I consider the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Santa and his Elves, the Great Pumpkin, and oh, let us not forget Leprechauns, since I'm Irish, all close personal friends of mine.
They help me keep my level of CYNICISM in check.
I have tried and tried to break into the hobby this year, only to have my first four attempts rejected due to being African American.
I definitely respect a provider's right to stay within her race, but it's been frustrating and embarrassing to be rejected so many times...sight unseen. While some providers list their race policy on their site, most don't.
Any advice out there???
TER may want to consider a special notes section for tidbits like this. I'd hate for someone else to call the same providers only to be rejected due to an unwritten race policy.
I'm sorry you've had this experience and your comment about respecting a provider's choice would seem to indicate that you are a decent repectful man.
I don't know why some providers will not see African American guys. In my experience they are a tiny minority of clients and I've never had a problem, to me they are just another American with a sexy accent 
I think you are doing the right thing by letting the girls know in advance because it's better to be 'rejected' that way than waste your time to turn up to a booking with a lady who is not comfortable seeing you.
Have fun!!
Carrie x
Hmm.. I never directly ask for race, but I do ask for a photo or physical description so I know who I am meeting, and race is often mentioned up-front by non-white clients. I have never turned anyone away because of race (or appearance at all, for that matter).. in the profession I have been with Asian, Middle Eastern, European, and Caucasian guys, but not anyone African American yet (although I have in my personal life ) I am really sorry you have had this experience and I believe you will find someone who will not judge you based on that eventually. Don't give up!! Best of luck~
XoXo,
Marea
-- Modified on 6/5/2007 12:20:26 AM
-- Modified on 6/5/2007 12:20:40 AM
-- Modified on 6/5/2007 12:21:04 AM
You've got it all wrong... it's British women who have the sexy accent!!
I suggest you change your approach to setting appointments. E mail a provider first and then call them.
Here is a mini template for a first email....
Hello Jane Doe,
My name is John Doe and I noticed your profile on TER. I would like to setup an appointment with you on Monday or Tuesday next week preferably late in the afternoon. Will you be available for an appointment? If you are, please let me know, I will provide my screening information.
Thanks, John
Her reply may go like this.....
Hi John,
I am available next week and would like to meet you. Please send me your screening information requested on my website.
XOXO, Jane
Your follow up email........
Hi Jane,
Thank You for your reply. Here is my screening information.
Date and Time requested: Tuesday, June 12, 5:00 p.m.
Time requested: 2 hours, Rate: 500
Location: Outcall - Upscale hotel, Downtown Mpls
Real Name: John Doe, Age: 42 (not always necessary)
Phone: (xxx) xxx-xxxx, Email: [email protected]
Employment: World Distributers
Direct Phone: (xxx) xxx-xxxx
I am new to the hobby and you would be my first provider as a result I do not have any references. I have however enclosed my employment information for your reference.
Please feel free to call me or email me if you would like to discuss this appointment further. I am also open to other suggestions at your request to reassure your safety.
Thanks, John
She might call you back and say she called your workplace and your appointment is confirmed. Thank her and follow up with a couple of minutes of smalltalk and politely bring up the fact that you are African American.
At this point, two things may happen - she may get ticked and cancel the appointment or more likely say your race is not an issue and looks forward to meeting you.
If you behave like a professional gentleman, treat her like a lady, and are clean, shower, practice good hygiene etc. It is unlikely you will receive inferior service during the session.
If you follow the above script, I doubt you will receive too many rejections. Most providers do not use race as an issue. Don't advertise your race upfront but "allow it to blend in."
Check into reference agencies like www.roomservice2000.com, www.myfastpass.com, www.datecheck.com, to see if you can get a membership with them.
Good luck and prepare to have your world rocked.
-- Modified on 6/5/2007 2:08:31 AM
-- Modified on 6/5/2007 9:14:24 PM
If a lady doesn't want to have a customer of a certain race, she should put it out there. There were a lot of establishments in the 60's with "Whites Only" signs.
Yeah, yeah, I know. "It's her body, her choice." Blah, blah blah. Let her have the discomfort of dealing with her bias. If she wants to be in the service business, let her deal with all the aspects of the industry. She can make a lot of money doing what she does.
I've never been rejected due to race, I'm not neither white nor black, but I sometimes wonder if I've received substandard performance because of it. Of course, no provider would ever admit to it so I don't bother asking.
So how do you know that race was the factor in your rejection? If the providers were explicit with you, but it's not on their websites, I suggest outing them on your regional board. If they were not explicit, what kind of things did they say?
I've noted before that it's interesting; re:sad comment on society, that African-Americans reveal their ethnic background to make an appointment; while Caucasians feel no need to reveal their ethniticity. It's even sadder that a gentleman is refused because of his ethnic background.
Why is one refused and another wonder if he receives substandard service merely based upon where their ancestors came from?
Anyway, I do not refuse based upon race, but I do refuse based upon lack of screening info, explicit email, or rudeness.
