Money's Short
Times are Hard
Here's your Fucking
Christmas Card


Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
everyone felt shitty
even the mouse


mom at the whorehouse
and dad smoking grass
I'd just settled down
for a nice piece of ass


when out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece
to see what's the matter


then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment
it must be Saint Nick


He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment
the old fucker fell


he filled all our stockings
with pretzels and beer
and a big rubber dick
for my brother the queer


he rose up the chimney
with a thuderous fart
the son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart


he swore and he cursed
as he rode out of sight
piss on you all
and have a good night