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my 2 cents
Hello.Duchess See my TER Reviews 393 reads
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So, is the question, you wish you could have all your choices and still be okay with it (which is life, sorry) or is the issue - you are doing something that feels good but you feel bad about afterwards and that interferes with your life (addiction).

If you are wrestling with the agony of making choices, you just have to get over it right? That means you set your priorities, you set a path that works for you and that doesn't hurt people, and you stick to your plan.  You act in your best interests and the ones you love. That's maturity.  

You can decide to hobby and still have a family, if you have the means and ability to do so -- and NO ONE gets hurt.  Then there is no problem.  

But not if you feel like you are not in control of it, that is a problem. If you are talking exit strategies, I'm thinking there is a problem that you might need help with (and not from us, from someone trained to help you live the life you want to live, and be the person you want to be).

If you feel like you do not have CONTROL over your hobby activities, that you could not step away if you had to or needed to, that is more troubling and you either need to remind yourself that you ARE in control of your choices and that you understand and are prepared for the consequences OR...you get help. It is not weak to get help if you need it. It's healthy. And you are not a bad person if you decide to switch gears. The question is, do you have a "hobby" problem or a sexual addiction? I suppose it is a matter of degrees.

I'm a moral person with an over-developed guilt complex (seriously :). I feel bad if I go through a yellow light. I say "I'm sorry" when other people bump into me. But I do not feel guilty about this aspect of my life. I had a conversation with a recovering addict once. I thought, maybe because I am not doing what I was culturally programmed to do (have sex with one man for life), something is wrong with me.  I felt okay with it, and it worried me. Women are not "supposed" to be okay with it.

She said, "Do you feel guilty after? Does your activity interfere with your work or family life, or other things you like to do?"  

I said, "No, not at all."

She said, "Then it's not an addiction."

So that is where I am.  I hope you will get to a place where you feel completely comfortable with your choices. Good luck to you!  And just a side-note, providers do not retire and come back because we "can't" stay away (self included). Sex is pretty easy to come by if you are a chick!  We come back because we need the money, and we like this line of work. Much different situation from the guys.

ICantQuit889 reads

So I post using an Alias to allow for objective feedback.  So I'll kick myself in the ass first.  If one has to start a thread for feedback on how he can, or if he can and is disciplined enough to retire and never Hobby again...he ain't ready to retire and will be at the ATM shortly after he hits "post message."  With that said.....

I really want, but more realistically NEED to retire from the hobby.  However, easy access to almost any female "type" I want to fuck is hard to walk away from.  I say type, cause while I can't fuck Halle Barry, Zoe Saldana, Megan Goode, Jessica Alba, Jada Pinkett-Smith (pre-face work), Natalie Portman, Lucy Liu....OK you get the idea.  I'm a click and a phone away from experiencing and orgasm with a very reasonable facsimile.  Not to mention the relative drama free, NSA atmosphere of a session vs. the civi world.  And, surprisingly, I love the hunt for the next lady I'm going to the ATM for.  I love the anticipation taking the hotel elevator ride up to the room.  I love getting the txt.."OK come on up to room #???"

I have 3 kids (none out of college yet), a couple of mortgages and not to mention the occasional moral pangs I would do better to settle in with one choice.  I have gone on hiatus several times before only to return with a vengeance.  I wonder can it be done?  Can guys really retire?  We often chide the ladies who say they are on their retirement tour, or posting threads notifying of their retirement only to resurface later.

What, if any, is a reasonable exit strategy for a guy to retire from being a Hobbyist?!?!  Can it be done?

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!!!!!681 reads

. . . if a right woman comes along. . . who would take me.

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cantdance593 reads

I always thought that if I could find that elusive  10/10 experience that maybe I could  quit being a  hobbyist

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Shane_Falco522 reads

I have had 10/10's it just makes you want to hobby more.

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Shane_Falco518 reads

I too have walked away, several times. At one point for 3 years, but I came back each time.

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escape_coauthor497 reads

Since I doubt it's the variety that brought you here, but instead it's a desire for a true or other sustained connection that you lack at home or in personal life, I think if you find that and realize you can't have that cause it's a mirage or you both are at points in your life you cannot have more, you will realize that everything else or everyone else can't match up  Then it becomes a cost benefit analysis to you and you decide, maybe that chasing "skirts" to use an in apt but descriptive term is not worth the effort.  NB  Met a lady from NY today that a dear friend and I had hoped to meet together when there in November. It was a fun time but it lacked my friend and that broader sense of desire i've always had with her.   So I will stumble along it appears, hopefully a gentlemen?! given my and my special lady's  need or unexplained "ending" but probably away from this (sorry folks) really superficial financial world of TER and the hobby

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Guarddog111676 reads

Its a start.

