1. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it.

2. We spend lots of money on new clothes, but sometimes forget that the best moments of life are experienced without clothes.

3. Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is pretty nice, but having a hot friend on a cold night after drinks is priceless.  

4. Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. I knew a guy who was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.

5. Arguing over a girl's bust size is like choosing between Budweiser, Molson, Heineken, and Carlsberg. Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.  

And a bonus:
When a lady is pregnant, her friends rub her stomach and say, "Congratulations!" But no one ever points to the man's penis and says, "Good job!"