Thanks to all for the encouragement, especially the providers. It lets me know that I still got a chance to enjoy the hobby.
I really like the advice in letting it blend in, and I'll continue to do things that way. Trust me, I have not led off with my race because I did not think it was a factor. Plus it puts more attention on my race than I really like to.
To answer a previous question...Yes, the rejections were explicitly due to my race.
One scheduler in Atlantic City said "[Name of provider] does not see Black guys."
She explicitly asked on the phone was I white. I think this was due to her detecting I wasn't White over the phone. We had already had several email interactions and things appeared to be going well until she heard my voice.
Again, one just yesterday in San Diego replied with the following email...and I quote...
"Your a handsome man, but to be 100% honest, I have a similar policy...
I know you must come across this alot, and I hate to not be able to give you the fun that I know I could, but ultimately, I have to decline...
I can tell you're a very clean, respectful gentleman...
I give you my best wishes and regards for your trip out here!"
This was after we had exchanged a couple of emails and was pretty much set to connect.
So while it's disappointing, and I know I'll eventually connect with a great provider, some choose not to work with certain clientele.
So I just thought I'd see how pervasive it was in the field.
At least she was upfront and honest about it. What bugs me, are those providers ,who are not forthcoming with the truth. I would rather have someone tell me upfront about their preferernces, and then move on.
Also, what also bothers me (not going to make friends with this either lol), are those who are at least being upfront about their preferences, and still being outed. I don't think it's fair and right. I would rather spend more time and energy on someone, who would be on equal ground, and know where I am coming from, than to try to change someone's view on how they feel. In the end, they will get theirs, but let you concentrate on something better.
What part of the country are you trying to get an appt? Striking out 4 out of 4, strictly because of race is very unusual I think. Are you sure you were rejected because of race, I cannot fathom 4 providers actually saying that, but who knows, I am only familiar with those in my area. Are you sure it does not have something to do with the fact you are new with no reviews or references? That sounds more of a possibility and maybe you assumed, as we all tend to. I am not at all trying to doubt you, just very curious and would like to help.
It's sad that this could be an issue for some providers. Please don't give up. Who knows, maybe a woman who would flat-out reject you like that is doing you a favor.
I agree that I'm ultimately being done a favor. I'd rather have the provider be honest than have a session where she is not quite into it as a result of not being honest. On the unselfish side, I'd like her to enjoy her time with me as much as I enjoy it with her.
I'll keep the group posted on when and if I find success!
It's good that they didn't lie to you to get your money while providing bad service. It saved you money and both of you aggravation.
At the same time, if they think their policies are acceptable just because they are "honest" put this info out on your regional board. Let's see if they are willing to back up their honesty in public. Also, it'll also save a lot of headaches for those of us who are not white, but don't sound "ethnic" over the phone. I'm Asian but born and raised in the US so I have no Asian accent. You would never know until you met me, and I'd hate to run into these providers.
-- Modified on 6/5/2007 7:04:02 PM
You have a double hurdle here, African American and first time hobbyist. Have you considered an African American provider for your first session, then use her as a ready reference?
CG
brown7 did not say that all white providers discriminate, nor that they discriminate more than any other ethnic group. He simply said that he had been discriminated against by 4 providers, and gave specific accounts of their statements. He didn't make any blanket judgments.
But since you made such a bold statement of fact how about providing us with some examples of your exhaustive research?
-- Modified on 6/6/2007 3:57:58 AM
Good heavens, with all the OTHER stuff we providers need to worry about, like guys who want to rip us off, hurt us, lock us up, or knowingly give us an STD, some of us have problems with SKIN COLOR? Give me a frigging break! Such stupidity and racism pains me. Come to Houston, brown7. I as white as the pale full moon, but I will give you an out-of-this-world experience, honey.
YOU still believe in the tooth fairey.
I consider the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, Santa and his Elves, the Great Pumpkin, and oh, let us not forget Leprechauns, since I'm Irish, all close personal friends of mine.
They help me keep my level of CYNICISM in check.
I just wanted to answer a few questions that emerged in the thread...
Some asked about where I'm located. I'm located in North Carolina, but the rejections stretched across several areas....Atlantic City, NC, SC, and most recently San Diego. So I'm not sure that area has much to do with it.
In terms of my physical stature being a mismatch...only 1 provider got that far. The others rejected the product without seeing any piece of me, so that hasn't been the factor.
The explicit comments from the providers tell the truth. The positive things is that I saved my money and that from the looks of this thread, several providers would be willing to "work with me" as a client.
I'll follow the advice and stay hopeful.
I also plan to rat the providers out on the local boards as two folks asked. I agree that if it's a policy that they're proud of and willing to implement, they should not mind me telling others about it.
Thanks everyone. I truly enjoy the membership to TER. Even though I've yet to connect in the hobby, I feel much more informed and excited about entering.
african american here as well, ive contacted providers in San Diego when i've travelled there and i have had no problems, i agree with the others when i say out the providers who have rejected you.