does a woman kick you out of your own house?   Did she have big brothers with weapons . . . ?  If she wants to leave, she should leave.

I wish I had a nickel for every divorcing guy who told me that - not one had a good answer.

I am really sorry for your plight, man but please

Call Brian Hirsch

703-481-6063.

Nova family law.com

I don't know what applies to non-married people but I sure know what applies to married people. You need a lawyer but try to stay out of court. Try to settle. Litigating is so expensive you just wouldn't believe it. So many thousands of dollars, heartache, and misery.  

A good custody lawyer will charge about $400+ hour in Northern VA and you will need to put up a retainer of about $7K to hire one.  I am speaking, generally.  

You can find the top lawyers in the Washingtonian "Best Lawyers" issue that comes out every year; it's at the library. You might consider getting a female lawyer to represent you.  It might help.

Keep it in Fairfax County and avoid Arlington if you can. Fairfax County is called the "rocket docket."

The Bar will let you see one lawyer for free or/for $50 if you go through their referral but usually they are not the best ones.  

The more research you do, the less you will end up paying a lawyer. There are great books on this at the bookstore (from the dad's point of view).

If she is asking for full custody of your biological son, she prob. won't get it. You will get visitation (like every Wed night and every other weekend, plus 2 weeks in summer and half of all school holidays) and you will need to pay child support based on a formula that takes into account both your incomes, or your imputed incomes, if it comes to that. At least, that is how it would work if you were married.

It is quite straightforward, really. No matter what you have done, almost everyone gets the same deal in the end.  You'd have to be an incredibly abusive and rotten dad to get no custody at all.  

Be sure you get joint legal custody (that allows you to have equal say in educational and medical decisions). She will get primary residential custody and you will get visitation.  

You will be co-parenting for 13 more years. That means constant communication and negotiation. So your best bet is to make nice now as much as you can and repair the burned bridges. Your lawyers can hurt her and you can pay them to hurt her. Don't do that. It will just make the lawyer rich. That is not a win. Take the high road. You may end up paying more but don't forget -- you are a co-parent. Keep it respectful. Years down the road, you will be glad you did.

I'm assuming she is a good mother and you have no issues with that. A child can be happy with two stable homes, but do try to get along with mom as well as you can. She may not be your biggest fan right now but you can always tell her what a fine mother she is and how important the children are to you, and that you will be there to support them. This is what she needs to hear. She knows sons need daddies.  She needs to know you will be a good one.

Don't EVER denigrate the mother in front of the child and be prepared to show that you have adult supports and a good home/apartment where the child will have his own space for visitation. A child custody evaluation runs about $25K. Try not to go down that path.  Negotiate, settle, and mediate all you can.

The 9 year old son may have bonded with you. Please don't forget about him. Don't panic. Everythig is going to be okay. Try to see the kids as soon as you can.  They need to know you are still in the picture.  Good luck to you.

Judges just don't care. You'd be surprised how much they don't care about your relationship and what infidelities brought it to an end. They HATE all that drama and they're used to hearing all kinds of lies about it. So they don't want to hear why you two split up. They don't want to hear about anything, unless it's impacting the kids. That's just a big stick she is wielding against you now, and her lawyer might use it to intimidate you, but it really won't help her that much in court. If it came to court, the judge would want to determine how much support the child will get from you and how much visitation you will get. The more you negotiate and agree to together, the happier the judge will be. You have to give the minimum amount of the support formula, but you can give more. She prob. won't get alimony because you aren't married, because alimony is based on how many years you have been married, not how many years you have been co-habiting. So any settlements or monthly payments you make to her, in addition to the child support you obliged to pay, is between you and your conscience. And you will decide together (or your lawyers will) how to distribute the joint property you own. So don't worry about that too hobby part too much. I mean, ask your lawyer and all but I bet he/she will say the same thing.

Seriously dude. you should be thinking with the big head.  

There's a time and a place to post things.....and frankly in my opinion. You should have posted under an alias and should not of divulged sooooo much.  
A simple *looking for a family attny in FFX, VA* would have been sufficient without outing yourself even more to your SO.

Good luck!

Call joe condo.  703-442-0888.