I have just started. Used a bad website for my first one and I did meet one SB, but experience was bad. Now on SA and man the variety is just too good. Have meeting with a couple of SBs over the next week for meet and greet. Lets see how it goes.
I have a some time weekly off which my wife does not know about, thinks I spend that at work, use to use that time for hobby, now planning to use it for SB. All nighters are out for me too, but I plan on snaring that rare unicorn and taking her on trips with me.....So I've been exploring SA for a bit. I had an out-of-town business trip and I met a great girl who was down for meeting a couple of times while I was there. She knew I didn't live there and didn't care.
But now that I am back home, I see that SA lists a fair number of hotties in my area, but I am trying to figure out how a married guy gets away for any length of time on any kind of a frequent basis. I could easily get away for an hour or two, as I would for hobbying, but to take someone to dinner or spend all night BCD...I just don't think it's possible for me. There is also the issue of spending ANY time in public with a young lady anywhere near my hometown. The chance of being seen is just too great. But I don't want to specify in my profile that this is a BCD only arrangement - I just think it might put off too many pot SBs.
How are married guys here using SA and are you running into the same issues?
There are plenty married guys doing it and yes there are girls who want to do this BCD only when they are hot looking and don't want to meet outside themselves, of course the cost of the hotel etc. adds up but then Sugar Bowl does cost a bit more than a provider session and you get in return the real dating experience with its pros and cons.
I am sure some guys still prefer to risk meeting first at public place for those unicorns that require you to meet before seeing you BCD. I generally do it a bit away from where I live to avoid getting seen and try spots that are less popular/crowded.
There is definitely risk but then we all get addicted to challenges at times, there are also lots of people here who would suggest married guys to stay away from SA and stick with hobbying if you are not ready to risk it.
All the best, you will do fine, just be careful 
you can claim that you have to attend after hours professional training seminars.
Don't try it too often, however.
just tell your wife you crave some variety in your sex life. Talk to her, get her to understand. It worked just fine for me. Now my wife and I enjoy a lovely polyamorous lifestyle. She's spending the night at her BF's house tonight and I'll be with one of my SBs tomorrow. Total trust and honesty is the best. We've been married a long time and have never been closer, more in love, or happier. It's also so much fun being able to tell each other about our sexy adventures.
Does she know that you're paying for it? Think about, she's giving it away for free while you dish out XXX amount.
Or that doesn't factor in... Or is that considered part of the dating game, dinners,movies etc ..
From the moment I had my first date with a provider, my wife knew I was spending money. We have agreed on certain boundaries and rules for our activities, and one of those is that I don't spend too much. What "too much" means is something we revisit from time to time, but since it's her money too, I have to accept some limits. Yes, she's "giving it away for free". But not exactly. Her BF has no $$ to spare so she picks up the tab when they enjoy a night out or go to a nice hotel or a show. Still, I do spend a lot more than she does. It's just the nature of my world that the guy has to pay to play and we both accept that reality.
And I must admit you're a bigger man then me in how you handle this. But if this was me, the only problem I would have is that your wife is seeing a "dead beat bum", that would bug me the most that she's seeing someone below her "class". But if it works so my hats off to you.
My wife's BF is a career professional, and businessman. But his financial responsibilities are for his kids and his ex who has cancer. So he's not a deadbeat, by any means. He's a hard working man who honors his commitments.
but I feel that i should share my own experience with this MO.
My ex and I shared several years together if not in bliss, than at least with an accommodating attitude towards my hobbying and her philandering.
Then, one day she decided she could live the good life without me, and walked out with half my assets.
I found someone new and am happy, so all's well that ends well, but if you wish to avoid divorce, stay discreet.
but I don't fear that outcome. My wife and I feel more in love with each other, and more connected, with every passing year. But even if that were not the case, I think I value the honesty more than I fear the risk of divorce. Earlier today I was thinking about a friend of mine who had to hide his activities from his severely critical wife. She found out anyway and now has him on a very short leash. He basically can't do anything without her knowledge, and certainly feels like his hobbying days are over. Well that's no way to live. I gotta ask him why he does not get a divorce and live like a free man. So I was thinking about how a divorce can result in splitting assets 50/50. If that happened to me I'd still have enough to live the rest of my life just fine. So even that worse case scenario (divorce) does not deter me from my lifestyle nor deter me from recommending it as a real and very excellent way to live.
Sweetman, I must say that I very much admire your ability to be 100% open and honest in your relationship with your wife. I am envious of your freedom. I'm not sure I would ever have the balls to go there with my wife but maybe one day I will. Imo it's good to know that some people out there can make this type of relationship work without the pettiness and jealousy... even if it's just 1 out of 100 or 1 out of 1000 couples that can make that work.
I tip my hat to you, sir.
Thanks for the supportive message. I'm glad at least someone accepts the wonderful reality we have created. My wife and I continue to explore and work on our relationships with each other and with our lovers. We've joined a local Polyamory group and in April we'll be traveling to a 2 day regional poly conference along with her BF and one of my SBs. Everyone involved in our network of relationships is aware of everyone else's existence and approves and gives consent. That's the only way an open and honest poly lifestyle can work.
I have just started. Used a bad website for my first one and I did meet one SB, but experience was bad. Now on SA and man the variety is just too good. Have meeting with a couple of SBs over the next week for meet and greet. Lets see how it goes.
I have a some time weekly off which my wife does not know about, thinks I spend that at work, use to use that time for hobby, now planning to use it for SB.
All nighters are out for me too, but I plan on snaring that rare unicorn and taking her on trips with me.....
I do all my SB meetings out of town. Currently visiting one destination on a regular basis and have been lucky enough to find a unicorn. The sex has been incredible.
I still see pros occasionally but that's now when I'm home. The unicorn has my full attention.
There are tradeoffs to make my situation work. There are no overnights or evening dates. All sugaring is done between office hours, which can be a drain on my pto hours as much as my wallet. I think one of the keys when doing it in your hometown is to do it close to home but not within proximity to your immediate sphere of life. There are several places near me that I could be within a 30-minute radius from my home and office where it's populated enough that I "likely" won't bump into someone I know... but the risk is still there. If I say that I have meetings and conference calls all afternoon, that is more than enough time for a nice lunch with a bottle of wine, 2-3 hours BCD.
My initial SB dates I would have to find a day-use hotel that would rent me a room from 10a-6p. They were only available close to airports which are about an hour away from me. It was really inconvenient but otherwise I'd would have to double my hotel cost to spring for a room that was closer to me but available when I needed it. Someone on here reported that they used the Hotel Tonight app to find local hotels and then call them to confirm they do early check ins... this has worked super for me as I have recently found a reasonably priced, 3-4 star local hotel where I can get my room at noon, have a lunch date and get laid, take a shower, and be home by 5-530 when I would normally arrive home from work.
To answer the OP's question, you most definitely can and should look to setup a BCD-only arrangement if that is what you need. My 2nd arrangement was like that. I actually wanted to take her to lunch, hangout and get to know her better, but she just wanted to meet in the room. I stopped seeing her after the third date cuz there were better options but that's how she rolled. You will probably find that many girls will want at least one public meet (minimum coffee) just to see you're not a total freak or weirdo, etc... but after that EVERYTHING is negotiable. Just say that you need to stay BCD only to stay discreet. The SBs assume we married anyways so they get it. It might be a little more work for you to find it, but I'm positive it's out there.
What's SA and SB
seekingarrangement abd sugarbaby