He loved every minute of it, but he was the exception. I think he lived for this. lol
Hey - thanks to all who post here. As a newbie to the SB/SD scene it is a wealth of info. My time is extremely limited (I'm married, with two jobs). Thus I cannot "date" a SB and have a limited window during the day to meet up. I have seen in many SB profiles that they are not interested in hookups and want dating, mentoring, etc. before BCD happens. In my limited time during the day I can do lunches but then want to get to some fun BCD. My question is this... Has anyone had success just coming right out and saying that to a pot SB (in person or via message)? Or will I just get shot down 10 of 10 times and I should try a different tactic?
On a side note: I have an issue finding hotels to use - the 11am to 3pm timeslot is usually between check-in and check-out so I cannot get a room without booking for two nights. Or, do I just need to look harder to get a place that accommodates this time period.
Thanks in advance for any advice. - HM
I know the SB route is not the way to go for you!
Between your limited schedule and the cost for paying for lunch and a hotel, you're really better off just sticking with the pros. The per hour cost may be higher, but it will balance out if you count the incidentals. And the pros will almost always give you better sex. Don't just listen to all the wild success stories on here. While there are unicorn SBs out there, the fact of the matter is that pros are generally much much better at sex and are more open sexually. There's a reason why they are pros.
The sugar seeing is very time consuming. Being married with two jobs would make it a serious uphill battle for you. I also agree that just staying in the hobby is more in your wheelhouse. I stuck my toe in the sugar water when I was married and quickly realize I did not have the time it would take.
It's not easy but it can be done. You can call the hotel and request an early check in. Usually they will accommodate you. One of my SB's is married and can only get away during her lunch hour from work and we have been pretty successful at getting early check ins at the Noon hour. I'm always direct with my POT SBs that I want NSA BCD and it saves time and usually works.
Don't forget all the mental energy required. You have enough on your plate. Stay with providers.
I am in a similar boat... only 1 job but also have small kids so that's like a 2nd job lol. I only see SBs during the work week. No evenings or weekends.
1) Be clear about needing BCD arrangement only... Meet them for coffee once to establish mutual attraction/connection and tell them you need to be discreet and want to go right to hotel meets. It may take longer to find SB who is cool with this but the ones you want to hookup with know we're married and they will understand. If the connection is good and the Sugar is right, they will make it work. You will want to establish a little rapport first... don't bring it up right off the bat, but definitely after a few messages or once you meet for coffee. Remember, the more she likes you the more she will be willing to accommodate your requests (within reason). Don't do lunch dates until you know ur getting bcd cuz you can waste a lot of money on lunch dates where you don't connect or your not on same page about the arrangement.
2) Hotels - 11a-3p is tough for hotel rooms. 12-3p or 1-3p is better. I use the Hotel Tonight app to find rooms in my area and price range and then call a few to see if they will do noon check-in and then go with the one that does even if you have to pay 40-50 more to make it work. OR request noon checkout and meet from 9a-noon. Just make sure to call the hotel and see their policy before you book. Also if you are near an airport, some hotels will offer day rates for layover travelers between 10a-6p. That doesn't work for everyone but has worked for me a few times.
but even if it did, with such limited time, isn't it easier to stick with pro's?
yes, getting an SB to agree to lets say a weekly 2-3 hour rendezvous for $3-400 dollar a meet is not an unrealistic goal. but when you add not only the hotel bill, but the time you need to spend arranging it, the numerous POT SB's you are going to have to vett. is all this effort REALLY worth it?
for about the same amount of money you can fuck a different hooker every week with no muss and no fuss. Why unnecessarily complicate your life?
One other thing to keep in mind, SBs don't come with reviews. TER hookers do. Do yourself a favor, stick with hookers.
going on with quite a few married punters who visit this defacto sugar board, who ought not be messing around with this could-be-very-treacherous field but the allure of "cheaper" p*ssy plus less clock watching with a GND type is just too strong for some to put on ignore and forget-about-it list!
Personally speaking, I'd be mortified to sneak around during a limited time window during the day, trying to meet & greet potential SBs, negotiate BCD agreements and try to find accommodations, while being married. The rewards would not have been equitable enough for me but then again I am speaking from my lofty palace of singlehood and complacency!
