If the joys of BBBJ, etc. do not overcome the fear of disease, then don't do them.

There are many other ways to enjoy a woman without subjecting yourself to the pain of worry.

I, for one, believe that the simple hand job is way under rated.  Coming on a woman's breast, ass and back are very interesting and enjoyable experiences.  So women are even fine comming on their faces (avoid the eyes though) if you are into the kinkier things.

These are all very safe practices, and the lack of condom makes them very enjoyable, IMHO.

Nevertheless, I, and many others, have been enjoying decades of weekly or monthly BBBJ and DATY without any harmful effects, with upwards of a hundred different providers.

In my one year of reading posts on this board, I'm yet to read of one person saying that they or anyone they know has contracted a STD from these activities.

Providers are usually much more assiduous about having their health checked and practicing safe sex than the average civilian.

In the end, it's a question that you have to answer for yourself.

Dear futurshoc,

I'm not a guy...but I am in the business of trying to understand individuals and helping them solve internal dilemmas. And this surely seems one, albeit not too earth shattering.

My suggestion to you is simply to address this openly with the provider. It needn't be some third degree interrogation. Tell her that you might not be comfortable with those activities on your first date. Since she is a professional and, since you apparently get on quite well, at least on speaking terms, this should not be a problem. Many providers list their outer limits in the profiles, but that doesn't mean that they engage in those activities with every single client.

As to the disease factor, no, one can never be sure. But one can't be sure in civvie life either! The various TER boards are full of anecdotes where hobbyists caught something from civvies, and not from providers. It would stand to reason that if a provider wants to keep her business, she would take extra care in avoiding STDs, particularly if she is well-reviewed. One such episode could spell the death knell for a provider's career, so keep that in mind when you engage in squeamish thoughts.

I would guess that as you get more comfortable with this lady, and perhaps with the hobby itself, you will not have as many trepidations...at least not of this type.


Good luck on your date,
the Love Goddess

Like LG said, go ahead and talk with her about it.  It really does sound like you two are fairly comfortable with each other.

Y'know, you could ask her if you two can take it a bit slower on your first date (or first few dates).  Let her know that you'd feel more comfortable covered.  I'm sure some of the gents out here prefer a safer approach, as I'm sure some of the ladies do as well; covered might even make things more comfortable for her.

When the time's right, when you're comfortable and when she's comfortable, then - and only then - go ahead and pursue the BBBJ and CIM.  Until then, enjoy the time together.

Well, you've already peeked into Pandora's box. You've read and done the research. You've acquired a perfect target in a very target rich enviroment.

Can you fly away and not shoot at your target?
Can you fight the feeling and justify your anguish when your primiative, basic instinct takes over and makes your blood rush and want to have sex?

You're now having second thoughts.
It's normal and common.
Maybe it's the devil on one shoulder, telling you to go fuck her.
The angel on the other shoulder is telling you, no, no, you'll get a disease!  
Stay at home and jerk off to a magazine.

I can already predict-
You've come to far along and there's no turning back so you come here for support and expect some ridicule at your predicament.

In one way or another, I think most if not all here have had similar feelings, concerns, inner struggles and maybe bewilderment.

If you decide to listen to the angel on one shoulder, will you think back years from now and really regret not doing this?  

The answer is yours and only you can make that righr decision.

What you're doing here, asking the questions you've asked is like going to a bar. This is like you've never tried alcohol and you ask a room full of people at a bar, whether you should try a drink.
Some at the bar are alcoholics.
Some aren't.
Some may say; "don't do it...it will ruin your life forever"
Others will say, one drink won't hurt, it's the others that follow will give you a serious hurting..

You're still wondering...there are so many diseses out there. Besides Herpes, there's all the other STD'S and of course HIV and AIDS.

Well, ask the girl when's the last time she was tested.
 
None of us will live forever.
I live my life without as many regrets as possible. I do what many of my other friends only fantasize about.
If they knew what I've already have done, I'm the biggest hero to them.
I'm just a guy who loves to have fun....

Sorry for the babbling it's late,
maybe something here will make sense to you.

