- I am sorry if it had that tone- but that was not my intention. I try not to judge others as my track record is far from stellar. I think friendships are the best way to start any new relationship. That was my case with my SO and I think it bonds us even closer than just lovers. Best of luck as well.
...is *not* the worst thing. Worse is never to have loved at all. Your openness to a relationship was and is commendable.
However, next time - NEVER believe a married man when he says he will leave his wife for you. And make sure any 'single' man you're starting to get involved with really is single. If you can't call or visit him at home at night...
You did nothing wrong, except for being too trusting. As Pres. Reagan said, "Trust, but verify."
You're obviously a wonderful woman. You'll do much better next time. And, when you retire to get married, print out your website...to show some day with amusement to your children or grandchildren. You'll see. You're going to make some more deserving man a wonderful partner, sooner than you expect.
know something I don't know!! who exactly is my night in shining armour cumming for me?!!
Luv,
Miss Tyler
ps..thank you for your kind words
shall I include you in my contact list for if and when I return to Beantown?
...will be someone who will appear to you, at first, in disguise. You won't recognize him for some time.
But after you get to know him, you will know quite well that it's he, not by any shining armor, but by his steadfast armour.
P.S. Yes, if you ever get to Boston, please do let me know: [email protected]