He loved every minute of it, but he was the exception. I think he lived for this. lol
being in similar situation to OP (with the exception of 1 job where no one watches me like a hawk), I went down the SB road a few years back and never looked back. I do still see a few pros, but it's probably 90/10 SB's vs. pros. It did take some work to get off the ground. And it was definitely an advantage to have hobbying experience. But, once you have 5+ SB's that you can reach out to, it becomes possible to get dates when you are free. At that point, you can just add SB's to your rotation when the opportunity appears.
While there are clearly some SB's who will not even talk to you, being married can have some advantages when approaching SB's. For example, the need for discretion can help explain why you need a mostly BCD arrangement. Some SB's also actually prefer married guys because they assume there is less risk of them getting sticky.
And some SB's are surprisingly accommodating. Just last week, I was joking around with one who was clearly not my typical target (young smoking hot, social butterfly it seemed). I just made an innocent silly comment about something in her profile. She responded and we had a little back and forth. All along, I'm thinking this is a total waste of time. Finally she asked what I was looking for. I told her that, being married, I was not a good fit for someone looking to go out and socialize. She said she understood the need for discretion. Then she asked about allowance and accepted my offer. Then, to my surprise, she said that after a drink, we could go back to her place if there was chemistry. She's not a pro because she emailed me from an account with her real name, which I was able to verify. Still seems too good to be true, but I'll find out next week.
As always, one adjustment you have to make as a married guy with limited time is to cover yourself in case a date falls through. So, I've reached out to one SB I know can meet on short notice in case miss TGTBT falls through.
I've had some really fun times in the sugar bowl. Even introduced a pro I'm friendly with to SA a few years back. Now we have more of an SB/SD thing, although she still has her pro career going.
It's definitely not for every married guy, maybe not even for most, but it can work.
Both pros and SBs can be bsc but a SB may not understand how important discretion is. Especially if it ends poorly.
I am in the same position as you but my kids are grown and only one job only - and after 7 months in the SB I think I am going back to pro's only - just makes the most sense for my situation. I also think it depends a lot on how good your SO is at keeping tabs on you. Some guys can get away with it - but most will probably have trouble - and yes the mental part also comes much more into play than with the pros.
My SO does not work and has a lot of free time to check up on me. I do travel, which helps, but I have found most of the times I have tried the SDating on the road, the responses I get are from pros on the site - which makes sense if you think about it. The real problem is time, and my lack of it. If single, I could be an all star at this and I think the SD game is easier the bigger the size of the market you are in? Major cities, major pussy!
So I am back to the pros for now, and it doesn't hurt that I just saw a 38 yr old MILF that was one of my best GFE ever! Funny she told me she is also on the SA site, so go figure. Says she has only been in the pro part of the business for a few months which I know we have all heard b/4, but I think with this lady it might have been true. Kind of refreshed my view of the hooker experience and recharged my batteries in the p4p arena. 
But omg, a unicorn SB is really something special, but for now I have to leave them for the rest of you here, as I am back to the pro's. Thanks for all the tips from the real "pro's" - that is the SB/SD pros on here - and I will continue to follow this board, you never know when you might wander back into the SBowl.
A lot of sage advice here - thank you. Based on some of these comments, I did go ahead and decide to take a break from the SB scene and disabled my SA account (it was due to renewal anyway). As one responder indicated a big part of the allure is the risky side, so I have 4 or 5 contacts from my time on SA that I'm going to try to cultivate, but if they go nowhere, that is probably for the best. Thanks for the tips on the hotels - I'll keep trying around my area by talking with them.. I should be able to find one or two moderately nice ones that may do a early check-in (most won't guarantee the room however, and that is problematic). Back to the Pro's for me (for now anyway).