RH

Hard to know what your question is, exactly. Is there a risk of disease with BBBJ? Yes, and a google search should find you good websites on the subject. The summary is that for the guy the risk of HIV is extremely low and the risk of other STDs is quite low but not zero. The risks for both partners with BB vaginal or anal sex are much higher. And even covered is not 100% safe. Of course as LG points out classy professionals are careful and you won't get an STD from her if she doesn't have one!

I have noticed that I NEVER see a review saying that a hobbiest thinks he got an STD from a provider. I don't know if those are censored by TER or if it is really unusual, but if you read a lot of reviews you will think it never happens.

You can always ask for CBJ. I hate them and usually select BBBJCIM providers. It is SOOO GOOD!

But on another point, you sound like you are interviewing for a LTR. Just go fuck the girl! How much talking is needed for that?

Have fun!!

Thank you all for your insightful input. You included, LG, of course.

You all make very good points. Points that I suppose I already knew down in my gut. But you'll understand that it always helps to get someone to vocalize on the topic with you anyway.

Someone mentioned that it sounds like I was "interviewing". The process of feeling eachother out might sound tedious to some of you, I know. But its part of her screening process and I actually find it comforting.

At this point, I suspect that I'll go for covered MISH, CG and K9 and CBJ and play the rest by ear. Although I'm an enthusiastic DATY'er, I'm sure I'll leave that for another time.

To be honest, this is as much about a passionate connection with a woman as anything else. Although my wife and I are very good friends and have a child together, we've never been truly intimate in our 9 years of marriage and she's quite unsure  about ever actually having loved me in the first place. That, plus her sex drive having shut down completely over the last couple of years... We're both 32. (She has actually encouraged me to find a girlfriend for this purpose. That might sound like the holy grail to some of you, but its more complicated than that. I don't want the stigma that goes with being a married-but-available guy. Besides, it seems the sort of intelligent and attractive women I would pursue would be immediately turned off by my attachment.)

The culmination of all this is what brings me here to TER today. Thanks again to all of you. We'll see how things play out.

I HAVE read about hobbyist getting STD's in these threads (though not the Erotic Highway as yet). It is rare and what is much more scary is the level of disdain and avoidance those types of threads usually procur. People do not seem to like sharing these experiences here and even more are into a real sense of denial about the possibility.

From one post I read how an OBGYN claimed Chlymidia transmission was not possible with oral...but Gonnorhea was....

This same post shared how the authoring hobbyist had gotten Gonnorhea through an intense BBBJ/CIM scenario, against the prior protestations from his OBGYN buddy. His doc friend had warned that upon ejaculation a vacum-like-sucking-thing occurs and anything bad has a greater chance of drifting into the system. Kissing is less likely a transmission, but DATY (and any pussy play without cleaning the fingers before they contaminate...where it might be taken into the system - i.e., mouth, penis, eyes) is also on this OBGYN's list of 'don'ts".

You are lucky to have been able to meet your targeted provider before entering this hobby. It is unusual since few are willing to offer the time, although I wish more would.

If you have an SO at home, this so-called risk assessment should be taken very seriously. The fact is that BBBJ and CIM are NOT so ideal, though few here accept it. I hate to sour the grapes but don't get drunk on lust, unless you're willing to, just possibily, be pulled over by the Health Department Police.

With you being the recipient of a BBBJ the risk of HIV is low, very very low, but not zero.  I like this websitre for more info,  www.thebody.com/oralsex.html

The CIM indicates that the provider engages in more risky behaviour.  Myself, I would stay away.  I'm not looking at a woman as a mutli-faceted receptacle for my penis anyway. And the BBBJ , CIM verse CBJ is no big deal for me.  Also if you are married and then risk spreading the disease to your wife...then HELL NO.  That behaviour to me is UNACCEPTABLE. Find someone that is completely sate...if you must see someone.
Oh yeah...I'm not married,

The main reason I go to a provider is to get BBBJCIM. It's one of the most awesome things to get from a woman. From what I've read, the risks are low enough that I think it's worth it. Maybe, I'm crazy?