 
Good luck with it.

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wonderboy69453 reads

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noagenosage416 reads

said Mark Twain in regard to giving up tobacco.  "I've given it up many times."

My take:  there's no "one size fits all" formula -- this is a very personal activity despite its universal aspects.  If you're an older guy, time will take its toll, but you'll still have the desire, albeit less often.  The illusion of finding perfect fantasy babes is truly just that, and it won't happen.  My method:  ratchet down slowly, and make every event special.  Overcome the temptation to rush out every time you see a new face.  You can't have them all, or even a fraction of them, so pick and choose.

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wrps07512 reads

If you stay away, you will come back even if it has been a few years. In terms of your kids make sure they work hard in school so they can get scholarships. Tell them if they loose the scholarship they are on their own. And of course if they flunk out school (send them to the toughest school)  they are really on their own.

You need to stop looking at the ads.

The other thing to do is to create a spread sheet and budget. Come up with a number of days between sessions (ie every 14 to 30 days).  

Make sure that you get plenty of sex from the wife. They will lower your desire to hobby.  

Get yourself involved in hobby like golf or community service.

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jcnva499 reads

I'll keep hobbying.  70 and going strong!

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808transplant559 reads

I recently quit because I was dating someone and wanted to be monogamous. This was short lived because we both realized that aside from high sex drives, we had almost nothing in common.  This caused a slight problem when I wanted to return to hobbying. I requested an appointment with a provider and gave references. The girls who I listed as references were not as recent as expected. Thus causing a small complication.

As far as an exit strategy, I have been trying to quit but only if I find someone who will fill the needs I require in a monogamous partner. If I do not find what I am exactly want, I am just as happy giving my Ben Franklins to the plethora of hotties in this business.

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3000ma446 reads

To me, starting the hobby was like opening Pandora's box. I thought I could never imagine myself doing p4p, but now that it's done, I can never go back. Sometimes I wonder what my life would have been if I had not taken that business trip during that dryspell...

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thelaurenhaze504 reads

Drag me away when I'm 90....heehheee

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OSP412 reads

To quit you only have to change one thing................................................EVERY THING

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!!!!!436 reads

OP didn't say anything about being addicted. I've gone for months without hobbying.

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mlsnet458 reads

Lose your job.  A fellow monger hasn't hobbied for six months and won't resume until he is gainfully employed again.  Nothing like scarcity of income to focus the mind!

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Hello.Duchess394 reads

So, is the question, you wish you could have all your choices and still be okay with it (which is life, sorry) or is the issue - you are doing something that feels good but you feel bad about afterwards and that interferes with your life (addiction).

If you are wrestling with the agony of making choices, you just have to get over it right? That means you set your priorities, you set a path that works for you and that doesn't hurt people, and you stick to your plan.  You act in your best interests and the ones you love. That's maturity.  

You can decide to hobby and still have a family, if you have the means and ability to do so -- and NO ONE gets hurt.  Then there is no problem.  

But not if you feel like you are not in control of it, that is a problem. If you are talking exit strategies, I'm thinking there is a problem that you might need help with (and not from us, from someone trained to help you live the life you want to live, and be the person you want to be).

If you feel like you do not have CONTROL over your hobby activities, that you could not step away if you had to or needed to, that is more troubling and you either need to remind yourself that you ARE in control of your choices and that you understand and are prepared for the consequences OR...you get help. It is not weak to get help if you need it. It's healthy. And you are not a bad person if you decide to switch gears. The question is, do you have a "hobby" problem or a sexual addiction? I suppose it is a matter of degrees.

I'm a moral person with an over-developed guilt complex (seriously :). I feel bad if I go through a yellow light. I say "I'm sorry" when other people bump into me. But I do not feel guilty about this aspect of my life. I had a conversation with a recovering addict once. I thought, maybe because I am not doing what I was culturally programmed to do (have sex with one man for life), something is wrong with me.  I felt okay with it, and it worried me. Women are not "supposed" to be okay with it.

She said, "Do you feel guilty after? Does your activity interfere with your work or family life, or other things you like to do?"  

I said, "No, not at all."

She said, "Then it's not an addiction."

So that is where I am.  I hope you will get to a place where you feel completely comfortable with your choices. Good luck to you!  And just a side-note, providers do not retire and come back because we "can't" stay away (self included). Sex is pretty easy to come by if you are a chick!  We come back because we need the money, and we like this line of work. Much different situation from the guys.

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FKNA415 reads

agree on all points and in the same boat...

how do you get out....

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