I know nobody else here seems to think this is a real option, at least for them. But why not be 100% honest with your wife? Tell her you want both of you to enjoy some sexual variety in your lives, that you both deserve it and that it can be had with no threat to your marriage. In fact, you will both be happier and your home life will be even better. Join a local Polyamory support group and learn and read up on it. Talk about your desires and your fears. Next month my awesome wife and her BF and me and one of my youngest SBs are traveling together for 3 days to attend a regional Polyamory conference together. Everybody respects each other and life is sweet. I get to spend as much time on SA chasing pussy as I like and meeting up with my SBs requires no deceit or sneaking around. I'm telling you, Gentlemen, honesty is a real option.
I am very happily divorced without an SO, so I don't have anyone to cheat on in the first place.
If what you are doing works for you, by all means you should keep doing it. I seriously doubt however that due to the way 99.99% of us were raised that your option is going to work for most couples. Personally I think yours is a fantastic option if both parties are ok with it, you get to keep your best friend and life partner, AND you get to go fuck anyone you want to as well. What could be better? The problem is of course that that little green monster usually rears it's head at some point because "most" people only want sexual freedom for themselves and can't handle giving that same sexual freedom to their spouse.
Cmon Sweets! You are in LaLa Land if you think 99% of us married guys can bring that up. Hell, I can't even ask my wife to go play poker with some buddies without getting all kinds of shit...
No married woman is going to allow for an open or Poly relationship unless you were both into that or open to that when you were dating. Married life equals Morals and judgments so the Poly lifestyle is NOT going to be an option to discuss with the wife unless you want us to pack our shit and move out.
Thanks for sharing your success story, but you are 1 in a million if you got married in a church to any kind of religious girl and 15years into the marriage are suggesting going Poly and she is ok with that...
Actually, if you don't mind sharing, what is your life story with the wife and how did you bring all of this up?
This thread is kinda old so I don't know if anybody's gonna read it. But here goes. My wife and I got married in 1971 after dating for 3 years. We both had a few affairs with the others knowledge during our first decade of marriage. No jealous rages. I admit I never liked the idea of her having BFs but we had agreed not to be possessive and I stuck to my promise. Fast forward to me at age 55. I had endured decades of monogamy, not by choice, but simply because I never met any women who wanted to play and I never went to bars or met any at work. And honestly, I probably had zero game. My wife and I still had fairly hot sex including oral and anal. But I wanted the sexual variety I had always craved and not gotten. I told her about this and we talked about it frequently. I was truly becoming depressed and felt I was missing out on one of life's best pleasures. Then I discovered TER and everything changed. With her permission I had my first date with an escort. It was fabulous! I felt like a kid in a candy store and screwed as many escorts as time and money allowed. My wife was concerned at first, but soon realized I always came home, always loved her, and as often as not she was the beneficiary of my increased libido. As time went by she saw how happy I was with this hobby. I encouraged her to have an affair or three. But she did not find the idea of hiring an escort for an hour at a time appealing. To her credit, she actually tried it, with a couple of females, but it did not do the trick for her. She prefers male energy and wants a more meaningful connection. Fast forward another decade and I discovered the Sugar Bowl. I began having real long lasting relationships with the ladies I was fucking. That did appeal to my wife. She had a brief affair with a guy she met. Then she put up a profile on some sites and met a wonderful local man who has been her BF for over a year now. He's become a good friend of mine too, and I feel really happy for them both. I also feel like our marriage is more balanced because she's getting some of the emotional and sexual variety that I had craved. And she understands and accepts my own activities even more now that she has her own. I turned 70 last week. Our marriage is 45 years old and going strong!
Thank you for sharing your story. It is truly remarkable, and it seems that both of you achieved the north star of what a Poly lifestyle represents. Not easy to do, not easy to manage, and not easy to sustain.
I have some exposure to the Poly life through SA, and so I also know there are also stories with much less happy endings.
I congratulate both of you on your success. You both risked it all and it paid off.
Thanks Herb. But you know, it didn't feel like such a big risk. If fact, not taking the road we have traveled seemed like the bigger risk. Because I was unhappy. After decades, monogamy began to feel like celibacy. And we'd already had some open relationships in our past, so it wasn't such a huge deal to suggest trying it again, especially since it was only with escorts at first which she found less threatening. I mean, a pro is not likely to want to steal your husband and marry him. And my wife is now the first to tell you how much better off she is living with a truly happy husband.